10 Most Important Things I've Learned About Being a Dad - Dean Graziosi

We all fail. It's not the circumstances that dictate our lives. It's what we do about them. It's the emotions we have, it's the thoughts we have. Are we going to have fearful thoughts? Or can we convert those fearful thoughts into courageous thoughts? Life is absolutely not a destination. The reason I get the ability to come here each month and share something new, share something inspirational, but tactical. Things like today, we're going to talk about things that you can immediately implement into your life. But also I want to give you the motivation, the inspiration, the enthusiasm to go out there and take action. But I want to tell you, life doesn't just happen. It's not like going to the gym once and you're in great shape. I hope you know, and I hope you realize that when I share this stuff, it doesn't mean that I have it all dialed in. You know, so many times in life, or I do it perfect every single time. So many times in life. When you watch somebody teach, when you watch someone who's got a book or they're on stage, they're on tv, you look and you go, oh, my God, they have it all figured out. God. And you look at yourself go, I can't even get my weight down. Or I can't even get that business started. I didn't even register the URL. Or I didn't get my first deal done, or I haven't got my business card yet, man. I just. I can't do what they do. Here's what I want to tell you. You never know what's going on behind closed doors. You never know what other people go through. We all have crap. We all have stuff that goes on in our life. We all fail. It's not the circumstances that dictate our lives. It's what we do about them. It's the emotions we have. It's the thoughts we have. Are we going to have fearful thoughts? Or can we convert those fearful thoughts into courageous thoughts? You know, there's certain things in my life still that make me fearful. I got rid of most everything, but there's certain things when I think about them, they make me fearful. And when you're fearful, do you thrive? When you're fearful, do you take action? When you're fearful, do you move forward? No, you stand still and you're almost paralyzed. And how many years do you want to be paralyzed? Right. I'm using fear. Could be anything, could be negative thoughts. It could be sadness or feeling alone or feeling you're doing it on your. You Know all these different things. I get it. So before we start today, I want you to think about some of the emotions you have on a regular basis and then think about the emotions that actually have propelled you through all the successes that you've had in your life. And you'll see that some of those negative emotions that I'm afraid, I'm fearful, I don't know if it'll work. Does it work for me? I'm not smart enough. I don't live in the right area, I don't have the money. I'm not good at marketing, I'm not good at technology. All those thoughts that can just paralyze you and cripple you. Compared to when you feel courageous, compared to when you feel confident, compared to when you feel on fire or in flow or invincible or masculine or feminine. Like, compare those two and just realize if we can spend more time living in those emotions that propel us, the circumstances don't matter. If you look, in life, we've all had the shit and we all will experience the crap, the things that go wrong, the unexpected turmoil, the loss of a job, business going under, relationship, all the things that. That hit all of us. Circumstances don't dictate our lives. The emotions we have and the actions we take do. And I say that out of absolute experience and being someone who obsesses on growing and maturing and going to that next level every single day, month, year of my life. So today I'm going to talk about something that at first you might not understand specifically, especially if you don't have kids or grandchildren. You might think, oh, man, I'm in here and I'm going to talk about this. But I want to. I want to ask you to have faith in me. If you've been watching me for years, it's very rarely, if ever, I've ever let you down. And this is going to give you a big surprise at the end, when I go through this again, I'll go through it in a way. And if you don't have kids or if your kids are older, you might think, I don't know if I need this, you need this. And I said, I promise you with all of me, the end will show you why. I'm going to share with you what I believe are the 10 most important things I've learned about being a great dad. Doesn't matter if you're a parent, doesn't matter if you're never going to have kids, grandchildren, whatever. When. At the end, when I show you why this is Important to your success, your abundance, your income, your life. You'd be glad that we did this today. And this is why I'm excited to share it with you. Okay, you ready? Number one, it's all about them and how you make them feel. Now here's what I know it is easy as a parent. If you're a parent, you know this again, take out parent. If you're not a parent, I don't want anybody to get like, I just, I need you here, I need you focused. Don't look at the phone, don't do social media. Be here with me. It's all about them and how you make them feel. You know, as a parent, I realize that when my son is going through something or my daughter is going through something, what I want to say is, oh my God, Brody, when I was your age, I had the same exact thing happen to me. It was hard to focus in class. I didn't know what to do. And I would go into a story and I would lose Brody and Brianna, that's my kids names, I would lose them just like that. When I talked about me, when I gave. Exactly. Because what was I doing? I was living in my world. I was giving my experience. They hadn't. They don't have the past I have, they don't have the experiences I have. They don't have the trials, the failures, the wisdom, the knowledge, the information. They don't. And when I make it about me or the circumstance, I lose them. But when I make it about them, when they know that they're being understood, that I hear them, that I'm not being distracted when I'm focused and I understand how they feel, everything changes. You know, when I. When I look back at the most important moments of being a parent, I could have missed a lot of them and I probably did because I was focused on what had happened, what was the circumstance, rather than trying to understand how they felt. And I want you to think about that. This is going to mean a lot more here in just a little bit. So let's go to the next one. 2. Enter their world and finish sentences in their heads. You see, we tend to let me back up with my kids. My daughter is in fifth grade, my son is in third. So I know my daughter gets to school and she has science and then she goes to another class with her friend Ava, who she loves Ava dearly, but sometimes they bicker and they argue and then when she goes to her next class, she's with her friend. I just said that, Ellie, I'm sorry. Ellie. She's with her friend Ellie. And Ellie is her most fun friend. Ellie is the one that makes her laugh so hard. And I know what Ellie does, and I know how she makes her laugh. And then I know the whole day my daughter goes through. Why am I using that as an example? Because I'm entering her world. When I sit and talk to her and I talk about Ellie, when I talk about her friends, when I talk about Ava, when I talk about Mackenzie, I know what's going on. I also know that my daughter used to like little Shopkins. And I know she used to like playing with little ponies and horses. And she's evolved. She's 10. She's getting to be a bigger girl now. So when I talk to her, if I talk about that stuff, I'm immediately disconnected from her. Immediately. I can watch her go blank. If you're a parent, you know exactly what I'm talking. If you're like three months off from what's going on in their heads at this time in history, you have no emotional connection. Same with my son. He'll be obsessed with baseball until football starts on tv. If I want to go play baseball, he's like, eh. But if I go throw the ball, I know the difference. I know that he liked Legos. Then he was out of Legos, he went to nascar. Now he's back into Legos. I know he likes video games, even though he only gets a half hour a day. I know which one he likes. Even though I hate that he's on there, I'll still sit with him and I'll know the characters and I'll know how he plays. Why? Because I want to enter their heads. I want to enter their world. I want to finish sentences they have. When I do, I'm congruent. When I do, I feel connected. And when I'm connected, I get to know when they're struggling. I get to know when a friend hurts them. I get to know, hopefully someday when someone offers them cigarettes or booze or drugs or even worse things. If I feel connected and I evolve with them, I'll be there every step of the way, if that makes sense. All right, let's go to the next one. Here, talk to the point and say what you mean. I love the quote. If I had more time, I would have written you a shorter one letter. I want you to think about that. The world has changed. It just has. Whether you think it's good or bad, I have to always believe that we're evolving for the better. Because you need a choice. You can believe that the world's going to hell in a hand basket, that our kids aren't going to be safe, our grandchildren are screwed. Does that feel good? How does it feel when you say that? Me even saying that loud makes you like, ah, but if we say, hey, technology is going to bring people together, we're going to accomplish more, we're going to solve more problems. And I believe in humanity. I believe that we will evolve and do the right thing. We will get more conscious, we will get more loving, more relationship with God or your soul, or be more spiritual. I have to believe that. And when I don't believe that, I have to tell you I feel bad. When I do believe that, I feel good. But I want to think about how people, not just our kids. I don't care if you're a 75 year old grandma and you're watching me right now, you go through Facebook, whether it's on your phone or your laptop. And what are you doing? You're scrolling. I don't know if I like this. I don't know if I like that. Oh, look at that one. That's a cool picture. And you read it in two seconds, you're done. If you click on a video in today's world, hey, if you click on a video and it takes like eight seconds to download, what do you do? Oh, I'm not waiting for this thing. I mean it was only a few years ago, remember AOL dial up, right? And now you know, if you wanted to watch a video 50, 15 years ago, 12 years ago, you'd like go to download it and then walk outside and do something else so you can come back in and watch it. Now if it's five seconds or eight seconds, you're off the page. So what does that all have to do with my kids? But soon you'll see in a much bigger arena is talk to the point and say what you mean. Tension spans have just changed. They have. You can't I watch sometimes I want to give my kids a lesson. No, I want to give them five lessons at once. I mean that's just, I want, I want to download everything I've learned, everything I teach you, I want to give to them. So they're just bulletproof. And if I get to the second lesson, they're both like this. And I realized that I was making a big long ordeal out of this and I was trying to make this long lesson when really I have to think through. If I had more time, I would have written You a shorter letter. And I want to. I need to just get to the point and say it and let it stick. And if you start going a little further and you start seeing it's like fading, then stop. Give them something. But know that each word, each sentence, everything you share can make an impact. If you go by the motto of if I had more time, I would write in your shorter letter. If I have your concentration for 15 seconds, 15 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever it is, a minute, I'm going to make sure I'm precise and to the point, okay? Be authentic and enthusiastic. Okay? Kids smell, remember? It doesn't matter if you have kids. This is going to. This is going to be. This is valuable for everybody. Be authentic and enthusiastic. Okay? So here's what I know. If I. My kids have like the sniff test, like, if I'm pretending to be authentic. Let me give you an example. I come home and my kids want to show me something they did at school. And it's like, dad, look what I did. If I go, oh, bud, that's really good. And I have my phone in my hand and I go, hey, bud, that is really awesome. Hold on, let me look at this. My son will literally, at this point, close it up and go, all right. And just watch away. Like, even if I thought I was sneaking, even if I'm looking and I just glance at my phone because it beeped, I'm not being authentic. It feels I'm not present, I'm not in the moment, or if I come home and if I carry my past, if I carry what's going on in the world with me in any way possible, and my enthusiasm isn't, that doesn't have to be where mine is and through the roof. But if you're, like, disinterested in. If your enthusiasm is low, if you had all this energy all day for everybody else and not enough when you get home, children, grandchildren, in the future, you'll see for whatever non authenticity is so easy to feel. And I'd rather be authentic. I've told my kids, listen, I was reading a great book called Love and logic Parenting. If you're a parent, read it. Also read how to talk to your kids so they listen. How to listen to your kids so they talk. Two best books, I believe, on parenting that exist. Love and logic, parenting and how to talk to your kids so they listen. So when I read those books, I'm so authentic with my kids. I'm like, oh, my God, guys, after I read this part, I realized I've been screwing up big time. And this is how I talk to my kids. I've been screwing up big time on how I handle if you don't get your chores done. I've been getting upset. I've been getting personally emotional. I get. Sometimes I even get loud. That's not the way it should be. Here's the thing. I do a lot for you guys. This had a good point in the book. I'd love. You're gonna. I'd love to ask you a couple times to do it. Just twice. If you don't get it done or it's not on your list, you don't check it off, I'm not gonna get mad. But no, there's consequences. And this book really showed me that. And consequences sting and you have lots of privileges that you think is just your birthright and it's actually privileges. So some of those privileges will go away and some of the consequences will hurt. Maybe it's baseball, maybe it's no iPad for a month. Whatever it is. And immediately it changed. I was just transparent of what I was reading. And when I was authentic about that, they got it even at their young age. And when I say it, I say it with authenticity and enthusiasm. Okay, here we go. Next, tell fun stories with empowering messages wrapped in. So I'm going to tell you a story that I really want you to. So storytelling is an art and it is a gift and it is something that most everybody watching is good at it without even realizing it. Did you ever go to a movie and then tell the story about the movie? Did you ever go to a restaurant, tell the story. Story about the restaurant. Did you ever have an experience? Oh my God. I went camping and this bear came. Or I was stuck in traffic and then this thing and this car accident came and the car flipped over. Storytelling. So here's what I realized. Telling stories gets my kids engaged. So I want to tell you something we talked about before. About tell. You know, enter their minds on how they feel. Enter conversations in their heads. Talk to the point. Say what you mean. Be authentic. So wrap all those into storytelling. So few years ago, A few years ago, my son goes to school. He's got. He's the same as me. I was the smallest kid in my class, so was my son. And I remember what it was like to get picked on. I remember what it's like to get. Remember if you're older. There was a. There was a cartoon called Rocky and Bullwinkle and Rocky had this really high pitched voice and kids used to call me Rocky, because my voice still hasn't changed. I know I have a high pitched voice now. You should have heard me when I was young, my son's age, I sounded like Mickey Mouse. So I got picked on. I knew what that was like. So my son comes home, he's smallest kid in class and he started a new school. So no friends yet. You know what that feels like. Have you ever moved schools? So he comes home and he tells me about it and here's what I wanted to say. Oh, dude, I went through the same thing. I was the smallest kid. Here's pictures of me in the same grade. Look how short I was. I got called Rocky. And look at dad. I overcame, I persevered. I make more money than everybody in that class. I do this, I do that. I'm a great dad. That's what I really wanted to say. Or that's what seemed to come natural. But that would have been about me. He would have not associated with that. So I want to tell you this. So out of the blue, I ad lib said, tell him fun stories with empowering messages wrapped in right? That's number five. I make up this story on the whim about toof t o o f right? I don't know, not Tooth, but toof the one tooth werewolf. And I just, I started improvising this story. I said, you know, did you ever hear the story about Tooth? He's like, what are you talking about? My daughter comes over, I'm like, tooth, the one tooth werewolf. I said, his mom was human, his dad was werewolf. And this poor kid's got one fang and he's got patches of hair. He's got long hair over here and short over here. The kid's like half werewolf, half human. So it intrigued him. And I just go on this whim. I'm like, you know, he goes to school, he gets made fun of and everybody picks on him because he looks so bad and he feels kind of lonely. But then one day, the kid who picked on him the most, I'm telling you the story like you're my kids right now. I said, but the one day Brody and Breed, I said, the kid that picked on him the most, he saw get out of the car with his dad and he realized that that kid's dad was really rough on him and picked on him and yelled at him and pushed him. And to immediately realize that's why he picks on me and got empathy. I don't know. I can get emotional in this story because I think of my son and to Said, you know what? The heck with it. And he walks up to the kid and he gives him a hug, and the bully, like, pushes him off. And Brody's like, he hugged him? That's weird. I'm like, yeah. He pushes him off and he goes, what are you doing? He's like, hey, I know you pick on me, but I just saw what happened to you. You could still pick on me, but I'm sorry your dad treats you that way, and walked away. And then all of a sudden, the bully chased him, and he grabbed them and turned Toof around. They became friends. And then all of a sudden, he became popular with everybody. And he realized it didn't matter how he looked. Toof had a big heart and he was destined for greatness. And it doesn't matter if he had passed of hair and one fang when he just became authentic with himself when he did it, he realized. And then all of a sudden, Tooth, they realized he could jump really high. And he joined the basketball team, and he was the star of the basketball team, and he didn't matter how big he was. And I go through this story, and I keep going, and as soon as I'm done, my kid's like, oh, my God, what happened to Tooth next? Did he go to next grade? And I made up all these stories. I remember telling stories about Tooth forever. I just kept going, and I ran out of stuff to talk about. But they were intrigued and would. It was. It was a message wrapped into the story. So my son got it doesn't matter how tall you are. It doesn't matter what anybody thinks. What matters in your heart? You're a lion in there. You're a monster in there. You're a fighter in there. Who cares if you're this tall or this tall? But if I would have just told him that or used my experience would have went right over his head. He got it, he felt it, and he felt the emotions. So think about that one reward. Good behavior unexpectedly. So here's something I realized with my son that I had done. My son is very busy. Always got something going on. And he's a little stinker sometimes. And he just. He does all these little things and, you know, sits back and he'll eat and drop food on himself still at 8 years old. And I'll say, bud, just lean over your plate. And then he'll kick his sister under the table to start trouble. He's just the greatest kid. And I realized a lot of times I was telling him what he did wrong. Hey, Bud, sit up hey, bud. Don't kick your sister. Hey, bud, when you're done with your scooter, please put it away. Hey, bud. Hey, bud. Hey, bud. Hey, bud. And I forgot about all the amazing things he does. He aces school like it's nothing school to him. I mean, he's got a Bible verse because he goes to a Christian school. He's got a Bible verse he's got to remember by the end of October, he's got the whole thing memorized. Now he. He plays baseball. He plays first base. He was with kids all bigger than him last year. Has the best batting average on the team. And the team went all the way to the finals. They played in the championship game in Arizona and they lost the last game. Amazing team. All the kids good. My son batted first with the best batting average and so many other things. He has empathy. I can't pass a homeless person anywhere. Driving down the road, I have to make a U turn. I have to go to a cash machine if I don't have money. And I have to get give money to a homeless person every time. Not sometimes. Every time. And what I realized, I spent too much time picking on him and telling him what he did wrong. And I was zapping his confidence. I was, as a dad, I can admit it. Didn't realize it. My daughter is a different personality. I never have to say anything to her. That's just who she is. So what I realized is that if you reward good behavior unexpectedly, you create a connection on a whole nother level. And this, you know, again, I'm talking about my kids right now. And we'll talk about how this applies to every single person. But think about rewarding good behavior unexpectedly. It's easy to point out what people do wrong. That's just. That's easy. How about pointing out and rewarding what people or your children do right? That's a whole nother level. They know when you care and when you fake it. You know, I said this before about being authentic. It kind of goes along those same lines. Set time aside. I'm going to give you a little secret. Do you know what? You ever heard the term active listening? Active listening? Active listening is when there is no phone going on there. So say, let's say you have a child, grandchild. You can apply this to anybody in your life. And you want to do 10 minutes a day, 20 minutes a day of active listening. You want to bond with someone. You want to bond to a whole other level of life. Spend 10 or 20 minutes a day with active listening and What. What that means is don't look at your phone once, don't look at the clock once, don't ask any questions. Zero judgment, zero rules, zero lessons. Just for that 10 or 20 minutes that you are going to be an active listener. And when they share something with you. I'm talking about my children at this moment, my son shares something with me and says, oh, I. I joined flag football, dad, and I'm going to play with Scott. Repeat the question. Say, dude, you joined flag football and you're going to play with your best friend Scott. You got on his team, and zip. That's active listening. If he says, yeah, and I'm going to. I'm going to punch the quarterback in the face. I'm just making it up. Don't say, oh, dude, that's not sportsmanship. Let me just tell you how to. No, you ruined it. Just for that time. It doesn't mean not be a dad or a discipline. At that time. At that time, you're active listening. You want to talk about watching. Kids who are innocent, who aren't as smart as us, don't have the time and wisdom we have, instantly know the difference of when you fake it and when it's real. I've faked it a lot. And I watch my kids. They're just kind of connected compared to being completely connected. And, guys, I'm going to get to a bunch of questions at the end. We're almost there. We're doing 10 of these. Number eight, if we pull up the screen real quick. Number eight, when problems arise, instead of blame, find the root cause. Okay, so what do I mean by that? I'm going to give you an example here. I'm going to give you two examples. My daughter. Loves going to school. This is last season, maybe two seasons ago. And she's getting ready in the morning, and she's just saying, dad, I don't want to go to school. I'm not in the mood. She's being a little grumpy. I'm not used to it. And she's like, dad, I don't want to go to school. Bri, you're going to school. Come on, get ready, babe. It's going to be a great day. Spin that frown around. You know, change your state. You're in a bad state. Let's change your state. Tony Robbins. Right? Let's change your state. Say yes. No, I don't do that with my kids. But I'm like, I'm trying to change her state, trying to make her smile. I'm holding Their cheeks up like, you get to decide you can go to school being grumpy. It's like, dad, I don't want to go to school. I just don't. I'm like, what's up? I just don't like school. I don't want to go. Now, I want to tell you what my first reaction was. What my first reaction was is to say. I'm just going to be blunt. This is, like, intuitive. This is, like, maybe the way I was. Ready? Get your ass in the shower, get dressed, brush your teeth, eat. You're going to school. That's what I wanted to say. Now, could that work? And is that a parenting style I'm not going to judge. That might work just perfect. But here's what I know is through years of trying to be a better human being, through obsessively paying for education, through masterminds, through reading obsessive amount of books, I stopped myself for a moment and I said, bree, what's really up? I said, do you have a problem at school? No, I'm fine. Okay. I started digging in. I started naming things. Having trouble in math. Sometimes math is hard for her. No, it's not math. And I started naming friends. Is it this one? Is it this one? Is it this one? And I got to Olivia, and I watched her face change. It's one of her friends, or was at the time. And I said, what's up, Olivia? And she said at lunch, she was really mean to me. It's the first time she wanted me to sit down at her table. I felt really odd, out of place. And my daughter, I have to be honest, she's one of the popular girls. And not. Not stupid popular. She doesn't. I hope she doesn't get involved in the drama we talk about all the time. She does separate herself, but she's popular. She's got a lot of friends. And this hit her. And then I got to the root cause. I'm like. I'm about to yell at her to get dressed. Has nothing to do with getting ready. Has nothing to do with school. She felt bad. We've all been there. I got to the root cause of it. I'm like, oh, my God, you idiot. You almost, boom. Blew this moment. And I said to her, hey, how do we spin this? And I'm trying to get her engaged. I'm like, okay, who in class, who at lunch sits by themselves all the time? She's like, I remember the girl's name. It was Daniella. She said, daniela is kind of new, kind of sits alone. I'm like, okay, how about we do this? If that ever happens again, that poor girl feels the way you feel today. She feels that way every day. So how about anytime that happens or just in general you feel, you feel that way, you go sit with Daniela and lighten her day up. Because you lighten her day up, you're going to brighten your day. I kid you not. Like, within 24 or 48 hours, Daniella was over our house for a play date. And it just spun it, because when the problem came up, I dug into where it came from, what was the root cause, rather than just going surface level, okay, number nine, be the person you want them to be. They feel incongruency, okay? It's like being at the dinner table talking about cheating on your taxes and then yell at your kids for cheating on a test. In school, if you want them to eat healthy, you eat healthy. You want them to exercise, you exercise. You want them to read more books, you read more books. You want them to go to bed earlier, start winding down early. Earlier kids become who you are. They don't do what you do. If you don't want your kids to drink a lot of alcohol, don't get drunk in front of them. I'm not being rude. I have cocktails. I love glass of wine. But I'm just saying, what we don't realize is we say one thing and then we do something completely different and we're all guilty of it. But be the person you want them to be. They feel incongruency. And then the Last 1, number 10, you can hold this up. Number 10, be the observer of your own thoughts and how they affect them. I'm going to tell another story about my daughter, even though I have just as many with my son. But this is the one that comes to mind. So this is going to. I really want you to think through this, being the observer of your thoughts. This is observing your thoughts, knowing what they are, knowing what emotions they cause, knowing how sometimes your thoughts take control of you. They put you in a stressful mood. They put you in a happy mood. They put you in a fearful mood. They put you in all these moods. You don't realize. We let our thoughts become us. Our thoughts are things. They're not who we are. And when we can separate that. And I'm not perfect at it, but I work on it every day. When I realize there's a line between who I am as a human being and my values and the thoughts that are going on in my Head. Can your thoughts lie to you? Absolutely, absolutely. They lie to us all the time. How many times are you obsessively worried about something that never happened? Most of the time we think about what could go wrong. We project a new future, a new image. And we're stressed about this won't work, the business might not happen, I won't have the money, the relationship will end. All these thoughts and we drive ourselves crazy. The stress goes up, the anxiety goes up and it doesn't happen or it goes in a different direction. When we can become the observer of our thoughts, we go to a whole other level. I just kind of, I was on a podcast last week, one of the biggest podcast. I've been doing these podcasts lately and I love it. Someone asked me, if you had the number one thing you could teach anybody, young right now or old starting over in business, what would be the number one thing? I mean there's a million things like I've failed a lot on this journey and succeeded a lot, obviously. And I said, it just came out. I said, be the observer of your thoughts. If you think what's you think, usually standing between where you are and where you want to go is the story, the thought between I'm not smart enough, I'm too old, I'm too young, I don't have the skills, I don't have the money. Just the thoughts that wrap in our head. We take a past experience and make it our present, which the past is gone. That's just research and development. Or we project a new future that's ever happened, haven't even happened yet. And that's the thought. We have both of them paralyzed. You make you stressed, worry, anxious, and we stand still and we don't even know where to go. So being the observer of your thoughts, but let me tell you how it relates to my kids and to my daughter particularly. So we're at the breakfast table and my son's got this crazy memory, right? So and my daughter has got the same, My daughter's got the same brain I do. She is more like she's going to be like the visionary inventor and my son would be more like the CEO or COO chief operating office. He systems, processes, memorizes everything. She comes up with ideas that blow my mind, right? And that's both of them are needed. Walt Disney had his brother, Henry Ford had a right hand man. Everybody, every big business has the visionary and the implementer, right? So I have one of each. So we're sitting at the kitchen table, we're Having breakfast. And my son's got these crayons, this box of, like, 50 crayons, and they're like, these really elaborate crayons, and they're cool names like French Vanilla Swirl and Hibiscus, you know, Flower, something like big, long names. So my son starts pulling them out, and I go, dude, this one smells. Looks good. What is this? And he names it, and he names the next one. And we pulled out, like, every crayon and memorized all their names. And we were like, oh, my God, that's amazing. So he got some praise. So my daughter goes, I could do that. Let me just go study him. I'm like, hey, Bri, we all have different unique abilities. That's not mine. I couldn't remember two of them, so, you know, I could do it. So. So she goes. And she comes in. She misses the second one, and she gets sad about it, because I think Brody got all the praise. And anyway, and she says. She says to me, that's because you spend more time with Brody in the mornings than you do me. And, man, I immediately replied. I immediately replied. And it was my thoughts, and it's probably the way I raise. I said, bree, don't you lie to me or lie to yourself to put you in a bad mood. And she was crying. And again, I remember these because it's very rare for my daughter to have the last experience. And this one, they were about a year apart, and I said, tuck it in. And I dismissed what she was thinking, and I just shut it down. And I thought I did the right thing. She got dressed. First time she ever left without kissing me. She went to school. I'm like, hey, you know what? She's got to step it up. And then she left. And I sat there because I'm trying to get myself in this habit of observing my thoughts. And I said, what just happened? And I observed what I was thinking and what I said. And I realized I just told my daughter to ignore her feelings, that her feelings didn't mean anything. I don't care if it was right or wrong. She shouldn't have gotten upset. It's not true. I do spend equal time, but that's what she felt at the moment. And I told her to basically shut up, tuck it down, and get your ass to school. Now, if I think forward, if she was married to a man and she came home, and she came home from work, or he came home and she had something to say, and she goes to tell him whether it's right or wrong, if that's the way she felt. If a man said, why don't you shut up, tuck it down and finish making my meal? I'd go over and kick his ass for treating my daughter that way. And I treated Brianna that way. And it hit me and I got this flood of emotions that I don't want her to think that she can't let her expression the way she feels. If that wasn't true. But it didn't matter. And I only caught that because I observed these thoughts. I literally jumped in my car. I drove 100 miles an hour to the school. I got to the school, I literally jumped the little fence. You're supposed to go through the principal's office, give me a little tag. I jumped the fence. I classroom knocked on the door. I said, bri, can I get Bri? I took her outside. I got on one knee and I said, bri, it doesn't matter what the truth is. At breakfast, I dismissed your feelings. I dismissed what? I told you to stop crying. I said, daddy was completely wrong. I said, you, feelings mean something to me and I'm sorry you felt that way. If that's how you feel, then let's work on it together. And I gave her a couple compliments and I said, I'm sorry. She said, I'm sorry. We both smiled. She hugged me, I hugged her, we hugged so tight. And I left like dancing. I got in my car, cranked up the music. She went back to class and felt good again. I'm telling you that story. It's personal. It's what I did with my daughter. I'm not a perfect dad. I screw up stuff all the time. But that was only because I was obsessing on being the observer of my thoughts. What's up? What's up? Hey, before you go, you need to watch these next few videos. They're absolute game changers. Hurry up and click right over here and watch them and I'll see you there. It.