Confidence Masterclass w/ Heather Monahan

When it's new to you and you haven't seen it, you're not familiar, you're thinking that this is a complete unknown, not realizing it's exceptionally viable. And you know, like you said, there's billions of revenue already going through this industry. And yes, people want this.

Own your future. Because if you don't, someone else will. Welcome back to the Own youn Future podcast. I'm so excited. Today we have someone who is a confidence expert. I can't wait to jam on that. Someone who's a Top keynote speaker, TEDx speaker, has an incredible podcast, two best selling books, founder of boss in heels. And we're going to talk about some cool stuff about how getting terminated turned into a business where she gets to be in control of her life and gets to own her future. And I'd like to talk a little bit about. We both have 16 year olds. Could we just talk about that for a minute? Without further ado, I'd love to introduce you to Heather Monahan. Great to have you here. Heather Dean.

Thanks so much for having me on. Happy to be here.

Yeah. You know, I've been thinking about doing a podcast like this for years and just I couldn't see where I could fit in and I didn't like to dabble and I'm beyond blessed. We launched about 11 weeks ago. We've been in the top pod. We've been the top podcast in the world in our category ever since. Either 1, 2 and 3, bouncing back and forth. So it's, it's a privilege and a pleasure. Thank you for being here. I don't take your time lightly. Thank you for following, thank you for subscribing. And today we are not, not going to disappoint Heather. Besides talking about the difference between a 14 year old and a 16 year old, which I think could help a lot of people listening right now. And we can learn a lot from that. I'd love to start with that. You had an unexpected termination. Termination from your job, from your business and it started you on your current path. You know, sometimes in life those instances set us back and sometimes they just set us back for a minute and it's like a slingshot or like a trampoline. You're pushed down, but you're like, screw this, I'm never going to deal with this again. I'm never going to be terminated again. I'm going to face my fears. Screw imposter syndrome, screw what my friends think, screw what my family thinks. I'm finally doing something where I'm in control. So I'd love to hear that story. You got terminated. How did it turn into this incredible, you know, business that you run now?

Oh my gosh, you just made it sound so easy. So for everyone listening, this has not been easy at all. And I do want to share that on the outside looking in so much. You know, we look at social media and you're like, oh, she's killing it. Well, I will tell you, it was five years ago and I had just been named one of the most influential women in radio. I was flying high. I was getting all my confidence from external factors. I was a chief revenue officer. We had more than double, double the company's revenue. We're just doing hundreds of millions annually. I had a thousand people on my team and felt super important and really proud. And the CEO I worked for for 14 years became ill and he elevated his daughter to replace him overnight. And she was my arch nemesis and called me in and fired me unexpectedly, immediately. And I had an 18 month non compete. So I had to leave the industry. I had expertise in and to me, I went under a weighted blanket, I grabbed a bottle of Chardonnay, not a glass. I was a train wreck. And I literally was having panic attacks. I had so much of my identity and quote unquote safety tied up and working in that, in that company, in that industry and in that role that I couldn't see clearly. And I just remember no one's even calling me what's going on? And I thought, I've got to put a post up. So I put a post up. I've just been fired. If I've ever done anything to help you, I need to hear from you now. And that post went viral and landed me on the Elvis Duran show, which took me down a completely different path in life that I would have never forecasted or ever imagined.

Wow. It is, it is. And I love that transparency and we should dig into it a little bit is, you know, when you're in it, Heather, right? How long ago was that that you were fired? Five years.

Five years ago.

Right. So when you're in it and you're six months in or a year in, it seems like an eternity, right? Like this is hell, I'm in it. And I had somebody explain this to me once, just being honest, I went through a divorce and I was so worried about my kids. I remember the business didn't affect me that way. At 16, I started a firewood cutting business. At 18, I started fixing wreck cars and sell them. At 19 I had apartments. I went into the entrepreneurial world and I had nothing to lo. Because my family was broke. I didn't have money. So when people thought about, what if you lost everything? It's like, I'd go back where I was. I know what this is like. It's so. It never. It was a driver. I wanted to run away from being broke. My parents were. I wanted to run away from that. But I never worried about the challenge of the next level in business. And some. But I. But I did in my personal life because my parents were married and divorced a lot when I was going through divorce. I had two kids at the time. I have four now, but. But I was like, I'm going to put them through the same thing I went through. And I remember it was freaking me out. I was stressed every day. I was a bottle. I didn't go with the Chardonnay. I went with the Cabernet, sometimes a Chianti, right? And about twice a month, a Xanax. So I'm just being completely transparent because I couldn't get out of my own head. I just kept thinking, I am screwing up my kids. They're going to experience the same thing I did. How could I repeat this mess? It's all your fault. And I couldn't get it out of my head. And I remember somebody explained this to me. When you're in it, the only. One of the only ways to go from where you are, you lost a job, you were running a thousand people. You. You had certainty. And when you're completely certain and somebody takes that certainty away overnight, it is a feeling that is hard to explain. It's not even a lack of confidence. It's like someone pulled the plug on your life. And. And when I was in it, how it was explained to me. And if you're on video, you could see this. So I'm trying to explain it. Imagine there's a board and there's a hole in it. And when you're not angst, when you're not stressed, when someone didn't pull your uncertainty away, Our compelling future is we're below the board. We pop our head up through the hole, and we can look into the future and go, oh, I'm running a thousand people. Someday I'm going to run this whole network. This is my safety. I'm going to get the raise, I'm going to get the promotion. Maybe I can get a piece of proceeds. Oh, and then you pop down underneath the board and you go back to work. How he explained it is when you're in uncertain times when something shifts. Someone puts a cork on that hole, and you can never poke up above the norm to see where you're going. So the only thing you see is the shit in front of you of everything going wrong. Is my son going to be okay? Is my life going to be okay? No one's reached out to me. This is my life. I put all my eggs in one basket. What else can I do? Do I have to go sell cars or do, like, am I going to have to start. You start thinking of all this crazy stuff and you live in this craziness because someone plugged a hole and what this. And I think it was Dr. Daniel Amen, who was a dear friend of mine. He said, just gotta take a breath, realize that the hole's plugged for a minute, and find a way to get your head back up, out and look where you're going, even if you feel uncertain. And the only reason I share that is because I remember being in the thick of it and the moment I stopped and said, hey, it's only been two months. I'm gonna look back in this in a year from now and go, greatest, greatest thing in my life for my ex. And we're dear friends, and she was supposed to move on, and me too, and the kids are thriving, but all I could focus on is the chaos. So I didn't mean to go so long. This is an interview. I want to hear more about you, and so does our listeners, for sure. But in that moment, there's two questions. One, now that you're five years away from it, even though it was hell, I'm sure you look at that as one of the greatest experiences of your life. Is that true?

Absolutely. It was a blessing in disguise, but I did not know it at the time.

Right, right. And what advice would you give that version of you? You know, the week before you posted, if I've ever done anything for you, please help me, what advice would you give that person? Because there's some people listening right now that might be in. Might be in that spot. And even more so, they might need to put themselves in that spot. It's time to say, don't wait to get fired. You might have to say, quit. Don't wait till the person breaks up with you. You might have to end the toxic relationship. Maybe today's the day you say, no, I can't, or, yes, I do, or I must, and sometimes we gotta get disturbed. So what advice would you give Heather of Panicked Heather with a bottle of Chardonnay and the heavy blanket.

Oh my gosh, I wish I could go back and sit with her to put her at ease. Because like you said, it really is painful when you're in it, but it is very short lived and having that perspective is helpful for me. What I would suggest is look back at other times in your life when you've been in it, like truly in it. For me, that was when I got divorced. That was prior to getting fired. And the other one, I lived with my boyfriend after college and he cheated on me and I had to leave him. I wasn't going to stay. Those two moments in time in my life were, I remember, I really felt like I'm in it. This is horrible. It's not going to get better. My life is over, you know, whatever. How we all flip out in the moment. So drawing on those moments and then connecting the dots. Because you can do that now looking back, right? And saying, oh, wow, that was a blessing. When that guy cheated on me. It led me to go to work, walk into the office crying. My boss said to me, what's wrong? I told him and he said, why don't you hop on a plane with me, move across the country and I'll make you a very wealthy young lady. And I said, okay, done. And I would have never done that in 1 million years had I been in this relationship. I would have never left the town I grew up in. I'd still be living where I'm from. I jumped on a plane with him, we bought a $25 million company. I was the sweat equity partner and my job was to accelerate revenues. We drove revenues to the point where we sold that company in two and a half years for $55 million, netting myself and my partners $30 million profit. That I would have never had that track record of success. I would have never taken that risk in my life if that man hadn't cheated on me. So for the win, right? This low moment turned into this epic moment for me. And then, same thing with divorce. Different but same in that it was horrible. I felt like I'm a loser, I'm a failure. Why did I put myself in this position? My poor child. Cut to it started me down a personal development path which completely changed my life. Elevated who I am as a human being, I'm a better mother because so all these really challenging times when you start realizing in this moment I can't connect the dots to know what's going to happen, like you said, and poke my head out right now and see the future. But I can have faith that in my past I was able to do it. And it all worked out much better than I could have ever planned myself. Why would this be any different?

Yeah. And though that happened with your boyfriend and you got through it and it was a great decision, you never would have got on that plane, left the town. When the next thing comes, what I want to share is, you don't automatically go, oh, these things happen. I'll be fine. You're like, ah, this one's worse. In your head you go, this one's bigger, this one's worse, this one's catastrophic. I will. And like, that's the game your, your brain still plays with you. And people say to me, when does it go away? Never. I'm 54. It probably happened to me last week. It. It doesn't. The voice doesn't go away. The other voice in us gets stronger to go, I hear you, I see what you're saying, but we'll get through this. We're gonna be stronger and better. It's the personal development journey, right? It's when people in my 20s, if somebody said, what's it take to get. Be successful? Like, give me the opportunity, I'm a hustler, I'll get it done. If someone said, compare your thoughts, thinking, mindset compared to the opportunity, I would have said, 90% the opportunity. Yeah, I gotta be in a good mood at 54. It's 90% my mindset and personal development and my thinking. Give me any opportunity and I'll go freaking crush it. Right? It just took all these years on this planet and ups and downs to realize that if this isn't straight, nothing else works. So I love the gift that it pushed you and I'm sorry you had to go through a divorce, but I love the gift it gave you of personal development and growth and understanding. And look, you get to. I know you have a 16 year old son, you get to deliver. Hand that down to him. He might not appreciate it now, but when he's 34, he'll call you and say, thank you and I'm sorry. Right? I always say that when, when somebody, my mom said to me one day, she's like, when you have kids, you're going to call me and say thank you and I'm sorry. I'm like, what the hell does that mean? And then I have kids and I'm juggling. I'm like, mom, thanks and I'm sorry. You know, it's like so, it's so.

I want to highlight what you just Got into. For everyone listening, you know, mindset where a lot of people don't want to believe this or they think. No, that's just, you know, rhetoric or whatnot. I know for a fact this. Back in these other examples I gave, I didn't have the wherewithal or the tools to say I should check my mindset and see, you know, is it helping me or hindering me in this moment. However, at 48 now, I do have those tools. Again, I freak out. And we shared off air. I was telling you, my bank account just got hacked this morning, and it's a whole mess. And, you know, it's a. It's. It's laughable because I know it's going to be. It's a problem that will be solved, but it's causing some headaches, taking up a bunch of time. It's a negative situation. Immediately, I say to myself, pump the brakes. What can you do to put yourself in a better headspace right now? Because I don't want to go down a road having a terrible day.

Slippery slope.

It can happen so easily. I know, and I know I can control it. So immediately I'm like, I gotta hit my playlist. That saves me the playlist of my life. Go for a run. I need to go look at pictures of my son when he was a baby and compare it to now. Look at his vision board. Like, look at everything that makes me so excited that I could almost cry and get all fired up, do the things I love and let go of that moment, knowing I've already taken the steps to rectify it. But there's nothing else I can do at this point. I gotta put a pin in it, put it to the side, and start focusing on the things that I love to do. And once I do that, I start think good things start showing up. All right, I'm back on it again, and I can't control where my day goes.

I love that. And it's like a muscle, right? If you want to be in good shape, how often you got to go to the gym? All the freaking time. Especially when you're not 20 anymore. You got to go all the time. How often do you have to eat healthy? Most of the time. If you want to keep a mindset that focuses on solution, that no things are temporary, that crafts a new story, that realizes when you're going through the hardest part of your life, it's usually the most rewarding part of your life. And we have to have a culture of progress and all the other things that you've heard a million times. But how often do you have to think about them and how often do you have to practice them as much as you do to have a good relationship or be a good parent or be in good shape or eat better? You got to do it all the time. You can't, you know, you can't go to the gym for a weekend and be in great shape for a year. You can't read an amazing book or listen to a good podcast and think it sticks. We have to practice it. So I really want to jam on confidence today, but I want to put a pin in that for a second, because I believe, and I love that confidence is such an important part of your life and you help teach others to be speakers and all the things in it. I believe one of the most important things, if you're going to go from a career mindset or even get advancements in your career and promotions or go into doing your own thing or being an entrepreneur or evolving your entrepreneurial company that you have, I think protecting your confidence may be in the top three most important things in the world. Because without confidence, we play small. Without confidence, we don't ask. Without confidence, we're not bold. Without confidence, we don't walk through the door. Without confidence, we let other people make decisions for us. And because we have so many women followers, and I watched my mom. I know without confidence, there is a lot of women knowing there's another level of life, but they'll still play second fiddle to their partner because they feel that's their role. And when they get confidence, they could still love that man or that significant other at the same level, still be that partner, be that muse, and still do their own thing. And a lot of that comes from confidence. So I'd love to have your perspective on that. But before you do, I love the fact that you've evolved into my industry that I've been in for 27 years. We're in the same business. You have a mastermind elite mastermind. You teach others how to be speakers. What would you say? Just to start, would you have ever thought in a million years that you would end up in a mastermind or a workshop? If someone would have said that to you a decade ago, you'd been like, I'm not a teacher. I'd love to hear your perspective of being in this space. And now, what does it mean to you?

You know, the irony is it's so obvious now that I've done it that this is what I should be doing. However, didn't know this business existed. Dean, this is going to sound crazy to you, I know, but didn't know you existed. Right. When I was in corporate, I was in that corporate bubble. And for whatever reason, I didn't pick my head up outside of that arena very often to see what was happening in other industries where my unique talents could be an asset and deliver value elsewhere. I just never thought about it. I thought, this is the lane I'm in. I'm good at this. Stay in your lane. Stay focused on what you're doing. The irony for me is that I had been speaking for 20 years in corporate America. You didn't get paid for it back then. It was part of your job to represent the company that you were with. And so I didn't even know there was a speaker business because we didn't pay speakers in the media business. People would come and want to speak for us for free because they wanted us to elevate them in media. So I didn't even know that was a thing. So that's. It's so we know so little. We only know what's happening in our little microcosm of the world. And when I got fired, I wrote Elvis Duran said to me, you're writing a book. I said, I am writing a book. He spoke a truth and a conviction and a confidence into me. I ran with it, googled how do you write a book? Figured it out, and wasn't that hard, by the way. You sit down and write and then you hire an editor. People like to overthink that one. But anyways, cut to I've got a book. And I'm like, oh, I know how to sell. I'm just going to start cold calling companies and say, hey, I'll come in and speak for you if you buy X amount of books. That was my big strategy at first because I figured it made sense. And all of a sudden one day a company I call says, what's your speaker fee? I said, one minute please. And I googled speaker fee.

And in real time. Just googling.

Yeah, of course. I believe done is better than perfect. Like, want to try this up? Just move forward and y' all figure it out on the way. Make lots of mistakes, but I'll figure it out. And so Gary Vaynerchuk came up top of the page. Must have been an ad or something. And it was $350,000 for a 60 minute keynote with Gary Vaynerchuk. And I remember thinking my time might be better spent getting into this business than the book business. And I Started changing what I was doing. That's when I leaned into getting my TEDx talking and really getting into speaking, figuring out the agent business, whatever. And then that blew up and gave me the opportunity to start teaching people how to do it. Because again, data doesn't lie. And when you're seeing a lot of messages from people and getting a lot of questions around the same topics, that's a potential business and revenue stream for you. And I hadn't thought of it that way because again, I didn't know about this whole personal development space. Mastermind didn't even know what that meant. So I had to learn a lot about a new industry. These were innate skills and talents I had, but I didn't realize they could be monetized in the fashion that they could and help so many people.

Yeah, and listen, everybody evolves is I was broke as hell and real estate shifted my life. Then I bought Tony Robbins course in the midst of all that. And I'm like, wow, this guy sells what he knows. Like he figured out stuff from Jim Rohn and all these other speakers and he helped my life. I'm like, I cut this guy a check and I'm doing better. Sign me up for that. That was my transition. I was in real estate and cars and I had apartments and I was flipping houses and building houses. And I'm like, but I could teach people what I learned and get paid. I'm not a teacher, I'm not that good of a student. And you go through all the self doubt, like, who would listen to me? I'm not Tony Robbins. I haven't made $200 million. And then you realize wherever you are, you're one chapter ahead or one book ahead from somebody who's starting at zero. Right. You did all those corporate speeches, then all of a sudden you were doing more speeches. There's someone else thinking to be a speaker day one, like, where the hell do I even start? Where do I find the confidence to that person? You're a whole book, a whole year, decades into days ahead. They could either figure it out and take five years, or go to you and have the opportunity to go faster, gain their confidence. And the other thing too is because you've been in it long enough, you know how to go upstream, meaning, yes, I can give you the presentation, how to stand on stage, how to be strong, where to look, how to feel. But if you don't have the confidence, you're never going to get on that stage anyway. So you're smart enough to know you got to Go upstream. All those things you've learned and now it just forced you to say, how do I package it to help someone else? And holy crap, that's a business. Right? What would you say? What are your biggest fears were when you, when you were getting started doing that?

It's what you said, the imposter syndrome. Am I really qualified to do this? Is this a viable business? Because when it's new to you and you haven't seen it, you're not familiar with, you're thinking that this is a complete unknown, not realizing it's exceptionally viable. And you know, like you said, there's billions of revenue already going through this industry. And yes, people want this, it already exists. I just wasn't privy to that knowledge yet. So, you know, embracing that, you're always learning. I, during the pandemic, I received a DM from a teacher at Harvard, and he said, can you come in and be a guest professor for my class? And that was my biggest foster syndrome moment. It was on sales and sales leadership. Something I to your point, I'd done it my whole entire career, had tremendous success for me. This is what helped me with imposter syndrome. I wrote back to him. Oh, for sure I'm interested, you know, pretending I'm so confident in this, but I was scared. I was scared to death because I couldn't get into Harvard. I wouldn't, didn't even apply. There was no chance for me. So I sent him this message. I'm interested to know why me? I really had to understand. And it was so cool. He was very honest. He said, heather, I'm an older man in his 60s, and I've been teaching for 20 something years. You are a single mother, working mom, who's found success in real life, in real time, in the corporate world. I want you to take that knowledge and bring it into the class today because they're not getting that for me.

Yeah.

And once he explains me, so I learned you got to put on those rose colored glasses that other people look at you through. And once you do that, I could understand. Oh, wait, I shouldn't have him on a pedestal. He and I can be peers and we can be equals. Yes, his background is Harvard, mine's not. But my background's pretty cool and different too. And so when I did go to class and I did teach there with him, what I learned was those kids had only learned from a book. And here I was, I was walking.

You had real life experience. Well, and listen, amazing, as you say that, I loved what you just Said about rose colored glasses. Because this is the group I work with all the time. And I always say what you just. What you asked is usually we're looking at things too broad. Oh, I got to go to Harvard. I'm not a professor. And you start think rather than saying, hey, if I'm going to teach in the thing that I've mastered in my lane, this niche, I'm not going to teach all the stuff that he might have learned from Harvard. I'm going to teach the one thing that I got really good at in real life. Failed. Succeeded. Succeeded. Well, when you start narrowing down, we talk about confidence. We'll get to that in a minute. Is I find the confidence comes in this industry is when you narrow your lane and you just teach that one or two things that you're exceptionally good at, Right? Because when you do that. I remember thinking about my first course in real estate, and I was like, God, I'm not Tony Robbins and I want to build this course. And back then I had to go on infomercials. You know, you can remember before the Internet, it was either infomercials or direct mail that people are like, why'd you do infomercials? Because there was nothing else 27 years ago, you know, But I remember thinking, man, I haven't made hundreds of millions of dollars in real estate and I don't know how to do big apartment houses and I've never bought a strip mall I don't own. And I got myself all freaked out and where I had confidence. So when I said, but wait, from not having any money, I know how to get into my first, second, third, third real estate deal with creative deals, creative financing, make it a win for everybody. It's like, oh. And I remember thinking, oh, I could teach that. And that was my epiphany. I was like, oh, I'm not going to go after somebody that wants to buy 400 doors and buy a big apartment complex. I'm not going to go after people who want strip malls. I'm not going to. I'm going to go after people that are like, hey, I'd like to get in this flipping or. Or buy and hold one or two houses a year. I'm like, that person put me in a room with 500 people. Those people, I will rock their world. Just don't ask me how to borrow 27 million bucks on one, right? And I remember that was my clarity. And just the same with you. It just reinforces that if he came in and said, hey, share what it's like to, you know, do something outside your realm of competence. Of course you're nervous, but when it's in your lane, it's a whole. I love that. Put on the rose colored glasses that other people see you through. I love that. So let's, let's dive into confidence. How important is confidence when it comes to selling or even selling yourself?

Well, I mean, you know this, people buy and do business with people they know like and trust, right? So that starts there. But when I think to myself and I ask you to do the same thing, if that same person that you know like and trust is really low on self esteem, maybe they're going through a tough time in life and they come in and they're kind of desperate to sell you something, are you more likely to say yes to that or run? When someone you want to run, you're like, oh, I don't want that. Whatever that vibe and energy is. No, you keep that. And you know what, I'm going to keep it moving. But when you see someone come in vibrant with life, loving what they do, feeling so confident that this is going to solve your problems for you, you're like, where do I sign? Let me sign. Put me in, coach. I want in. So I just always think of my own experience with that and, and how confidence really is the one thing that changes everything in any business. Because people gravitate towards you. It's a magnetism that ultimately pulls people towards you. And I truly think it's a difference maker. In business, it's everything.

It literally is the top three. When I say I remind myself all the time to protect my confidence. Now I have three hacks that get me back in a courageous, confident state. I don't want to share mine. This is about you. I want people to get to know you and where's the best place for people.

I want to know yours now.

All right, I'll give you a couple, but where's the best place for people to find you, Heather? I'd love everybody to go follow you and get more confidence from you.

I'm at Heather Monahan on all social media. HeatherMonahan.com is a website and you can link to my podcast, creating confidence from there.

I love it. All right, so give me some hacks on either hacks or processes or morning routines. What do you do to stay in the confident, Heather?

Okay, first and foremost, you got to fire your villains. Any negative people in your life, people that speak down to you, give you those, I call them sneaky villains. The ones that give you disparaging looks, talk behind your back. You have got to fire those people from your life. The minute you get rid of negative people, you stop thinking negatively about yourself and listen, all the powers within your own mind, but it is influenced whether you like it or not or notice it or not. Oftentimes that is influencing you in a big way. And sometimes it happens in a really subtle way. At first, this happened to me in my old career. I was working side by side with a woman that hated me. It was so obvious. Everybody knew it. No, it was the elephant in the room, right? But you think, all right, hey, that's her problem. I'm going to focus on me. I'm going to do, you know, I'm going to stay in my lane, do my job. But what I didn't realize is over the years, and I'm hoping someone can relate to this because of disparaging looks, because she would never say hello to me because I wouldn't be included in the meeting. All these, you know, passive aggressive games that were going on and I wouldn't speak up. I wouldn't say, excuse me, that's wrong, you know, you're not going to speak to me that way. I would stay quiet. It was chipping away at my confidence. And I didn't notice it until one day I woke up and I thought, I'm, I'm like a B rate target version of myself. How did this, how did I become this person? I don't speak up in meetings. I'm not, you know, broadcasting my opinion everywhere the way I used to. It had eroded. And what I've learned is confidence does ebb and flow. And there are moments that comes up and moments that comes down. You have to pay attention to it. Had I been paying attention, I would have noticed. Allowing this woman to behave this way near me and allowing her to stay in my vicinity is chipping away my confidence. I either need to work it out with her directly or I need to leave the situation and go to a place where I'm surrounded with people that are champions for me and cheer me on and stretch me to grow. And that was for me, in my situation, one of the biggest game changers was removing that person, that negative person from my life.

Yes. So, so solid. I hope you, if, if you guys heard that, hear it again. Go hit rewind when time allows and listen to that because it is so important. I'll share one and then you give me another one. How about that? We'll, we'll go back and forth here. It's Kind of along the same lines is one of the things that I realized that I did ages ago, and this isn't rocket science, is auditing what robbed my confidence and doing less of it and auditing and paying attention to what makes me feel like the man that could do anything and doing more of it. And you're like, duh. But not really. Because if you're not consciously aware when you were done, the day you realized that this woman was robbing your confidence, you're like, heather, what? What the hell? How did you let yourself be less of a woman? Because someone else was making you feel like robbing your confidence. But if you're not consciously aware of it, you can let those things sink in. So I always say, when is the last time? Especially in the last five years, when is the last time you watched the news and got done and said, oh man, I feel empowered. Like, when's the last time you watched the news and you said to your 16 year old son, hey buddy, I know you didn't see the news with me at 5, but you got to watch it at 7. It's going to be so good for your future. Like, when is the last time you ever said that? And then simultaneously, if you really pay attention when you watch the news so many times, you'll say, God, the world's going to hell in a handbasket. Should I even work this hard? What if the dollar collapses? I got a lot of dollars now, but what if they're worth nothing? And you start getting your head out of your lane, out of what you can do to change your own life, and you start lowering your confidence because you're letting that in. So for me, I went on a news diet 12, 13 years ago. I just don't do it. People say, isn't that naive? It's like, no, I get enough from the world without watching it. But I know I can impact the world by being the best, most confident version of myself. And just one of them is negative people. Of course, I love the one of bad advice, right? Negative people in your life. It's your broke friend telling you how to find Heather. Come on. It's time for you to engage. Or it's time for you to. Like your broke friend telling you how to get rich, your single friend, or your miserable friend telling you how to fix your relationship. But somehow, if you spend enough time with them, what, what I say about, about confidence, it's cumulative in both directions. You watch a little news, it goes in the wrong, it's weighing down, taking a little you're around your negative friend for coffee. It weighs a little bit. And the last one I'll say is for me, it was. Is working on my weaknesses. Growing up, I had dyslexia. I wasn't that good at a lot of stuff. And I used to think the only way I'm going to be good is if I get good. Good at all these things I suck at. And it was the biggest lie in the history world. Screw the things. I still suck at it. But I got really good at the thing that lights my soul up. I got really good at the thing that moves the needle in my business. And now I ignore all the stuff that robs my confidence. Again, simple. But we have to remember or else it slowly creeps into your life and it stacks up and then one day your confidence just off enough where you go, eh, maybe I'm good. I should be happy. I should settle. Anyway, that's mine. That's a couple that I loop in my head all the time. I'd love to hear another one on your side.

Yeah, you just made me think of one. So this is. It's kind of a big one and it can have major impact, but so often people don't think it's possible for them. Here's what I mean by it. Say you're a real artsy person. Like you're.

I am not.

But you're super talented. You're great at drawing. You know, you love art and your free time on the weekends you want to, you know, go to, go to this event and check out, you know, what's happening with art in this part of the country. That's your passion, right? Probably it's part of your purpose. It's probably something much bigger than what you're allowing it to be. What I have found later in life is by picking your head up from what and say that person's an accountant. During the day, from 9 to 5, they're sitting at a desk typing in a computer and it's sucking the life out of them. You spend more time at work than you do anywhere else, you know, across your existence. And if we could just get people, myself included. And I'm just so grateful that I have found my purpose and passion. And for me, I didn't hate what I used to do, but I didn't have that connection to. This is a reason why I'm actually here. This is why God put me here. I feel like that now. I feel like what I do now. I used to make rich people richer and now I help people Every day to empower them to live their best life. Very different. So for those people that are accountants or doing something that doesn't light them up, that they kind of dread Monday morning, I beg you to say, okay, what was it that I loved to do when I was a little kid? What is it that I do on the weekends? What am I good at, even if I don't know how I'd make money doing it? Just stop and ask yourself these questions. Start spending some more time there, and then you can start investigating. You might not see the road to revenue yet. I guarantee there is one. You weren't given that talent, that calling, to just throw it away, don't leave it there. Like, you've got to put energy and effort into it. Start researching, start talking to people about it. The sooner you can jump into that business, whatever that's going to be, however that's going to look and however messy it might be, the more confident you're going to feel, because that's where you're really meant to be.

Oh, so amen on that one. You know, because this is what my partner, Tony Robbins and I do, is we help people that have been searching. We help a path to show them how to be a coach or a consultant or a course creator or do a podcast. Just take the same framework on how to share your life experience and impact others. And the biggest thing we hear is, I had no idea this was an industry. And then when they start making sales or making an impact and change, like, I had no idea people needed this, and they pay me for it. And then the third thing and that I know you experience is, oh, my God, this feels so amazing. I get to change lives for a living. That is the. That is the evolution. This is really an industry. Who would pay me? Oh, they're paying me. Holy crap. I'm changing lives. And there's no way out of it once you're in it. I mean, I don't care how many millions you made in your old business, you would probably agree. There's one thing about making money and having security, that's a plus. But there's something more powerful about making impact. And what I love about this is you're doing both. You have a mastermind. You're teaching women people to be the best versions of themselves, to be speakers, to learn how to elegantly sell, to have more confidence, and you're getting paid to do it. Like, I don't know. That's what I remember feeling 27 years ago. I'm like, sign me up. For that man, let me flip, switch gears a little bit. Do you teach. You teach people how to become speakers, correct? One of the things that you do.

Yeah, that's one of the things that I do.

Yeah. Okay. When you do that, do you teach them to be kind of keynote and get a fee to go keynote? Do you also teach them to sell from stage, or is it just keynote?

Well, this is the first time I've ever done this mastermind. Right. So this is all new to me. But the questions or the inquiries, I again, I go back to data doesn't lie, and I look at the data, so I pay a lot of attention to what are the things people are asking me. The biggest question that I was getting was, how do you actually get. How do you land stages? It wasn't even about like that.

Yeah.

Which I. There's obviously total value to learning how to monetize that on the back end, but I want to teach on the front end. Right now, what I'm teaching is how to actually elevate your presence. Right. How to pull business towards you, leveraging social media, how you position yourself, how your website is set up, how you're marketing yourself, your SEO, you know all the basics on the front end. And then what stages will help catapult you. How do you pitch yourself and make sure through your UVP you're landing and closing those deals? And then how do you leverage those stages to land a bunch more? What fees would you charge? How do you land your agency, etc.

I love it. I love it. And. And the only reason I ask, because I want to go down this question is. Or down this path a little bit, is I've been fortunate. I don't have time to speak on many stages these days. I used to really enjoy it. I went through a phase of my life, about five years. I spoke on a lot of stages, and now with just no time, four children.

Well, you have a really big stage you speak on.

Yeah, on our virtual stage. I should say that our last stage, we just had 2.8 million people on it, which was insane. I know. Did you see the McConaughey event we did? It was fun as hell.

Amazing.

Yeah, it was so much fun. We did it right here in this room. It was pretty cool. But I don't get to speak on other people's stages as much. I get to speak on my own. And I love that you have the opportunity to teach people, because there's two ways, right? There is go on stage, deliver value, and then offer a product or Service. And another one is just go deliver massive value. And the owner of that stage cut you a check. Love that path. And I feel blessed that I get an insane amount of money to do that when I can find the time. But in either direction, they have to do something. What I was going to say is when I was speaking a lot, I spoke at a lot of women's events when I'd have time, sometimes 5,000, 20,000 women. And the one thing more, a little bit more than men, or maybe men were embarrassed to admit it, is when it came to the actual selling, if I said, who doesn't love selling? It would be about 80% of the audience. And I'd watch girls go like, that was the face. Yeah, I love serving or I love coaching. I love creating this mastermind. I want to do this workshop. I want to write this book. But I don't love selling. And my job for years has been selling a service. If you don't sell them, you can't serve them. And I believe that with all of me. If you watch any of my stuff when I get to the sale, I can't even contain my enthusiasm. Because we worked with Matthew. We worked six months on his course. It is so badass. It is so high quality, and it's so good. I couldn't wait to sell it because I knew what it would do for people's lives. But it took me a lot of training to get there with. That is a long question for a short. It should be a short question, and I'd love a longer or whatever answer you feel comfortable with. But how do you teach somebody? Because if you're teaching people how to speak, they still got to ask somebody for money. They got to ask for their keynote money. If they're getting five grand, ten grand, 100 grand, a thousand bucks, they still got to ask. They got to ask to be on someone's stage. They got to sell. So what are some of the things that you've learned through your own experience? To be able to ask with elegance or ask with confidence. Maybe that's a better word.

Okay, so I'm going to tell a quick story that I hope will help people understand how I see selling. First of all, selling is helping, right? And. And when we understand that we're helping people, even though it might seem uncomfortable at first, push yourself. Fear is a green light. That means go and go faster. Step into that fear and watch how all these dominoes fall and turn. How amazing they turn out for you. I'm blessed that I've been Selling since I was 9 years old and had a paper route. Right. I'm so lucky I grew up poor and had to do that because for me, I just looked at sales as part of life. And the more I did it, the better I got at it. Right? So if you haven't been consciously selling it, please start consciously selling now. Because guess what? Everyone's being sold in any all the time, whether you realize it. Whether you realize it or not. So why not make it an art form and get really good at it? So when you want to get what you want, you can. That's a great suggestion for you. Okay, so I'll never forget I was speaking at a charity event. And back then, I would not broadcast to the world that I was a speaker or that I could do this or that. I felt, you know what? I'm going to look, I should be more humble than this. People are going to be turned off and call me cocky. I was very afraid of how the outside world would see me. My assistant did not tell me was in the back and livestreamed, shared my phone to my Facebook account. The speech that I gave it taught me the most incredible lesson that day. I got all these amazing mess. I would have never done that. I was so embarrassed she did it, but it was a blessing because I saw these beautiful messages from people saying to me, thank you so much for letting me know this, this, and this that I was basically selling from the stage in this speech. And people were thanking me for it because it told them what was possible for them. And I learned that day I need to stop making everything about me, and I need to start making it about the people that I have the potential to help. Because if I'm denying them that opportunity, I'm a bad person. If I have a gift or a solution that can help someone else, how dare I not sell that to them? That's wrong. And that doesn't make the world a better place. And I'll never forget that lesson. So anytime that I'm meeting someone and there's so many people to your point, Dean, that struggle and I feel uncomfortable or slimy, I'm like, all right, let's stop. What is the problem that you solve? Create an avatar in your mind who is that person? You've helped with this problem before, and you saw that solution. Now think to yourself, should you have denied that solution from them?

So good.

And they're like, no way. That's just not the right thing to do.

Yeah, so good. You and I, obviously, we could talk about this For a long time. Because we're on the same exact page. When. When I sell. Listen, the best thing is sell something you absolutely love, Love the person you're selling it to and love the results they can get. I'm not trying to oversimplify sales, but everybody's looking for the sales hack or the. What is that? Oh my God, Dean, I watched that presentation, that pitch, it converted it 22%. What did you do? My answer these days is I loved the audience, I loved what I was providing and I felt really shitty if they didn't buy it because I know I can't help them. I know people are looking for something deeper than that. They're looking for the ah. Like. Like you got this little thing and you open it and sunbeams and rainbows and puppies fly out and it's like, this is the thing I did. It's like, no, I actually love what we're providing. Like whether it was Matthew's event or Tony's event and I'm on stage center, I'm selling at our events is I'd fall in love with the product and I fall in love with the results it could get. I fall. I truly. If you ever read Ogmundino's book, the World's Greatest Salesman, if you never read it, just go through it, it's two hours. It's so good. His second, it's about these 10 scrolls. The second one is I'll meet this day with love. And I talk about it a lot, but this one part, because you mentioned it, is the person I'm selling may not love the product that day. They may not love my clothes, they may not love what I say, they may not love my face, but they will know that I love them. And eventually they will become a buyer because they will feel that. So when people say, what's the secret? It's like, it's not that big a secret. Sell really good stuff, really care about your clients and get them results and feel like shit if you don't get it in their hands, it'll push you to be a better human and it.

Will get you more business. Because when you treat others with respect, kindness and do the right thing, follow through and execute on what you delivered on, that person now becomes an advocate for you.

Absolutely.

Back to them and say, not only would I like a testimonial so that I can showcase it on social media and on my website, because those testimonials are more powerful than any sales pitch you're going to ever have, but I Also you know, Mr. Advertiser would love to know who else in your community could I help the same way that I helped you? That person will open up their phone book for you and start making calls and intros.

All right, I got a quick. Two quick questions here. One, things are a little crazy out there. The news tells us that we should hate each other and that we're so different. And, oh, my God, the. The. The loud minority seems to be in charge. And I think the. The quiet majority. I think we're all. We all have some similar traits, and I think we could all get along and help fix a lot of things if we didn't have so much disruption. But what that does is it causes uncertainty, and uncertainty causes lack of confidence. And then lack of confidence upstream makes you feel like an imposter and then makes you stay in the job you hate or in the relationship that doesn't serve you. And. And lack of confidence comes stems from other things, outside circumstances. But the outside circumstances land in your soul. And then you sit on your hands waiting for something to change. And as you know, you watch it all the time. I'm sure it could be a year. Sometimes people sit on their hands for a decade or more, and I think that's the saddest thing on the planet, when there's no better time than now, right? That old saying of when's the best time to plant a tree? A decade ago. When's the second best time today? Like today? Let's do it now. So if you were going to challenge our listeners today to do something in the next week, what would you challenge them to do?

Oh, my gosh, I love that question. All right, so for everyone listening, you already know what that one thing is, so ask yourself this question right now. What is that one thing on your heart that you know you should be doing? And you haven't pulled the trigger yet. I am challenging you to pull the trigger. And some of you are saying, quit my job. Leave this relationship. You know, start the diet that I've been saying I'm gonna start for however long. Stop smoking, whatever it may be. You are the person that has this answ. All I'm doing is challenging you. Take action now, no matter how small or how big, and start making it happen. You have waited too long, and you are worth too much.

I love that. I love that. And we've been doing this since the first podcast. Do you have a question for me? Something I can help you on?

I'm so interested in AI right now, and how are you leveraging AI in your sales process, in your business?

Yeah. Really, really great question. So my team is using it in every department. So the first thing I want to share with everybody is when, when something new comes out, there's first the resistance, like, oh, not another thing, or oh, my God, is this going to take away our job? Or oh my God, it's probably so complicated. I believe AI, the more I use it, the more my team uses it, is going to just be a fundamental shift in the world. The day the Internet became public to the world was a big shift in the world. The day they became that there was a printing press, running water, libraries. Like, there's been. There's been these shifts in the world since the beginning of time. I think AI is a big one. I think in 100 years it'll be before AI and after, just like before the Internet, Internet and after another. One of the biggest shifts in the world was before gas, not even oil and coal. When, when the steam engine in the train was coal fired, it shifted the world on, baby, to 45. When they turned into gasoline, it shifted the world straight up. That's what started the Industrial revolution. So I think this is one of the biggest shifts probably ever. But there's always going to be those shifts. And you can either deny it and be scared of it or you can dig into it. I would suggest dig in. It's not, it's not something you should avoid. Secondly, again, my team probably use it way more sophisticated in a sophisticated way than I do. But for me, it helps me dial in my ideal client. So just this weekend, and I've shared this, but just this weekend I dove into really understanding my ideal client even more and narrowing it down. And what are some catchphrases that you. That my ideal might. Ideal client might say and then said, what about, okay, I get that they're looking for a new career or the next career or a new business. I'm like, oh, that's cool. So what would that demographic, what would that look for? And what kind of terminology does a new career person use versus someone with a new business? And I said, oh, if I was going to do an ad on problem solution, what would the hook look like? If I was going to do an ad through an educational eye, what would that look like? If I was going to do an ad that was humorous, what would that look like? If I was going to do an ad that was on social proof, how would I start that? If I was going to do the ad through the lens of someone and I was Just asking. And it was just giving me so much data. And the funny thing is it. It knows the voice. So I would just say play with it if you're in business already and I'm answering for you. But for you specifically, Heather, I would say take your ideal client that's in your mastermind or listens to your podcast and come up with a name. Her. It's Ashley. She's 44 years old. She is done with the career. The kids are getting a little older or whatever your demographic is, and say, what does she need the most right now? Oh, I put in. I put in. What is the biggest fear of my demographic now? I've been doing this 27 years. I thought I knew it, but there was a couple I didn't. The first one was fear of being irrelevant. Another one was fear of missing out. Like, I did all this for everybody else and I never lived my gig. Another one that I never would have thought of was fear of balance. I still want to take care of my significant other. I still want to be a good parent even though my kids are getting older. I still want to take care of the people in my life, but damn it, I want to do my own thing. And can I balance that all? It's like, oh, my God. Another One was number five was fear of technology. I'm over 40. I didn't grow up with it. Every bit of my life, I had to learn it along the way. Me doing my own thing, is there a level of technology that's over my head? So there's some of the things, you know, and then all of a sudden, it gives you this like, damn it, I'm not speaking into her fear. I'm not slaying that drag. So what I felt this weekend is I was doing a disservice by not solving some of those fears that weren't on the forefront of my mind. And I wouldn't have got that if I didn't go down the rabbit hole of AI.

So good. Wait, I need this on my podcast, Dean. I'm going to have to get a copy. This is. So those were great questions and great ways to extrapolate value out of it. And chat GPT is definitely a great tool to use.

Yeah, that's what I did it all on. And then I came to my team. They're probably going. I was like, guys, we have to go down this lane in that line. In fact, I copied and paste, like, 13 pages because you go down the rabbit hole of chat gbt. I'm like, well, what Is she afraid of. And why is she afraid of balance? And what would. What would get her? What would get rid of her fear of balance? And I'm going, and I named her Julia. And it's going, well, Julia should do. And I'm like, well, what else should Julia do and how would she do? And I was just like, oh, my God, I've been doing this every day of my life for 27 years and I still found it. Listen, it is not the thing that's going to replace you. I don't believe that. But you can go faster when you utilize it. So it's not replacing you, but you can go faster. So even what we're going to train on August 1st, we're going to show people how to not start with a blank page. I think one of the greatest gifts of AI is the blank page is the hardest. Write a book and stare at a blank page. You're like, ah, where do I start? Use AI to get. Get you off the. Get you lift off, launch off the ground. And then you can tweak and fine tune and put the human touch on something that gives you a head start on. So I would say use AI for no more blank pages.

Oh my, this is crazy. I'm doing an ad for Staples right when we, when we get off and the whole ad is starting with a whiteboard and how like I came up with my book names and all this. I'm going to use your idea, Dean, look, you're helping your sister out over here.

I love it, I love it. And what. Oh, one more thing before we go. Seriously, you have a 16 year old, a boy, right? Yeah, I have a 16 year old daughter. What's one bit of advice for 16 year old? Then I'll give you one that I got.

It doesn't matter what you tell them. It matters what you do.

Oh my God, I just said that on my last podcast. Somebody's being a dad. I said, don't. Kids, don't listen to what you say because what you do is too loud. Oh my God, it's so true.

People ask me all the time, how do you get your kids to take a picture? I'm like, tell me, how often are you taking photos, right? You know, based on the behavior of the parent. And the quick example I'll give is I've never said to my son, you better do a vision board. You better do this or that or whatever. One night I came home about a month ago and he had cut and pasted this whole wall vision board of how he's going to the NBA and the colleges he's going to apply to, where he's going to get in, what his offers are. And I started crying.

I was just saying you went in the other room and cried for sure you did.

Oh no. I cried right in front of him. I was like, mom, he said, why are you crying? I said, I didn't tell you to do this. There's no kidding. You didn't tell me to do this, Mom. I know the power of my mind and I know where I'm going and I have a vision and I need to look at it every day. And I just, it was an incredible moment but it really cemented that, that fact that he's not doing what I yell at him and tell him to do. He's doing what he's saying sees me doing, that works for me and that he wants to apply back to his life.

Oh, so good. So good. I saw my older two, I have 16, 14, 3 years old and 8 months old. So my, my 14 year old. So I, I have a gym at my house and I'm out there every morning at 5:30 and my kids know it. And one, most days I don't want to do it but I, I've trained my brain to think how I'm going to feel after the workout. I'm a good example to my kids. I want to be here for a long time. So I have this whole. And I listen, usually listen to a book or a podcast on personal development. So I've stacked everything in my favor to get it done right. But one thing I always say to myself, if I work out every day, it'll be like brushing your teeth. This is what you do. And both my kids work out. And now my 14 year old son, he hasn't quite, I, I'm glad he's not going to hear this. He's going in ninth grade. Grade, like me, I matured late. I didn't hit puberty till like 10th or 11th grade. He's still the five foot two, he's got buddies that are six foot tall. So literally about four weeks ago he said to me, dad, if I work out every day, will you work out with me? I'm like, I'll do whatever it takes in my power to the kid has worked out six days a week, every day. And I said every day. I'm like, I'm so damn proud of you. And he literally said to me without realizing the other day, he's like, well dad, you've just been doing it forever. It's what you do, right? And I was like, God, this, it's the truth. They don't hear what you say, they do what you do. I'll tell you one of the biggest shocks that I had not didn't pay attention to it. Is your son driving yet he has.

A permit but doesn't have license.

Okay. I'll tell you the one that I didn't see coming is I bring my kids to school every day. I pick them up every day. I take my daughter plays softball and I would take her to softball, which is 45 minutes away, take her back. I take her twice a week to be with a coach and I drive her to the coach. So there was about four hours a week we were in a car conversation knowing about her life. You know, the one I didn't see coming, I'm going to share it with you. They get their car, it goes away. I don't have that four hours a week to be in my daughter's ear chirping or hear about the boy she likes or the friend that let her down. And I gotta, I'm trying to make up that time right now. I'm like, so just telling you they get their license, you don't realize like, oh, you need to go to practice. And they go, yeah, dad, see you later. And they're gone. I don't get that hour to say, so how you doing? What's going on in your life? What's so know that that's coming.

Wow, that is one of those seismic ships where I'm always complaining like I'm going to go burn up X amount of hours today driving you.

Yeah. Wait till it's gone. Wait till it's gone.

That was a great reframe. Thank you.

All right, so last thing I love when people get to thank someone in their life that's made an impact. Anybody you want to thank?

Oh my gosh, yes.

The.

The woman that handles sales for my company, Sophie. She's amazing and, and just a blessing. A wonderful person. Do business with people that you love, that you care about, that are like minded. It makes every day so much more fun. I'm so grateful for her.

Heather, I had such a blast getting to know you and there's so many things we have in common, but so many successful people follow a similar path and I'm so glad you got to share my audience. Audience is going to love it. Make sure you follow Heather. She shared where you can find her. Share it one more time at Heather.

Monahan on all outlets and the website's.

Heather monahan.com yeah, make sure you do that. And thank you for tuning into another episode of the Own Your Future podcast. Thank you for making us one of the top podcasts in the world in our category. If you like it, share it with someone you know, follow, subscribe, and we'll see you next week.

It.