How To Deal With Depression

Well, listen, these are some crazy times in the world. Besides, I think crazy at the same time. Eye opening. And I believe, and I might be naive to think that. I think that 2020 will go down in history as a gift to the world. Welcome to the Dean Grazios show. All success starts right here. Vivian, welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me, Dean.

Well, listen, these are some crazy times in the world. Besides, I think crazy at the same time. Eye opening. And I believe, and I might be naive to think that. I think that 2020 will go down in history as a gift to the world. I really do. Because we're making changes, and there's people that weren't about change that I'm watching. Listen, we all have friends that we know. We all have friends that pretend certain things really live certain ways and ones that do things when no one's watching, Right. That are really sometimes making more impact than anybody else. Right? But I'm watching people shift that I never thought could. And I think this is really a time and what a great time for us to have this interview. Listen, I shared earlier about your stuff, but I love that you went through a process. You not only are an immigrant, you started knocking things out of the park in your life, and then all of a sudden, things shifted. Dropped out of school, hit some depression. Then you're working on jobs, and then something hit you and said, I'm learning how to be an entrepreneur. I need to do my own thing. But as an immigrant, as a black woman, not a lot of money to start. How the heck do you go from that? Starting one company, taking it to six figures, starting another company that you're still running to this day. You've done over 6 million in sales. I mean, what an incredible journey. Now I just took everything about your life and condensed it in two minutes. There's like 5 million questions I have between that, but I'd love to know what are some of the. And I've thought about, like, 10 different questions to start with, but I want to start here. What are some of the struggles in that journey? Because when people see it, it's so cool to get to the end, and it's so cool to talk about the story of struggle.

But.

But what are the struggles that you had that no one else would know that you had?

I would say that the. I think it would be the invisible, the depression. Because everyone has. Everyone's known me as. You know, Vivian. Vivian means lively one.

Yeah.

So I've always been lively.

Smile your Instagram just. You smile when you look at your Instagram. Like, you can't help it.

Yeah. Like, I'm all about just being, you know, just being vibrant. Right. But then depression, when depression hits, it's. It's like. It's just like a blow to the knees. But it's something that, you know, I would be happy. I would be Vivian during the day, and then I would. I would cry at night. So it was something. And, you know, depression's that invisible mental. That invisible illness. Right. That invisible disease. So I struggle with it from time to time still to this day. But I've learned how to manage it better. I've learned, you know, because I've been through, like, I hit rock bottom with it, and I'm on my. I'm like, you know, I'm on my way up, so I know what that looks like. Where sometimes when you're at that bottom, you don't even. You can't even see the light. But I've seen the light. I've been through it, and I got to the other side. And I think that's a really important point with people who are suffering from this, from these types of mental illnesses, is that there is. There is the other side. You just sometimes have to go through it, and it's okay to not be okay in, you know, in my experience.

Okay, so how did. How did depression hit you? Right. Because there's a lot of different ways. Sometimes it makes it so you can't move, or you're sad, or you don't have the energy, or you take the energy anyway, but you feel dead on the inside. Or did you tell yourself really bad stories of all the things that's going to go wrong in your life and you can't see a compelling future, and. And then all that starts to stack. Like, I've just seen a lot of variations. How did it hit you?

You know, for me, it was actually a combination of all that. So it was, you know, I couldn't get out of bed. All I wanted to do was sleep. Or if I didn't sleep, I would just be awake the whole time. Like, I would just not sleep or, you know, I would sort of go through the motions every single day, and then at night, I would fall apart.

Yeah.

So it was a very. It was very interesting because a lot of people, like, if you had looked at me, you probably wouldn't have known. But if you see me now and then compare me to back then, you would know. But, yeah, it was something that I sort of. I want to say I was a functional depressant. If that makes any sense.

Yeah, no, I totally get it. I can understand because I went through my own phase in life, my depression. I don't know if it would be called depression. It was more of a manifested into anxiety. And I was, and I, you know, I have to tell you, I thought anxiety was like when you're stressed until I actually had anxiety and it felt crippling. But I was, for me it was because I'm a child of divorce many times over. My parents were married nine times, always moving and I, and I thought I'm never going to do that. And then I went through a divorce a few years back, four years back. And I projected all the pain I felt onto what was going to experience. My kids were going to experience trauma. Yeah, you're reliving and all of a sudden I relive that trauma. And all of a sudden like year old scared boy came out. I didn't know where it came from. And at night I'm shaken. I never was afraid of small spaces. I wouldn't get in elevators. I was afraid to get on a plane. I thought I was losing my mind. But like the only reason I share this, because you said you were functioning. I was functioning, but I had this crazy anxiety. Now reading and watching some of your videos, I would bet to say one of those ingredients that pulled you out of that because it was a quote of yours and is that you love that grateful is the gateway to all success. Being gratitude and being grateful. So did gratitude and practicing gratitude help pull you out of that?

Oh, absolutely. It helped me see the good things in my everyday life. Because when you're suffering from depression, all you focus on is the bad things. Yeah, but by practicing gratitude, by practicing writing every single day, what I was grateful for, what I was looking forward to. And then at night going over what had happened during the day and what was good about it, what I could have done a little bit better. But what I found was when I was focusing my mind on the good things, more good things were coming into my life.

Yeah, it's really hard to be depressed and grateful at the same time.

It is pretty hard.

But you know, there's two things you said that I want to dig into. Unfortunately, a lot of people hit depression, anxiety, worry, fear, and we can tend to live in it. It's an emotion that wants you to stay there. Right. It's almost like it holds you down. And someone gave me a great analogy. When you're depressed or anxious, they said think of like a board, right. I'm holding a piece of paper, but, like, it's a board, and you're underneath, you got something over your head. And depression keeps you from poking your head above the board and looking to your compelling future or your bigger future, your happier future, more successful, better parent, better relationships, because depress puts a lid on it. And you can't, like, lift your head up to see out of the ditch. Right. And that makes so much sense because I can remember going through it, and all I could think about is all the things that were going to go wrong with my kids. They feel sad like I did. I'd miss them. They'd lose the. Like, they'd lose the culture I worked so hard to create. What if they lost the values I created? I took my kids to school almost every day. I made them breakfast every day. Like, what if I couldn't do that? And I started thinking of all the things that could go wrong. And it's like I put the lid over my head and. And I completely focused on what wasn't going to happen. And then when I really felt that and I started practicing gratitude, that was one of the key foundations is like, I poked my head back up and I finally could see some light. And not all of a sudden, it wasn't like the clouds parted and God spoke to me in that moment. It was more like, let me show you a little bit, Dean, and I'll show you a little bit more tomorrow. But you said something else that I want to give you credit for, and because it was subtle, but it was big, is you did the work. You got up every day, you journaled every single day. You focused on it, you obsessed on it. And that's. That should be a call to everybody listening. None of this happens by accident. Vivian didn't go from being an immigrant and failing at, you know, or quitting college or not finishing college and have depression to. All of a sudden, she's got a business that did 6 million. There's a lot of pieces in between, but she did more work than she'll even be able to tell us today. The work when no one is watching. You know, one of the things I tell my kids, they want to be good at sports, and they are both good. I said, you don't win on the game, on the playing field. You win when no one's watching, when you're practicing, when you're outside hitting balls and no one's there, and it's not glorious. With that, how do we encourage people to know not only is it worth it, but we must do the work.

Well, the thing is, I think what a lot of people end up doing is they're confusing motivation. So they think that they always need to motivate themselves to be able to do these things. And it's like, that's. That's really not what it's about. It's about drive. It's about consistency. So just the very fact that I created a set of habits that could pull me through the day, that when. Eventually, when I was able. Like, if you. If you think of, like, you know, writing in a journal as, you know, paddling a boat, right? If every day you just get into that boat and you're paddling and you're paddling, eventually you're gonna make it to shore. So you just gotta keep paddling. You gotta keep writing in that journal. And then one day, when you're not even paying attention, wow, there's a shore, right? So you have to focus on creating a set of consistent habits that you can follow every single day, even when you're feeling like crap. Because that's where the work is. That's where the gems are. That's where the diamonds get created. It's because when you're working under pressure and you're doing all the things that you thought didn't matter, next thing you know, you see the land, you see the top of the mountain, you see all those things that you didn't think was possible, but here you are.

All right, two questions. I'm loving this. One is when I was going through that, and it hit me out of the blue, I thought I had pushed all my past away. I thought I was good. And all of a sudden, it just. It was just really heavy. It's hard to explain. I don't even take an aspirin. Like, I'm just lucky. I don't take anything. But when I went through that, there was two days a week, I'd either have a glass of wine or a freaking Xanax. And I never take meds, only because I needed my mind to shut down so I could get five hours of sleep. And five hours would last me three days, right? And I felt like I was losing my mind. But here's the thing. I want to. I want to see if you had any thoughts. Like, this is like, my life was okay, but I was going through a transition, and without me realizing. And I guess we both have realized this, or at least I know I have in business, that your next level of business lives on. The next hurdle you need to overcome, right? The fear you have to get through the challenge, you have to get through. But I never really equated it in my personal life. But what I realized is my next level of happiness, abundance. Happiness for my kids, happiness for my ex, happiness for the future. Lived on the other side of, kind of, excuse my language, a shit storm.

Can we. Can we do that?

And what I realized is what happens a lot of time and where anxiety came in for me. And maybe. And again, if yours is different, you tell me. But it was like every time I knew I had a transition or I wanted more, I had to, like, turn into the storm. And then I'd feel the storm. And sometimes I'd regress back to old habits that weren't serving me. The habits that got me out of Egypt aren't the ones that are going to take me to the promised land. Right, Right. So I kept, like, dabbling and coming out, and then finally, when I just faced it and kind of like, I have weird analogies in my head. Like, I drove my ship into the storm. It was the worst on the anxiety, the worst on the fear. But more I practiced gratitude, more I journaled, more I meditated, more I talked to people. I did all the. And then for me, I got goosebumps as I'm saying it. For me, it was like one day I was out of the storm. Now, not that you can't slip back there once in a while, but, like, it was, like, the most turbulent. And then I woke up one day, and I got through it, and I navigated new territory. You know, we all have our beliefs. I believe God put that in my path to make me a better human, a better man. I became a better human being. I became a better father. I became a better friend to my ex. I attracted the woman of my dreams. I'm in the best relationship of my life. It never could have happened unless I went through that storm. Do you feel that, too?

Well, yeah. Except I say. What I say is turn shit into. Manure.

Grows.

Exactly. Manure grows things. Manure makes things flourish. But it's shit first.

Yeah.

So sometimes you just gotta sit in that shit.

Yes. So you were doing the work, you were journaling, you were practicing gratitude. When your brain wanted to tell, you couldn't, you told your brain you could. When your brain wanted to tell you. You don't have anything, Vivian. You got nothing to back you up. You came from nothing. You had to turn that voice and say, I'm not an imposter. I'm a doer. Okay, so what was your driving force? What Got you out of bed to do that. Even when everything was telling you you couldn't.

It was my Y, so my Y. I always say that X is my Y. My son's name is Xavier, and I would say that X is my Y. So when your Y is strong enough, like the how.

When you're talking my language.

Yeah, like when you're. When your why is strong enough, all of a sudden, like, the how, it doesn't even. Like, I. It's not like I woke up one morning, was like, I'm going to build a million dollar business. That's. That's absolutely not how I woke up. I just caught, you know, after the shit turned into manure, I was like, wow, okay, let me just. Let me just see where this goes. Let me just go. Let me just go with this flow and then do what I need to do. But in order to do that, I had to have, like, an overall goal. And my goal is to just live, just do big Vivian things and whatever that means for me. Like, I don't care to be like, yeah, I need to make a million dollars in three weeks. Money. Money comes and goes for me. But what I wanted to feel was worthy. I wanted to feel successful. I wanted to feel like everything that I do provides value. And in order to do that, I had to have a really strong why. And my strong why was my son. My strong why was even for, like, my business, I had to make sure that, you know, I was bringing good things into other people's lives. So my business is Kinky Curlyaki, which is premium textured hair extensions for black women. And the reason why I started that business was because I wanted all black women to show up in the world as themselves and feel confident to do it. And the more, like, you know, even though on the days I didn't feel like doing it, I would get a text message from a woman who had cancer. And, you know, she was at the hospital, and the wigs that they had were, you know, silky European textures. But she knew that she could come to my company and get a wig that looked like her hair and no one would know any better. It would give her the confidence to show up in the world or the women showing up in the corporate spaces who needed to. Who wanted to look like themselves, their authentic selves. But, you know, didn't really want to get into the silkier stuff. So, like, I always look to what my why is, and that. That's what drives me. That's what motivates me. I don't rely on Motivation. Motivation is like a match, right? Like, it's just like a match.

Yep.

But I am the boss.

God, I love it. I love it. Because you got two Y's. You got two Y's. And you know how to translate that, right? You have your X is your Y. Xavier, right? So Xavier is the one that drove you probably through the Depression to get going, to get moving. And I would bet to say this, maybe you, maybe not. But in my 20s, if someone said, like, you got to go further along. If someone said you could choose three things, the perfect tool, like, this is your mechanism to make money, your mindset, or a big why. The last two would have been mindset and why. Like, just show me how to make the money. I'm a hustler. Just give me it. And now I reflect at this age, and I realize the how is nothing. The how is always there. It's the why and the mindset to keep pushing forward. And that's a gift. That's why I write books on mindset now. It's because you know my book, Millionaire Success Habits? There's no way in that book on how to make money. It's all the mindset to anchor in that foundation. And I know a lot of times, like, younger people read and go, great book, but how do I actually get rich? I'm like, you missed the whole point.

There's no blueprint.

There is no blueprint. Yeah, you missed the whole point. It's like. And I would bet to say you feel this way, and I don't think I'd always have said that. But the only way you don't make it is when you quit. Absolutely. When you give up and say, I can't make it, that's the day it's over. And all we have to do is. You know, Winston Churchill had a quote I had at my desk for a long time. It said, the definition of success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. And that's it. We just got to do whatever it takes to get back up, get on the field and play, and we will get our butts handed to us. We'll lose. We'll feel inferior. You'll have that inner voice saying, you're not good enough. You don't fit here. You don't belong.

Imposter syndrome.

Yeah, imposter syndrome. I mean, I still got it. I don't know about you. It never goes away. That's what I do for a living. But I found a way to fight that. So let me tell you right now, in Your business. Tell me a little bit more about your business. Because, you see, I see how you found a why, just from what you said with your son, Xavier. But now you have a why. Because you're helping women feel more confident, feel more beautiful, feel more empowered. And I could just tell that lights you up. When you talked about it, your smile was almost as big as when you talked about your son. So does that. Is that your why that's making your business thrive?

It is. Because for so long, you know, in. Especially in, you know, Western. The Western society, black women have been made to feel ugly. Right. And so then what I. And it's not like hair extensions or even the textures that I found were. I didn't invent them, but what it was is that I spotlighted them, I highlighted them. I put it right at the forefront. Like, girl, this is what your hair looks like. This if you're going to protect your hair. Because technically, that's why we're wearing extensions, because our hair isn't suited to North American environment, because we're all from Africa. Right. So this sort of environment strips our hair of moisture. So we tend to wear protective styles like weaves, braids, and wigs. And so I wanted to create something that let myself really. That's really what it was. Because while I was running, I actually discovered. I started running the second business while I was running my first business because I needed to look, quote, unquote, presentable.

Yeah.

So I wanted. But I wanted something that looked like my hair. And so then it wasn't until someone came to me and said, I went to a networking event. And at first I was just trying to solve my own problem. And then she came to me and said, who's your hairdresser? And what's your regimen for getting your hair looking that way? I was like, girl, this is a Weeze. And she said, I would buy that. So then I thought, well, if she would buy it. And I bought it, there's got to be a market for it. And so then from the down season, because it was a wedding business that I ran in the down season of that business, I launched Kinky Curlyaki, and it immediately took off.

That is so incredible. And so now, is that. Is that what you. Is that your main focus?

No.

So. Because from what I see online, you're also teaching women how to be in business. Is that true?

Yeah, in business. Yeah. So, you know, I, like, you mentioned, I'm an immigrant, I'm a black woman, I'm a college dropout, and I'm also a single mother. But you know, I overcame all that adversity and still created a business that was, that did 6 million in sales on my own. I didn't figure, I didn't, I don't have a college degree. I didn't go to any fancy school or MBA or anything like that. I just literally figured shit out as I was going along. Yeah, I found a target audience and I, and because I was on my own customer, I sort of used my natural strengths, which is marketing and customer service and just being me. The charisma, you know, the charisma. Just being Vivian. And I sold the hell out of it. Right. So I turned that. And it's funny because at first I didn't think I was an expert in business and doing E commerce, but after eight years, everyone was like, well, you should teach me how to use, how to sell, how to do business. I was like, really? Me? I don't know. What do I know? Then what kept happening was people would ask, someone would ask me a question, I would give them an answer. They would come back to me a few weeks, few months later and say, that thing that you told me changed my business. I was like, it did.

Well, you know, I mean, as you share this, because we all feel, I mean, you know how important self education is to me, right? That's all I scream from mountaintops. Because think about this. What would it be worth for you, Vivian, to go spend a day with your 10 year old younger self?

Oh, the things I would tell you.

Exactly Right? So think about that. That's. And I know you already know this value, but I want to anchor that in because there are so many women right now that would love to do what you do. And you know where they are right now? They're scared, they're insecure, they don't know where to start, they don't know if they fit in. They have to have the money. They feel like an imposter. They, they can either learn through their own trial and error or they could spend time with you and start off where you left off.

Exactly.

So I know you're already doing it, but I'm going to keep inspiring you to keep pushing and keep doing. Listen, and I want to have a little conversation about what's going on in the world. I'd love to pick your brain and I'd love to do it for me personally too. Right. But I believe, listen, I believe how we make change is like I tell my kids is we make change when no one is watching. Glad that there's a spotlight of what's going on in the world. I'm glad there's a spotlight of people wanting to do more of their own thing, Be self employed, be more empowered, take control. But sometimes when it drifts out of the spotlight, everything drifts back to the way it used to be. And I don't think we can allow that this time. And I believe how we do that is not stopping the conversation and giving people the tools to be successful. Because success, let's just be honest, gives you a bigger voice. Absolutely right. And you can use success to be greedy. You can use success to take advantage of people. You can use success and basically look the other way and say, I got mine, I don't care. Or you can use success to be. To make an impetus to cut checks, to solve problems, to empower other agencies to use your voice to be a mouthpiece. Right. Now I believe that if we can help people be more successful and they do it for the right reasons, we have more mouthpieces, more impact. So it all goes together. Right? Right. So with that, what. What are some of the things that you would love to share? We have the opportunity to be in front of hundreds of thousands of people will see this video or hear this. What are some of the things that we can do now? I mean, you shared personally. So how do we help ourselves grow personally while still simultaneously not putting the horse blinders on? Because I think they're coming.

Yeah, right.

They're already here.

I already. I'm already starting to hear Twitters of Ally fatigue. How are you tired already? Girl, We've been going through this. I've been going through this for 42 years, and you're tired after two weeks?

I'm not laughing because. I'm not laughing because of that. I'm laughing because if we can help convert some of the weekend warriors that saw it and I'm glad, like it was exposed and there's a whole. Listen, I believe in you. Please tell me anything I say that you don't agree with. I could tell you'll say it, but I want you to. But I believe we're out of every generation that existed were the most emotionally conscious than any other in history. Right. I see my kids the way they want to fight for this. I knew about it when I was a kid and my family grew me up, raised me in a way where I love the man I am and I love the man I get to teach my children, but there's no comparison to me as a kid. It was like, that is terrible. It should stop. My kids are like, dad, what are we doing? Like, what are we doing right now? What do we can continue to do? And what can we do as a family? Like, got goosebumps saying it, but that's like. But I don't think it's just my kids. I mean, I think we have more people than ever. So how do we harness that? How do we keep moving forward?

It's about amplifying voices. Really? That's really what it is. Because it's not. It's about amplifying voices. It's about putting your money where your mouth is. It's about doing the things behind the scenes without having to make it into a whole thing and match your Instagram feed or match your social media or whatever it is that you're trying to do. It's really. And it's about listening, because that's. I think that's really what the struggle is, because a lot of people say that they're listening, but do you hear me? Like, do you hear what I'm. What I'm telling you? Because, like, right now, see, in my Instagram feed, people are arguing with me over words like, I want to be able to say, yes, Queen. Hey, sis. Hey, boo. But I'm telling you, there's a reason why I disagree with you using those words, but you want to argue with me. So instead of arguing and trying to center it on yourself, sit down and listen and really hear what people have to say.

And don't we have to. I really love to ask you this. Don't we have to question our beliefs in order to make a change?

Absolutely.

Absolutely. Like, when someone is extremely liberal or extremely conservative and they can't be in the room, it's only because they can't look through the lens of the other person.

Right?

Right. And. And I believe there's beliefs that have been ingrained in society, in the world and culture and movies. Right. That we don't even care. And listen, you and I both know the only reason we went from. I lived in a trailer park. I didn't go to college. I didn't have any. There's nobody in my family with money. I retired my parents when I was 25 because they had nothing. I had to change the beliefs my parents had about money in order to be successful. If I did what my parents did, I would have what they have, and I love them and I take care of them. And I just bought my mom a new house. And I feel so blessed to be able to do that, but I don't have the same beliefs as my mom and dad. I love them dearly, but I don't. Right. But still, some of their beliefs linger inside of me about money, and I got to go, holy crap, that's not mine. And I have to adjust that. And I think one of the biggest things that we could do to keep this momentum, to really make a change is to question every belief we have. We see somebody doing something, and our first reaction is, mm, I can't believe they're doing that. It's like, whoa, what if there's a whole other way to look at that? What if there's a completely different belief? And how do you do that? You just said it. Listen and get educated. What do you think about that?

I agree. I agree. Because same thing, like, even what. How my parents think. And, you know, they have a different lens because they were immigrants and they're black. Right. They came to this country in order to live a. You know, to live a better life. So I have a different lens on things, but I can see what they're seeing, but I see it from a different lens. So really, it's about teaching the next generation and doing better, because when you know better, you can do better. So when you're willing to sit down and learn, you're willing to be educated, you're willing to listen, and you're willing to really hear people. That's when you're able to turn around and teach the next generation or teach yourself or teach the people surrounding you how to do better.

Yeah, And I also think. And I loved what you said about the words and arguing over the dumb things, because I think we need to give people. And you tell me again, disagree with me or tell me how to amplify this. I think we need to give people that are willing to take action the ability to take imperfect action until they get it right.

I would rather you take the imperfect action and take no action at all.

Because you and I both have seen, like, going silent means is just. If you're silent, then you're not a part of the solution. Right. We know that. But then other people are like, I'm just gonna take. Because, you know, I get. I'm friends with business people, white people, black people. I have, you know, Trent Shelton is one of my dearest friends. So I get to listen to Trent, and then I get to talk to a buddy of mine who's just kind of hiding, and he's like. The excuse I hear is like, I'm afraid to say anything. I'm gonna get picked On, I'd rather just sit. It's like take, I believe. Listen, I'm sharing this with everybody. I've been taking imperfect action, imperfect action, uncomfortable action. But isn't. Okay, Let me ask you, Vivian, in your business life that went from all of that to what you've done now, could you have done any of it if you didn't take uncomfortable, imperfect action?

In business, the work is uncomfortable. It doesn't matter what you do if it's going from 0 to 100 or if it's, you know, becoming anti racist or if it's losing weight or if it's, you know, buying properties or whatever it is. The work is uncomfortable. It's supposed to be. Otherwise it wouldn't be work.

Exactly. And think about this. Here's something that I met a gentleman named David Kekich. And David was hit by a car when he was jogging in his 30s, and he's paralyzed from the neck down. Amazing guy. One of the most optimistic, grateful guys. You know, I can't even pretend to understand how he does that on the level he does, but he used to carry around. When I met him a decade ago, he carried around what was called Kekich credos. And he wrote all of his gratitude sentences and things he lives by that keeps him in this space. And one of them said, living the hard way is easy, and living the easy way is hard. And we talked about it, and he said, listen, it's really easy to sit on the couch and watch TV and eat the wrong food and wish you had more. That's easy today. But when you're 60 and you don't have the money and you can't provide for your kids and your grandchildren, that's really hard. He said it's really easy to eat sugar all the time and not be healthy now. But when you have diabetes at 70, that's hard. He said it's really easy to sit work for someone else in a job you hate because it pays the bills, but really difficult when you're 80 and you look back and you feel like you missed it. And it just shows. In business, you put in the hard work. I'm glad you listen. I saw your Instagram page. All those smiles. I love all the colors in your page. It's so alive. In a moment here, I want you to tell everybody where they can find you. Your page is just. You smile when you look at your page. But there was a lot of sad nights, lonely nights, scared nights, and very difficult nights for you to be in a place where you Say, I got Xavier. He's solid. He's going to be good. He's going to be a good young man who sees his mom work her ass off and shows that you could do anything you want. But that took hard work to get here. And I believe that about what's happening in our world. Like, if we put in the hard work now, we get to live united in a different way later. Now, I'm not. Listen, there's people way smarter than me on this, Vivian. But I just look at some of the simple things.

Yeah, but it's you. But it's you, the everyday people like you that we need. Because the smarter people, as you can see, aren't doing very much. Or the people who think they're smart, what are they doing? They need to lead the charge. It's people like you that need to lead the charge.

And I just think if we put the hard work in now, and here's what I think about this hard work, and I'd love your thought on this. It's not like we all have to transform everything. I believe, collectively, if we put 10 to 20% more effort, being more observant, questioning our beliefs, being educated, having conversations like this, 20%, not transform your whole life as a collective universe. 20%, we would eradicate change and we would think, listen, I'm not just. I have goosebumps thinking of who we could be and how proud I'd be to my kids, as if in 10 years. And now they're like, wow, my dad's generation changed the world. But I believe we can do that without that much. Am I naive or do you? No, you're not.

It's not like we're asking people to give up carbs. You said it's just make. Make an observation, right? Like, for us, like, I know, for me, it's like, it's the microaggressions that get me. It's the little paper cuts that happen all the time. But if you can not pick up that piece of paper to cut someone, that could make, that's. That's that 20%. But in order for you to learn not to cut me with that paper, you have to listen to me and you have to not be on the defense, and you have to not be. Make excuses. You just have to sit and listen and be like, okay, you know what they said, or she said she didn't like that, so I will stop doing it. It doesn't matter how I feel. If she feels the way she feels, and I'm the one inflicting the pain, then I should say, wow, that's a really good point.

And do you. And do people really have to own it? Like, if a certain thing hurts somebody, do you really need to keep it? Or could you have the ability just.

To let it go? Why are you holding it? Let it go.

That might be the best wisdom I've ever heard. How important is that to you? Where you could just let that go?

Just let it go. Let it go. Like if I've asked, like, it's like, if someone keeps kicking, like, the paper cuts, it's death by paper cuts. That's what racism is for a lot of us. It's death. Oh, you know, actually, let me. Let me put phrase it another way. It's like death to our souls by paper cuts. Right. Obviously, we've seen what's happened to the likes of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, who still. Her killers still need to be brought to justice. But I don't mean to minimize what's happened to them, but all that stuff wouldn't happen if we just stopped with the paper cuts.

Yeah. Well, I think if there's a time where we can really make a difference, I think it's now. I think it's for me personally, and the voice I'm gonna be is we just can't look away. We can't look away when the media goes away. We can't put on the blinders and go, oh, I'm glad they're onto the election now, because, like, if you think that way, then it's over. Right. We must, we must keep that, like.

Listen, keep that same energy.

Yeah. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you had beliefs, if your grandparents were racist and you had horrible beliefs, or you're completely on the other side. There's no looking away. What happened to George Floyd and the rest, like, there's no. If you're a human being, if you're a human, it makes you sick. Right. Like, we can all agree on that. Like, it doesn't matter what side of the line, who you would vote for. It was an injustice to the human race, to a human being. Right. And if we could just keep that and say, if I just put a little more effort in, if I continue to do things behind the scenes, if I make different decisions, if I help, if I'm going to donate a certain amount of money at the end of the year, maybe I don't give 10% all to this anymore. Maybe I can help out this Organization, like those little shifts, I think create exponential growth. And we can be proud. Like, I think we could be the proud generation that they look back and go, there was finally enough is enough. There was a line in the sand and they made a difference. So I'm cheering for that. And I'm gonna do everything in my power to help just support that. And all I can be is just one part. I could be one little wheel in the cog, but I want to be a part of that wheel.

Listen, don't underestimate the power of what one person can do.

Yeah. And I think. I think that's a great message. So with that, tell me why people should go follow you, be on your Instagram, work with you, and then tell people how they can find you.

Well, they should be on my Instagram because I am just a ball of joy. I am just good vibes all the way around. If you want someone that's going to make you smile and make you laugh all the time and actually educate and inspire you, that is me. I am she. I am Vivian. You can find me on Instagram at Vivian K its V I V I A N K A Y E And then to work with me for business. What? I'm a Shopify expert, so I work more on the E commerce side of business. So if you're looking to either start, set up, or launch an E commerce business on the Shopify platform, I am your girl. I can help you do that. Or if you just need a mindset shift, I have this thing where I'm calling it, you know, what would Chad do? So, you know, I'm encouraging women to do the big Chad things, which is just doing all those big, audacious things that a lot of women, especially, you know, women and women of color feel like they can't do because, you know, all the white guys are doing it. Well, girl, I'm going to show you how we can do it, too.

I love it. Listen, I want to tell you, I'm so glad we connected. This was really. This was really an awesome, an awesome interview, and I'm glad I got to know you. Here's what I'm going to do. Not only should you reach out, we'll put the show notes below. Go check out Vivian's page on Instagram and follow her. I'm not kidding you. When you go to the page in three minutes, you'll be smiling. You can't help it. You got an infectious smile. You got a gorgeous sun, and I love the way you think you're a Huge inspiration to all of us. And I mean, lights me up. So thanks for taking the time today. Go check out the page, and then I'm going to have my team reach out to you because we're working on some stuff on our E commerce side. We're not E Commerce. Well, we're E Commerce, but not Shopify. But we got lots of products right now that we need help with, so let's see if we can work together on that. All right, Vivian, I appreciate you spending the time today. Everybody else, thanks for spending time on the Dean Graziosi show. Here's the thing. If you liked today's message, if it hits your heart in any way from being empowered as a woman, be empowered as a black woman, a black man, or anybody, or you felt this need to just keep this momentum alive where we can make a shift, then share this. Take a screenshot, put it on your Instagram tag, Vivian, tag the podcast, and let's keep this alive.

Thank you so much, Dean.

Thanks, Vivian. If you like this podcast, make sure to share it with friends. And if you don't already have, my book, the Underdog Advantage. Oh, my God. I didn't write it knowing this was going to happen. Happen. But this is the book that's meant for this time. We're all underdogs right now, and that book shows you how to use resourcefulness. Use being an underdog as your superpower to go the next level. The book is on fire. You can grab a copy@deansbook.com that's deansbook.com you can go to Amazon, grab it for 19 bucks. That's awesome. Do it. Or you can go to deansbook.com I bought a couple thousand copies. You can have one for free. I paid for the book. You cover the shipping and handling. Deansbook.com and I'll see you on the next episode of the Dean Graziosi Show. What's up? What's up? Hey, before you go, you need to watch these next few videos. They're absolute game changers. Hurry up and click right over here and watch them, and I'll see you there.