Dean Graziosi, in a YouTube advice segment, answers a question from 'Jennifer' about a spouse who lacks enthusiasm and support. He recommends a 90-day experiment: consistently be the person you wish your partner to be, treat them as you want to be treated, show understanding when they're negative, and persist without getting frustrated — with the expectation that modeling positive behavior will pull them along.
What if your spouse doesn't support you, doesn't have the same energy, doesn't have the same enthusiasm, they lost their luster for life. You have enthusiasm, they look at you like, what is wrong with you today? Ever around people and I'm not saying, Jennifer, this is you, but have ever around people and you're in a good mood, you're on fire, you're looking at the glass half full and the person around you like, what's up with you today? Why are you so happy? It's like I'm just alive. This is me like, and they're the type of people I tried to avoid. You can't, right? Not because I don't want to give them love, but sometimes it's in your house, right? So here's my advice, Jennifer, is you are not going to. You might get fired up from what we're talking about today. I hope you're enthusiastic, I hope you're energetic. I hope you're ready to attack the next 90 days and then you want to go tell him and light him up and it just like all you're doing is maybe frustrating or amazing. He's like, oh geez, would you watch a Dean video? You know, I get all that. So here's what I would say and I've shared this advice. This is the best advice I can give you. Instead of trying to make him a better version of him, the version, you know, it's why you married him, you know it's in there. Something's covering it, something's hiding it, something's made him look at. This is as good as it gets. I would just say treat him the way you want to be treated, be the person you want him to be and do it for 90 days without getting frustrated. When he poo poos on your idea, tells you it'll never work, say, get real. That's a fantasy. Not now, not this, not this economy. What I would say to you is just stay. Just give yourself 90 days. Make that part of your 90 day sprint is you're just going to consistently be the person you wish he would be. When he says poo poo on your idea, say, okay, I understand, but I'm still going to go for it. Hey, anything I can do for you? Make him feel understood. When he tells you how bad the day was, let him feel, let him understand that you feel how bad that day was and you understand him. But it doesn't mean you're going to change who you are. This is who you are now. And he can come along for the ride or he can fight it. I would bet. To say the juice that you have, the power that you have of being your best self, treating him the way you want to be treated and just being your best, you will pull him along with you. That's my vote, and I'd love to hear the update, but give that a try.
