Dean Graziosi walks through a Tony Robbins exercise that flips blame: if you blame your parent for a wound, you also have to credit them for the strength that came from it. A woman in the audience tries it and feels the shift immediately.
I have to say I made a big transition about 10 years ago, but nobody does it better than Tony. Tony Robbins, who's a dear friend of mine, when you watch him talk about making sure you blame the people in your life. If you're gonna blame a parent for not being there, not being abandoning you, not going to your baseball games, not supporting you or doing some crazy things, or if they had an addiction when they were young or they gave you up for adoption, sometimes we blame them for that. And the greatest person I've ever seen framed that in a way. I mean, I had my own transition. But Tony frames it in a way where he says, if you're going to blame them for the shit, you better blame them for all the good they gave. I remember a woman stood up in the crowd and she said, my dad was never there for me. He didn't support me. I was the only girl. I was a girl. And they had no more kids. He wanted a boy. Everything I did wasn't good enough because I wasn't a boy. And I got second place in a state swim meet once. And he left and I had to walk home three miles because I lost by just a couple of inches. And she was telling how bad it was and you could tell she was just emotionally distraught. It had been bugging her her whole life. And Tony said, and he was horrible to my mom and we didn't have money. So Tony said to her, well, what about you? Are you horrible to your kids? Hell no. I would never do what my father does. I tell my kids I love them every day. And he said, are they bad kids? And he said, she goes, no, they're both graduating at the top of college. How about your business? She goes, I started my own business. Screw him, he was always broke. So Tony looked at her and said, if you're going to blame him for being that shit dad, you better blame him for being a supportive, kick ass woman who took control of your business, took control of your life, took control of your kids. In fact, Tony said, you know what you need to do right now. Is he alive? Get on the phone and call him and tell him you blame him for that. And she did. And you watched a woman lost. I don't know if anybody was at that event or seen something similar. I don't know if you remember seeing her the next day. She lost 20 years off of her face. She was blaming somebody for the wrong. She didn't think about it. And the last bit of the last 10% that I held on to some craziness I went through with my father as a kid went away completely that day because I blame my father because I'm obsessive. I'm a hard worker and I have empathy and care and I can tell how people feel and I want to change their hearts. I wouldn't have had that if my dad wasn't exactly who he was. He was put in my life and I was put on this earth to live that experience just like you were. So if you're holding on to any of that stuff, just think of Donald Willis or whatever tough times you went through, blame them because if it wasn't for them, you wouldn't be in this room ready for a transformation, ready for that next level.
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