How to Unlock Your Unique Gifts w/Marie Forleo
Marie Forleo talks about unlocking your gifts and building a business around them. She traces her drive to financial independence back to her parents' divorce when she was eight, and argues that failing to share something helpful is stealing from the people who need it.
Chapters
The world needs that very special gift that only you have.
I said listen, if you don't get your message out there, only one or two things happen. They suffer in silence because they don't know you, or they go to someone else who's good at sales but doesn't care as much as you do.
So it's the honoring of other as special and unique. And you, as special and unique, own your future.
Because if you don't, someone else will. Welcome back to the Own youn Future podcast. I mean, the truth is, if you don't own your future, someone else will. I am so excited today. You know, I must sound like a broken record because the last few interviews, people, guests I've had, I've said they're dear friends. And the fact of the matter is, I have another one here today. Someone I think. I think we've known each other heading towards 20 years, at least 15 now. Now, if I read the stuff that you should all know, Oprah called her one of the thought leaders for our next generation. She's a number one New York Times best selling author. She's had over 100 million people, she's helped worldwide and so many other amazing statistics. What I'd love to say is, this is a woman that, if you're not already following, you must. This is someone who, you know, the definition of an entrepreneur is we make crap up and then we make it real. That's who this woman is. She serves from her heart. She's a dear friend. Every time I get with her, you know, we get together for a mastermind or our families are together, I say I need more of her in my life. So without further ado, can we give it up for my dear friend, Marie Forleo? Yay. And the crowd goes wild.
And by the way, I. It's. It is definitely close to 20, if not 20, in terms of how long we've known each other. And I was thinking about that, getting ready to talk with you today. It is such a blessing to have a friend like you in my life and to be able to do this for so long. So thanks for having me on.
It's good to have you here. And, you know, here's the cool part when you say friends like. And I think this is a great definition for. And then we'll get into some really good stuff today, I promise. But I want everybody to hear this. I think as you evolve, the definition of friends is different to me now than it was a decade ago. Thirty years ago, for sure. I think we have these These, these rules. Sometimes without realizing that a friend is. We know each other's birthdays and we call every week and we check in and. And I've evolved to the point there's people in my life that I consider dear, dear friends like you, Marie, that we might not talk for six months, but when you need something, I'm there. And when I need something, you're there. Or if I need a lending anything, like, it's just this feeling. And I feel so blessed to have this group of people in my life that unconditionally are there for each other. And I've been cheering you on for 20 years. So, so glad to have you here. Listen, the name of the podcast is own your future. I did a challenge with my partner and friend Tony Robbins about two years ago called the Own youn Future Challenge, and it went viral. And I remember I said something on a few podcasts, I said, if you don't own your future, someone else will. And man, that stuck with me. And the reason we rebranded and went with this and it's been on fire ever since. So just to start out, I'd love to ask you, what does that personally mean to you? What does owning your future at this phase of your life mean to you?
Owning my future means staying really awake and aware and conscious of the fact that I am a divine creator of my own existence and that I am 100% responsible for my experience of living. And so the more that I can really embrace that beautiful fact. And by the way, I believe that everyone is the divine co creator of their existence. And I think one of the secrets to happiness and fulfillment and also success, however you define that word, is taking 100% responsibility for your experience of life. And so that gets really exciting to me, this notion of owning our future, first of all, because, you know, if you're not living into a vision of your future, then you're living out of a memory of your past. And the past was great. And you know, for me, I've been doing this now for 22 years and it's awesome and I'm really proud of that fact. But I'm not the same human that I was 22 years ago. My goals have shifted, my priorities have shifted, my experience has shifted, my wisdom has shifted. And so for me, thinking about owning my future is having the courage to let go of what I've done in the past and having the wisdom to step into the uncertainty of what might become and what might be ahead of me.
Okay, I had to jump in here real quick. I hope you are loving this interview as much as I did and it gets even better, I promise. And if you're lovin Marie, then I want to give you a website address Livin without the G L I v I N2023 that is for the art of Livin Live event that's happening any day, April 24, depending on when you're listening to this. You don't want to miss it. It is with Mr. Matthew McConaughey, Tony Robbins, myself, Trent Shelton, Marie Forleo, all designed and all hell bent on delivering you capabilities to thrive, to live into your full potential in this crazy world. You're not going to want to miss it. Live in2023.com now let's get back to the interview. You know, it's scary and you know there's a couple different directions to go, but one I want to go down because you said it was there a point in time. I don't want to classify a generation. I'm sure generation after generation have said, oh, this next generation is this. And I think everybody gets sick, sick of the. The labels, right? But I believe more than ever, at least in my 54 years on this planet, the blame game is pretty deep, right? I'd be okay if it wasn't for things would be better if. And you see that more than ever. Probably not with the group who's listening to us right now, but out. But in general there are. And I know for me, one of the most liberating things in my life, Marie, is when I took complete ownership that I knew no one was coming to save me. And if I was successful, I got to celebrate. And if it didn't work, it was on me. Even if the partner screwed me over or the money didn't come through or the marketing message didn't work or my spouse didn't like it's still on me because I made those choices. I am a part of my present and a part of the decisions I make for my future. Is there a moment in your life or was it gradual? Because I see you now, you do take ownership for who you are and the decisions you make, good, win, fail, or you know, good and bad. Was there a moment or was there something that shifted or was it gradual.
In terms of taking ownership of my.
Life knowing that you were in charge of your future, like successes on you, failures on you.
I think the moment that I really made a decision that changed everything for me was actually when I was 8 years old and it was when my parents were actually, they had just signed the divorce papers, and I was in the kitchen with my mom, and she was crying like I'd never seen her cry before. She is not a very tall or big person. She's. She's pretty, petite. And she had lost, like, 15 or 20 pounds, which, you know, for a small person, all of a sudden they almost look like a skeleton. And she was on the phone with her mother who lived in Florida. And this was a time when we had landline, so she had, like, the cord wrapped around her hand, Tony, and it was like, drawing all the blood from her. And I remember her saying, I have nothing. I have nothing. And she was in this state of fear and terror and desperation like I'd never seen before. And so I'm standing there in a kitchen, watching her, distraught. She hangs up the phone. She bends down so that she's eye level with me. She takes me by the shoulders and gently shakes me. And she says, marie, don't be stupid like I was. Do you see what's happening right now? After all this time? I have nothing. She's like, never let a man or anyone control your money. Never let a man or anyone control your life. I need you to grow up. I need you to be independent. I need you to take care of yourself. Don't be stupid like me and Dean. I gotta tell you, at eight years old, there was a DNA shift in me. And I made this promise to myself. I said, you know what? I remember my parents, they didn't get divorced. It wasn't about substance abuse. It wasn't about infidelity. It wasn't about all these things. It was about money and the lack of not having enough of it. And so the decision somehow I made in myself, I said, when I grow up, I want to figure out how to make so much money that it never creates this kind of pain between people I love again. I want to know how to have the amount of abundance necessary so that my dad's not over here and my mom's not over here, and everything feels unstable and it's just melting away. And so for me as a kid, it wasn't about, like, shoes or clothes or material things. It was really about money as this healing force of love. And that decision, I think, was one of the driving forces that has helped me create and do and experience the kinds of things that I've been able to do to this point in my life.
But I love that. I don't want to try to make my story take this, make this about me, but it's a really similar situation. My parents split when I was three and I watched my mom work three jobs to make nothing. And that was my mom. She'd come home at 9 o' clock at night. My mom is little 5 foot tall Italian lady and she cleaned houses, cut hair and painted houses and worked hard and she'd come home at 9 o' clock at night too tired to make dinner. And my sister and I would. And I remember being 8, 9, 10 years old. We lived in a trailer park when I was nine and we got thrown out because my mom was like a hundred bucks short on the rent two months in a row and we got evicted and had to move into Graham's house. And I just remember that same feeling of I have to own this. It's so funny you say that. I. I've never shared that publicly that time because there's been a lot of things that have made me realize no one's coming to save us. No, like you can't rely on the government's not coming. I don't care if you hated the last president or liked him or you hate the current one or like them, it doesn't matter. None of them are coming to save us. None of them are coming to save us from the thoughts, the emotions or the finances or the happiness or the abundance. It's on us. And the reason I wanted to ask you that, because everyone I've ever asked that question to, Marie, has a moment in their life. And I'd like to challenge everybody watching or listening today, is how can you find that moment for you, if you haven't already to say it's on me. It's on me. Maria, I got to ask you about that before. I have some other questions I think I'd love to get your answer on your thoughts on. But did that, that made you strong, Made you realize I got to do my own thing? Did that in any way negatively impact thinking about getting into relationships, being I need to be a strong, independent woman who doesn't rely on a man. I know your amazing relationship that you have and, and I've known that about it for 20 years. But did that have any impact when you were younger? Because it could, it seems.
You know what's interesting, Dean, is I feel like my incarnation in this particular instance, you know, as a little girl before that, I was very, very clear for whatever reason, that I didn't have typical kind of little girl desires. So a lot of my friends would be like, I'm going to get married and this is going to be my princess. Outfit and I'm going to have, you know, X amount of kids and they would. There was these kind of fantasy play experiences and Dean, I never resonated with that. It wasn't judgy, it was just like, you know, if you, if you say to me, hey, Marie, would you like, you know, a bowl of pasta or do you want like a soft shell crab? Like, I'm always going for the pasta because that's what I want and I don't have the taste buds for the other. And for whatever reason, while I don't think that that experience necessarily kept me away from love because I've had many great relationships and as you mentioned, my relationship with Josh. Now we just celebrated our 20 year anniversary. It's the most beautiful thing I could have ever experienced, but it did instantly cure me of any societal programming that existed in the world at the time that I grew up in the 80s.
Yeah.
That had any Prince Charming esque essence to it.
Yeah.
So there was no part of me that was lost in that strip, in that slipstream of culture and that I'm really grateful for. But from a love connection standpoint, that's always been something that I desired. I just never had images or visions of myself doing it in a traditional way.
Yeah, I get that. And I got, I'm asking you, this is a question, so please, all the ladies listening right now don't think I have the answers to this, but in my opinion, I've been in business for myself for 30 something years. I've been in this industry for 27 and I have never seen, even in my core businesses, we are 60% women and they are crushing it in a way like I've never seen in my 27 years of doing this. From creating courses or workshops or masterminds or speaking on stage, writing books, podcasts. I am watching and I'm watching women. Please tell me you're going to look through a different perspective than me, but I'm watching women do it with their femininity and strength aligned. It doesn't have to be one or the other. It doesn't mean I'm not going to be a man. I still have a kick ass relationship, love my family, but I'm doing my thing. I have goosebumps because the main reason I started business is watching my mom not have an education go, not have anybody giving her a hand up and she worked her ass off to make nothing. So maybe I have a bias, but I love that over 60% of the people in our current company and Tony's company, my partner, Tony Robbins, my partner. It's 60% women, and they're crushing it. Am I, is it just a coincidence or am I seeing the right trend here?
No, I mean, you know, I've always had the lens that I've had, because when I started coaching when I was like 21 or 22, and then I had a simul career as health fitness instructor and a dance teacher, I was a Nike elite athlete, one of the first in the world for dance. And so all of my classes and my courses have always been filled up with like 80, 90, sometimes 100% women. So that has been my point of view. And then as a participant, like, I love you. I love everything you do. I'm a, you know, Tony's a friend and I'm a fan for life. Right. And so when I go to Tony's events too, I'm like, oh, yeah. I see the kind of breakdown of ratio and I think it's awesome. I think it's really beautiful. And I think that where we are in a world right now is that we're so embracing of understanding that we all have this beautiful. My friend puts it this way. My friend Regina has always talked about this. It's like there's 88 keys on the piano. And if you think about that in terms of energy, right, Whether you want to call it masculine, feminine, you want to call it focus and flow, like we can call it any container, but we can all feel that there are different aspects of who we are. And I think that many of us are getting very, very comfortable with playing all of our range.
Yeah.
And that is miraculous.
Yeah. Less, Less inside the box.
Yes, absolutely. And being able to, to lean in and play with and strengthen parts of ourselves that maybe again, in the 40s, 50s or 60s, it was more condensed or boxed off. And, you know, men couldn't feel, behave, you know, experience these emotions. Women, same thing. And now there's just so much more openness. And I think it's making all of us stronger, better collaborators, more connected. It really exciting.
Yeah, no, I, I, I feel the same way. And I, I think the pandemic had surely a pile of, of the negatives stacked up, but it also had some liberation attached to it. People decided, I'm home and I'm going to do something badass from home on my own, and I'm not going back to being not in control of my future. The reason I think that was so strong, because we, we did that challenge and we call it was during the pandemic. And I think we're people were realizing when they were home. It's like, I don't own my decisions, I don't own my calendar, I don't own my schedule. And damn that, that's not going to lead to the life that I really want. Let me ask you, you know, number one New York Times best selling author, you have so many amazing. You have MarieTV and all the amazing tools you've created for women, the success you have Oprah bragging about you, all these incredible things. But here's what I also know is the invisible of the things that we're afraid of or challenge us or question us when no one's watching. Right. The self doubt. Am I good enough? Right. What's something no one would expect that you maybe fought in the past or things that you thought may have stopped you? Because I believe a lot of people are watching right now and are listening going, God, Marie, I'd love to do what she does. But. Right. And we all have that. But I know I had plenty of them. What's. What's something that could have held you back but didn't?
Oh my gosh. I can go through many of them. I can talk about recent stuff. I can talk about stuff far in the past. So I remember in my early days it was that I was too young, right? But we can say this. No matter what age we are, we're too old. It's that I'm too something. I remember I wasn't educated enough. That was another fear. Like I don't have an mba. I was terrified that this Jersey girl and I, you know, I'm gonna keep it nice and clean. My broadcast network version of my express here to be respectful of your audience. But I'm spicy, I'm Italian, I'm from New Jersey. Like I come out and say things and sometimes my language is, you know, it is what it is because that's the real me. And I remember feeling that I wasn't going to be accepted, that people thought would think I was weird. I remember, you know, even speaking on stages sometimes I've gotten criticized from people like, wow, you sounded really intelligent until you dropped that F bomb. And that just ruined everything for me, you know, so there have been different instances in different parts of my career where I've been insecure that the real me wasn't good enough.
Yeah.
That I wasn't smart enough, wasn't intelligent enough. Also too, you know, I remember in the early days, Dean, I had so much trouble focusing. I had so much trouble like just calling myself A coach. First of all, I think the word is really cheesy. I still do to this day. That's just my own kind of weird mind. But also because I was super passionate about dance, hip hop music, spirituality, writing, digital marketing, like all of these things. And I didn't fit into the one societal approved answer of like, well, what do you do for a living? And I was like seven different things, including bartending and waiting tables, which was how I supported myself when I figured out how to like make a coaching business work. Right. And so I remember calling myself a multi passionate entrepreneur. And it was the first time, Dean, that I felt like all of my disparate passions were fit into a context that didn't make me feel flaky or broken. And then I got an 8 ADHD diagnosis and it made me understand a little bit more about my brain. And I don't live by labels, but it just helped me to understand like, oh, wow, well, maybe I'm built a little bit differently. And I have this awesome gift where I'm looking in a million different, in a million directions and I have all of these different skills. So rather than thinking it's a detriment or something to be ashamed of, what if it's a superpower? So that has continued over the course of my career where so much insecurity, so much fear of not being good enough, it continues to pop up. It's less so now than it's ever been. But I think that's a part of us being human.
I love you being vulnerable and sharing that because I think that's, you know, we've been, we've both been in this a long time. Reef. I've got 47 years between the two of us combined and one of the, you know, today's world, they call it imposter syndrome, but it's always had a label. I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I have self doubt, I have insecurities. I'm not good enough. Will I still be loved? It's, it's, it gets different labels and different names but, but I really believe it's probably one of the biggest things, things that stop people from really pushing forward because you just see it. I love the term going upstream, right? Someone says, I want to start my own business, I want to work from home, I want to be a parent and an entrepreneur. A lot of times it's not the capabilities they don't have, it's the going upstream belief of wow, could I really do it? And other people like me have tried and failed. And I'm too young. I'm too old. I have too many children. I don't have enough children. I should be married. I'm not married. There's so many things that go through this frame. And if I could wave a magic wand and give everybody a gift, it would be that. To say, you're exactly perfect the way you are, and. And. And that sounds maybe, like, too overarching. But you have to admit, Marie, we get together a couple times a year. We get together with a bunch of really great people. And when that group of people share what they've gone through, is there literally one in the room that hasn't doubted themselves? That doesn't feel good enough. They can't believe why their book became a New York Times bestseller. They. They thought, who would read for me or who would be coach for me or who would join my expensive mastermind? And when they started doing it, they realized that they had a gift. Their unique gift. God, the universe, whatever you believe in. They have something that other people need. And it's just that bridge and I hope podcasts like this and what you do, Maria, I love what you do for a living, if nothing more, to show people that they have something that can be unlocked, if they just can be themselves, not dim their glow, to make everybody else around them feel okay 100%.
You know, I stumbled upon this probably, I don't know, over a decade ago. It just became the closing to my show. But I want to say it now because it's apropos of this conversation. The world needs that very special gift that only you have. And so one of my core beliefs, for myself and for every other sentient being on this planet, is that you were born with a unique set of special gifts that you and only you have. And if you don't do everything in your power to share those gifts with the people who need it, you are stealing from those who need you most. And I said stealing because, you know, no matter how many times a particular message has been shared before, no matter how many times you think something's been done, if it hasn't been done by you, then it hasn't been fully done. No one has your story. No one has your perspective. No one has your unique spin. You know, and if you want, we can go further on this or we don't have to. But I have such a great story on it because all of us can think. It's all been done before. There's no room for us. Everyone's already done the course, done the Book, done the podcast, done the retreat, and there's no room for me and it's just simply not true. That's a very zero sum way of looking at the world. And we live in a universe that is literally constantly expanding. And when you think about 8 point, whatever, 5 billion people or so that are on the planet right now, there is no scarcity. There is more than enough to go around. And there are thousands, if not millions of other humans who are waiting right now for you to share your message in your unique way, for you to start that podcast, to give that talk, to write that book, to launch that course. Because they couldn't hear it from me, they couldn't hear it from you, they couldn't hear it from Tony, they couldn't hear it from any of our friends, but they need to hear it from you. And so I think thinking about yourself as a one time mega event in the universe is a really fun, cool way to think. And you can think of everyone else like that too. So it's the honoring of other as special and unique and you as special and unique.
God, I love that. And it kind of. You opened that loop. So you said you had a story around it. I just, if I want to hear the story, I have to now, real fast.
So in my early days, right, you gotta get. So coming from frugality, you know, I was starting my coaching business and I had a few clients, but I was mostly making money bartending and waiting tables. That was keeping a roof over my head. And I lived in New York City. Josh and I had just gotten together. Josh is this amazing human and he saw how hard I was pushing myself. I would go from the bar, then I would teach these hip hop classes, then I would have my coaching clients. And he's like, babe, you should really take these supplements. They'll really help you feel better. And, you know, we should get this juicer. Do you know about green juice? We should juice. And I remember saying this out loud, Dean. And I was such a little twit, right? Because Josh is a bit older than me. I was like, whatever, hippie man, you don't know what you're talking about. I don't need any of that. I was like, give me my Mac and cheese, you know, give me my Spaghettios, like, whatever. I was kind of conditioned to eating at that point in my life because that's what I was doing when I was 26, right? Cut to a few years later, I meet, who is my best friend now, a woman named Kris Carr. She's a Wellness warrior. She is a cancer thriver. She's the most magical human being. Her and I just developed this really quick friendship. I remember one day her and I were hanging out at her house, which at the time was in Woodstock, and I came home and I was like, babe, oh my God. You have to meet my friend Chris. She's incredible. She's written all of these books and by the way, she gave me all these vitamins and then she gave me all these recipes and we have to do something called juicing. Do you know about juicing? And literally, Josh was like, are you kidding me? He's like, marie, I've been trying to get you to do this for years. Like, why couldn't you hear it from me? No matter how intelligent I am or open minded I am, I couldn't hear it from my man. I had to hear from my new best friend and get on a hell kick. Because even though he was saying the exact same words, I could not hear the message from him.
Yeah, prophet's not welcome in their hometown. Right, Right.
And so for every single thing that you think has already been done to death, that already someone has spoken into that they've created that thing. It's like that is a myth. I talk about it in terms of eggplant parmesan. I'm Italian, right? So I love eggplant parmesan. And I think about New York City. You know, many. How many places, Dean, in. In my city right now serve eggplant parmesan. And there's one joint, one joint that serves, in my opinion, the best. If they would have thought to themselves, we're in New York City, there's literally thousands.
Yeah. We can't serve eggplant farmers.
We can't serve it. It's already been done. Like, they would have robbed me of so much joy from having the best eggplant on the planet. And you, you do that with fashion, you do that with anything. And you start to see how we need the diversity of experiences, we need the diversity of products, we need the diversity of expressions to have the harmony, the orchestra that's going to heal our world. And we need everyone to play their own part. And it's a unique part. Your part is different than everyone else's, but you got to show up and play it.
God, I love that. And you know, we are in the same business. We get to help people for a living. And sometimes we're nothing more than the spark people already have it in them. We just find our voice gets them to be disturbed with inaction they get to move, get some capabilities, and they go, I'd love to ask you, and I see it on your face when you talk about your students or your clients, but what is your favorite part about? You stepped into that. You were a bartender, you taught hip hop. Who the hell would think Marie Forleo going from that would be a coach and a New York Times bestselling author and be on TV with Oprah and all this cool stuff. Besides that, I think I probably know. But what is your favorite part about expressing yourself and sharing what you know?
So two things, like when it comes to clients, customers, anyone that I've had the honor to impact in any little way, seeing other people win lights me up. I don't know what it is about it, but witnessing other people. And honestly, it started a little bit as a dance teacher, like teaching fitness and especially teaching dance, where a lot of people are intimidated and they would come into class and they would be really scared and kind of move to the back. And one of my joys is being able to take something that seems kind of complex or almost impossible for someone to experience or get or know or master and take them through breaking down the steps so they can do it. And so I'd watch people in dance class all of a sudden go from these wallflowers to like front row Mafia, you know what I mean? Take like just owning it. And then I've seen that happen in my work as a coach too. Whether it's helping someone start or grow or business or transform some part of their lives, where they go from not recognizing their own power or potential, or maybe having just enough of a seed of belief to actually get into an experience with me and then watch them on the other side fully in their.
I get it.
It's addicting owning, right what, what their capabilities are and then moving. And it's just, it's so moving to me. It's so moving. So to be able just to play just the tiniest part of being a messenger, of being an energetic, resonant vibe, directing them towards things that maybe they want to consider. Whatever role I'm tiny role I'm playing and just aligning with them and helping them continue to blossom, that turns me on, that gets me super pumped. And then in terms of my own, being able to be goofy and have fun. Like I am not a buttoned up person at all. You probably know this about me and the, the ability to be playful, the ability to make jokes, the ability to just have a really good time while we learn. I think that's the thing that brings me the most joy.
Yeah, for sure. All right, so I'm going to switch gears a little bit in this industry. I'd love to ask you. This is. You know, every once in a while, I don't get to speak. I have way more opportunity to speak. I just don't have the time to speak on stages like I used to. And I used to love it.
Yes.
And I was at a woman's conference, all women in business, about 5,000 women. And I remember having a conversation in the middle of it, I just asked, who in here, you know, who is ready for another level? Who's ready to take their business to another level? And the audience, they were such an amazing crowd. And I got to the point, and I just felt like asking. I said, who in here either is a little apprehensive, doesn't love it, or actually dislikes sales altogether? And it was about 90% of the room, these women raised their hand, and I stopped what I was doing. And I spent the next half hour talking about how sales. When. When you love what you do, when you love your product, when you love your service, if you know it changes lives, then not getting good at marketing and sales is actually the biggest disservice on the planet. And in fact. In fact, I called on a woman who was a coach, and she helped moms in trimester four. And that's what she said. Women don't realize after you have the baby, you still look pregnant, your hormones are messed up. You think your husband doesn't love you anymore. You think your friends think you're nuts and you're going insane and you're all by yourself. She goes, I was in such a horrible spot. Then I found. I did yoga, meditation. She did these, like, five things, and she got herself out of it. And she goes, now I coach other women. She was so on fire, Marie. And then I said, but you don't like selling. And she went, no. And her shoulders dropped, her face dropped. And I remember, I said, why are you screwing women over? And she's like, what do you mean? I love women. That's why I'm here. I said, listen, if you don't get your message out there, only one or two things happen. They suffer in silence because they don't know you, or they go to someone else who's good at sales but doesn't care as much as you do. And I spent the next half hour talking about. About sales as service. And it was an amazing experience for me because that by the time I was done. I had 5,000 women cheering and yelling they wanted to go sell. I know that what you provide is unbelievable. I see. I have known you for almost 20 years and I watch the results you get and I watch how your tribe loves you. Was there a time you went from kind of liking sales to falling in love with it? Do you still not like it? I would just love your perspective on sales because sales is the oxygen for every successful company. So.
Yes, yes, you're speaking my language. Oh, my God. Not to cut you off, but I love this so much. So couple things. Taken aback. I've never really talked about this before and this is super fun. So, Dean, I don't know if I've ever shared this with you, but you know what I was obsessed with as a kid?
What?
Infomercials.
Oh, my God.
Infomercials. I watched infomercials like other kids watch cartoons on Saturday. Like, I would tell my parents, like, I want it again. I want it again. I actually have. I got to dig these out somewhere. We have like videos of me because my parent, my dad was like obsessed with like cameras and stuff of me doing like my own version of straight to camera infomercials.
Oh, my God, I love it.
Whatever was being so, like, it was incredible, right? And so that was the days when also we started getting into, remember, like, fitness shows were kind of starting to be new. Like you could work out. It was like the Jane Fonda workout. There was abs of steel, buns of steel. I was in for all of that. I'm like a gold gym girl back in the day. So I think I've always had this appreciation unconsciously or this obsession and curiosity around that particular skill set. Then I remember my coach training. So I had signed up with a place called Coach University. It was like the first coach training institute that even existed that when this world was kind of becoming a thing in like 1999, year 2000, right? One of the best things they taught me. Dean, you want to know what it was? It was like, look, you can be the best coach on the planet. You can get your skills up. You can know how to ask questions, you can know how to listen. You can provide the most amazing transformation. But guess what? Unless you actually also master your ability to run a coaching business, which means your ability to market and sell your coaching practice, you will not transform any lives. And Dean, there was a light bulb that went off in my head at that moment. It was like, like, whoa. I care so deeply about people and I want to be the Best coach that I can possibly be. I want to always develop my skills, but I recognize if I don't have this business thing dialed in, I'm not going to get to do the thing I love. And because of that story I told you in the beginning, the financial freedom piece, I also recognized, too, because I hated. I had a job on Wall Street. I had a job in magazines, and I couldn't stand that no matter how hard I worked, my paycheck was the same every week. I was like, what? What? This doesn't make sense.
You weren't rewarded. You weren't rewarded for. For your actions or good behavior. You know that's right.
Or innovation or how many. You know what I mean? If, like, I want to deliver all this more value, I want to get the rewards anyway. So then once I understood that about coaching, I have always loved it. And then in my own journey, when I started to tell women that I met in my fitness classes or my coaching clients, they'd be like, how are you doing all these different things? I was doing like a JLo workshop, 50 cent workshop. I had coaching. I was doing a talk over here. They're like, how is this working? I was like, I understand sales and marketing. I'm a lifelong student of it. I love it, love it, love it. I will can never earn enough. That was actually the genesis of B school because I kept meeting so many women. And they would say to me, dean Marie, I have this idea for a business. I don't want to be an mba. I know you don't either. I don't have a lot of money. I know you don't either. How can you help me get this thing up and out into the world? And I heard that so many times, Dean. And. But what they would say, I'd say, look, you got to understand sales and marketing. I go, oh, no, somebody else has to do that for me. I don't want to be a used car salesman. I need to go find a partner, give away half of my company. I just want to be the ideas person. Somebody else should do that. And, Dean, again, Jersey Marie comes out and she's like, want. I want to shake them and be like, what are you talking about? Like, you can be so incredibly talented. You can share your message in a way that it feels authentic. It's creative. It's alignment with your values. That's what we call modern marketing, not sleazy marketing. Modern marketing is where the best of your humanity comes out, not the worst. So in terms of sales, A, I love it. Like, When I believe in something, I am like, let me loose, like, let me get at it. Because it's so much fun. Because it is.
With that, with that, I'm going to stop you for a second because I love modern marketing. I love that term. But if right now there's somebody listening, saying, I'm dying to get my own business, right? I love, I always say, the Kevin Costner movie. Feel the dreams. If you build it, they will come. That works in a tv, in a movie. It doesn't work in reality. Just what you said. Doesn't matter how good your program, your course, your coaching program, or whatever business you have, if you're the best cook in the world and no one knows about your restaurant, it's going to die. Even if it's got the best eggplant parm on the planet, right? So if. If someone right now, if the only reason they listen to this is because they needed something to go, oh, wow, I never looked at sales that way. What's one thing to help shift their mind? And then maybe one sales strategy.
Strategy, yes. Okay, so I'm going to repeat something. I want to say this because I've seen this to have the biggest impact in the world. So if you're listening right now and you're a little peckish on sales, you're a little like, I don't really know. I really want you to hear this. If you have a product or service that you believe in, that you know in your heart of hearts is going to transform someone's lives and you don't do everything you can to market and sell the bejesus out of it. It you are stealing from those who need you most, you are stealing from them. Stealing a possibility, Stealing joy, stealing connection, stealing health.
So good.
Stealing transformation. And so in terms of, you know, a technique or a strategy, I'd actually like to frame this in. In terms of a question because I think it can open people's mind to how good they already are, leveraging strengths and skills that they already have. So there's not as big of a chasm between what, like, who they are now and who they need to become in order to master this. So let me ask you this. Do you like sharing a great remedy with someone? Like, if your friend has a cold and you're like, oh, my God, I have these best. These natural cough drops. These are the most amazing things. Or it's some kind of little supplement you can take. Like, I know wellness formula for me in particular, like, I take it, I feel better in a couple Days or a new restaurant in your neighborhood. If you hit a new restaurant in your neighborhood and they have impeccable service, great food, great staff, don't you want to tell everyone about it? Or if you see a movie on TV or you read a book and you're like, this thing is mind blowing. Do you not want to share that from the rooftops? If you said yes to any of those things, guess what? You are already a master of modern marketing. You just didn't know it. Yeah. So that notion, right, of being willing to share something that could be beneficial to someone else from your heart, inviting them to potentially take an action, that's the basics of what it is. And of course, there's nuance, there's art, there's. And I could teach you about all this all day. But if you get that and if you have fun with that kind of stuff, your business can take off.
You know, it's so funny. I've shared this a lot to my tribe, and you get to know my wife personally. But my wife had an explanation. She didn't know. That sticks with me to this day. So I meet my wife and we're dating. Five, six years ago. No, Six years ago, we're dating. And she has been voted the top hair stylist in Arizona. She does hair extensions. I didn't even know what that was. So I'm like, how do you make hundred. How do you make multiple six figures doing hair when the average person makes 30 grand a year? I didn't realize hair extensions. And she had the best client tail sale. And I said, you must be amazing at sales. Like, oh, no, babe, I've watched you on stage. You love that. That's not me. And I knew she was full of like. I just. But I didn't want. I didn't. I didn't want to catch her. Now, when we were first dating, we're both foodies, right? So I got to tell the story real quick, because the outcome will be it's exactly what you shared. So I knew I was going to get her Marie. So she was. I said to her one day, oh, my God, I had a busy day. I'm dying for pasta. When we first started dating, I said, where is the best pasta in Arizona? I want to go. She's like, babe. She's saying, babe, oh, my God. Up north, she's like, they make the pasta al dente. It's firm. They make it fresh, and they cook the sauce all day. So it gets really thin. There's not big chunks. I like it when it's thin and she's like, the meatballs, if you're going to eat meat, when you open them, they glisten with olive oil. Like, you know when the little things in your cheeks start going. And I'm like, I waited till she was done. Like, I couldn't wait to go there 100 miles an hour, have a glass of Chianti and eat the spaghetti meatballs. And I said, you're so full of shit. And she goes, what do you mean? I said, you're the best saleswoman I've ever experienced. And you know what she said to me? She goes, no, I'm not selling. I just wanted you to experience it. And I said, that is the. You just gave me a gift because I said, you don't think you're selling because my wife loves making women look beautiful. She loves empowering women just like you do. She likes if a woman went through a pregnancy and her hair is a little thin, she wants to make her hair thick and full so she feels good about herself. Like, she works on their mind and their hair while they're in her seat. So she doesn't realize while she's doing that, she upgrades them to $2,500 in hair extensions. She didn't know she was selling. She thought she was serving them. And I think that might be the greatest lesson that we could share today. Replace the word sales with service and you'll never sell again for the rest of your life. And realizing it's the tip of the spear and the better you get at serving, the more your business grows.
That's right. That's right.
So, Marie, since we changed to the own your future podcast, as we get towards the end here, I've allowed everybody to reverse it and ask any question you have. Maybe for me, if it's marketing, sales, personal, I'd love to know. What would yours be?
Well, there's a gajillion things that I actually am going to call you and ask you about. But for this, this topic and the purpose of our conversation together, here's what I'm curious about. What is the greatest inner challenge or exciting growth journey that you're exploring right now? I wanted to frame that a few different ways because we're all at different stages and seasons, and sometimes there's a challenge that's gnawing us, and sometimes it's just something we're super curious about. So whether it's like, in your personal life or even in the business itself, what are you having fun either wrestling with or getting curious about that's on your growth edge.
Really great question. I'll tell you. I'm going to tell you too, because I just wrote down two quick things. One is Tony Robbins, mutual friend. And now he's my business partner. But when the, when the world went sideways with COVID and he's in the live event business for 47 years. If you don't who he does, he does big live events all around the world, travel 250 days a year. And the world went silent, right? Every event was shut down. And I had the capabilities and he's my dear friend, to help him switch from an in person company to a virtual company. And I went over for five minutes just to help them shift, right? You do the same thing for 47 years. It's a little bit of like, who moved my cheese? Like, no, no, our cheese is good here. We're just gonna wait till everything opens up and we'll go back. And I'm like, tone, I don't think it's going to open back up now. I'm not going to tell the whole story other than I went over, went over. We switched to virtual. We had a couple really good wins. He got to do what he does best, serve people. That's what he's born to do. And he's like, brother, do you think you want to come on and just help me run this company for a couple years and help and how can I say no to him? But I already have. I never worked for anybody in my life, never worked with anybody. And I don't feel like I'm working for him. He's my partner. But when I went over to a company and I said, yes, you inherit 300 employees. I've been a bootstrapper, just like you my whole life. I've built multiple companies, sold a few. I have multiple companies, but I built every one from the ground up. So I built them on my culture. Whether my culture is perfect or not, it's my culture, right? So I hired the people. I want this. I inherited 300 employees. And all of a sudden I go in as a leader, as Tony's friend. I would bet they're like, oh, he's bringing his friend in to supposedly save us. And so my journey. You asked me where I had to learn leadership on a whole nother level. Because it's like maybe being a step parent, right? You go into another group, another culture, another parent, some. And as a step parent, some of them don't. The kids don't want you there. I knew I had Step parents I didn't like. Right. Like. And I could either get frustrated and when. And Tony taught me this, and this is something I want you guys all to hear. Sometimes we try to be efficient, and we have to find the way to be effective. So what I saw in a lot of areas that needed to be fixed, to go from the old way to the new way, I'm like, there's the answer. Just do it here and it'll work. And it wasn't working. And Tony said, you're trying to be efficient. You have to build trust, you have to build culture, and you have to be effective. So you're effective. Might take a little longer, but it's the leadership skills. And I've grown as a man because of that. I've grown as a human.
That's. That's so good. I. I have to just dig in there for a second, because I think in our world, Dean, especially also with. I'll just say it. For many women, we're wearing so many hats all the time. And so not only are we trying and doing a great job, but leading our businesses, but oftentimes we also still are responsible for a lot in the home, in our community. And being efficient can sometimes come out really sharp. I know I've done that in the past, and I've been that way. And whether it's in my tone, whether it's in the energy, right. In the words itself, the perspective, and I think this is such a golden lesson. So I just wanted to underscore that, that sometimes being effective is going to take more time. But, you know, it also, I think it takes. It. It takes more of our humanity and our heart.
Yeah. And in that journey, Marie, I have to tell you, in that journey, I had to look in the mirror and say, hey, it's not the way I do it, but it's still a good way. And I had to take a step back because you could get frustrated sometimes if our efficiency doesn't go the way we plan, even though we see it perfectly. If you don't have everybody on board, then it becomes a mess. So you have to question yourself and you have to look in the mirror. And I love the fact of asking yourself similar questions year after year, because you. You end up having different answers based on where you are. So I learned a lot about leadership because of inheriting it. And I have a whole different set of love for people who inherit a family or a step, parents and things like that, because you're coming into a different culture. And then the second thing I think that is making me grow as a man is I have two older kids, 16 and 14, so I'm learning to navigate the teenage years and I have a three year old and a five month old. So this gap of being a teenage dad and a dad to babies is also making me effective and efficient and being a good husband to my amazing wife. So thank you for that question. How can people get to know you more? Marie? I think every single person, seriously, if you're listening, watching right now, go follow Marie, jump into her stuff. You could tell her depth of caring and her heart and, and if anything she's done today aligns with you and go follow her. Where can they find you?
Oh, thank you. Well, if, if you want a great book, it's called Everything is Figureoutable. I think it's in like 34 languages right now. If you're want to read it or you want to get the audio version. Marieforleo.com It's M A R I E F O R l e o.com We've got hundreds of MarieTV episodes, the Marie Forleo podcast, and then on all the socials. I'm at MarieForLeo, so just come say hi there. We've got lots of free resources, all kinds of things to you, encouraged and inspired. And I also just want to acknowledge you, Dean. I know you know this, but you know, you actually got me my first book agent back in the day and you were so generous with me all the time because like I said, I'm a lifelong student of marketing and sales and I've learned so much from you. And I just want to thank you publicly for just all the years of consistent support, checking in with me, you know, saying, hey, just reaching out your hand right and left. And I just, I adore you, I appreciate you and I just wanted you to know how much it means to me and how much I really do appreciate and love you.
Oh, Marie, thank you so much. And I feel the same way. And we got some cool projects coming up together and we've been talking about doing something together for 20 years. So I'm glad we're finally doing something. Everybody, check out Marie Forleo. She's amazing and a dear friend. Thank you for the kind words. It's been fun watching you and watching your growth and I know you haven't even got started. So thank you, Marie and everybody else, if you like this, you know we do all this for you. Share it with three people you know, that could use this message, especially if they'd like to feel more confident about sales, why not check out the past three episodes and you can always get on our newsletter@deman's newsletter.com Marie thank you so much. See you soon.
See you soon.
One last quick reminder. Living2023.com Go reserve your spot for the Art of Living event with Matthew McConaughey, Tony Robbins, myself, Trent Shelton, and of course, Marie Forleo. She is absolutely amazing and she's going to Crush it on April 24th. Livein2023.com we'll see you there.
