A motivational talk by Dean Graziosi emphasizing ‘congruency’ — doing the work when no one is watching — as central to personal growth, integrity, relationships, health, parenting, and business success. Graziosi argues that consistent private behavior builds character, prepares you for bigger problems, and enables reliable, long-term results rather than seeking easy, handed resources.
We want more. We want to make more. We want more intimacy in our relationship. But are we doing the things when no one's watching? There is nothing more powerful than congruency to reach your full potential, to have confidence, to be courageous. You know, listen, we all have friends that say they want the passion back in their relationship. Does anybody here have a friend that would love passion or a connection back in a relationship? A friend that tells you Anybody have a friend that tells you they want passion or connection in their relationship, but they're on Facebook looking up old high school boyfriends or girlfriends DMing people when nobody's knowing? I know a couple people in my life that say they want in front stage. They want the connection, they want the love again. But when no one's watching, they're kind of doing the stuff that derails that. People who say they want to be in the best shape of their life. This is the year I want to be healthy. My kids deserve me to be healthy. But when no one's watching, they skip the workout or they go to the gym, but they sit on their phone the whole time. And when they should order something a little healthier, they order something they shouldn't order. But when no one's watching, it's no big deal, right? And then they're telling their friends at lunch, I just don't know why the weight won't come off. I'm in the gym five days a week. I'm eating. So great bs. You're not doing the work when no one's watching, right? You say you want that business to thrive, to go to another level, but you did all the easy parts, and now you got to dig into marketing. You got to let your friends know you're going in this business. It's a little uncomfortable. So when no one's watching, you're working on your logo or the name of your site rather than the marketing that actually gets you out there or the phone call you need to make to close the deal. But you tell your friends it's not working, but really you're not doing the work you should be doing when no one's watching. You guys feeling me on this one. Congruency is so unbelievable. And that's where values come from. That's where character comes from. I am by far not saying I'm perfect in any shape, way, or form, but I have an obsession now, especially at this phase of my life. I want to be so congruent that if my wife, my kids, put a hidden camera on me for a week, and they watch it like, damn, he does the same stuff he talks about. I would love for you guys to see me at a restaurant having a conversation with my family or in the booth behind me. And you don't know that I'm, I don't know you're there and you get done and go, damn, that's the same guy I met when we were on camera. That is so powerful. And the reason it's the theme for my kids is listen, 15 or 13, who has kids, right? Raise your hand if you have children in today's world, can they pretty much do anything they want on social? I mean they could be online, they could find porn in two minutes. They could do a million things at 15. I know my daughter has friends that already drink already, do some other stuff, right? And they could lie about all of it, turn off their locations and figure it out. I have to train my kids, not train, give them the ability to understand. Is who you are when no one's watching is who you really are. I said you could act perfect in front of me, perfect in front of your teachers. But if you're doing the things when no one's watching, then that's you, God, the universe, your character. And my kids are far from perfect. But they understand core values because of that. So today I'm taking a little longer. As we start here this morning, I want to share with you that that could be a theme or come up with your own 2022 theme. But I want to do the work. When I think about that when no one's around, I want to do the work to be a better when no one was watching. For four days straight, I obsessed on what I was going to teach you today. It will seem really easy thing like just coming off my tongue. I have this whole thing laid out to get you the results you deserve you desire, right? I did the work when no one's watching. So now when I'm front stage, it looks easy, looks amazing. But I really got my own notes and cheat sheet here. My daughter and son both pitch. They love winning games. You don't win on stage, you know, when you win, you win. When my daughter and son are out back at 4:30 today, my daughter will be with her pitching coach and she'll pitch for two hours. She'll pitch until her arm hurts. She does that on a regular basis. But when she goes and wins a game, it's because of what she did when no one was watching. So did you ever hear that joke? It's a gambler, a gambler who gambles nonstop, passes away. He wakes up and all of a sudden he's in a casino. He's dressed to the nines. And every time he walks up to a slot machine, he puts in money and he pulls the handle and money comes out and he's like oh my God, I won. He goes to another and puts money in, pulls the handle, oh my God, I won. And he keeps going and all of a sudden he puts money in and he's just winning every time. He puts money in and he's winning every time. Finally he's got this big bucket of quarters or money and he walks up to one of the, you know, the people dressed nice and he's like, oh my God. He said, I didn't think heaven would be like this. And the guy looked at him and said, who said you're in heaven? You see, we all think we want it easy. We all think we just want the. We want to open the gates and all the money and the happiness and the joy just pour out. Why when people hit lotto do they go broke? Because they had the resources handed them but handed to them. But they never found a way to be resource free. Fault. You see, how we get resourceful is actually understanding that problems are the path to our bigger future. So if we handle bigger problems, we get bigger results. I know it's counterintuitive, but I'm going to give you a lot of counterintuitive stuff today. Can I tell you something? The stress to get a deal closed, I started in real estate. I started fixing cars and in real estate 30 years ago, right? 30 something years ago. I remember the stress it took to get a deal done to make 2000 bucks and the worry and try to close the deal and get the buyer. And I didn't have the finances and the money and I'd borrow money here and put some money on credit cards. All this stress. And I've also sat at a closing table where I did a 15 million dollar deal. But I want to tell you this. I've done the thousand dollar deals and the multi million dollar deals. It's the same stress, it's the same worry. It's not more of a problem to do a 15 million dollar deal than a $1,500 deal. I know that sounds, sounds crazy and we have to work our way up. But here's what I know. I wish someone would have told me sooner. Go out and conquer bigger problems, solve things other people can't. Be the person that finds solutions. It.
