Dean Graziosi says keeping score in marriage breeds resentment and kills intimacy. Instead, both partners should try to outdo each other in giving, finding satisfaction in the other person's happiness rather than expecting payback.
What is the secret to having an incredible marriage is you can't keep score. Keeping score ruins relationships. You come home after a long day working. It's like, man, I worked my butt off all day. There's not even dinner on the table. Then you think to yourself, wow, that's so disrespectful. So that night you go to bed and instead of laying cuddle next to each other, you're keeping score. You lay on the opposite side of the bed. Then your significant other goes, well, what the hell? Why is he so cold? And then all of a sudden, the score keeping, well, he's not there when I need this and he doesn't there when I need this. And all of a sudden intimacy dies first because you don't feel like being affectionate with someone that you're keeping score with. And then Res comes in and wants the resentment. There, it's done. But what if you felt love when you gave it and that was the only payback you had? And there's something, you know, makes him happy. Maybe it's breakfast before he asks and he gets up and there is breakfast made, his favorite meal. And just sitting there and he eats it. What if just seeing his smile was enough to make the score even without him saying, oh, Cody, you're so amazing. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. My relationship with my wife, I can't do enough for, and she can't do enough for me. And it's. We fight to like outdo each other. It's crazy.
