People Buy Stories, Not Things | Dean Graziosi

How do we be okay? How do we thrive? How do we make sure our families are okay? Is we got it. We got to master the inner game. We got to master the inner control. Control starts in here because we can't control what politicians do. We can't control certain decisions, but we can control our emotions, our energy, our effort, our decisions. We can control what gets our attention. There's only two ways to approach life. You're either the thermometer or the thermostat. Think about that one. And what does today's world done to most people? Man, We've become the thermometer. Like, is it good? What's going on with COVID What's going on with the presidency? What's going on with immigration, or going on with this or going on with that? And is inflation happening? Like, we could be roller coasters just going up and down with the temperature. Or we could say, no, I'm getting off the roller coaster. I'm setting the thermostat where I need to be to be the best version of me, the version God designed me to be. The version that my family needs. I want to share something. For those of you that don't know, I probably have shared it too much. I'm a proud dad. My daughter just started high school. I'm proud of her. She's such a good kid. I really mean it. I'm not just saying it because she's mine, but still freaks me out. And she went from this tiny little school of 36 kids in her entire grade to now there's 650, 50 kids in her grade. So big shift. She wanted to go to this public high school because she wanted to pitch. They have a really good softball team. So she decided to go to this high school. And here's the cool part. I catch for my daughter. So she has a pitching coach who comes twice a week. And, yeah, I catch for her, which is amazing, except now I'm scared because she's 14, my height, and she's throwing a ball. I don't know if anybody play softball or watch girls softball. Yeah, she pitches. It's not super fast for her age. It's in the top bracket. She pitches about 52 miles an hour at 42ft. When they go in the dirt, I'm like, literally, my adrenaline. I almost vomit. Like, you know, the short hops. If you ever watch baseball. And six months ago, she broke my toe. I missed the ball, hit the end of my toe, snapped it. So, yeah, it's fun. Fun times. I'm literally Like, I realize I'm like three months away, that I just can't. I don't know if I can catch four. So I'm telling you this because my daughter has pitched on and off for five years and, like, go with the trainer, kind of love it. And then she's like, dad, it's too much pressure. I just want to play outfield. She's really good at left field. She has a good arm. She hits good. She's like, I'm just gonna play outfield. And then she wants to pitch, and then she's not sure. She's like, it's so much responsibility. What if I let the team down? Pitching, if you watch girls softball, there's a lot to it. Different than, like, I believe, way harder than overhand for boys. I really do. I watched what she had to go through. So why am I saying this? Because I've watched her go on and off. This summer, she made a decision, dad, I'm going to be the best outfielder. I don't want the pressure of pitching. So there was a couple things I shared, and what I've been sharing with my daughter and I shared this with you guys is you win games when no one is watching, right? That responsibility of winning or losing the game is so amazing if you're ready for it. But you don't win when you're on the field. You win when you're in the backyard throwing 100 pitches or 200 pitches a night, when no one's there, when it's really hot, when no one is applauding for you. How you win in public is what we do in private. That's simply it. You want to take your business to the next level and you show up here, but you actually don't do the work between. When we're together, it's kind of on you. Just being honest. It's kind of on you. You buy the course, but you only go through half of it. And you say, it didn't work for me. It's kind on you, right? You get to the game and you can't throw a strike, but you miss three practices to my daughter, it's kinda on you. It's not a bad day, you're not tired, you're not in a bad mood. You didn't freaking put the work in, right? So why am I telling you this? About three months ago, I did about four things with my daughter to get in her mind. Not to manipulate, but for her to identify what was important to her, for her to find an inner strength. Because if we can learn to do the practice in softball when no one's watching. We can learn to do that in business, in life, in relationships. I feel really blessed. This is not bragging. I'm married to the love of my life. Our relationship gets stronger every day. Not by accident. I do a lot of work when no one's watching because I've messed up on relationships in the past. Maybe I'm the only one, but I have. Just being honest, but I'm not messing up on this one. And I put the work in when no one's watching. People look at us all the time and go, oh, my God, you two are so cute, and you're so lucky you found love. It's not luck. We both do the work, right? So about three or four months ago, I just got in my daughter's ear. Not to manipulate her, not to force her to do anything, but to commit and decide if you want to be the best outfielder. Let's go all in on outfielding. But I got her in a place where she made the decision, said, I want to give it one last try. Can I get a coach twice a week? And will you catch for me? And I committed to catch for no matter what. When it's 4 o', clock Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm catching for my daughter. And I watched a shift in her mindset 3 months ago go from dabbling one foot out to literally burning the boats four months ago. The coach said, and he's the sweetest man I've ever met. He's such a good coach. And he said, you know what? She could play at high school level. She could. About four months ago yesterday, she was throwing such fire and a curveball and a drop ball and a rise ball and a change up. She crushed it so hard in practice yesterday, he looked at me and he said, she's my number one student. I've never seen anybody change in my entire life. He goes, she's gonna start all through high school, and if she wants to play in college, she's got everything she needs. So what the hell happened in three months? What changed from a girl who pitched on and off for five years to something changing and snapping and making a difference? There was four things I taught her, honest and truly. Who would like those four things? How would you like. Who would like me to share those four things with you? Okay, what did I just share with you guys? A story. I just shared a story. How important do you think storytelling is for your business? No matter what you're in on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is storytelling? So let me ask you a couple other things. Did you guys like the story? Yes or no? Was it super fancy? Did I tell the story like a perfect storyteller? Did I just kind of tell you about my daughter? By the way, 100% of what I shared is true. Not one thing was a variation. That's why it was easy to tell. So it was the story. It was a great story, right? It's a true story. Let me ask you a really important question. Did any of you feel like I was selling you or just telling you a story about my daughter? Did anyone feel that I was selling you? But if I said, for 97 bucks, I'll tell you those four secrets for you, your friends, or your family, who would pay the 97 bucks? I got nothing for sale. I'm not selling it, just saying. So how important is storytelling? How important is storytelling if I was selling you? Or how important is it if I was just teaching you? See, if I just said to you, hey, guys, I have the four methods. I have the four methods to make anyone in your life, even a teenager, step up and make a difference and go all in. Would you like to hear it like that? Sounds pretty cool. Maybe, maybe not. But I told you a story. I got you totally emotionally invested in the story. I told you an honest story. I told you a story where there really was four or five things that I did to anchor her in, to go all in. I future paced her what it would look like being in 12th grade and all of her friends showing up for the championship game. I let her vision four years from now that if she put the practice in and practiced three or four days a week, and she went and she started. And in 9th grade, she's probably not going to start 10th grade, she starts on JV 11th grade, she maybe sits the bench sometimes for Farsi. By 12th grade, she's playing every single game and she's there for the championship game. I said, how cool would it be, your girlfriend sitting on the stands cheering for you and it's on you and you're ready for that responsibility. You, you want to take ownership. The game is in your hands. You bring the championship home or you fail. That's a lot of responsibility, but it's the best in the freaking world. How would you like that? And I future paced her. I have chills thinking about it. I let her visualize that and she's like, hell yes. Right? So I did things like that with her, right? How valuable is that? But that story set it up to where you just want. Who wanted to hear that? Just one little future pace thing I did with her. Sharing that with you because so many of you, hopefully most of you are in the digital, digital product business. But whatever business you're in, how important is storytelling on a 1 to 10? If you have that feeling, damn, what did Dean do with his daughter? That's all you need to make a sale or get people to go, I'm pulling out my pen. Light me up. So today I want to talk about the power of stories. This applies to everyone, no matter what business you're in. This applies if you're selling cars, fixing houses, doing hair. All of it's the same about storytelling, right? But I want you to really think through this. I told you a story about my daughter, correct? Did I tell you what year she was born or how she was, like, when she was 2 years old, or what my relationship was with her mom or that I got a divorce? Like, I could tell you all this stuff. I could also tell you when she didn't get her homework done. I could also tell you she pisses me off every week when she leaves her house every morning without cleaning her room. How many times do I have to ask her to make her freaking bed? Like, are you freaking kidding me? Right? I could tell you all that, but it had nothing to do with the end result. The end result was I was either going to sell you or. Or teach you the four things to get her to commit to being the best she could be. So one of the biggest problems with stories, I want you to write this down, is you tell your whole story when you only need a scene out of your life that sets up what you want to sell or teach. So many times I'll see on the Internet people doing their marketing, and I watch their video, and it's like, I don't need the whole story. I don't need to know where you were born or why your dad wasn't nice to you or your mom never told you to love you. That could be relevant if that's what you're doing. But if you're selling, like, how to ski better, like, I don't need to know all that. I need to know how you sucked at skiing. There was an epiphany, and now you're the best skier in the world. Teach me to ski. Don't care about your third divorce. Like, but if you're teaching someone how to be empowered on the other side of your third divorce, then I need to hear that Scene. So I want you to think through the lens of what is the scene in that story in your life. It should show why you are qualified to teach it. In that short little story. Did you look at me as qualified to get a teenage girl to go all in? Did you? Yes or no? Did you guys say, wow, Dean's got something to get a teenage girl to go all in right now here's where our brains mess with us. You guys ready for this? When you think of the word why am I qualified? You start thinking, oh, I'm not a child psychologist. I'm not a therapist. It's not what I do for a living. Did you guys give a crap that I'm not a therapist? Do you care that this is not what I went to college for? I got a 14 year old girl with boys on her mind, school on her mind, 600 kids in her grade, not 40. Finding new friends, scared still to go to lunch because the seniors want to throw you out of the lunchroom. She's figuring all this stuff, stuff out. Hormones grew 6 inches in the last 18 months. I got that girl to go all in on pitching. Not an easy task. So does anybody care that I'm not an expert in this field? You have to remind yourself when I do this, no. I got the result, I got the goods, I got the treasure map, I have the recipe. All we're doing is shortening the learning curve. Right? We're just shortening the learning curve. So does your story position you where you could think someone could say, wow, I understand that moment in their life and that resulted in them to having the keys to the kingdom. They got something that can get me there faster. Now the other thing too is you don't need to know everything. I'm not in this particular story. I'm not telling you how to help 14 year old girls wait till they're 18 years old before they date. I'm not teaching you that. I'm not teaching you how to help them emotionally when their friends are. Half of them are freaking out and half of them aren't. I teach you that like there's a million Things about a 14 year old girl that I did not tell you about. I took one specific swimming lane. How do you get a 14 year old girl to commit to something with all the chaos going around her so she could be the best version of herself while simultaneously learning how to go all in and do what needs to be done when no one's watching? That's the only thing I'm teaching. So if you look through that. Your confidence goes up because you're not teaching everything. Number three is when you have a story. You know we talk about in the marketing side, if you're a part of any of my programs, hook story clothes, right? Always try to start your story. That really gets people to go, alright, I'm gonna listen to this, right? Do you remember when I started, I didn't even do it on purpose. I was like, I told a little bit like, yeah, I have a 14 year old daughter that just started high school in this big school, right? I said something beginning, everybody raised their hand. You can imagine, even if you don't have kids or it's been a while, you're like, oh, I remember that. Or I had a niece or a friend or my little brother, right? You immediately go in that spot. But I got this girl to do the work when no one's watching and she's going to start and play all the way through high school and maybe college. I got her to commit. Who would like to know how I did it, right? You're like, I want to know that, right? So how do you start off your story in a way where you go, oh, damn, I want to hear this, right? And I also said, and I didn't do this on purpose. I also said, I, I know it's a story about me, but I promise it'll relate back to you. So what is the first couple sentences? What is the first part of your story that makes it intriguing, right? If I would have said, if I would have started, it's like, you know, being a dad is really special. I had this really beautiful young girl and if I went down that road, you'd be like, dude, what are you getting at? I wanted to say it where you're like, oh, I wonder how the hell he did that. So when you start your story, you want someone in their head to go, how the hell did she do that? In marketing, sometimes people call that an open loop. What's an open loop? You say something where you go, I need the answer to this one. I need the answer. How the hell did he do that? How did Rhema pull that off? Right? Like that's what we want to do in the first part of the story. Number four is. This is a tough one. No, not really. Choose if you want to write this down. Choose authenticity over perfection. Choose authenticity over perfection. So many times. We'll wait, man, I have a story, but I don't know if I'm a good storyteller. Dean's so animated. He really brings you in? Do you know when a story is best? When you don't even realize you're telling a story, right? A story is the best when, like, you go to your favorite restaurant and they blow your mind. They bring you out some food that's so spectacular it explodes your taste buds, and the experience was amazing, and your waitress loved you, and the temperature was perfect and the view was good. Did you ever tell your friend about that story? Like, oh, my God, you get done telling this story or whatever it is that you're passionate about. You didn't even know you were selling her. You didn't even know you got her to watch the movie, go to the restaurant, read the book, make new friends, start the new workout routine. Who in here has ever sold a friend on a certain way to eat? Be honest. Who in here has ever sold their friend on a certain exercise? Who. Who in here has ever sold a friend on watching a movie, reading a book? Did you think about the storytelling before you got to your friend? Did you start thinking, oh, my God, I'm going to see my friend today. I got to tell her about this movie I saw. What should be the first sentence on how should I hook her and how can I be authentic? I think I need to have enthusiasm when I share with her. You never thought about that once in your entire life. But. But then when you go to get on camera, you're like, what was that story again? How did I go through that shit? How should I start it? What should I say? Like, come on. Authenticity comes out. You know, when. When you're authentic, when you really care, when you're just telling a real story. I didn't think about that story with my daughter. In fact, I did this whole training, and right before I came on, I'm like, I gotta tell a story. I gotta tell a story. Like, oh, I just wrote it in my journal. I just wrote, tell Briana's story. I wrote that when there was, like, nine seconds left before I went live with you guys. I didn't have to overthink that story. You know why? Because it's true. It's authentic. Like, we overthink how we're going to do this stuff when really we just got to tell the story. That story is yours. That scene is yours. Right? It doesn't have to be perfect. It's just got to be yours. And can you guys feel authenticity? Of course you can. We all do. Could you tell that I wasn't making up anything about my daughter's story? Like, honestly, couldn't you tell it just a real story in my life. You have that real story. You don't have to mess with it. And the other thing you could tell when people are full of crap. Anybody ever tell you a story that you know it's not true? Like, you just know it and you don't believe them, so why the hell would you buy from them? Also, as you're telling a story, you want to make sure people are like, yeah, I see that. I feel that. I'd like to do that, too. Because sometimes when you overthink a story, when you're not authentic in people's mind, you know what they're thinking. So what? So what? Oh, Dean, you got your daughter to pitch. Who gives a shit? Let's just be honest. Like, rather than you want people to feel like, oh, I want to learn that too, rather than, who cares? And that comes from authenticity. That comes from just being honest. And it comes by thinking through, how does that story help someone else? How can someone see through your lens? How can someone. How do you live inside their mind? You know what? Let's bring up Agatha. Come on. Jump on here, Agatha. I want to hear. I'd love to hear a scene in your life. Everybody give it up for Agatha. How's it going, Agatha?

Awesome.

You having a good day? You glad you showed up today or what?

Oh, yeah.

All right, so tell me what you do.

So I'm a. What I do is living cuisine. So I'm a raw chef.

A raw chef. Oh, nice. Wow. Do you have a course yet? Are you working on it?

No, I have a course.

Nice.

I'm working on the technicality to put it up. That's my. That's where.

Ah. Oh, God. That's the easiest part. We'll make sure that's the easiest part. So you got a course. You teach people how to eat raw foods?

That's right.

So tell me your scene. Tell me your scene. Why. Why would I buy from you, Agatha?

When I was 45 years old, my arthritis, as you can see, was so bad, I could not hold, grip, lift anything and everything. It was so painful. Then a friend, tell me about raw food. I read a book, and the next day I started to eat that way. And in three months, it was all gone. 18 years. Never came back.

Wow. 18 years. That doesn't seem possible. You couldn't have been 4518 years ago. That doesn't seem possible, Agatha. You mean you were 25?

You're so sweet, Agatha.

I love that story, but I want to back up a little bit. Right? If you don't mind me picking on you a little bit? Can I?

Please?

Please. I want you to remember. You see, you're on the other side of the pain. I want to remind this to everybody. You're on the other side of the pain. You feel amazing. You look amazing. Your skin is glowing. You found your fountain of youth. Is that true? Yep. You found something that helped your arthritis. Oh, yeah. You're probably healthier than all your friends. You probably get sick less. Is that true? You get sick less?

Never.

Never. Cholesterol's good, skin good. Inflammation gone.

Excess weight, rashes, flutter on my vision. Whatever I had going just disappeared.

Love it. You're on the other side. You're experiencing that now. It's a routine for you. It's part of your life. I want you to take a little step back. How did you feel three months before you started eating raw food?

At the time, I was making evening rest.

I want you to take a pause for a second and really remember what it felt like when you couldn't open a jar. When you did that, and did you think to yourself, this is my life. I'm old. I'm never going to have quality of life. Things aren't going to be normal for me. Like, I'm sure there was some desperation. I would even say there was probably some tears. And I'd like you to remember that. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, what happened to. Is my. My biological mother had arthritis, but at 60 years old, so I started earlier. So it was like, oh, my gosh, what is it going to be? I'm going to be crippled by the time I'm 15 years old. Yeah. So it was. Yeah. No, I. And I kept on searching on tricks, how to open jars, how to lift certain things, you know, because I was searching for resolving the problems that I was seeing coming up. And it's just the food resolved absolutely everything.

So tell me what you switched. So you switched to raw food?

Yeah. Vegan food. So it's all vegan. And then I switched to raw food. Like I said, three months. Then I had friends saying, oh, you must open a restaurant. I didn't right then because that would have been 2003, but I opened in 2012, and I had my vegan cafe for eight years.

Wow.

So the beauty of that.

So I want to tell you that's part the of. Part of your story. That's why we're including this today. This is part of your journey. Let me ask you, who in your life or people you know that you helped go to raw food? Vegan and they changed their life. Think of one person right now and tell me their story. Besides just you?

Yeah, well, my family, my children, but also I can tell you my hairdresser.

Tell me about your hairdresser.

I'm sorry?

Tell me about your hairdresser.

So my hairdresser, overweight. She used to say about herself, I look like a Buddha. When the, when that part of the body between the shoulder and the hip, it's like they're bulging out. And she lost 60 pounds in four months. Our doctor was just blown away because all her, you know, whatever goes on, cholesterol and whatever she had going on her medication cut down. And she just felt amazing, you know, 70 years old. And just the same then people said, oh, my gosh, Patti, you're looking younger.

And younger by a raise of hands. Who's intrigued and would like to learn more about eating raw food from Agatha? Watch. No, turn around, Agatha. Wave your hands, actually, so she can see you. Go like this if you want to learn from Agatha.

Oh, my gosh.

So the reason I'm sharing this, the reason I'm sharing this is number one. Did you, did, did you try to sell anything just now? No. But did you serve everybody by sharing your heart and just some of your story?

Yes.

And look at 90% of the screen were waving their hands. I want to know, like, when is your course going to be up on mastermind.com like right now. I'm going to tell you. Have it up in the next week. Tell us the name of it because a whole bunch of us are going to go buy it. Including me. Yes. So are you going to commit to being up on mastermind.com in the next seven days? Let's do this.

I will.

Anybody ever see, like, an elephant that was trained so much that they put a little rope and they tie it to, like, a plastic chair and the elephant will sit there, Right? Yeah. All of us have, like, a little piece of paper between where we are and where we could go, and we're letting that paper hold us back. Can we use Agatha? Agatha, you have a beautiful smile. You're glowing. I want to use you as an example of let's stop messing around. Let's bust through that and get this done.

Can I tell you something, Dean?

Yes.

So, yes. Started 18 years ago, resolved all the illnesses for my family. My in laws were against it. And then I started to dim my light and dim my light and dim my light. And then I opened my cafe. So I was divorced. I can just do my thing. But again, this experience made it so that I wasn't too expressive. Because you shouldn't be. What you're doing is too weird. And then it's doing this course. That's why I am the way I am today. I was like that. But then I had people in my life saying, you're stupid, you're this, you're that doesn't make sense. And then I started to just shut down and. And the course has brought back. I mean, it's amazing. Look, think of it. Three months and you get rid of arthritis, overweight floaters in your vision, rashes, hyperactivity in my kids, sleep apnea in my ex husband. Think of that. It's remarkable. And we eat every day. It's on our plate. Change what's on your plate. Change your life. I change my life.

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