Stop Keeping Score in Your Relationships

What if you didn't keep score in your friendships, in your business partnership, in your love relationship? I've watched a lot of failed relationships. I've had my own. Has anybody not, I guess this question, has anybody not seen a relationship that ends up keeping score? The power of a strong relationship and her and I get to experience this is a unlike anything you can imagine. Those of you that have had it or still have it, you know what I'm talking about. Those of you that don't, maybe we could shed some light today on some of the things we've discovered because we've surely messed up on relationships in the past. Can we just. Can we give that disclaimer?

Yes. Yes, we have. No, we're not perfect at all. And we're actually still not perfect. We're learning a lot as we go every single day, for sure.

Yeah. And we've got to learn so much in the past that we brought luckily the right things to this relationship. So I think today we're going to go over your questions. If some of the guys out there are like, man, I don't want to do relationships. I'm a part of inner circle. I promise you, stick with us. There you go. That is. Bob. Bob. I promise we're going to deliver some good stuff today, man. I promise. Those of you in the most magical relationship, support others as we share stuff. Include it. Those of you that aren't in a great relationship, those of you that are looking for a relationship, you know, I want to tell you, don't dare give up, because there's always the opportunity for growth. There's always. There's always the opportunity for reconnection. There's always opportunity to find the right person. You know, I think this is a great example of what we have. Okay, here's a good one. How do I support my wife in her goals and dreams as I'm building mine, without neglecting her and our children? I think that's. And there was so many under that category was how do I start my own business and support my wife? How do I start my own business and support my husband? How do I run my company? There were so many questions about how do I be. Be me without neglecting us? Right. So if you want to go first, go ahead.

Okay, perfect. So how does Dean support me? I feel like when he is so busy and he has so many things going, he's wearing many hats in his business and in life. I feel like when it comes to us in our relationship, he goes back to that sweet teddy bear that I met. Right. I feel like, for me, that's a huge support because that shows that it's our love. Aside from all the business, aside from all the crazy things that are going within his life, I feel like we still have our own little place, our own little us baby, as our friend calls our relationship, the us baby. Also, I feel like the way I support Dean and his goals is by just listening and having an open ear and just letting him tell me what he's thinking, why he's thinking, asking the right questions. I feel that is really important, especially in a relationship like ours when we're so busy with our own businesses and our family. It leaves little time for friends. So, you know, in a normal world, you would share all this with your friends. But when you don't really have a lot of friends. Right. We don't really have, like, a friend group that we're going out to lunch with or dinners with. Right. So at the end of the day, I'm his friend. He's my friend. So I feel like I'm a big support to Dean when I'm just there to listen and to support him in whatever idea or whatever new thing he wants to share.

Yeah. Well, I wanna say before I share my thoughts, I wanna tell you I can't imagine what it feels like to have. I never knew what it felt like at this level to have this much unconditional support. I feel like Lisa is my greatest cheerleader ever. Even when I screw up, even when I make bad decisions, when I'm stressed, this woman supports me, cheers me on. And she did something for me that she might not even be aware of. You know, there's a saying I heard Tony say at a Date with Destiny a decade ago. And he said, imagine if you felt love when you gave love, not just when you received it. Think about that. Imagine feeling love when you gave it. Now, I'm going to go a little bit longer here and then cut me off. So true.

Because that's how I feel when I give you the love. Oh, my gosh. I feel it so much more. So, yeah, okay.

Yeah. And I see that in her. And it's addicting because I want to do the same thing for her. So before I answer my question here and be completely. I'm going to be. Do I have permission to be completely transparent? Even a little vulnerable? I want to share something else. What if you felt love when you give love, but what if you didn't keep score? Think about that. And we'll hit that again throughout this. But it's like, every day I'm there for him. He comes home from work, I'm there for him. Doesn't even recognize that I made dinner or I had my own job and I took care of the kids, and I did these five things. I did all these things. And he comes home and talks about himself, doesn't say thank you, and then goes out and does like. I'm using that as a silly example. Can we agree that there's a time when a relationship gets tough? When you start measuring, I do all this, and he. She doesn't do that. Or I do this, and he doesn't do that, and I can't believe I did this. As you start keeping score, right? Then the other person starts keeping score, and then all of a sudden, there's this distance coming between you, and you're like, well, if. If she steps up, then I'll be more romantic again. And if he tells me I look beautiful, then I'll start dressing prettier again. Whatever. I'm making crap up. But I've watched this, and I've seen it in my own self. I know I've done this. And when that wedge starts. When that wedge starts and you're like, when is the last time he did that for me? Mm, mm, mm, mm. Imagine if you didn't keep score. You felt love when you gave love, and you just went all in. Could you imagine how crazy, you know, your husband would be if he's been neglecting, been kind of distant, working too much, forgetting. I do it sometimes. Forgetting the love, the connection that you could have. Imagine if he just came home or she came home, and you were just pouring on love, Giving, giving, giving, Being like the person you were in the first 60 days of your relationship. Your other half would be like, the hell's going on here? She gonna kill me. Like, she set me up for, like. All I know is sometimes when you become the person you want the other person to be, yes, that's huge. It makes them shine and step up. It also can make you recognize, hey, I just gave 90 days of the best version of me, and it didn't budge at all. I think we need to have a deeper talk, right? But all I know is this woman does so much for me and supports me so much that it catches me, and it makes me realize I need to step up. I need to be a better man. I need to be stronger. I need to not keep score. And that's a fact, and I'll go deeper on that in a minute. But I want to Share something that I think is really important. We both have businesses. Okay. There were so many questions. I'll get to them. There's so many people asking about how do you, how do you mix that? We both have a business. I'll be honest. My business is a hundred times bigger than Lisa's. Right?

Yes.

She's insanely successful. I'm blessed to be a little more insanely successful. Right. But I wanted to. I'm going to be completely. This is the vulnerable part. I want to tell you what my intuition, my, my gut does sometimes. And I know I've done this in the past. It's like, why are you working on this little business that makes a few bucks? I pay for everything. We have plenty of money. Don't like I work my ass off. Just support me. Just cook for me, take care of me, make sure I'm loved, take care of the kids, make sure my family safe. You have to do crap. Let me do it. I'm telling you, I'm being vulnerable to say my gut feels that way some days. Like, you're not going to be here tonight for dinner. I've just worked 20 hours straight in this challenge. I was working. I just want to be home with my wife. You're going to go to the salon and worry about this little thing. Come on. I'm being honest to say I can dismiss really easy what her goals are. I really can. I don't, but I can and I could and I have. It's old school thinking, it's true, but it's in there. I'm just telling you it's in there. And I have to fight it. Because this woman whose parents came to America with nothing and didn't speak the language and her father had a seventh grade education and now owns an amazing company. Her and the five of them have all become massively successful. She was voted the number one hairstylist in Arizona. Eight out of ten years, she was making six, multiple six figures every single year, net profit. Before I ever met this incredible woman, she has built a reputation and to her it is important. This business is a part of her life. It's her passion. And it doesn't matter if it doesn't make a nickel. If it's important to her, then I need to find a way to make it equally as important to mine. Just because mine makes more or we have more impact and I get to be a New York Times best selling author and do all this call cool stuff. It is easy for me to overshadow her. Just being honest and because of the woman she is and because I want to be a better man. I know I've done that in the past, that I know that just because the dollars, the decimal points are different, just because the impact is different, it's equally as important to her. So, guys, girls, I want you to hear me on this one. It is easy. And I find myself getting close to doing it still to this day. Like literally to this day. We were supposed to travel someplace. And I know I'm talking a lot about this, but I think it's important. Literally there's three pages of questions like this. It was three weeks ago, two weeks ago, she had an event planned and I didn't, I forgot completely about her event. And I booked us on a spontaneous trip to go skiing with our kids. We just, we've been working, working, working, and it was only like a Friday to a Sunday and had an event in the middle even. But I wanted to go and I set the whole thing up and I got the plane and the cars and the ski and rented equipment and all of a sudden I find out she's got an event on Sunday. And I'm thinking, you know what my head went to? My head went to, it's going to be 100 people. You're going to make a few. Like, I started equating how much money this event would make and I'm like, cancel it. Who gives a shit? I'll give everybody their money back. We're going skiing. I don't give a crap. Literally. I started a conversation like that with her. Kathryn, I'm not making this up. I literally was just going to say what it means. Nothing. It's insignificant. So it's not though to her. She put her time, effort, energy, she was excited about it. And I have to fight myself. So what I want to share with you guys, you ask about your businesses and your careers. If yours is bigger, if yours makes more. If you're the dreamer and your other half is the realest, let him be real. Keep being the damn dreamer. One of you has to be a future paced person looking for bigger, you know, taking you to another level. Like, rather than changing, support your crazy husband who thinks you're, you know, who wants to dot every I and cross every T and make sure everything's structured. Keep being the dreamer you are and find a way to support him or support her in a way so much that they feel guilty not supporting you back. This woman does so much for me that I feel guilty not giving her that much support. Anyway, anything to share on that.

Yes. I feel like with this conversation, too, it all stems from the very, very beginnings. Right? We are. I feel like a man is meant to have this certain role, and that is a natural instinct that a man has. Right. And also, you know, for a woman, I love working my butt off and then coming home and making dinner or preparing something or tidying up the house, because that is my instinct. That's my role of being a woman. And so I think that's completely normal to have these feelings. But when you just talk it out and when you kind of learn how to laugh about it and still cheer each other on. I know my ideas and sometimes my little business ventures are very small compared to what Dean's doing, But it lights up my world. It makes me feel like I have my own kind of significance, which I think it's important to have. And so whether you are making way more money than your husband, I feel like you still. This is my opinion. I'm old school, though, also, my parents are very old school, and I was raised that way, and I'm still that way, and I'm proud to be old school. I still feel, you know, you still have to give, you know, give your man his place, and you and the men have to give their women their place.

So I think if you hear Lisa say, I'm old school, she does. When we first got together, and literally, I was in the other room ironing my shirt. We were going to, like, a wedding or something, and I realized my shirt was. Anybody ever have, like, dry cleaning? But you had it in the closet too long, and it gets the creases in the front. You know what I mean? The shirt's been in the tight closet too long. You know exactly what I'm talking about. So I'm in the other room ironing my shirt. This is a woman who runs her own business, does her own thing. I'm not. I didn't get married to have someone to be my made. You know what I mean? I'm literally ironing my shirt. Do you remember it? She walks in. She's like, what the hell are you doing? I'm like, what am I. Am I ironing? Oh, my gosh, I felt so. Am I ironing this wrong? And she's like, no, you're. I'm your wife. That's my job. Now. I just want to share that. That might seem old school to some of you, but that's her, and I love that about her. And we found ways to, like, she loves to take care of me, but that just makes it so I want to do more for her. But if you're not that way, if it's a different feel, it's like we just all have to respect each other for where we are, not trying to change it, right? I hit the jackpot. I go to change my son who's 20, you know when he was a year old and his diaper was like full, I'm like, I go to change and she's like no, I got that. I'm like I'm not going to argue here. Like okay, right doesn't mean. But that's our gig, right? And I have to find a way to give that back to her and her always. What's up? What's up? Hey, don't forget to look at the action steps we've posted below. They are the perfect way to take your success abundance in this crazy world to a whole nother level.