The Key to Having Better Communication

The biggest secret to negotiating and communication. Let's not even say negotiation. Let's just say communication is listening. The biggest pandemic in our modern society is nobody's listening. They're just freaking shouting. They're not hearing what other people have to say. They're not hearing other people's worries. They're not hearing other people's feelings, fears. They're not hearing about other people's past. They're just shouting. So you want to learn to communicate here and hear with not just your brain here, with your heart. Let what people are saying sink in. So back to this boardroom analogy. But I've won so many of these. Won, negotiated, communicated. Well, I will set that question in the beginning if they're not already saying it. And when I listen, if it's all realistic expectations, each person is telling you what they need. Bob needs significance. Leslie needs certainty. This guy don't even know why he's here, but I'll make him feel good, right? Like you just need to know what everybody wants. And at the end, I take in all that information. By then, they probably think I'm the dumbest guy in the room who's dressed the worst in the room, and. And then I close the deal and leave as the smartest guy because all I do is repeat what they say. Bob, listen, I've been hearing you. I want to make this deal happen too. And I know you want certainty, but. Da, da, da, da, da. Does that sound good? Would that be a match? Oh, great. Leslie, I think you're the brains behind this operation. I say that jokily, but it's kind of true. And I know you're looking at it through the lens of this is a long term play. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't a long term play. I'm here. If you look at my relationships, when I get involved with people, it's a five to ten year relationship, so I hope that solves that. And then I go through the room and say, hey, so here's what I propose. I heard all of you guys, this is what I'm thinking, and I share. And it's always like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Did you know there was a Harvard study? Now, I've been citing this forever, so I don't remember where I got it, but it was a Harvard study that said if you tell a therapist for the first half hour of an hour session, if you tell a therapist all the things that are bugging you and why you feel the way you feel, and the second half all the therapist does is repeat back what you told them. 98% of the people give the therapist credit for being smarter than them. Matson, I see you shaking your head. You know what I'm talking about, right? It's like you say, I just, you know, my dad never gave me the love that I think I deserved. And it kind of messes with me. Comes in my love life. And then the second half hour, the therapist says, you know, your dad, I see, didn't give you the love that you deserved. And now it's hard for you to find love in your life. You're like, oh, my God, you are brilliant. Yes. You know me. It's like, yeah, because you just told me a half hour ago. Right, but what do most people try to do? They try to come in as a therapist. Hey, before you tell me everything, let me tell you about me. I've been doing. I've been a therapist for 32 years. I know how to save. No one gives a shit. People care about what they care about. So if we want to master the art of communication, we have to listen more. Remember, please write this down. People will listen to you. They will learn from you. They will buy from you when they feel understood, not when they understand you. It's a long one, but maybe someone could write that down. People will listen to you, learn from you, and buy from you when they feel understood, not when they understand you. Did you ever see a speaker that talks about themselves and it's actually a cool presentation? You don't take one note. You don't feel emotionally connected to them, but you're like, oh, that's cool. Glad that all worked out for you. Yay. Thumbs up. And you wait for the next speaker, and then there's another speaker. They're 10 minutes in, you got 10 pages of notes. Your heart is pounding. You're like, oh, my God, yes, that's exactly how I feel. I felt that, too. Oh, my God. And you're writing it down. What are the differences between the two? The first person was trying to make you understand them, who they are, their credentials, what they've done. The second person wanted you to feel understood. I've been where you are. I know what it feels like. I felt like an imposter. I was in a relationship with no love. I forgot what it's like to have self love. I lost myself being a mom, being a wife, being a business woman. I forgot who I was. I know those feelings. The lonely nights with a glass of wine and a book and crying, not knowing where to go, I've been there. But I also know how to get out of it. And all of a sudden you're like, oh, my God, that was me. I remember the glass of wine, and you're living this experience. Compared to someone saying, I'm a doctor. I've been doing this for 42 years. Let me crush that depression. It's like, eh, cool, thanks. Right, so what am I pounding in here? Why do I win those negotiations? Not because I'm the smoothest talker, dressed the nice, or the loudest in the room. Because usually I'm the best listener in the room. The only time that it doesn't work out so great. If it's a room of all women, because women are intuitively better listeners, you guys have better listen. You guys were born with an unfair advantage. I want the women to hear this. I want the guys to respect this. This. My wife is the most intuitive human in the world. You guys were born with, like, spidey senses. My wife, I'll. We'll go to a meeting. I'll bring my wife. She's like, seems like a good dude. Don't do business with him. I'm like, babe, sweet guy, good dad. No, it's fine. What happens a year later? I should have never done business with that guy. She's like, told ya, right? Like, you guys are born with that. You are better listeners and you're intuitive guys. We can all take lessons from our wives or from our significant other, or our sisters or our moms or just women in our lives, right? So listen more. Let people feel understood. And with that, why I'm saying that, are we having the same communication right now as we did a year ago or two years ago? Are some people worried about inflation if you're here in America, Are some people worried about COVID How about some of the extreme conversations, right? To vax or not to vax, right? Like, if you're not vaccinated, are you the most evil human being in the world trying to kill others? Or are you just someone that's applying your freedom? I'm not judging or telling you which one you should be. I'm just asking you, right? Some people. You are an absolute horrific human being if you're not vaccinated, wearing a mask to someone else. If you are, then you're sheep. You're modeling what everybody else does. I'm not saying which one's right. But am I right about those conversations? My mom. I love my mom more than ever. She is triple vaxxed. Wear a mask. I Just happen to live in a state where no one cares. We never shut down here in Arizona. We never put seats further away. No one ever wore masks. Like, it's just a different place. When I jump on a plane and have to go someplace else and I land, it's like a culture shock. And I know if I walk out of and I forget to put a mask on, people are looking at me like that horrible bastard. I just. I just forgot because I live in a different space and vice versa, right? Literally, if you're out to dinner here in Arizona and there's a table of people with a mask on, not judging, I just hear other tables go, California. People are visiting. Like, it's just different, right? It's just different. But why I'm saying this is. People have the right to their own opinions. But if we don't listen, if we don't understand, if we don't look through their lens, if we don't understand their fears, if we don't understand their goals and desires, then we will not communicate effectively in this new world. Can we agree this is a new world? Can we agree the world is not going back to the way it was? And there's been shifts throughout human history. There's always shifts. This is a shift. This is surely a shift. So if we want to thrive, if we want to impact those we love, if we want our businesses to thrive, we better change our communication style. We better start listening. You better put the glasses on of what people on the complete opposite end of the spectrum are thinking. How do we kill separation? Better communication. How do we come back together as a nation, as a world? Better communication. How do you sell more impact more increase the sales in your business? Communication. How do you bond with your significant other? Better. What's up? What's up? Hey, don't forget to look at the action steps we've posted below. They are the perfect way to take your success, abundance in this crazy world to a whole nother level. Sam.