The ONE Question That Will Change Your Life Forever

That magical question. That magical question can set up the best conversation and communication in your life. If we had to negotiate and we were negotiating a deal, I would make sure we both win. But we'd get that deal done. If it makes sense for both of us, we get the deal done. Another really good thing in negotiating, sometimes if it doesn't make sense, it's best to just walk away and don't force. But I got to tell you a little story. I love going to a meeting, especially when everybody wears a suit. Now, I am not knocking you if you wear a suit. I just don't even have one right. I love going to a meeting with really important people. And I love being the only one to walk in with a gray T shirt on and jeans. Don't care if it's a million dollar deal, a dollar deal, or a 20 million dollar deal. I love going with a T shirt. And I might give you a little secret how I win negotiations. You guys ready for this one? I really want you to hear this because it works with my kids. It just worked with my son Brody this week. It worked with my daughter. It works. It works so well that sometimes don't use it on your spouse because winning doesn't necessarily mean you actually win. You might win the battle, but you'll lose the war. So, guys, especially doesn't mean stop winning. But let me just tell you, I love going into a meeting where there's five or six people and everybody's. And what happens most of the time, especially with dudes, guys. Guys love sharing about themselves, what they want, right? Let me tell you why this deal could work. I've been doing this type of deal for 52 years or 32 years or 18 years. And when we put this together, when we merge these two companies, da, da, da, da, da. And then the next person goes, yes. That's why I want to tell you the reverse merger acquisition. And people want to brag, they want to pound their chest, they want to impress the people at the table who's dressed nicer, who could talk nicer, who could articulate better, who's got the best PowerPoint, who's got the best result. And everybody's like, right? And I've noticed this with guys. And what I've realized and how I win is I will go to a meeting like that and say nothing. Nothing. To the point where I'm guessing halfway through, people are saying, they told us this Dean guy was smart. He came in a $5t shirt and he hasn't said a word, right? But what am I doing? I'm going to share something with you. They'll start to. What am I doing? I'm writing down what the goals, fears, desires, outcomes of each person are. I could see one guy, he just. He wants to pound his chest, and he wants to be the forward man. He wants to have the. He wants to be able to say, he closed this deal. All right? Bob. He wants to. He likes certainty. So I'll give Bob a little certainty. Okay? Leslie, you know, she. She's behind the scenes. She's actually the brains behind the organization. She's not the loudest one in the room, but she's the smartest one in the room. And she sees this in a logical way. And I'll just take notes, and I'll take notes, and I'll listen. And usually I'm the last one to speak. And this will set up what I want to teach today. And I'll usually say I'll think to myself after I heard everyone. If this deal makes sense, I'm closing it. If it doesn't, I'd rather say, I don't think this is going to work for us, guys. I heard what you said. I get it. But that's not where we are usually. And I will sometimes. And I'm going to give you a little secret here. If you're ever negotiating, sometimes if they're not talking in a way where I get enough information, I will simply say, hey, guys, if we made this deal, I want you to hear this right now. If we made this deal and it was a year from now and it was the best deal you ever made, what would that look like? You could do that with your kids. Okay. If I say yes, you can go to that college, you can go to that party. You can be friends. You can finally have a boyfriend. If it was a year from now and everything went great, what would that look like for you? Hey, our marriage, our intimacy's falling. I don't want that to be. If it was a year from now and our intimacy was the best it ever has been in our lives, hon, what would that look like to you? If our partnership in this business was the best partnership in the history of the world, we trusted each other. We had each other's backs. We flourished, we thrived. If it was a year from now and this was the best partnership of your life, what would that look like? I don't think we're connected as a couple anymore. You have your life, I have mine. I want to be connected. If it was a year from now, when we were the most connected couple, sharing and going after this world together, what would that look like in your eyes? You see how that question can work in so many different areas now? Are you telling them who you are? I'm a great communicator. I love you so much. I feel like I've been doing so much for you. Why aren't you doing enough for me? I'm such a good parent. I've done so much for you. You. You don't even know the things I do behind the scenes. How dare you not talk to me? How dare you turn 13 and stay up in your room. How dare you think you can have a boyfriend? Like, that's all the stuff that repels people. Where simultaneously when you say, hey, if this was the best father son relationship in the world a year from now, what would that look like, Brode? What would it look like if we closed this deal? What would it look like if you come on as a client of mine? My favorite thing is when people want to do business with me. I'll say, before I want to do business, I consult for some bigger companies. I. And a lot of times I get ownership of the company. And right now more than ever, I have so many companies that want to give me a percentage of their company if I will be on their board or consult. There's just not enough time in the day. Some of them are ridiculously lucrative. So I will say to them, hey, before we even think about this, do me a favor, send me a one pager if I come on as a consultant. And it was a year from now and it went out, it was the best consulting deal that you've ever done in your life. What does that look like for you? Here's what I know. Sometimes they'll come back with a laundry list like five miles long. I'm like, hell no. I am not like, you want me to run your whole company. I want 50% if you want that. Where I just had someone come back, they gave me 5% of their company and they said, all I want is a one hour phone call a month to make sure we're going in the right direction. Boom, I'm done. That's the best year of your life. I'll take the 5% I even put. I even invested with their company a little bit. So that magical question, that magical question can set up the best conversation and communication in your life. And I'm going to go back to the story in a second here, but I want you to hear this first one. I know You've heard this. God gave you two of these and one of these. Use more of these. The biggest secret to negotiating and, and communication. Let's not even say negotiating. Let's just say communication is listening. The biggest, the biggest pandemic in our modern society is nobody's listening. They're just freaking shouting. They're not hearing what other people have to say. They're not hearing other people's worries. They're not hearing other people's fears. They're not hearing about other people's past. They're just shouting. So you want to learn to communicate here and here with not just your brain, here with your heart. Let what people are saying sink in. So back to this boardroom analogy. But I've won so many of these. Won, negotiated, communicated. Well, I will set that question in the beginning if they're not already saying it. And when I listen, if it's all realistic expectations, each person is telling you what they need. Bob needs significance. Leslie needs certainty. This guy don't even know why he's here, but I'll make him feel good, right? Like you just need to know what everybody wants. And at the end, I take in all that information. By then they probably think I'm the dumbest guy in the room who's dressed the worst in the room. And then I close the deal and leave as the smartest guy because all I do is repeat what they say. Bob, listen, I've been hearing you. I want to make this deal happen too. And I know you want certainty, but. Da, da, da, da, da. Does that sound good? Would that be a match? Oh, great. Leslie, I think you're the brains behind this operation. I say that jokingly, but it's kind of true. And I know you're looking at it through the lens of this is a long term play. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't a long term play. I'm here. If you look at my relationships, when I get involved with people, it's a five to ten year relationship. So I hope that solves that. And then I go through the room and say, hey, so here's what I propose. I heard all of you guys, this is what I'm thinking. And I share. And it's always like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Did you know there was a Harvard study? Now, I've been citing this forever, so I don't remember where I got it, but it was a Harvard study that said if you tell a therapist for the first half hour of an hour session, if you tell a therapist all the things that are bugging you and why you feel the way you feel. And the second half, all the therapist does is repeat back what you told them. 98% of the people give the therapist credit for being smarter than them. It's like, you say, ah, I just, you know, my dad never gave me the love that I think I deserved. And it kind of messes with me. Comes in my, you know, love life. And then the second half hour, the therapist says, you know, your dad, I see, didn't give you the love that you deserved. And now it's hard for you to find love in your life. You're like, oh, my God, you are brilliant. Yes. You know me. It's like, yeah, because you just told me a half hour ago. Right? But what do most people try to do? They try to come in. As a therapist, tell me everything. Let me tell you about me. I've been a therapist for 32 years. I know how to save. No one gives a shit. People care about what they care about. So if we want to master the art of communication, we have to listen more, Sam.