Dean Graziosi explains that our thoughts shape our outcomes and often lie to us; by observing and questioning thoughts (becoming a third-party observer) we can remove mental barriers to personal growth. He illustrates this with personal anecdotes—discussing patterns with his father, praising his son’s memory versus his daughter’s reaction, and urgently retrieving his daughter from school to correct a parenting mistake—showing how noticing thoughts enabled corrective action and improved relationships. The talk encourages daily practice of observing thoughts to change mood and behavior.
Chapters
The power of thoughts. We all know this. We all have read Eckhart Tolle, the power of now, the untethered soul. All of it sounds so amazing. But tell me that's not hard. Being the observer of your thoughts, it's like, control your thoughts. I mean, it sounds really good, but it's tough. I work on it every day. But it's also the greatest gift in the entire world we could give ourselves. What's standing between you and your next level? Last night the lady asked. I forget her name. I'm sorry. You know, what question should you ask? What's standing between you and where you want to go is always the story between it. You're next level, there's only a story between you. There's no physical guard. There's no guns. There's no blockade. It's what's going on in here. And when you can understand that your thoughts can make you have a great day or a bad day. When you understand that your thoughts are things and they're not true, in most cases, your thoughts lie to you. I literally had this conversation with my dad about a month ago. I said, have your thoughts ever lied to you? He's like, I don't think so. I said, no. I said, ever in your life think someone you were dating didn't like you anymore? They were actually talking to someone else and it wasn't true? He's like, oh, yeah, I remember this story. Did you ever think a friend cheated you or ignored you or didn't call you to go to the movies and you got upset and got worked up and then it wasn't true? Yeah. And I named like 10 things. He's like, yeah, your thoughts lie to you. I said, of course they do, over and over again. But you could step back and check that thought and just make it a habit. I am not perfect at this, but I obsess on it every day. When I'm in a good mood, I want to observe what I'm thinking so I can have more of that. When I'm worried, stressed, or a little anxious, I want to know what those thoughts are. What makes me anxious when I feel like I have everything I ever wanted? Why am I anxious today? And I'll look and go, holy crap, that thought's been hanging around since I was 14. That one's got to go. So I want to give you a little story. It's the greatest gift that you could give your family, yourself, and your company for the next week. Obsess on everything that you do after the fact and observe what your thinking was to actually make it happen. And I want to simplify it again. I always want to tell you I'd love to give you all these things and say you can go do them all, and life's perfect. I understand. You're busy. You got life. You got a million different influences. So I want to give you the things that you could just plop in and not make a big deal out of it. Just observe your thinking. Good mood. Just step back, say, why am I in a good mood? Bad mood? Step back and just look at the thought. I want to give you an example, because I've been obsessed on this mostly the last 18 months, kind of obsessed for five years, obsessively 18 months, last six months, ridiculously obsessed. So I'm at breakfast with my kids, and my son has this crazy memory. So he's got these crayons, a box of, like, 40 crayons. And they're not like, red, blue, and pink. They're like lime green. Tequila gold. Like, they're all these exotic names, right? And he's loving these crayons, and he pulls one out, and he goes, dad, look at this color. I'm like, oh, that's cool. Is that green? He goes, no, it's lime. Exotic. Tequila gold. I don't know. I'm making that shit up. So he remembers it, and I'm like, wow, you remembered that one. And he pulls out another one. Like, what's that one? And I grabbed the box from him, and I go through, and this little Guy remembered all 40 names. I couldn't remember all 40 if I studied for six months. So I'm like, dude, that's amazing. That's your gift. That's your unique ability. My daughter, sitting there, sees all the praise he's getting and says, I can do that. I'm like, that's not your unique ability. God gives us all unique abilities. Dad couldn't do it. But you're my inventor. You're the visionary. My son's the implementer. If they ever would like each other enough to be partners, they'll be badass. So my daughter goes in the other room. She studies. She goes, no, I got this. Pull the first one out. What do you think? She gets it wrong. And, like, Bri, we all. And she starts crying. That's not like her. She's, like, upset. And I'm like, baby, no, no, no. I said, you have a gift. Brody doesn't come up with the ideas you have. I'm like. So I tell her about her gifts and she blurts out and she says, it's because you spend more time with Brody in the morning. Oh, so me thinking I'm doing this, right? I said to her, brianna, don't tell yourself a lie and don't tell me a lie. I spend equal time with you two. And I go in that phase, right? And all of a sudden she tucks it down. She goes from crying, tucks it down. She gets dressed or she gets ready, and it's the first day she left since she was born without giving me a kiss. Going off to school, and I'm like, it's all right. She's learning a lesson until she left. And like an hour later, I'm walking around and I do what I'm sharing with you. I observe my thinking. And I'm like, oh, shit. Like, literally just like that. I'm not kidding you. And I'm like, I just told my daughter her feelings don't matter. That's what I told her. She tried to express whether right, wrong, or other ways, that's how she felt in that moment. And what I told her was, your feelings don't matter. Tuck it down, go to school. If she gets married to a guy and does it to her, I'll kick his ass. And if he's bigger than me, I'm Italian, I'll have someone kick his ass. And all of a sudden I'm feeling this and I'm like, oh, my God. I literally got in my car, I blew a couple red lights. I drove 90 miles an hour. I got to her school because the best way to fix stuff is just fix it right, not think about it. Because I observed this thought again. I'm just giving you this lesson of what it does for you because you can observe these things like a third party. So I get to the school and there's two people waiting in the line at the principal's office. So you're supposed to get the little tag and put the name thing on and sign in. I like, the hell with it. I jumped the fence and I ran across the field where they all play, right? The playground. And I'm like, imagine if teacher sees me, there's gonna be 911, air raid. Like there's a security guard at the school that's gonna tackle me. I could care less. I literally jumped a six foot fence. I knock on her door, she comes out. I'm like, baby, Dad made a bad parenting decision. Your feelings matter to me. I got on my knees, I'm like, baby, your feelings matter whether you believe that or not. Thank you. I said, whether I believed you or not, whether it was true or not, it doesn't matter. That's the way you felt in the moment, and I should have acknowledged your feelings. Dad was wrong. And we talked, we hugged, we kissed. I literally left, sobbing like a. Like, I was like, bye, baby. Like, literally sobbing. And then I was in a great mood. I had the radio cranking. I felt amazing. But it never would have happened if I wasn't the observer of my thoughts. And I'm not great at it. I'm not perfect at it, but make it a part of your life and watch how your life changes, wherever it is you wanna go. When you have that vision, remember what's standing in your way is nothing more than a thought. And I tell people all the time, I'll say to my daughter, she's like, but I don't think. And she'll give me the story. I'm like, can you go grab me that story in the other room? Can you go grab me that thought? No, you can't grab it. It's only in here. Breeze or Brody, it's only in here. So let's just change that thought. And all of a sudden, there's nothing in your way, because it's not physical. It's in here. What's up? What's up? Hey, before you go, you need to watch these next few videos. They're absolute game changers. Hurry up and click right over here and watch them, and I'll see you.
