The SECRET Habits Of HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL People (Millionaire Mindset) | Dean Graziosi & Tom Bilyeu

And I remember just sitting there and I hated my dad. Could be confrontational sometime. And he got so mad at me, like, furiously mad. He got in his car and it was a gravel driveway and hit the gas so hard it sprayed rocks all over my car, like, dented the whole side of my car. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And he left pissed. And I remember just sitting there. It was really a moment in my life. And I'm like, wow, his beliefs are so strong, and if you could do it yourself, you should do it, that it's compromised him and having the ability, you know, to have more freedom, have more joy. And I realized at that moment, actually, it didn't make me want to fire the kid. And that was mowing my lawn and anchored in the fact that, wow, this is what I need to do more of. But I remember wanting to take care of my mom and my driver at 15. Now that I look back at 13, even probably 12, was something I just want my mom not to work so hard. And if I look, those things anchored me through life. Like, even if you're running away from pain and that's your driver, great, use it. Actually feel the pain more. Don't ignore it, and live a life of status quo or even a life of struggle because of that. In fact, let the pain sink in and let it be your driver. And then once you get past those, then other things kick in that can be your motivator, which I hope we get to talk about today. But I think the main driver was taking care of my mom. And I realized that at a young age. I watched how much my father struggled, and he worked hard. My father wasn't lazy. He got up at 6, he was busting his knuckles every day on cars and working really hard and worked till late. And he was frustrated. I was like, wow, he works hard. So that whole thing of go to school, work hard has nothing to do with success. There's no correlation. I live in Phoenix, 110 degrees. I drive by, there's guys up on the roof putting a black tar roof on. They've been there all day, it's five o' clock at night. They're physically working harder than me. I think I recognized that at a young age. My dad was kind of like running on a treadmill. And then there was certain people in my town that just seemed happier, more successful, and they. They just did things just a little bit differently than the norm, and it made an impact.

So talk to me about the time that your dad saw a guy mowing your lawn for you that really showed the dichotomy between the new way that you were trying to think and then the old way that you'd been brought up to think and the different results that each path.

Yeah, really great question. So I was probably 19 or 20 years old and by then I had already. I was working in a collision shop. I'd buy wrecked cars, fix them and sell them. And I had my first apartment house by then I bought an old run down house. I got it for no money down and I built, I built nine apartments in it and I'd build one apartment and I'd live in it while I remodeled it. So I'd work on cars during the day. At night I'd work on this first apartment. I'd get it done and then soon as it was done and it looked nice, I'd rent it and I'd move into the crappy one and rebuild it. And I got all nine done. And I realized at a young age that at that time I was starting my real estate career. And by the time it was all rented, it was doing really well. It was cash flowing really well. My dad always working hard and born during the Depression, was always like, you know, don't borrow money if you could do it yourself, don't dare hire anybody else. And I knew it was fundamentally flawed because it wasn't working for him. So I used to spend all day Saturdays in this apartment house. I had a monster lawn. I'd weed whack all day, I'd mow the lawn. And one day it just hit me. I said, what my dad thinks is wrong. Like doing this during this time, this seven hours of mowing, I could pay the neighbor 50 bucks to do it and I could go fix one more car or find another piece of real estate. I or flip a car and sell it for a profit and I could make maybe a couple grand today. My ROI would be monstrous. So the first time, literally the first week the kids mowing my lawn, my dad pulls in the driveway and he sees, and he gets out and he goes, you're going to pay someone to mow your lawn? You got bigger than your britches. This is it for you. And I remember just sitting there and I hated my dad. Could be confrontational sometime. And he got so mad at me, like furiously mad, he got in his car and it was a gravel driveway and he hit the gas so hard it sprayed rocks all over my car, like dented the whole side of my car. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And he left pissed. And I remember just Sitting there, it was really a moment in my life. And I'm like, wow, his beliefs are so strong and if you could do it yourself, you should do it. That it's compromised him and having the ability, you know, to have more freedom, have more joy. And I realized at that moment it actually, it didn't make me want to fire the kid that was mowing my lawn and anchored in the fact that, wow, this is what I need to do more of. And I think I've been on a journey. I still. You're probably the same way. I still, on a quarterly basis, I still look through everything I do, and it's like an onion. You keep peeling away the onion of what you shouldn't do. And I still look, I'm like, what can I have an ROI on? What can I make several thousand dollars an hour, whatever the number is, and pay someone to do it? So that was a big tipping point in my life because I started realizing that I didn't have to do things that I could get a better ROI on. And then it evolved even more so into stop doing things I sucked at. Because the world and even school teaches us in so many ways to work on our weaknesses to get stronger. And I think that's a huge flaw. I think we just get great at what we're good at. We only need to be good at one or two things and we can make an impact on the world.

How do people find those things?

Well, you know, I've been doing it for so long time that I think the best way, as archaic as this might sound, is I literally will jot down now and I'll tell people whether I'm in a high end mastermind where people paid 100 grand to be in a room or they paid 90 bucks in the bedroom, I'll tell the same people is take a journal, do it in your phone, in the notes, or do it in your journal or on a pad and write down the stuff you do on a daily basis, hour by hour, and then go through it and literally look at the stuff. As simple as this sounds, look at the stuff and say, is everything on this list drive me towards being a better version of myself? Or more wealth, if that's what you want, or being a better dad is what I obsess on, or being a better family man, or being more conscious, being more spiritual? Like, does it help God, the universe, or a bigger version of me? And if it doesn't, should it really be something that's on my list? And if it has to be done can someone else do it? Can I delegate it? Can I automate it? Or can I just eliminate it? And I literally do that practice at least once a quarter for the last 10 years, because we must. Because sometimes we evolve, we change, and things that used to light us up or used to be important aren't anymore. And then the other thing, too is there's a balance between just making money or furthering your business and also knowing internally what your definition of success is. There might be something that makes you a lot of money, but it robs your soul. So there's that balance. And I think that doesn't happen. Oh, that doesn't happen in your 20s, and maybe not in your 30s. At least it didn't for me. I was just fighting to be successful in my 20s and 30s. But at this phase, I wish someone would have grabbed me at 25 and said, you're going to make all the money you want. You'll have all the success you want. Make sure your soul is aligned with that money. And every time, I don't know about you, every time I align my values, my soul, my purpose, whatever it is you want to call it, with my businesses or my profits, they always soar without having to obsess on the, you know, on the numbers.

What you just said is so important and is. Is the like, driving force of my life. Like you, I chased money first and foremost. That was it. I wanted to get rich, period. Simple.

Yeah. When people, when people, I hear their story of I had this epiphany to change the world at 22, I'm like, that wasn't me. I just wanted to be rich because I hated being poor. I wanted to take care of my mom. You know, I could lie. So, anyway, I didn't mean to interrupt, but I get it, man.

Not at all. And I really hope people are hearing what you're saying, because it's like everything that I say beyond, like, align the way that you generate your wealth with what you love doing is like, trappings to try to point you back at that. Because, one, you'll be far more extraordinary because you care enough about it to invest the time to get great. Two, it's the thing that is going to keep you going when it gets really hard is going to be that you believe in what you're doing, that you're passionate about it. It gives you more energy than it takes. And if you don't have that, you're in real trou. Now, I'll say that some of that, though, is a bit advanced class it's getting into, like, you're talking about optimizing, which is so critical, unless you're so early in your development that you're like your dad peeling gravel. So what I want to know is you understand the psychology of people and their story and how they get trapped really well. Talk to me about how people can get control of that story. You talk about monitoring your thoughts, being aware of what you're thinking, being aware of the story you're telling yourself.

You're right. And what stands between us and where we want to go is never what we think it is. It's not the economy. It's not the president. It's not that somebody already dominated the health food industry or dominated Facebook advertising or dominated TV advertising or there's no room left. It's never that. It's always the story we tell ourselves on why we can't achieve that. And if I wanted to boil it down, I would just say, what is your biggest. Why? What's your biggest goal that you would love? If it was a year from now, we were sitting here, you're watching this, and it was a year later, and it was the best year of your life, what would be the biggest thing that would have changed in your life from money, income, family, love, intimacy, being a better dad, mom, whatever. Whatever that is. If you say to yourself, I would love that goal, like, I'd love to have my company doing a million dollars a year in net profit so I could have freedom for my family, then just say, but. And whatever that but is, is usually your story. It's like, I would love my company to be doing a million dollars yet, but I live in a smaller town, and there's just not enough people to do it. Or the Internet's so saturated, there's no room to advertise on Facebook anymore because everybody and their brother's on. Whatever that story is, is usually your story, and that's the result you get. And that story is the thing. The thing standing between you and your next level. And I know people are watching right now going, oh, Dean, that's nice. You guys got money now, so it's easy. I don't have any money. I don't have a partner. I don't have any business experience. You know, this economy is not right for what we do. And, you know, where there's. Where there's. You know that old saying, where there's a will, there's a way. If your story is that, that's what you'll continue to get. So what I would say Is if I was going to boil it down is find what that story is. Now, to you, you might be saying, Dean, you're saying it's a belief. It's reality, and maybe it's phase three. But reality is nothing more than our perception of a situation, right? We all know that you've read that about. You've watched it on Tom's show. Everybody have said it. But maybe it's the first time you actually think about it, that that reality you think is holding you back is really just the story. So there's two things I say is go find somebody else with that same story. Like, go look at your. Your. Your evolution, where you were on your couch, no money, right? Go look at Richard Branson's story, Look at Tony Robbins story. Look at, you know, John Paul DeJorio or all the amazing books. Everybody. I've read every book in there. That's amazing. The people that you got to interview and meet. But read all those stories and realize that, first of all, that story you have is probably a lie, right? So if you can find proof, like leverage that it's a lie, that's one thing. But then the one that would get me is I love aspiration. I love to look and say, look what you did, man. I want to get there. If he did it, I can do it. But sometimes you need the pain as well. So what I like to do is I like to think, take that story and think it's five years from now and think it's 10 years from now and you're still in the same exact spot you are now. You're still worried. You still have envy. You still want more. You desire more. You want to take care of your family, you want to provide more and think that that story, those two sentences, is the thing holding you back. Do you really want to give that story that much power and then think it's 10 years from now and that story is still done? And all of a sudden, for me, I think, am I going to let that story stop me? I brought my son with me today. Am I going to stop from giving him the opportunities that I didn't? I'm not raising. I have two children. I'm not raising entitled kids. I want to give him massive opportunity. I don't want to leave him a trust fund. I'm going to leave him massive opportunity and train him. I'm not going to let any story get in the way of me being that dad. And if a story pops up that says, hey, I can't make baseball this week, because of this, I'll change a damn story. I'll fist fight with that story, and I'll look at the pain I. I'll have if I keep that story. So I love the aspirational part of this story will stop me from my new life. But I also, like, are you going to let that story screw you around for the next five, 10, 15 years? I mean, man, we're going to be 90, laying in a bed, looking up like, before we know it. And do you want to think I squeezed all I could out of life, or did I let just beliefs that other people gave me hold me back?

Now, let's say that they do, that they're looking back, they understand what they would have to change to really get, you know, so they're at a future point thinking, okay, this is the best year of my life. They look back, they understand what they have to do to actually make that come true. They identify a limiting belief, they get the but. And then they, oh, okay, that cool. I got it. I'm owning that story unintentionally. Now, how do they start writing a new story without feeling like they're lying to themselves?

Yeah, yeah, no, that's true. So in 10th grade, I decided I wasn't going to college. Wasn't that smart, had dyslexia, family didn't have money. None of my family ever went to college. I just wanted out of school. So my dad owned a collision shop. It was called Paul Graziosi Auto Body. And he never made more than 30 grand a year. I told you, he worked really hard. But not profitable, just worked hard. So my dad said, if you're not going to go to college, I'll make you a 25% partner in the collision shop in 11th grade if you can get out by 11 o'. Clock. So 11 o' clock I start 11th and 12th grade, I took like ceramic gym and English and I was out. I was at the Collision shop. So in 11th grade, in this little town I grew up of 8,000 people, a little town called Marlboro, New York, the Collision Shop sign, he switched it and it became Paul and Dean Auto Body. I'm like, that was huge for me. And I worked. I worked like my dad did. I hustled. I went there at 11 o', clock, I worked every night. And my dad was like, hey, our business is doing better because of you. I was better with the clients. I was better. I brought more people in. I hustled. So now all my friends are going off to college or going into what they're doing like, you're not going to college? Like, no, I got this Collision Shop. Like, I felt, like, a little sense of pride. Like, I was making movement. And by then, I was giving my mom some money. I was giving my grandmother some money and had this evolution. I felt good. So about two years out of high school, my dad goes through his fourth divorce, and it hits him really hard. And it hit him so hard that he checked out. And he said, hey, I'm not going back to the Collision shop. I'm not paying the rent. It's done. And I was like, at that phase of my life, Tom, I felt I was embarrassed more than anything. Like, I remember that point because I was like, I'm not going to college, but I own Paul and Dean Auto Body with my dad. And it was like, in my head, not realizing, I'm 20, nothing. I'm like, life's over. I have no money in the bank. Life is just screwed. And I started telling myself that story, and I lost the spark I had had since I was about 12. Like, since 12. I'm like, I'm not this smart, but I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do it. I. And I lost it. And I'm going to friends like, hey, if your dad or anybody, you know, needs their car fix, I'm doing it out of my garage. And I know my friends are like, ah. And then all of a sudden, so this is what I'll share with you. Maybe you've had a story worse than that, or maybe a story not as bad as that, But I remember being in there and saying to myself, like, what the hell am I doing telling myself this crap? Like, if I feel this way, this is. I would be my dad. And I remember at that moment, I changed the story, and I started thinking to myself, and it didn't happen overnight. So this is what I want to encourage you. When you find the bad story, find a way to just reverse the whole thing. I'm like, no, no, no. Because I don't have a college degree. I'm going to fight, and I'm going to do this because I was always small. I'm going to do this because I have no money. I'm going to do this because my friends think, I can't. I'm going to do this. And all of a sudden, I started changing his story. Not overnight, but over weeks. It became my empowering story. I wasn't looking at a deficit. I'm like, screw you guys. You think I'm not going to do this because I don't have what you have. I'm going to. I'm going to blow right past you. Whether that's a good thought or not. At the time it served me, that's not how I look at things now. But at the time it served me, some of it was. And I was able to reverse that story. And that story got me through. Just like what got you from going to the couch getting changed to where what you've created. It's unbelievable the impact you've made on the world. But if we had the wrong story, if we had the wrong beliefs, we're screwed. Before we start. I'm glad that we went down this road because if one person watching today just says, screw this old story and you spent the time to make that an empowering story, then I think the game changes forever. What's up? What's up? Hey, before you go, you need to watch these next few videos. They're absolute game changers. Hurry up and click right over here and watch them and I'll see you there. It.