Weekly Wisdom #390 - The #1 thing holding you back is....

Hey, guys. Welcome to the Weekly Wisdom. This is the first one we're doing here live on Facebook. Tonight we're going to be talking about overcoming fear. You know, I've been doing these weekly wisdoms for, I think, almost eight years. We decided to go live here. You might watch the replay, but either way, such an honor to have you here. You know, fear. Fear is one of those things that holds us back in a way that we could never imagine. What does fear cost you, you in your life? Not saying yes to something new, Right? Or saying not having the nerve to say no to a relationship that doesn't serve you or never again. I'm not going to accept this. Or yes, I want to start my own business. Yes, if you're a real estate student, I want to go into real estate. Or yes, I want a new relationship. Fear. This is something crazy. Do you know fear? I sent out a survey years ago to hundreds of thousands of my students, and I said, why haven't you gone to the next level of. Of your life? Why haven't you tapped into your full potential? And I put some multiple choice. I put fear as one of them. I put don't have the right knowledge, don't have the right time. Negative people in your life. The ability to get the knowledge was less than a couple percent. The top two were negative people in your life. And we'll talk about that another time. And the other one, almost exactly the same was fear. Literally fear. So think about fear. Fear has been put into our lives for a reason. That's flight or fight. Fight or flight. Right? The caveman times. It's the danger come you run or you fight. Fear was real. It was physical. It could hurt you. It could take your life, it could starve you. If you don't have the fear that there's drought, you need to move someplace where there's water, there's fear. But in today's world, in most cases, some of you might be facing some terrible situations, but in most cases, fear isn't real. It's not going to hurt us. It's not going to kill us. It's not the saber tooth tiger coming to eat us. What fears become is something in our mind that's so powerful and so strong that it paralyzes us, it cripples us, and it stops us from going to that next level to feeling our full potential. And then what happens? We just say, ah, you know, life is good enough. I'm okay. I can get by with this income. I can get by with this relationship, my kids are doing okay. I'm happy enough. And when I hear that, I understand it. I've been at those levels in my life. But. But when you know that you can break through and there's a whole nother level of you, not just me, another level of you, then I'll do everything in my power and do a weekly wisdom. It's been almost eight years I've been doing for the rest of my life. I hope you'll. You stay with us here and join me and come back every single week. I'm going to do these at 11 o' clock every Monday live. And we'll make sure there'll be a replay. But let's just stick on fear here. So a couple things. First off, if you're held back, if you're not moving, if you're not taking that first action, if you're paralyzed in a relationship, paralyzed in a job, and just feel stuck, fear is probably foundationally. You can have all these other excuses. We tend to say it's the economy, we tend to say it's our spouse, we tend to say it's a hundred other things that are kind of up here. But when you narrow it all down, it comes down to fear. And sometimes it's just the fear of that you won't be loved, the fear that you're not good enough, fear that you can't do more, fear that you can't accomplish your goals. But let's break it down into three parts. First, try to acknowledge and understand what are your fears today? What are your fears about a relationship? What are your fears about income, about starting a new business, quitting a job, Saying yes, saying no. And the first thing I always do is, especially when I fear. I mean, tell me this, this fear. I've had fear, and I'm not talking about someone jumping out and scare you. The fear of losing all your money, the fear of being alone. I've had those feelings where the acid in your stomach, you feel like a rush of acid. You feel your body change, you feel your heart race differently. It's an emotional thought that affects you physically. That's how strong it is and that's what you're fighting against. But we can kill it right here. And that's what we're talking about today. So the first thing I would say is, is it true, whatever that fear is, if my husband leaves me, I'll be alone and sad forever. So I'm going to deal with a bad relationship if. Is it, is it true that I got older and all the, all the Older, all the men like younger girls and I'm going to be alone forever. Is it true that if I start my own business, I might make a wrong move and go bankrupt and I'll be on the streets? All the things that we tell ourselves, when you really boil it down, the fear is never true. It's a thought that we've created. We get in a hypnotic rhythm and we tell ourselves that fear over and over again. It's almost that. It's that underlying story that is just there holding you back like there's a wall. And it's your fear. So first thing I do is I immediately say, is this 100% true? Just like in a trial of court, is there reasonable doubt that this is won't happen in most cases not. How many times have we worried about things that don't come true? They hardly ever come true. So first, is it true? Secondly, the opposite, is it true? I get proof that the other side is actually the winning side. The other side is the truth. For example, you say if I try something new, I could go broke and lose everything. Find someone who's tried with nothing and accomplished incredible things in their life. Overcome that fear. Okay, second part is what we fear is that we're going to lose something. Now this is kind of broad, but ending a relationship, if you're going to lose love, lose connection, we feel we're going to lose income if we're going to stop this job to pursue another one, or we're going to go for the promotion, or we're going to jump into a new business, we're going to jump into real estate, going to do our first deal. You're afraid if I try it, it doesn't work. I might lose money in my bank account, I might lose a place in my work, I might lose my employment because maybe I should settle for the crappiness that I deal with, the sick stomach I have about driving to work every day. Maybe I should just deal with it. When you look at from a loss situation, it's paralyzing. Guys, I've had fear stop me in my tracks. And I've just spent years. Soon as I feel it, as soon as I feel uncomfortable, I just, I like boil it down like a ratchet, like chick, chick, chick, chick, chick. Ah, it's a fear of this, a fear I'll be alone, a fear of this. And I immediately twist it. First say, is it true? Secondly, instead of thinking about what I'm going to lose, and that's what we all do, it's our default Mechanism, I think about what I can gain. Now listen, we're going to have thoughts anyway. If you remember this, and I'm sorry I'm repeating this, but if you remember this, fear nowadays is not the saber tooth tiger. Fear happens in here. We tell the story over and over. So if we're going to tell the story, why not just tell a different one? And my story is, what can I gain out of this? If I try a new business, Could I model these other people and start my own business and be at this level of success where I tap into my full potential? I have the money I desire, I retire my parents, I take care of my kids, I stop my husband from working so hard or my wife from working so hard. So if you can just reprogram, if you can reprogram that thought process to go from what could I lose with this fear? The fear is not true. And here's all the things I can gain. And I literally, to this day, when I have these feelings, I literally sit on a piece of paper, I can gain this, I can gain independence, I can gain more time with my kids. I, I can gain, I can gain, I can gain. I don't think about what I'm going to lose, think about all I can gain. And that fear just slowly starts to, you realize it's not true. And it's the emotional turmoil we could create ourselves to really take us out of these beautiful states. You know, I talk about it a lot, but I'm great friends with Tony Robbins. I love the guy. And especially in the last six months he's been in this, he keeps texting me this, he's like, stay in a beautiful state. There's always going to be crap, there's always going to be things going on, but, but you can accomplish them with a smile and in a beautiful state. As crazy as that sounds, cause I don't know what you're dealing with. It's absolutely possible. I've watched people with the biggest hurdles in life and life threatening illnesses tackle it in a beautiful state. And third thing is when you think of fear, change is what scares the heck out of all of us. So again, 30,000 foot, gotta try, gotta change, gotta do this. But when you boil it down, you have this fear of change because you won't be comfortable, it'll be a different path, you'll be walking down a different route. You know, it's a new roadmap and you've never walked down that road. So I want you to think of change in the opposite way too. The Only reason change is scary is because you have habits and routines that you do. We all do. You have a habit, you have a routine. And what that did is it made you feel comfortable. Stepping outside of that makes you feel uncomfortable. That's another thing that I've worked on forever. And you need to do the same thing, is think of change as the opportunity that's on the other side of the wall, right? Or the other side of the field or the other side of the map that you've never been to. You have a hypnotic rhythm. I use that word. I think I got it from Earl Nightingale. You have a hypnotic rhythm of things that you've done forever and that you've carved a path, you've carved a rut in your road, and you could let go of the wheel and you're going to do the same thing every day. Don't look at change as changing everything about yourself that you have to make a 180 and become a completely different person. You have to do yoga and you have to. You have to meditate and you have to change all the things you like and kill all the habits that make. No, you don't have to do that. What you have to do is make a tiny little shift today and start getting out of the rut you've been going and find a new path. But it only happens one tiny step at a time. Don't try to make a. Like I said, New Year's resolutions don't work because everybody wants to change everything about themselves. They get overwhelmed. They go back to where they are. So think about the tiny little shifts. I know I was kind of all over the place. Guys, I'm excited to. To be here with you guys live today. Thank you for all the comments. I see you guys coming in. I'll read every single one of them. So post below. Please share this. Tell your friends. But here's the thing. Fear is at the root of all the things that stop us from getting out of something terrible and hold us back from going to something new. And the three things that help me overcome fear more than anything is the first thing out loud. Is this absolutely true? There any doubt that this couldn't be true? Find proof. It's not only not true, but there's another side that's even more empowering. Secondly is you have to make sure that you don't obsess on what you're going to lose. Right? We think about change and something's going to take away. I'm going to lose love. I'm going to lose relationships, I'm going to lose friends, I'm going to lose money. No, shift that in your mind. Forget about the loss and just focus on what it is you can gain. And lastly, I'm going to digress here. Lastly is be solution based when you think about it. Because when something goes wrong, when you're fearful, you tend to lean into the pain, tend to lean into the fear. And we forget that there's a way to fix it. There's got to be. There always has been. If you look back in your past, you've been through incredible challenges and you got through by solutions. But why put yourself, and I'm digressing back here, but why put yourself in a terrible state when you can focus on a solution in more of a beautiful state? Like this sucks. I hate that I'm going through it. But these are the things that can be a solution. Guys, I know fear can be crippling. Fear can hold us back. But if you take one step at a time and start conquering your fears, it's the foundation for the next level of your life to open that up. Start proving they're wrong and proving to the world and yourself that you can do this and you can live life on whole next level. Thank you guys so much for joining me here today. It's been an honor and a pleasure. Thanks for the messages. Keep sending them, keep posting. I'll read all of them. I'll comment as many as I can. And lastly, guys, you can go and get my free book@deansfreebook.com I have two books there. One's a personal development book. It was the New York Times best seller. And another one's a real estate book, in case you ever thought about making money with real estate. They're both free, they're a download, don't have to pay shipping and handling, they're free. And plus, I do these weekly wisdoms every week for eight years. We can send you a reminder. Guys, appreciate you so much. Thanks for watching our first weekly Wisdom live on Facebook. And lastly, please share this like it? And subscribe to this page. We want to get the momentum out and help people overcome their obstacles and have people reach their full potential. Full potential. I'm Dean Graziosi. I'll talk to you next week.