Weekly Wisdom - Three Techniques To Deal With Negative People!

Good morning. We're gonna get started here with a weekly wisdom on how to deal with negative, even confrontational or downright annoying people in your life, especially coming into the holidays. I think this is a great, a great lesson to learn. We all have that right. Excuse the experience. Just got done with the gym. I didn't shave yesterday, so just killing a little time here before we get started. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. It's a pleasure to have everybody here today. Let me know you're if you like this today. Like, hit the like button, hit the share button. Send this to people you care about. I want to talk about dealing with people in your life that are confrontational. They're like, what's up, Liberia? What's up, Aaliyah? Good, good to have you guys here this morning. You know, I'm going to just be honest with you guys, which I always am. I hope I shouldn't even say that. When you just say, I'm going to be honest, does that mean the other times I'm not? No, not so much. But I have an 11 year old daughter, which is amazing. I'm having the time of my life. I love being a dad probably more than any other one thing in the history of the world. But she turned 11 about four weeks ago and it's a great new challenge. It was like on her birthday, she gained more independence, want to do her own thing. And, you know, the more I read about it, the more I realize that I did the right job, like I did the right thing to build this secure little woman she is at this place in her life. Good morning. Good morning. Hey, everybody. Good to have you here. Depending on where you are in the world, it might not be good morning. And if you're watching, watching a replay or live, it's good to have you here. If you're liking this message today, make sure you hit the share button. Let's get this out to a bunch of people. But today, if you're just joining us, good to have you here. I want to talk about dealing with negative people, confrontational people, or people that are just downright annoying. And I was sharing on how my daughter is gaining this independence. Well, while she's gaining her independence, dad has to figure this out because the girl that would hold my hand everywhere I went, kiss me a thousand times a day is now saying, hey, dad, quick high five or no dad, I'd rather you drop me off down the street from school. Right. And sometimes she's being a little rough, like a little like, no dad. Right. Just not used to it. So my defenses flare up, like, this is a girl you love, you give everything to. And it made me think and look back and reflect on how I dealt with negative people, confrontational people, annoying people throughout my career, throughout my business, throughout my life. And then I've done research again because I like being that dad. That's not just guessing. So what I want to do today is share three ways, at least three ways to deal with those negative people in your life. To deal with those people who tell you you can't. To deal with those people that maybe you're going to see during the holidays that you're like, I don't want to see Uncle Bob, I don't want to see my dad, I don't want to see my mom, I don't see my sister, I don't see my brother. I don't want to see. I mean, sometimes it's the closest people in your life, it's an ex husband, an ex wife, it's an ex in your life that brings out these emotions. So with that, you ready? You guys want to work on and deal with dealing with negative people in your life? So here we go is if you let someone else that could have a completely different view, say you're a screaming liberal and they're all the way to the right conservative or vice versa, or you're religious and they're not. It's easy to be offended. It's easy to believe in our. You know, we've gone through life with this. These value systems that we create, right? We create values. We create processes in our life, and they become true to us. It's what our anchor is. It's our security, it's our safety net. And it's okay. It's not like it's not like it's wrong that you build these values, who you are. And sometimes when someone doesn't have your values, could be your dad, could be your mom, could be your daughter doesn't have your values. It's like sandpaper to our soul. And we don't realize that, that it's roughing us up. And our internal instinct, our egoic mind, is ready to lash out, ready to defend our values, ready to defend who we are. And that's where the confrontation begins. Listen, I'm not saying that someone else in your life, I'm not saying it's half you. What I'm saying is that the person on the other side, they have their values. They have their thinking, they have their systems. And they were created by their life. They were created by their circumstances, issues that happened with their family, with their childhood, with being molested. Something happened in their life that triggered something. They went down a different street, created different values. They were taken advantage of in a huge way. And all of a sudden they have this system that's like, it's like breaking Fort Knox. It's like an iron wall, right? So when they try to present their values on you or say the wrong thing, our egoic mind gets hit and all of a sudden it feels like sandpaper to the soul and we feel we have to defend. So here's my thoughts. Number one, don't defend. Listen, you know, everybody, everybody, even the person your ex that you fight with, everybody has what they're defending. And if you let them talk, if you try to actually listen to what they say, you'll realize that there's a hint of their own truth in there and you can find a way to respect that truth. And if you do and if you listen, the mere art of just listening to someone that you usually are like, oh Jesus, you're gonna hear you go again or that's never gonna work out or why are you doing this? Or why are you saying the same things when you say those? When you feel that your soul, your facial expressions automatically create what, where you're feeding that negative person in your life. You're feeding the confrontation, you're feeding the annoyance in your life. When you have a way to diffuse it and by defusing it, it simply means that you listen more and don't defend. Okay, that's the first one. Secondly is don't interrupt, you know, people that, that are annoying. Whether it's the, the two minute sales clerk that's having a bad day or someone who cuts you off in traffic or someone at your family, relatives that doesn't, you know, family party that you're going to have over the holidays that you haven't seen in ages that doesn't like that you moved out to, you moved someplace and you got a job or a career or a lifestyle they don't like, don't try to prove your side and don't try to prove them wrong. You see, let me digress here. When we try to prove them wrong and prove, or at least show what our system is, we end up interrupting, as simple as that sounds. Think about the last time you got in an argument. Think about the last time something went wrong. Somebody said something and you're like, no, no, no, no, you're saying that, but you don't understand where I've been You don't understand what I've been through. We're trying to get that person to understand us, understand our values, understand why we think this way. Good morning, Erica. How you doing? We're trying to get them to understand. And what we do is we interrupt. Nothing can infuriate a negative person, a confrontational person, an annoying person. There's better words than that. I'm just using those three. Nothing can infuriate them more than being interrupted. So it goes back again to even if they're saying the most outlandish shit, for lack of a better word, that they have no idea what they're talking about or they're small minded in their thought process, it doesn't matter. Don't interrupt. Try to listen deeper than their words of where is this coming from? You know, in most cases, and I tell my kids this all the time, it's coming from their own fears, it's coming from their own insecurities. You know, it's coming from the relative who sees you doing something in your life they wish they had the nerve, I was gonna say something they had the nerve to do. It's their own insecurities. Instead of trying to defend, trying to, you know, interrupting and saying what is right or wrong, what if you had a big pile of empathy and realized, wow, they're just deep down sad, they're lonely, they're scared, they just haven't had the nerve, the audacity to take the steps that I have and all of a sudden you start having pity for them. And the last thing that I want to tell you about dealing with negative or confrontational or downright annoying people is that this is for you, it's not for them. You know, life's really short. It goes quicker and quicker and quicker. I see it every day. I mean, how about on Facebook when it pops up a year ago, five years ago and like you see something like, how did five years just go by? That was five minutes ago. Like I said, my kids just turned nine and eleven. I get pop up and there were three yesterday. Yesterday they were three years old. Last five years I blinked my eyes and five years went by. So are you going to hold on to that? Oh, I'm going to go see my mom, I'm going to see my dad, my brother, my sister, my kids, my nephew, my ex wife, my ex husband, oh my God, my co worker. So when you do that, the face, the feeling, the negativity you have, it's not hurting them, it's hurting you. And all I know is listen I work on this stuff every single day because I have to. But all I know is five years went by. In a flash, the next five are going to go the same thing. Who wants to hold on to crap in their life? Who wants to hold on to shit, for lack of a better word, stuff that brings you down, that makes your stomach upset. Like, oh, I got to go to that house. And it's good. What if you just let that go? Thank you for the likes, thank you for the shares. If you think this message is good for someone in your life or just anybody who follows you, hit the like button. Hit the share button right now. Leave me a message. I'll read 100% of the messages underneath here. But think about that. What if you just decided that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it doesn't matter what anyone else says. You are the person you are at this very moment in life. If there's something someone else says that's true, you want to change, then change it. If you don't realize that, listen, it's the oldest saying in the book. I'm not teaching you anything new. But no one can make you feel bad about yourself. No one can make you feel inferior. No one can make you feel sad. You make that decision. And in some cases, these people we're talking about in your life have allowed you to feel this way forever. You've allowed yourself to feel this way forever. What if today, what if you just decided at this very minute, watching me, scruffy beard, haven't showered yet this morning, just sharing this message. What if you decided at this very moment you were done letting them negatively impact your life, negatively affect your feelings and your emotions because life is too short. I say this all the time. 150,000 people will die today, today. And you're not one of them. I'm not saying you're not going through a tough time in your life or dealing with issues or relationships. But today you're here. And the more you let negative people, annoying people, frustrating people, people who are ready to fight with you, the more you let them affect you. They win. They're winning every single time. If you're parked in the driveway going, oh, I can't believe I have to go in here, they won. What if you say, no, I'm going in, and there's nothing that person can do to take me off my rocker? And do you know how shocked people are, people that are negative and they know it? Do you know some people that are annoying and frustrating and they know it deep down and they know they get your goat. What if they didn't get you? What if you walked in and just let it go and you were nothing but love? You didn't interrupt. You listened to their values. Their values don't need to be sandpaper. That's just who they are. If everybody was alike, would you really like life? If everything was exactly the way you wanted it, would it really be? Would it be great? You don't know amazing people till you have annoying people in your life. You don't know short unless you know tall. You don't know hot until you know cold. You don't know wealth until you know broken. You don't know lack of love until you feel love. So those people, God, the universe, whatever you believe, were put into your life on purpose to remind you of who you are, to remind you of who you can be. So why not today, why not this week, why not this holiday? Realize they were put on this earth to affect you. And you can let it bug you, you can let it annoy you, you can let it frustrate you, you can let it make you have a bad day. Or you can decide at this very moment you're done, you're letting it go. Liberia, you always have the best comments, dude. Appreciate you. Love you, man. You're awesome. So that's my message for today. Yes, we have annoying people in our life, frustrating people, people who get agitated with it, people who frustrate. Listen, you can make the decision to just cut those people out of your life, you can. And attract more people like you in your life. That's what the evolution of life is all about. Or if it's someone that you're not going to get rid of, they're going to be in your life forever. Then decide today that they have no more power over you. You are giving them that power. Decide not to give it to them. Decide to listen, decide that they understand, they have their values, understand it's affecting you a lot more than it's affecting them. And decide to just be loved. Life goes by too short. Forgive if you have to. You don't have to forget, but you can surely forgive. That's my message for today. I hope you guys have an amazing, amazing week. I love kicking it off on a Monday because you could take this momentum because you're going to have some annoying people bug you this week, this month. And what if you just sent them a whole bunch of love? Feel bad for them because you can go on being in a better place. Alright, Libira, you ended it right by saying smile. Alright, if you like this message, hit some likes before we go. Hit some share messages. Get this to people we care about. And of course, if you didn't have my book or you'd like to get an amazing present for someone, over 100,000 copies. We're actually at 122,000 copies of my book right now just from here, just from Facebook, giving me away. If you just cover the shipping and handling. Pretty amazing. And we fed over 1.5 million people through Feeding America. Every time we ship a book, we donate a meal through Feeding America with my buddy Tony Robbins. In fact, Tony's an amazing dude because he matches every dollar I give to Feeding America. Tony Robbins matches it. That's why we're over 1.5 on our way to 5 million people. Have an amazing, amazing week. Share this, get it out and always you can grab my book@deansfreebook.com that's deansfreebook.com I'll see you guys next week. Or maybe even sooner. It's the holidays. I'm in that festive spirit. See you guys.