What if in the next 90 days you became...

I'd like to challenge you right now. What are three things that you could change in you that could potentially bring out another version of the person in your life you want to have a better relationship with? Give me a definition of love right now. What is the definition of love? When someone does something for you. We all have different love languages. My son is when you know my son's love language, our older son, his love language is service. When I bring him a snack, when he's doing his homework and I place water and a snack on his place, like, dad, like, he lights up that I brought him a snack, I bring it to my daughter. She's like, I wasn't hungry, but if I sit and listen to my daughter and she wants to talk to me about everything, she went in school, ah, she's got love. But, Luka, what's his love language? Oh, my God. You lay in bed at night, he's got his face here. He's wrapped around you. He wants to hold your hand and hug you. He's kissing you nonstop. He just looks up. He's like, love you. Love you. His love language is love. So when you say, what is love? We all have different definitions of love, right? So what I'm talking about is the opposite of feeling. Love when you give it is the real keeping score that'll ruin a relationship. Because. Let's give an example. And then I want you to share on this. I'm trying not to talk so much. Somebody called me out already, so I'm trying not to, you know, cut you off. This week. I'm working till midnight. I'm going to be working till midnight tonight and tomorrow night. Nothing I can do. We're shooting on Saturday and it's crunch time. She could say, God damn it, four nights in a row he came home, kisses me, slams down a meal, goes into his home office, and I don't see him till midnight. And she could be cold to me. And maybe tomorrow she's thinking to herself, maybe he doesn't love me as much. Maybe he's interested in someone else. Maybe he's busy. Maybe he's in there DMing somebody else at the same. There's a million ways your brain could go and think. And then all of a sudden, I come out in the morning, go, hey, babe. And she's like, hey. And she's a little cold to me. And I'm thinking to myself, God damn it, I work so hard for this family, to take care and secure this family. I work so hard to impact people's lives. Around the world. But I could say I'm trying to. To help heal this fractured world. I'm helping to make our family secure. And she's going to be cold to me and not talk to me in the morning. Well, screw that. When I come home tonight, I'm not even going to kiss her goodbye. You want to treat that way with me? Oh, you want to go to dinner Friday? No, I think I'm busy. And all of a sudden, you're waiting for the other person to step up their shit. And when they don't, you go further, further away. And then women, you get into your masculinity, and you're like, fuck him. Excuse my language. I can't believe that. Or. And then you get into, like, trying to appease and vice versa, and things get all screwed up, and all of a sudden, you're waiting for the other person to be who you think they should be. What do you think about that?

I feel like that's the perfect recipe for the beginning to an end, for sure. You know? And like I said earlier, the analogy of the deeper the hole you dig yourself, the harder to get out. It really is. And that's why communication and just saying, hey, wait, hold on. Let's just, like, check in really quick. Like, why are you stressed? Is it me? Because I've done that before. Like, you're really stressed out. Like, I'm like, your energy's, like, off. Did I do something? He's like, oh, my gosh. No, you know what? You're right. I was like, that. I'm so sorry. No, this. And that happened. This went wrong. I was like, okay, that makes sense. And then we laugh about it or whatever, but sometimes when I let things go too long, or like, you know what? He's stressed. It's probably me, so I'm gonna do that in return. It just ends up badly. And so then we talk, and he'll say, oh, my gosh, no, I'm stressed because the older kids or this or that. My office. Okay, I thought I did something, you know? And then.

And when she says stressed, my definition of stress is a lot on my mind. And I go quiet, and I'm really focused. So she sees it as stress, but I focus. And that quietness to her sometimes could be like, maybe he's not that into me. I have to ask, right? And she asks. I'll be like, oh, my God, snap out of it. Are you not.

Do you not love me anymore?

Like, stop.

I love you more than life. I'm like, okay, you know but yeah, I mean, and some people, if that other person is next to them, their love language is, like, even if they're in the same room and they're quiet, they still feel loved. Not me. I like that connection, that look you in the eye, that little flirt, the touch of the hug, you know, I mean, I'm Latin. That's what we like. Touch, hug, kiss, all of that. And so, yeah, I mean. But understanding your partner's love language is key, and that's a really good conversation to have in the beginning. And also, if you're now married and it's been a long time, it's not too late. You can start by learning what your own love language is, what their love language is, and wanting to learn about each other's love language. That really does make a big difference. Even with, like, your kids. Sometimes you're like, how do I get a connection with my kids? Well, learn their love language.

Yeah. And I know we're talking about us, so sorry if that's boring some of you that you're like, oh, God, enough of the love talk. Right? But I think it's so important because with great relationships in your life, I want to tell you, I'm running faster and harder than I've ever run in my life. That is just a fact. And not because I need to, because I want to. I love the impact that Tony and I get to make and the things that we're changing and the things we can bring the world. I love it. And I'm going harder and faster. But the only reason I don't want you to hear, the only reason I can be the man I am to you guys, to run this fast, to create new stuff, to. To take Mastermind to a whole nother level, to create all these cool things we're doing is because of the confidence I have at my home. I could never do this without her. I know that the connection I have with this woman allows me to soar. And if that relationship is in with your family, with your children, with a partner, with a significant other, it's just a game changer. And it's worth the effort. We'll put the time in to pump iron, to make ourselves look good. We'll put the time in to be a part of Mastermind, to try to get our finances to a whole nother level. But so many times we neglect this when it is the greatest thing in our lives. And at the end of my life, I'm probably going to think about all the cool stuff that I've been able to impact lives and donate millions of meals and help kids with slavery. But I really, I think at the end of my life, I'm going to think about my wife, the relationship I had, the experiences I had, and my kids. Right. Don't you think at the end that's the things we're going to think about? But sometimes that's the thing that gets the least amount of effort. We'll go to masterminds all over the world on how to make money, but will we take a time to do a weekend retreat on how to have better love in your life?

And if you have that love in your life now, you just think, you know, the people that are in my home, my spouse, my significant other will always be there. So let me clean up my mess over here. Let me be successful first, Let me do this and that, and then I'll focus on the relationship when it should be the opposite. And I feel like once you really understand that and really, once you understand that and actually believe that, that is when everything else will get a lot better. As Ndee was saying before he met me, he was always successful and doing great. And he says that. But I see it from everyone that we meet, from people that worked with him prior. They would say, they tell me, lisa, Dean's business blew up after you guys were together because he's so happy, he's so in love. He's so. He's the same person you see on screen, out screen or off screen. So. And it does, it does translate into your personal life, translates into your business, for sure.

Yeah. So I want to, I'd like to challenge you right now. What are three things that you could change in you that could potentially bring out another version of the person in your life you want to have a better relationship with? Because it could be a child, it could be a parent, it could be a sibling, it could be a love relationship. What are three things? If you really were self reflecting, if you really did have awareness of the things that you do, what are some things that maybe could take away some of the love, the connection of a relationship for that next level? So not thinking about what your spouse can do, because so many times after years and years of keeping score, and I see it in here, so many of the chat was, but what if my husband is never happy? What if he doesn't believe in me? I'm sorry if any of you are going through that, but what if you didn't look at them right now? You just looked in the mirror? What are three things that you could Bring different to the relationship.

I told Dean this year I want to be playful. More playful. I want to not be so in my bubble.

I would. We are, because we are right now. We're like connected. Amazing, but also kick ass Allergy mom trying to fix our two amazing children. And the way she was raised. She doesn't want 6,000 nannies taking care of her kids. I mean, our weekends, zero help. All weekend, it's me and her and two little ones and two teenagers. Our weekends. I can't wait to come to the office on Monday. That's all I gotta say. Monday morning I get up at 4:30. I'm like, in two hours I'll be at my office. Thank effing God. Right? I don't know how we just got through another weekend, right? And I'm like, babe, we could afford. She's like, of course we can afford it. But that's not how I'm raising my children. I'm like, okay.

I know. I see.

What if the next 90 days you just became the person you would love the other person to be? Unconditionally? No keeping score. You were an active listener again. You communicated differently. You made sure you started texting little cute notes. Or I mean, it could be in a personal. I text my two kids every day. Start texting again. If you guys. Have any of you been in a relationship in the last 10 years? The first three months you text non stop and made each other smile all the time. When's the last time you sent a text out of the blue in the middle of nowhere to someone you love that made them smile? You know what? What do I do at least once a week? What do I do once a week?

Love, relationship. Your mom or you know, anyone. Your siblings. Yeah.

What do I do once a week? I go through our old pictures from when we were dating and traveling all over and. And just randomly in the middle of the day, I just find a cute picture of us and I just send it to her with a bunch of hearts. And I know because I know her. As soon as she does it, she's like, oh, I love my husband. I am the luckiest man alive. I don't have to buy diamonds. I don't have to do any of that. I either write her a love note. What else I've been doing? I'll give you guys, men, you could steal this. Women, you can too. But every time we go to dinner, I steal the second part of the receipt. The first one you put your tip on, I steal the second one. And when she's not watching. She probably knows by now, and she looks away on purpose. But every dinner, I take the second receipt, flip it over, and write her a love note on the other receipt. And she's got them for five years. She's got baskets of these love notes that I write every time we go to dinner, because I know she'll take it and she'll hold it like this, and she'll go, this is better than a purse. And I'm like, well, remember that the next time I don't buy you in a fancy purse because you got this right? But what if you just took the next 90 days that I'm anchoring this in, and you just became the man or the woman that you wish the other person would be, and that's it. And if they don't appreciate it, if they don't understand it, that's okay. You just being consistently being you. You listen more, you love more. You feel love when you give it, not when you receive it. You do little things that you used to do when you were first in relationship. You send a little picture, say something naughty, or if it's in a personal relationship, obviously not right? What if you just did that now? You could be really disappointed and get nothing. But I've challenged people to do this because of Tony. I watched Tony do this 20 years ago. I've challenged people to do this, and I have watched the most unbelievable results of anything, anything I've ever challenged anybody to do. And sometimes, I'll be honest with you, sometimes people will come back and say, this is too far gone. I've done everything possible. And I couldn't even get a smile out of my significant other. I couldn't even get a thank you. I couldn't get anything. But most of the time, wow. They started recognizing. They started modeling me. They started mirroring me. My husband, my wife, my friend, my partner said to me, oh, my God, I've been slacking. So any thoughts on that one?

I've been in this situation where you're up here, you're working on yourself constantly, and then you wonder why the other person is not getting the cue right. And sometimes, like Jean said, if you tried everything and it's just too far gone, then it is what it is. But a lot of people will get intimidated by your growth. And when you try to speak this certain language and. And try to make them understand what you have learned, they almost kind of like get resentful and just don't want to listen to it. And that's not good. Either. Because I feel like if you're not, like you say, if you're not climbing, you're sliding, and yet you can't force the other person to be interpersonal growth, to want to be a better person every day. You just can't. But as long as you're doing this for yourself, this is where it starts with within you.

Yeah. And I, I, what a great.

So good people see your actions and like, oh, that's, that's nice. I, I want to be like her or him. And they, you know, they'll start to change or inquire on what you're, how you're learning this and what books you're reading and this and that. But if they're just not, which I know people that are like that, that just don't care, don't want to hear it, don't want it, then they're not for you. They're, you know, it's, it's back to one of Tony's sayings. I love one of Tony's sayings. In one of his first books, he said, if you look around your circle of friends and you're the one that's smarter and doing bigger and better things, it's time to find better friends that are doing bigger and better things than you are because you are who you hang out with. Right. That goes away with your relationship as well.

Yeah. And it's funny you say that about. That's one of the number one questions I've gotten over the last 27 years of doing this and is I'm all on board to become a better version, but my spouse or my partner or my significant other isn't. If you're with us every week, you're a part of Mastermind. You listen to me, you listen to Tony. You are growing, you are understanding yourself, you're self reflecting, you're doing the work, you're taking the challenges. And then you got to translate that to a significant other. Like, what are you talking about? You mean the guy that makes you walk on fire or the other guy that's got the high pitched voice and talks too much? Come on. Right. Sometimes it's hard to translate that. So the only advice, the best advice I found over the years is just be the person that you want to become and don't dim your glow to match them anymore. Don't dim your glow anymore, Sam.