10 Tips for Verbal Crisis De-Escalation and Intervention | Communication Skills Improvement

Hey there, everybody, and welcome to this video on 10 tips for verbal crisis deescalation. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. Crisis represents danger and opportunity. And one of my mentors once said, change causes crisis, and crisis causes change. When something changes, whether it's something we try to change or something that changes despite fight our best efforts, it puts us in a state of feeling vulnerable and feeling out of control and possibly in crisis. So it's important to remember that a person who is in crisis is often feeling out of control, which means there's an opportunity. There's an opportunity for them to figure out, okay, where do I go from here? But when they're in crisis, when they're feeling out of control, they're feeling threatened, which is not a place where they're going to be able to think clearly. That's where you're in danger. So first is calming and helping the person get into their wise mind. And second is opportunity. And that's where you work with the person when they're in their wise mind to figure out, okay, this is where we're at. What is the best way to improve the next moment? Where do you want to go from here? People in crisis feel unsafe and powerless and are trying to regain those things. And it's important that we recognize that regardless of how they are displaying it, some people will withdraw, some people will get drunk, some people will have a very emotional display. But ultimately, all of those people are feeling unsafe and powerless and they're trying to figure out, how do I make this feeling stop? How do I either feel more empowered or just make the feeling stop? These feelings may come from what is going on in the moment. So something could have happened that triggered them and threw them into crisis, or something that happened in the moment triggered them, but not because there's a problem right now, but because it reminded them of something from the past and that threw them into crisis. So it's important to recognize that sometimes people will be triggered by what we might think is a relatively benign situation. But it is bringing up memories, traumas, problems from the past, and all of a sudden they're feeling like they're back there again. People who are in crisis may also trigger crisis memories in those responding to them. So when the person who is responding, when the responder is in crisis, then the respondee or the person that originally was in crisis is going to have more difficulty training, trusting them and feeling safe, because they're looking at you going, well, you're supposed to be the one that's in Control. And, yeah, I'm not seeing it. So it's important to recognize that people in crisis can trigger your stuff as well. And even if you keep it under wraps or keep it contained while you're handling that situation, you may need to process it after the crisis situation because it may have opened some old wounds for you. So what are these 10 tips? Get grounded so you know you are safe in the moment. This is before you even approach them. Get grounded, look around, go, okay, I'm safe right now. I can see that there are no apparent threats. We're good. Breathe and maintain that slow breathing. When you breathe slowly and deeply, it triggers the relaxation response, which manually overrides the stress response. So if you focus on your breathing, it's going to help you avoid starting to have a. An extreme stress reaction. So take a couple of slow, deep breaths, breathe in for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, and maybe do it again before you approach the person. Okay. Whether you're sitting in your car and you've got to approach them because they're on a park bench, or if you are having to respond to their home because you're an apartment manager and you got a call about, you know, ruckus going on in the household, whatever it is, take a few breaths, get yourself centered. Taking this extra 30 seconds or a minute to get grounded and get focused is going to be a lot more beneficial and than rushing in there. Get the person's attention generally without touching them. A lot of people when they are in crisis are feeling out of control and unsafe. So touching them can make them respond with aggression. They may not even think about it. They may just flail because don't touch me, okay? We don't want to invade somebody's physical boundaries when they're already feeling unsafe. If they are sitting or standing, walk around until you can get in front of them so you can make eye contact. If they are sitting or staring at the ground, especially if they're sitting, sit next to them and try to get in their line of sight. That will help you make contact with them, but don't touch. There are a few exceptions to this, especially with very, very small children. But as a general rule, if you're going to touch, it's important to ask ahead of time. Definitely not before you've made contact with the person. You don't want to put your hand on their shoulder and try to spin them around and go, hey, let's talk. That's going to be bad. So get their attention. Listen to what's going on or look at what's going on. If they're crying, if they are just devastated, okay, it doesn't take a genius to see that. If they are enraged about something. Okay, it doesn't take a genius to see that either. So identify what they're feeling. I see that you are really terrified right now, or I see that you are really enraged or other words that may be more appropriate that YouTube wouldn't like. Okay. Tell them you want to help and you would like to know what's going on. I see that you are devastated. I, I really want to help you. I, I see that you're feeling just completely overwhelmed. Can we talk about this? Can you tell me what's going on? Because I really want to help. Genuine compassion goes a long way. However, genuine compassion with acknowledgment of where they are. A lot of times, well meaning people will come up to them and the first thing they say is calm down. If I could calm down, I'd be doing that already. Don't start with calm down. Please validate or acknowledge whatever word you want to use. How they're feeling right now. I can see that you're feeling this way and that has got to be terrifying. I really want to help you and would like to know what's going on. That phrase or paragraph right there goes so far. The next step, you want to hear what's going on. But when people have an audience, if it was an anger situation, they may feel like they've got to save face. So it's going to be harder to de escalate them. If it is anxiety, they, you know, again, may feel unsafe. But the more people are around and watching them, the more it's going to increase their anxiety. They feel like they're under a microscope. If they're in crisis, regardless of the emotion, anger, anxiety, devastation, let's move. We can either sit down here and get the bystanders to go away. Sometimes that's what you need to do because the person doesn't want to move or can't move. Ideally you help them move to another safe place. You can walk. When I worked in residential and we would have residents that would get into an altercation. One counselor would take one resident and another counselor would take another resident and we would walk separate places in the, on the property because walking actually helps people calm down. And there's a lot of explanation behind that that you probably don't care about right now. But when people walk, it can help. It's also less threatening to walk and talk because you're side by side. When you're looking at somebody face to face, it can feel intense, intimidating, or threatening, or feel like they're judging. So walking and talking puts you in a neutral situation. Likewise, if you sit and talk, make sure that if they're sitting, you're sitting. If you're standing, you're taking a power position that may feel threatening to them. Offer them a piece of gum. I know you're like what they found. And Harvard research has actually found that chewing gum stimulates the vagus nerve, stimulates the nerves that are connected through the face, and trigger the relaxation response. So offer them a piece of gum. They don't even have to blow bubbles with it. They can. Just chewing it often helps trigger that relaxation response. So you've got another little tool in your toolbox. Attempt to help them get to a place where they have privacy and no audience. So either walk somewhere. If you're an apartment manager, ideally help them walk to maybe the, the manager, your office in the or the clubhouse where you can talk. Make sure that you're not putting yourself in any sort of dangerous situation. You know you don't, but also you're trying to remove the audience. That way they don't feel like they're on display, they don't feel like they're being judged. They don't feel like they've got to continue to make a statement. Then let them tell their story and avoid invalidating their beliefs. Okay, so you've acknowledged what you're observing as far as what you think they're feeling right now. You've said you want to help. You've taken steps to get them to a place where they have some privacy. Now you, you're going to let them tell their story and you're going to hear it from their perspective. Their perspective is their perspective. You don't have to agree. You just need to hear it from their perspective and try to imagine what it must be like from their perspective and then ask them what they see as a solution. This is a step towards giving them back control and empowering them to make the next. Make the next move. What is it that needs to happen to resolve this situation and how can I help? Once you get them thinking, once you ask that question, you've moved them from their emotional mind to their wise mind. And then you can work together to make a plan. So it sounds really simple. It can be very exhausting and it can feel very overwhelming at times. But some of the key points are to make sure not to invalidate the person's thoughts or feelings, they're theirs and to not invalidate their space, their boundaries. You don't want to touch them unless you've been given permission. If the videos on this channel have been helpful for you, please support us in our mission to make high quality, practical content available to everybody. You can donate@docsnipes.com donate. You can join the YouTube channel@docsnipes.com join or you can purchase a thanks on any particular videos that you find helpful. Crisis for most people equates to feeling out of control. Crisis de escalation requires a calm, comforting presence that helps the person feel heard, safe and empowered to regain control. De escalating a crisis can feel awesome, but it can also reopen old wounds for you. It's important throughout the de escalation process to remain aware of whether you're reacting to your to the situation in the moment or stuff from your past. So maybe you're interacting with somebody and you start feeling really frustrated and irritable with them. Is it something they're doing? Or have you been in a similar situation in the past and you got angry or frustrated because the person wouldn't do what you wanted? Other videos that might be helpful in include crisis intervention and promoting resilience. That's a much longer video. Docsnipes.com crisis listening to help doc snipes.com empathy and creating the life you want. Doc snipes.com life a CEU course on crisis intervention is also available at allce.com crisis CEU.