12 Signs of Trauma in Children and 5 Tips to Address Them | Parenting Skills

Hey there everybody, and welcome to this presentation on 12 signs of trauma in children and five tools to address it. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. The first thing I want to talk about is the fact that we often mislabel children's behavior as being bad when it may be a reaction to trauma. They're trying to stay safe in the only way they know how to. Children often don't have the self awareness or emotional vocabulary to express fear. So when their fight or flight system gets kicked off, they act. It's important to remember that behavior is their communication. So we need to explore what are they trying to tell me with this behavior. Are they over tired? Are they feeling jealous? Are they feeling insecure in some way? Before pathologizing the behaviors, explore the meaning and the function of them. Even if the child is safe in the current context, something in the current situation may be triggering a trauma response. So for example, if they went to one school and they were bullied and then they are switched to a new school where you think, okay, they're going to be safe now, they're going to know they're safe. We well on one level, yes, they may know they're safe. But if there's a child in that new class that looks like, resembles, sounds like, smells like, does, has mannerisms like the child that bullied them in the other school, there may be a very guttural response and the child may feel unsafe in that current environment, so may act in self preservation sort of ways. So what are some often missed signs of trauma? Loss of appetite. Well, when your HPA axis is kicked off, when that stress response system is an overdrive, it is not time to eat. It's not time to rest and digest. It's time to fight or flee. So the desire to eat will often go away. People may get an upset stomach, they may get a lack of desire for food, they may feel nauseous. All of those go along with potentially the stress response. Now it's important to remember that all of these symptoms in isolation or any of these symptoms in isolation can mean a lot of different things. A loss of appetite could mean the child is depressed for some other reason. It could mean the child is going through a growth spurt. It could mean the child snuck candy into their room or maybe they're getting ready to get stuck sick. So there's a lot of reasons for that. We don't want to assume that just because Johnny isn't hungry one morning means that it's trauma. But a sudden change in appetite that's ongoing, doesn't seem to have any other explanation. We might want to look at that changes in sleep, including sleeping too much or refusal to go a bed, go to bed. Some children will withdraw, so when they're traumatized, their reaction is to go to sleep. Infants, for example, when they are feeling overstimulated, will often avert their gaze. They will yawn, and they may get fussy, or you may actually see them sleeping. More on the other end of the spectrum is a child who refuses to go to bed. And it's not just when they think there might be monsters in their room, for example. And that's of course, a. A fear that a lot of children get. But some children don't want to go to bed because that's when it gets quiet. And that's when all of those memories and fears and stress from the trauma starts to come out, so they don't feel safe. It's important to inquire about why the child suddenly is refusing to go to bed. And finally, hyperactivity, fidgeting or picking. And I lump all these together because when that stress response system is activated, it wants the child to. Or it wants the person to stay primed, to stay prepared, to fight or flee, to launch into action. So a lot of times you will see fidgety behavior, whether they're picking at their drawstrings or they're chewing on their. On their sleeves or on the neck of their shirt, or even picking out hair. You know, whether it's from their arms or from their eyebrows or even sometimes eyelashes, all of these behaviors can indicate a stress response, a fear response. Now, could it indicate ADHD or bipolar disorder? Sure it could. But we want to make sure that we don't forget to assess, to explore whether it's a reaction to trauma, whether it's a reaction to them feeling unsafe. Affectively, the child may be more irritable and have more tantrums. When we know that when they're in fight or flee, when they don't feel safe, that stress response stays active, at least at a low level, which means they're going to be likely more irritable, at least at a low level. And dysregulation or anhedonia is often common, Especially if the trauma is ongoing. It's not just a single incident, like a natural disaster. It is bullying, for example, at school or being in a household where there's domestic violence or being where. Where there's abuse. The child may, most of the time or a lot of the time be flat or anhedonic because their stress response system actually alters. There's changes in the brain, but then when they do get triggered, it's a tsunami of stress chemicals. The body says, okay, we need to launch into action and sprint and out of here or go into full on fight. There is no middle ground. There is no mildly irritated. They are either kind of flat or they are enraged. And that is a natural consequence of ongoing trauma. We see that in adults as well as children. But it's important to remember that children's brains are much more malleable, much easier unfortunately, to experience physiological changes or physiological trauma as a result of stress. So what wouldn't necessarily cause changes in the brain of an adult may actually cause br changes in the brain of a child. Cognitively we have spacing out or daydreaming. And this again, I know, is a symptom, sorry, of ADHD for some, but it can also be a symptom of dissociation. It can be a symptom that the child is feeling overwhelmed and just can't be there right now. So they may go off and kind of space out. Difficulty concentrating when you are in fight or flee, it is not time to learn math problems or multiplication tables. It is time to actually protect yourself. So concentration on academics, concentration on even playing games with family or social interactions is going to be lower priority than staying safe when the child has been traumatized. A lot of times they're what we call hyper vigilant, which means they're constantly scanning for stressors, for threats in the environment. When you're constantly scanning for threats, it makes it difficult to concentrate. And the best example I can give is when I was, when my children were little, I used to volunteer in their preschool classroom and it was very difficult to concentrate on doing a puzzle or working with just one student when there were 10 other children kind of running around and I was trying to make sure that everybody was staying safe. Same sort of thing for people who have been traumatized. They're constantly looking and they have difficulty focusing on one thing. They have low frustration tolerance or give up easily. This could be a symptom of ADHD or something else, but it could also be a symptom of trauma when a child has been stressed out. When the child already is stressed out, already is feeling unsafe, already is feeling hyper vigilant, already is exhausted, then when they're trying to do something like we'll say, learn multiplication tables, they're having difficulty concentrating, they're giving their all, but they just can't seem to get it. Done. And they give up. They're just. Remember, they. They just completely shut it down. There is no middle ground. They either get it and they're successful and like, okay, I got this, or they don't get it and they start getting very, very angry and they give up. They get angry at themselves, they get angry at the situation. And perfectionism, believe it or not, can also be a sign of trauma. Now, there's nothing wrong with taking pride in your work or even wanting to excel at something, but if a child starts feeling or indicating like they need to be perfect at everything all the time, then we want to take a look at that, because it may mean that they are fearful of abandonment, that they have been traumatized in some way, that they have generally attachment trauma that is causing them to feel like, if I'm not perfect, I'm either going to be rejected or I'm going to get punished really bad. Environmentally. If they are hypersensitive to sensory stimulus, it is. Makes sense. Now, this can be true for people with other diagnoses, but it can also be true for trauma. As I mentioned, they tend to be hypervigilant. So lights, sounds, smells may be more potent to them, and they may notice them more and be more distracted or bothered by them. Many children who have a history of trauma may also isolate or withdraw, and this is a protective mechanism. If they are by themselves, then they are less likely to be hurt or injured or threatened or traumatized in some way. So they may isolate or withdraw into their own space, whether that is a corner of the library or at home in their bedroom. If the child's behavior changes suddenly, we want to recognize that now it's important again to remember that some children are introverts. Some children need time each day to kind of decompress, because being around a lot of children all day long was exhausting. But children who have experienced trauma, you're going to see these behaviors come out rather suddenly, and it's going to be a change from their prior functioning. And relationally, children who've experienced trauma may have difficulty making friends or avoid being around other children. They may not trust other children. They may not know how to interact with others, because if they withdraw as a child, if they withdraw, they miss out on learning a lot of social skills. So then as they get older, if they haven't developed those social skills, they may have more difficulty making friends, more difficulty connecting with other people. And finally, you may also see defiance. Children who have experienced trauma sometimes will feel like, ain't nobody got my back, but me. So I am going to make sure that, you know, I feel safe. I'm going to exert my power so I feel safe. Another explanation for defiance Remember, it's communication. So we need to understand what this behavior means for this child. Sometimes children will become defiant around a caregiver in order to ensure those limits are set to say, okay, if I'm defiant, are you going to keep me safe? Are you going to make sure that I'm okay? Are you going to enforce the rules so I know their structure because that makes me feel safe? Safe. Help us continue our mission of making practical tools available to everybody. Support the channel@doc snipes.com donate become a paid member of the YouTube channel@doc snipes.com YouTube or purchase a super thanks on any video that you find particularly helpful so some questions for parents or caregivers or teachers thinking about a child's behavior when did this start? How long has it been going on? Now for teachers, the child may have been enduring trauma since before they got into your classroom. So it may not be a sudden change for you, but it is something to explore with prior teachers, with caregivers about how long has this behavior been going on? Was there a precipitating event? Did something happen like starting a new school, changing teachers or moving or something? And of course, what are some other explanations? We don't want to just assume that trauma is at the root of everything. It could be adhd. A lot of these behaviors can also be explained by a learning disability and frustration that children experience because of their learning disability because maybe they're having more difficulty reading than their peers. It could be because of vision or hearing issues. Sometimes children will space out in class if they can't hear. They just kind of go off into their own world. Or if they're having difficulty reading the chalkboard or whatever they use in classes now, they may kind of drift off because the teacher's not holding their attention and they don't want to draw attention to themselves going, hey, I can't see. So we want to check for vision and hearing issues. Sometimes some behaviors are a developmental stage and we need to recognize this. Children who are, you know, in toddlerhood and starting their first preschool may have some separation anxiety that is not uncommon. So we want to recognize, are these behaviors understandable for this child at this time? Is testing limits a something that is understandable for this child at this time? Could it be due to a change in routine? Some children really crave structure, and when there's a change in routine when they go from kindergarten to first grade, or when they go from being at home to being in school or, or they move or something else happens, it can kind of upset the apple cart. So they feel a little bit unsafe, a little bit unsure of themselves, which triggers that stress response. So it may not be full out trauma, but it may be a reaction to stress. And finally, I have anxiety and grief with asterisks by them. Because children who've experienced trauma will also experience anxiety and grief. But there are other things that you might not put under the label of trauma, so to speak, that can cause a lot of distress in children or changes in behavior, anxiety. A lot of children, for example, have anxiety about end of the year testing. And so they may start acting out prior to that testing, that standardized testing. Or if the child is grieving because they lost a beloved pet, for example. It may not have been traumatic as far as how the animal, you know, passed on, but it still hurts, it's still a trauma in, in certain ways for the child as they're processing that. So we do want to recognize what might have precipitated this behavior. So I promised you some interventions. I don't like giving you problems without providing some interventions. The mnemonic I have for this is seeds. If you plant the seeds of safety, it will help children survive and thrive despite trauma. So S first S stands for safety through support. Create a safe environment where the child feels like they can tell you anything. They feel safe in their current situation. They don't feel like they have to be on guard. The first E stands for empowerment to recognize and respond to vulnerabilities, triggers and traumas. Children don't understand what vulnerabilities are, so we empower them to recognize vulnerabilities like being over tired or being over hungry by identifying that for them. You know, it seems like you're over tired right now and it, it's making it difficult for you to do your math home. And that empowers the child. That helps the child learn that, hey, yeah, when I'm overtired, I can't do this, or when I'm overtired, I get more irritable. So that empowers the child so they can start to learn how to respond. Same thing with triggers. A lot of times kids aren't going to be able to say that reminded me of this event and that's why I got sad. We can help children draw connections between triggers and prior events or between triggers and their emotions so they can understand and feel more empowered in Their own skin. They're like, okay, I understand why I'm feeling irritable. And then they again, can take steps to address it. And helping them, empowering them to recognize and respond to traumas when things happen, not minimizing them and saying, you got in a fight with your best friend, you know, whatever, you'll get over it. But recognizing, encouraging them to recognize that, yeah, this hurts, this is painful. It's scary that my best friend and I aren't talking right now. And while it may not seem like a big trauma to you as a caregiver because you've been through a lot more, to them in their limited experience, it feels very unsafe and disempowering. It's. It's scary. So we want to help them recognize when things are traumatic and figure out, okay, how do I move forward? The second E stands for emotion identification when they are acting a certain way. Remember I said, a lot of times kids don't have the words to talk about what they're feeling. They just communicate through behaviors so we can help them recognize how they're feeling. You know, I see that you're feeling frustrated right now, or it seems like you're feeling frustrated while you're trying to do your homework. Encouraging them to start developing that emotional vocabulary. So then when they start feeling that way, they can say, okay, I'm feeling frustrated. What is triggering that frustration and how can I respond? Distress tolerance is also important to teach children because they're not going to be able to think through all this if they're in fighter or flight. We need to help children feel empowered to identify their emotions, to recognize and respond to their triggers and traumas and things. But once they identify that emotion, recognizing, hey, I feel angry right now, or I feel terrified right now and it won't swallow me up, I can sit with this for a minute and then get grounded and figure out what to do next. Whether that's ask a grown up or, you know, seek support or whether I have the tools to address it myself. And the final S is scaffolding to solve problems. We don't want to do things for kids that they can do for themselves. Scaffolding means being there to support them, walking along beside them, and then when they can't do it anymore, providing a little help, a little encouragement, a few prompts to help them move the rest of the way. Scaffolding is important to increase that sense of personal empowerment so they start to think, I can do this. I feel confident and competent in my abilities, and I don't need to have this, my caregiver with me all the time for me to feel safe. Many children are not able to effectively communicate their feelings and needs. They may not even know why they're doing some things that you may ask them, why did you throw your toy across the room? I don't know. Okay. And that may not be them being snitty. That may be mean that they just. They truly don't know. They had a feeling and they acted on it. Their behavior is often mislabeled as add, adhd, oppositional, defiant, or even bipolar. Treatment for these behaviors will not be very successful if the root causes trauma, because the treatment for ADHD and trauma are very different. The treatment for ODD and trauma are pretty different, so we need to wreck it. Same thing with bipolar. We need to recognize what is the cause. If it's trauma, we're going to use. We have these tools over here. If it's ADHD or bipolar, we have these tools over here. So we need to better understand the totality of what's causing it. It's also important to recognize that kids can have both. They can have, for example, ADHD and trauma. So we don't want to treat one to the exclusion of the other. We need to recognize, okay, the child may have this. Have these trauma issues that need to be addressed to help them feel safe. And that's also complicated because they also have adhd. Recognizing for most children, they are constantly reacting from a survival standpoint. They're thinking to themselves, what do I need to do to stay safe? If they've experienced trauma, and we need to be compassionate with them, whether it is in the classroom, at home, at the grocery store, whatever the case may be, behavior is communication.