15 Mind Tricks to Silence the Chaos
Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes shares practical techniques to quiet racing thoughts, including writing things down, setting aside dedicated thinking time, challenging catastrophic thinking, and grounding exercises like noticing three things you see, hear, smell, and feel.
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Welcome to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes. This podcast was created to provide you the information and tools Doc Snipes gives her clients so that you too can start living happier. Our website, Docsnipes.com has even more resources, videos and handouts, and even interactive sessions with Doc Snipes to help you apply what you learn. Go to Docsnipes.com to learn more. Hi, everybody, and welcome to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes practical tools to improve your mood and quality of life. Today we're going to be talking about 10 Ways to Quiet your mind. What do I mean by quieting your mind? A lot of people have difficulty sitting still. When they start sitting still, their mind starts going a million miles an hour. They have difficulty focusing because they've got much so much bouncing around up there. Or when they try to go to sleep, all of a sudden all these thoughts and worries and concerns just start flooding or have to's. So we need to look at how can you quiet your mind so you can focus on the present so you're not constantly being bombarded? It's kind of like being in a classroom with a bunch of preschoolers and you're trying to keep track of every single one of them to make sure they don't hurt themselves. And it's exhausting to have that much stimulus all the time. So what do we do that increases the noise? Because before we can decrease it, we got to figure out what we're doing to increase it. Stuffing and compartmentalizing, for one. So if something happens and you just say, you know, what, whatever, and you stuff it down, you don't really mean whatever. You just kind of push it down somewhere and don't deal with it, then that's going to come back up. You've got to deal with it. You've got to come to some sort of acceptance or closure with whatever it is. Some people will compartmentalize. They'll take different things, like, you know, stuff from work, and they'll put it in this compartment over there. That's work. You know, I only deal with work at work, and then I only deal with, you know, home at home. I only deal with my parents on the holidays, whatever the case may be. But everything has a nice, neat little tidy compartment that all the stuff is stuffed into. And eventually those compartments are going to blow open. If you've ever stuffed a closet too full and, you know, you had to, like, lean against it to get the door to latch, that's what I'm talking about here. Eventually the door is going to open, the top is going to come off, whatever you want to say. So what kind of noise is this? Well, there are two main types of noise that you know, we're going to talk about today. Anxiety and anger. Anxiety can come from your brain having a laundry list of to do items. I need to remember to pick up the dry cleaning. I need to remember to go by the grocery store. I need to remember too. You know where this is going. I have those a lot at night when I'm laying down and I'm trying to get to sleep. So I always keep a notepad by my bed so I can write them down. Because if you write them down, then it tells your brain, you know, I don't have to remember this. I can let this go because it's written down. I'll remember it when I wake up in the morning. Fears, both real and imaginary, can also go through your head. What if this happens? What if the sky falls? What if, what if? What if? Those what ifs can keep you up for a long time. So we need to figure out what to do with those, creating catastrophic what if scenarios of the future. So if something happens, maybe you find out that your company experienced losses the past year, so there may be layoffs, and you start thinking, well, if I get laid off, then I'm not going to find another job and we're going to lose the house and the kids won't go to college. And yet you've just made it into this major catastrophe and you start getting all wound up about it. And sometimes, you know, even if you think that you're not getting all wound up about it, when you go to sleep, you have these dreams about it, and the dreams wake you up and you're like, oh, guess I am more stressed about that than I thought. So that's another way that your mind can be noisy. And sometimes we call this monkey mind. If you think of a monkey, monkeys jump all over the place and they jump on the, on the sides of the cages, and if they get upset, they start throwing poop at you. So think about monkey mind. You know, if you're mind gets upset, sometimes you're throwing poop at yourself. But I digress. When you're angry, you may have angry thoughts about trying to control other people's behaviors, reactions and thoughts. A lot of those happen with. Start with she shouldn't have or she should have done this and she didn't. People's reactions. You know, if you're concerned about somebody's reactions or if somebody doesn't react the way you want them to, again, that's going to be a should. Why didn't this person do that? She shouldn't have laughed when I tripped over my own two feet. You can be angry when you start judging the present. You look around and you go, I should have gotten further than this by now. You hear a trend with these should words here. Looking at the present and being unhappy with all the things and just being focused on the negative things that are going on in your life. Jealousy and envy. When you see somebody on TV who has this mansion and you're like, hey, you know, I bust my hump every single day and they sang a few songs and or acted on television show and they're making more in one episode than I make all year long. Yeah, you could get all fired up about that. But does it do you any good? You know, Is it going to change that person's financial outcome or yours? No, probably not. Other things you may get angry about and have it bounce around in your mind include hurtful, hurtful things that have happened in the past. So somebody that did you wrong and you start thinking about it again or, well, that's the big one. And regrets. Things that you did wrong in the past that you think, oh, I shouldn't have done that, or maybe I should have done something instead. And you start dwelling on these regrets. You can't change the past, so dwelling on the regrets is just noise. So what do we do to quiet this monkey mind? Know that your monkey mind can be tamed. We can put a diaper on this bad boy and get him to behave and be great. Write your thoughts down. When you're ruminating, which is thinking the same thing over and over again. Whether that's I've got to remember to go by the store and pick up milk tomorrow, or I wonder if I'm going to get fired when I show up to work tomorrow. Whatever you're ruminating, write your thoughts down. When you get them out, somehow that signals your brain that, okay, I'm not going to forget this, so I don't need to keep rolling it over in my head. When you're trying to sleep, write things down. If you keep waking up with the same thoughts or you're having difficulty going to sleep because of stuff going through your head, turn on the light, take five or 10 minutes and just write the stuff down. Close the book and say, okay, I need to think about that stuff tomorrow, but not right now. Another time you can write stuff down. Is at the beginning and end of the day. At the beginning of the day, write down everything that's going through your mind. For me, I get up and I've got major monkey mind. First thing in the morning, I am all over the place thinking about all the stuff I need to do and, you know, what I'm going to do and what playlist I'm going to listen to when I run and all, and what I'm going to wear. Oh my gosh, so much stuff. So writing some stuff down to get some goals for the day can help quiet your monkey mind because it helps you visualize how you're going to spend the energy that day and it helps you prioritize what's important. At the end of the day, you can write down your thoughts if you're thinking about stuff that happened during the day that you need to remember to do tomorrow, or there's something that's bothering you. If you write it down, it helps get it out so it's not stuffed down into that compartment. Talk to somebody. It doesn't have to be a counselor. It can be your friend. Heck, it can be your dog if that works for you. Talking to somebody, especially a human, that can give you feedback can be helpful to help you look at the rationality and the logic of what you're thinking. If you're thinking that, you know that your company didn't make its projections for last year, so there may be layoffs, and you're already to the point of you're assuming that you're going to be homeless and your kids aren't going to college. You know, somebody else might be able to say, wait, wait, wait, aren't you kind of putting the cart before the horse here? You don't even know if you're getting laid off yet. So they can help you look at the facts for and against your thought, so you can examine, you know, what's going on. They can help you separate fact based versus emotion based reasoning. Just because you feel scared doesn't mean it's really all that threatening of a situation. You may be kind of making a mountain out of a molehill. So what is the evidence? And then they can help you. Or you can help yourself. If you write it down. You can look and say, what is the likelihood that this is going to happen? Could it happen? Sure, you know, anything could happen, but what is the likelihood that this worst case scenario is going to play out? Another thing you can do is set aside thinking time. Some people are just destined to worry. So if you set aside Thinking time, then you can know that, you know, from 6 to 7 o' clock tonight, I'm going to go out on the porch and I'm going to sit down and I'm going to think about all this stuff. And that's the time that you can mull over all those things in your mind. So throughout the day, if something starts coming into your mind that you're stressed about or you're worried about or you've got to do, you can say, all right, I will think about that at 6 o' clock during my thinking time. That enables you to push it to a different place. Now, I don't want you to push it down and keep it down and, you know, compartmentalize. We're trying to get away from stuffing and compartmentalizing, but you also don't want to have that noise 24 7. So you need to find a way to put it all together. Think about it this way. If you were working for an organization and we had this perfect example, I worked in a residential facility and, you know, obviously residential, the clients are there 24 7. The staff is there on their scheduled times. And my staff used to keep their doors open, which was great. The clients could come in when they had a problem. But clients weren't taking time to figure out what they needed. They were very impulsive. So they were constantly walking into the staff's office. So the staff was never getting anything done. Eventually the staff had to say, you know what, take all your concerns. And each day when I come in at the beginning of shift, we will have a 30 minute meeting at which time you can tell me all of the things that you're concerned about or all the things that you need that freed the staff up. They had to attend to it during that thinking time, if you will. But then the other seven and a half hours of their shift, they were able to get their work done. Same thing's true for you. Set aside all this time, write it down, keep it on a list, and then during your thinking time, you can go through and figure out how to deal with the things that are bothering you or what you need to do in order to get those things accomplished. Practice radical acceptance. Now, radical acceptance means just accepting that things are as they are. They may suck, they may be great, but they are. It is what it is. And you know, that's one of those things that I say a lot because sometimes things happen and there's nothing I can do about it. And I just have to say, you know, what it is, what it is, what can I do to improve the next moment? You know, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm feeling an unpleasant emotion right now. It is what it is. Now, I can't change right now, but I can change the next moment and the next moment after that. So what can I do? What's causing me to feel this way and what can I do to improve it? You know, it doesn't necessarily mean to stop feeling that way, but it means improve it. So if you're depressed right now, something happened, you're feeling really depressed. It is what it is. Don't tell yourself you shouldn't feel that way. Just say, all right, this is how I feel. How can I improve the next moment? Maybe that means getting online and watching some funny videos or listening to a comedian or going outside and watching the hummingbirds visit the flowers. Whatever it is that helps you improve that next moment, does it fix all your depression issues? No. But does it help make the next moment more tolerable? Yes, because everything is always in a state of flux and change. You don't have to stay stuck quiet. The internal critic, or Chicken Little, whoever you have. The internal critic is the one who tells you you're not good enough. You should have known that you would fail at that. The person who's always heckling you from the balconies of your mind could be voices from people who were critical in your past, or it could just be your own voice being overly hyper critical of yourself. I tell people, when that person starts talking, when that internal critic starts talking, ask yourself, would I ever say that to my child or my best friend? And if the answer is no, well, then quit saying it to yourself, for goodness sake. The other thing you can do is just tell the heckler to be quiet. Because a lot of times the heckler is just being negative. Sometimes it's being negative to try to protect you, to try to keep you from getting outside your comfort zone, because that's a scary place. So it's saying, don't do that. You're going to fail because it doesn't want you to take chances. Okay, well, thanks for the heads up, but I want to get outside my comfort zone. So quiet that internal critic. And if you have Chicken Little, that's the one that always says, the sky's falling. Something good happens. Chicken Little says, well, let's just wait for the other shoe to drop, because good never comes without bad. Quiet. Chicken Little, too. Look at the reality. Look at the likelihood that whatever you're thinking that's catastrophic is going to Happen. Look at how likely it is to actually happen. The seventh thing that you can do is exercise. Now, this goes to schools of thought from bioenergetics as well as a variety of other things. But sometimes when we feel anxious, when we have a lot of noise in our head, the thought is that a lot of our energy is up in our head right now, and we need to draw that energy down. I don't know about you, but when I go out on a good run, if I'm running and I'm having a decent workout, I can't think very much. I am using all my energy to move my body, which quiets my mind because I can't think that hard and run that hard at the same time. So when I exercise, that is my time to blank my mind out. I focus on the music, I focus on, you know, the scenery, and that's about all I can focus on. So that's another step you can take to quiet your mind. If you just. If you need a break, if you just need some quiet for a minute. Does it fix the problem? No. You still have to figure out whatever it is that you were mulling over. Start writing a list. I used to have my clients put their thoughts, things that were bugging them on note cards, and then pick a note card out of a basket and mark off one each day. That helped them whittle down the list a little bit. And if you can mark off a couple each day, then great, but at least one each day to start whittling down the list of concerns or things you have to do. Know your direction. It's hard to know what you want and how to know, how to use your energy and how to know. Hard to know what's important to get stressed over and what's not important to get stressed over if you don't know your direction. So where do you want to be six months, a year from now when you are truly happy? What is your life like? Who's important? What are you doing? Those sorts of things. You know, if you're in a job that you really don't like right now, and you know it's stressing you out, and you're wondering if you should quit. You're wondering if you should find another job, and you know that you're getting ready to, for example, switch careers, you know you're about. At that point, you've been going to school and you're about ready to switch careers, and the job that you're in right now is really keeping you from finishing that goal. You May need to stop and think. Is staying in this job or furthering my career at this organization where I want to be? Is it moving me towards where I want to be? A lot of clinicians that want to go into private practice, you know, they stay in community mental health and they work there through their internship. And then they have to ask themselves if, where do I want to go from now? Is the stress of staying in community mental health where I want to be, or is it keeping me from opening my own practice? Examine the practicality of the thought. When you have thoughts, it's your brain telling you there might be a problem, there might be something to worry about, There might be something really awesome around the bend. Whatever the thought is, ask yourself, is this helping me? So if you're worried that you know you're going to be driving and you're going to be on a back road somewhere and you're going to get a flat tire, and every time you get in the car, you start worrying about that, you have to ask yourself, is that worry helping you? No. All it's doing is draining your energy. It told you that there might be a problem. There's a possibility you could get a flat tire, which is your brain's way of telling you, do something about it, for goodness sake. Learn how to change your own tire. Get AAA or roadside assistance so you have somebody to call and make sure you have a spare in your, in your trunk. Other than that, you know, how likely is it that you're going to get a flat tire? Think how many days you've been driving and how many flat tires you've had. So think about, is the worry or thought helping you? And then ask yourself, what is the thought trying to tell you? Because remember, like I just said, the worry or the anger or the thought is trying to prompt you to do something. So figure out what you need to do and do it. But don't dwell in the feeling, because the feeling is just there to kind of push you along and get you to do something. It doesn't serve a function other than that. So holding on to anger, holding on to anxiety is just draining your energy. What's better is to use that energy to solve the problem. If you can't deal with the issue right, then if it's not your thinking time or whatever, push the thoughts away. Especially if you determine they're unhelpful. For example, if you have a grudge against somebody and every time you think about them, you just, oh, you start clenching your fists and grinding your teeth. Take a Deep breath and push those thoughts away. Because holding that grudge is not helping you. It's just draining your energy. That's not a helpful thought. Practice effective time management. A lot of people have monkey mind because they have monkey mouth, so to speak. Anytime somebody asks them to do something, they say yes. Or maybe they have seven. I'm guilty of this last one. I have 17 different things I want to get done, and there's just not enough hours in the day. But I'm still determined to try to get all of them done simultaneously. That doesn't work. That just keeps you stressed and kind of feeling scattered and pulled in a million different directions, which keeps the monkey mind going. So practice effective time management. Write down all the things that you want to do or you think you need to do. Cross off any that really aren't important. Then what you've got left, you've got to prioritize, figure out which ones are most important to get done and which ones are least. You know, for me, I have nine projects right now that are kind of all out there, but I had to prioritize. And some of them will not be done right now, but they'll be done when I clear off some of the other five projects. You know, as one gets finished, then I'll slide another one into its spot. But you need to have effective time management so you can have balance in your life. Even if it's, you know, fun stuff, you've got too much fun stuff to do, which is great. But there's also got to be time for resting and, you know, sleep. So you need to practice effective time management. Focus on the positive. And I call this the three Cs. It comes from a theory called commitment, control, and challenge. So when something bad happens or when you're worried about things, sure, you know, stuff happens, we worry. Focus on the things that you're committed to in your life. If you're committed to, you know, having a happy family, if you're committed to paying your bills, if you're committed to being a good employee, those are the things that you're committed to in your life. You have this other worry or catastrophe or something in your life, okay? It happens. You know, everything in your life is not always going to be going perfectly, but remember to balance it out and focus on those things that you're committed to, recognizing that, you know, okay, three out of four are going great right now. The fourth one, it's kind of in the crapper, but, you know, 75% of the stuff is going pretty good. Control Is the second C. Focus on those things and those aspects over which you have control. Some things you have no control over, but a lot of things you have some control over. Whether your part in it, whether you participate in it, whether you choose to let it go, how you react to a certain situation. Those are all things that are within your control. So focus on what parts of the situation you control, the things that you're committed to. And look at obstacles and solving that 25% that may not be going so well. Look at that as a challenge instead of seeing it as something overwhelming. Say, okay, well, life's thrown me lemons and I don't seem to have a food processor around, so how in the world am I going to make lemonade? Look at it as a challenge. Look at it as a growth opportunity that can help you quiet your mind instead of feeling worried about it. Practice mindfulness. Sometimes you're just going to feel discombobulated. And in order to even start thinking straight, you need to quiet that monkey mind. You need to quiet your thoughts. So we have the three things. Exercise. Identify. Look around your room. Identify three things that you see. Okay. Then close your eyes and listen. And identify three things you hear. Then while your eyes are closed, identify three things that you can smell. That's a little harder. Generally there's one dominant odor, but sometimes you can smell a couple more things. Those are the big ones. Then identify three things that you feel. You know, what are you sitting on? What does the air feel like? Maybe you feel the sun coming in from the. From outside through the window. So three things that you feel. The last one is three things that you taste. That's pretty hard. But at least three things that you see, smell, hear and feel. That forces you to focus on something which gets you out of that bouncing around monkey mind. Stop assigning meaning, for goodness sake. When something happens, it doesn't necessarily mean the world is going to end. There's a lot of things that we take personally that have nothing to do with us. People being rude, things happening. Maybe you interviewed for a job and you didn't get may not be anything personal. Maybe there was just somebody else that, you know, knew the hiring manager and so they got hired instead. Don't take everything so personally. Look for three other reasons that this could have happened besides being all about you. And try to let go of superstitions like Friday the 13th. Sometimes people get up on Friday the 13th and they're like, oh, it's Friday the 13th, it's going to be a bad day. And they start worrying about everything and every time something happens, their anxiety kind of spirals out of control. It doesn't have to be that way. So stop assigning meaning to things. Just because it's Friday the 13th doesn't mean it's going to be any better or worse than the next day. Unless you make it that way. And finally, pray. Whatever your higher power is or your organizing force for the universe, try to turn over some of the stuff that you are not able to control to that higher power. I hope these have helped you figure out some ways to help quiet and tame your monkey mind. If you like this podcast, please subscribe on your favorite podcast app. You can join our facebook group@docsnipes.com Facebook or join our community and access additional resources, including live chat with Doc Snipes every Thursday at Docs. Thanks for tuning in to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes. Our mission is to make practical tools for living the happiest life affordable and accessible to everyone. We record the podcast during a Facebook Live broadcast each week. Join us free@docsnipes.com Facebook or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast player. 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