20 CBT Techniques to Relieve Anxiety About an Uncertain Future

Hey there, everybody, and welcome to Today's presentation on 20 strategies for coping with an uncertain future. I'm your host, Dr. Donnellice Snipes. Uncertainty can make people feel very unsafe, which triggers our threat response system or our HPA axis and results in feelings like anger, anxiety and depression. My personal experiences with uncertainty are many, but some of them include when my daughter got her diagnosis of pots. You know, that was life changing for us and still continues to be. Both of my children were born very prematurely, so when they were in the hospital, of course that was anxiety provoking breakups, hurricanes, the pandemic which has impacted all of us, and politicians. It seems like no matter who's in office, there is a significant portion of the country that feels very anxious because they're uncertain about what that particular politician is going to do. When we experience uncertainty, this can result in behaviors that are designed to reduce that uncertainty, like worrying, reassurance, reassurance seeking, checking, and hypervigilance. Some of these things in moderation are okay. Worry is a natural emotion that is triggered to tell us that we need to check to see if there is a threat. It doesn't mean there is. It means we need to check to see if there is reassurance seeking. There's nothing wrong with reaching out for support. It's when you do it to in excess that it can be problematic. Checking and hyper vigilance, which means being aware of what's going on around you. You know, these can be helpful in the short term, but if you continue to do them, it's kind of like being stuck in the mud and just continuing to rev your engine and spin your wheels. You're not changing anything and you're continuing to use up a bunch of energy. The stress response is your body's smoke alarm. It tells you that based on your prior experiences and beliefs. Similar situations in the past, there might be a problem in the present. It's not saying there is a problem in the present, it's saying in similar situations there's been a problem. So you might want to check to make sure you're still safe. That's all. That's all these stress response is designed to do. It gives you energy to assess the situation getting stuck in. The stress response has a variety of negative pacer effects. Physically, it impairs your sleep, it increases your pain or decreases your pain tolerance. It can impact your immunity. It increases the aging process, contributes to exhaustion and even hormone changes like your thyroid hormones, your estrogen, testosterone levels. All of those get out of whack when Your stress response gets stuck in the on position. Affectively and cognitively, it is hard to be happy and feel relaxed when you are stressed out. You may have more mood swings, difficulty concentrating, and difficulty with problem solving and relationally or interpersonally. You may not have any energy to devote to nurturing those supportive relationships. And you may start becoming either more clingy or more detached in your relationships as the uncertainty and anxiety build. So what do we do to deal with this uncertainty? To reduce the anxiety around uncertainty, the first thing is to challenge your musts. When you tell yourself, I must have a clear and certain direction at all times. Why? Why is it that you must have this at all times? Yes, we would like to have a clear direction, but knowing what's going to happen tomorrow, life can throw you curveballs. So it's almost impossible to have a clear and certain direction at all times. So who taught you that? Who says you need to have this? Children and adolescents rarely have a clear and certain direction at all times. They're living in the moment. They're living in the short term. They know that they need to get through this semester in school, for example, or they know that they're looking forward to Christmas, so they're trying to be good so they stay on Santa's nice list. Whatever it is, it tends to be relatively present, focused. What's wrong with experimenting? What's wrong with if you don't have a clear and certain direction? What are the advantages and disadvantages to certainty? Sometimes when we get certain about something, we start feeling hemmed in. We don't feel like we have the ability to change course or to try out new things. What are you absolutely certain about in life anyway? And what is the probability, not the possibility, but what is the probability that an uncertain outcome, that not having control of everything means that bad things are going to happen? You know, think back over prior times when you haven't had control over everything. How many times did that end up turning out okay? Maybe not the way you had anticipated, but how many times did it end up turning out okay versus how many times did it end up turning out in just tragedy? I must be in a relationship at all times. Again, what? Who says that you need to be in a relationship? Where did you get that from? And do you believe it? Or is it something that society or somebody in your family or something has told you? What else could you do if you're not in a relationship right now? Maybe use that energy to get to know yourself or focus on your friendships? You know, there are a Lot of things that people find important in their life in addition to relationships. What is your catastrophic self saying? You know, maybe your catastrophic self is saying, if I'm not in a relationship, then I'm going to always be alone and I'm going to be 50 years old with 15 cats. That's the one that my catastrophic self comes up with a lot of the times. And I'm married. But it's important to recognize what you're telling yourself about being in a relationship and whether it's accurate and based in probability and fact, or it's a slim possibility of the worst case scenario. What are the benefits and drawbacks to holding on to this must? You know, what is the benefit to continuing to berate yourself if you're not in a relationship and worry about not getting into a relationship that might actually end up prompting you to get into an unhealthy relationship just so you can check the block and say I'm in one. I must immediately get another forever job. If you lose, if you lose your job or for people who are leaving substance abuse treatment or getting out of jail, you know, it may be difficult to find a job or they may not have one that they are really interested in. You know, who says that you need to be in a forever job or a career at all times? Sometimes it's worth experimenting. Going back to school, getting a short term job to try out a new field. What is your catastrophic self saying if you don't get another forever job? Now, a lot of times we need to have a job, but can you make ends meet with a job, even if it's a job you don't plan on keeping forever? What are the benefits and drawbacks to holding onto this must? Why do you need to hold on to this certainty of having this forever job? Did you know most people change careers three times in their lifetime? Fun fact. I had always envisioned it this way and I must achieve that vision again. Who says, why is it that you have to achieve this vision that you've had since you were knee high to a grasshopper? Things change, you change. Life has modified you as you've grown and you may have changed and moved in a different direction. So what is your catastrophic self saying? If I don't follow this vision that I've always had, then what's what bad things might be happening? Challenge that. Look at the facts. Is it likely that something catastrophic is going to happen if you don't fulfill the vision that you've always had? And what is the probability of something catastrophic happening? What Are the benefits and drawbacks to holding this must? And how can you change the narrative to incorporate your new reality? When I was in college, at a certain point, I realized I was not going to go to med school. I'd always thought I was going to go to med school since I was 7 years old. And once I decided that, it was terrifying to switch gears and try to figure out, okay, what am I going to do with my life now? So I had to change the narrative to incorporate my new reality of, you know, going into psychology as opposed to medicine. And what does that look like? What does that mean to me? Other strategies as a We challenge our musts. That helps us form a new relationship with uncertainty. Instead of feeling like we must do this, we're open to potential options. Maintain your cns, and this stands for circadian rhythms, your nutrition and your sleep, which when these get out of whack, they are going to negatively impact your nervous system. So it's kind of an interesting little acronym to remember. But it's important to maintain these things because when you're worn down, poorly nourished, or your circadian rhythms are out of whack, it's going to be harder to deal with life on life's terms. Use guided imagery and progressive muscular relaxation to trigger the relaxation response when you feel anxious so you don't get stuck in that on position or to help with sleep. And I have a lot of videos on the YouTube channel on guided imagery, but basically guided imagery. And you can also look in the video videos on distress tolerance skills, because that's again, G in distress tolerance skills. Tags Mnemonic stands for guided imagery. But with guided imagery, you're using all of your senses to immerse yourself in this representation of your favorite place. Five things that you see, four things that you hear, three things that you smell, Two things that you can feel. By trying to incorporate your senses and putting words to it, narrating it, you're using both sides of your brain in order to create this virtual image. When you're doing that, your brain doesn't have the ability to also focus on all the uncertainties. It's focusing on this one thing that makes you happy, that makes you feel relaxed, which can help trigger that relaxation response. Breathe slow, deep breathing triggers the relaxation response. Bubbles can be really helpful for this. When you're blowing bubbles, you breathe in deep and you exhale, and then you can watch the bubbles float away. I'm 50 years old. I still love watching bubbles and blowing bubbles. You know, maybe I'm weird But guided imagery can be helpful here too. Envision yourself inhaling the calming air, inhaling courage and positivity and exhaling stress and negativity. So in with the good air, out with the bad air. Identify and mitigate your things that trigger you to focus on the uncertainty or what you cannot control. So identify the things in your life, whether it's the news, the media, people in your life, whatever it is that triggers you to focus on that uncertainty and start to spiral. It's important to figure out what those things are and how can you control how they impact you. Can you get rid of them? You know, just not watch the news or stay away from a particular person or, or can you develop strategies if you can't completely avoid it, to cope with it? And again, I go back to fact based reasoning. Stay away from Chicken Little. The sky is falling. Try to find facts that support what's being said and that contradict what's being said. Find facts for and against this assertion so you can determine how true it is. Practice mindfulness to get grounded and focused. You cannot predict the future, but you can impact what's happening in the moment. Worrying about what's going to happen when you graduate from college in three years, you can't control that. There's so much that's going to happen between now and then. What you can impact is what is happening now. Are you in school studying something that you're probably going to enjoy at least for your first career? Practice self compassion and stop shoulding yourself. When you start to get uncertain, when you start to get stressed, think to yourself, if my child or my best friend were feeling that way, what would I do for them? How would I try to be compassionate with them and then do that for yourself. Recognize the connection between trauma triggers and uncertainty. When we feel uncertain, a lot of times we feel powerless, we feel out of control, we don't know what's going to happen and we feel like we're at the whims of the powers that be. If you've experienced trauma, you've been in a similar situation. In traumatic situations and traumas, we lose our sense of safety, we lose our sense of personal power. So when we feel uncertain, it can trigger those feelings that we had when we experienced something bad. And we may as a result, expect, project those feelings onto the future, expecting that, well, when I haven't had control before, bad things have happened, so that must be what's happening now. So recognize that uncertainty may trigger anxiety from past traumas. Allow yourself to feel the uncertainty and embrace Tragic optimism. I know we talk about tragic optimism a lot, but what that means is, is embracing the notion that we can't control everything and saying, all right, well, I can fight against it or I can lean into it. I can work with it. I can recognize that, yes, this is uncomfortable. I really don't like this feeling. And I believe that I can get through this and I can live a rich and meaningful life even if I don't have all of the answers. Even if I. I don't have complete control. Plan for uncertainty. I know seems kind of counterintuitive, but for those of us who are J's, on the Myers Briggs, we really like structure. And uncertainty can be kind of overwhelming for some of us because we like to be in control. What do you need to do to ensure your continued safety? You can't plan everything. You don't know what's going to happen. You can't plan for floods or hurricanes or tornadoes or pandemics. But what you can do is have a emergency response plan, if you will. What do you need to do to ensure your continued safety? To ensure that you will have a roof over your head, food in your belly, and. And access to at least moderate medical care? You know, what can you do to ensure your safety? Those are your needs. There's a lot of other stuff you may want, but ultimately, if catastrophe strikes, which probability is pretty small, but if catastrophe strikes, what do you need to do? That way, when you experience uncertainty, you can acknowledge the discomfort and say, this is not ideal. And however, I know that whatever happens, I'm going to have my basic needs met. Identify and allow yourself to grieve the actual, not the anticipated losses. Now, let me put a little caveat here. If you get a diagnosis or someone you love gets a terminal diagnosis, that triggers something called anticipated grief, but you know that that person is going to pass on at some point, so you may start experiencing anticipated grief. And that is actually, you know, one of those losses that's, you know, actually kind of actual when we. I know that doesn't make any sense, but when we start focusing on losses that haven't happened yet, our brain starts to feel like or believe that it's already happened. So instead of focusing on that, recognizing what we can control in the present. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, you know, I focused on what can I do in whatever time left that we have together instead of anticipating and focusing my energy on anticipating how hard it was going to be to lose her or be without her. So grieve actual losses. If you have diabetes and you experience an amputation, that's an actual loss. Now, you could experience other losses as a result, but you don't know that yet. All you know is you experience the amputation and anything that happens in the future is just an anticipated loss. So what can you control in the present moment? Envision your rich and meaningful life to identify where to direct your energy. And I've got a lot of videos on creating a vision of your rich and meaningful life. But ultimately, that is your goal. That's what you're working towards. It identifies the people, things and experiences that are important in your life. So you can figure out how to, you know, divide your energy in order to nurture all of them, not just focus on one area. Develop hardiness. This is a sense of commitment to those things in your rich and meaningful life, recognizing that there may be 15 of them, and this one over here, not going so well, but the other 14, you may not be able to affect what's going on right here. There may be uncertainty here, but there's a lot of certainty in these other 14 things, and you can focus on that. Control is focusing your energies on the things you can control, not the things that are out of your control. And challenge. Seeing uncertainty, for example, and obstacles that come up as a challenge instead of something that is catastrophic. Getting curious and going, all right, let me see how I can get through this. Or I've experienced uncertainty before. How can I do it a little bit better this time so it doesn't overwhelm me with anxiety? Write the next season or chapter. You know, whether you want to think about Netflix or a book, however you want to see it. When one season ends generally or a chapter ends generally, there is a change in the narrative. Sometimes it's a cliffhanger, whatever it is. Well, your season or your chapter is ending with some uncertainty. How are you going to continue the narrative for the rest of the seasons to come or chapters in the book? You're having to answer the question, I no longer have this. If you lost something or. Or I don't have control over this, what can I learn from this experience? What do I need to do immediately to address it, if anything? And how will this change my concept of X in the future? Whether it's relationships or waiting on test results or job interviews or whatever it is that's causing your uncertainty or pandemics, how will this experience influence the way I approach these types of situations? This type of uncertainty in the future? Reflect on your strengths and creativity. We have a lot more strengths and creativity than we usually give ourselves credit for. And by strengths or your strengths, I don't just mean your internal strengths. I mean look at your resources. What strengths do you have? What people do you have in your life? What resources do you have that can help you endure and get through periods of uncertainty? Focus on what you do know and can control. I brought up politics earlier and I know politics is a hot button topic, so I'm not going into any particular issues, but it's important to recognize the amount of influence that any one politician actually has. You know, we have a House, we have a Senate, we have a President, and to get all three of those aligned in order to make significant changes is a big deal. It's a lot harder than just electing one person into office or whatever the case may be. So really look at the facts. Instead of operating from a place from your from your emotion focused mind, operate from your fact focused mind. What is the probability that this person being in office is going to result in changes that I'm terrified about? Know you're probably not seeing every option and remember your distress tolerance skills. Thoughts that are encouraging and tolerant of distress. Instead of saying I cannot deal with this, saying I can deal with this. It's uncomfortable, but I can deal with this. And I do have other videos on distress tolerance skills. Live in the and we talked about that a little while ago. Oh, let me go back up to tags. Thoughts that are distress tolerant and encouraging. Activities that are pleasant and can help you de stress and relax. Guided imagery and sensations that can help you feel calmer or at least distract you from your distress so you can get into your wise mind. You can let the adrenaline from the from the anxiety rush go away so you can get into your wise mind and think more clearly. Living in the and means embracing is that that tragic optimism. Embracing distress and saying I can experience distress. I can experience uncertainty and have a rich and meaningful life. And finally, develop a resilience circle. Develop a circle of people that you can call on to get an encouraging word that are there for you, that you know you can rely on when you do experience uncertainty. Maybe they have sage wisdom or maybe they're just a good listener. Whatever it is, develop that resilience circle so you've got something to fall back on, so to speak. And it will catch you and it will cushion you during this period of uncertainty. Uncertainty in life is inevitable. Uncertainty can trigger anxiety based on your schemas or your beliefs about lack of clarity. And those schemas are based on what other people have told you. Maybe you've always been told that you have to know where you're going and you have to have clarity and laser focus. Or maybe it's based on prior experiences where you were uncertain and maybe you took a wrong turn, or maybe you took a right turn. Some people really aren't phased by uncertainty. Find those people. Learn from them. Try to understand how it is that they can experience uncertainty and they don't have anxiety triggered. And I'll give you a hint. Their beliefs about uncertainty are probably very different than your beliefs, but explore that. Develop a new relationship with uncertainty and awareness of your needs so you can cope with the uncertainty when you have to wait on something, or when your life suddenly changes.