Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes teaches the Four P's framework for understanding why people react the way they do: their history, current state, what you did, and what they intended. Using examples like past dog attacks and relationship baggage, she shows how perspective taking leads to better decisions and less conflict.
Welcome to this video on perspective taking. This is part of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Nuggets series and I AM your host, Dr. Donnellice Snipes. In this series, we're talking about different tools and techniques we can use to deal with the stress in order to more effectively use our energy to move towards a rich and meaningful life. And sometimes it's hard to understand exactly why we reacted the way we did, why we did what we did, or why others reacted the way they did. And perspective taking can help us look at the bigger picture, get away from that tunnel vision and recognize all of the factors that may have played into it so we have a deeper understanding of, of what happened so we can figure out how to address it. When we talk about perspective taking, there are four P's that we're going to talk about predisposing. What were the background factors that contributed to my behavior or this other person's behavior? You know, what was going on? Maybe, you know, let's talk about somebody who is a grown up. A dog runs up to them and they have an absolute panic attack. Okay, what were the background factors that led up to that? Well, maybe this adult was attacked by a dog when they were a child, so now they have a intense fear of dogs, which explains why they reacted so strongly to this, you know, assumingly very lovely but very excitable dog. It's important to understand historical context. What, what situations have you been in or has the person been in that were similar to this one in the past? Because prior situations that we're in that are similar teach us what to expect in, probably expect in future situations. It doesn't mean it will always happen. For people, for example, who get into a bad relationship and then they get out of it and they get into another relationship. Those two relationships are different. They're the same in fact, in terms of the fact that they're relationships, but they're different. But the background factors, now that this person's been through a unhealthy relationship that may impact how they perceive and react to things in this present relationship. And it's important to recognize that personal traits are another thing that may predispose someone to react one way or another to a certain situation. Some people are more high strung, some people are more laid back, and transference is yet another factor. And that kind of goes along with historical transference is when we take our feelings and thoughts about someone from our past and project them, put them on somebody in our present who reminds us of somebody in our past. So if I see somebody that reminds me of my first love. I may project all kinds of positive qualities onto this person. If I see somebody that reminds me of my biggest nemesis from high school, I may project negative qualities onto that person. And that person has. I have no idea who that person is, but they reminded me of somebody from my past. I see them. So I have almost automatic expectations. And it's important to recognize that our expectations can be wrong. They inform us to a certain point. But it's also important to recognize, okay, you know, in the past, when I've experienced something like this, this is how it's gone, and this is how I've had to react in the present. In what ways is this situation similar to and different to that prior experience? And what. What do I need to know? Okay, so predisposing factors include, you know, your experiences, your learning experiences up until that point, and your personal traits or that person's personal traits. Precipitating factors, those are more things that are going on in the present. Vulnerabilities and contextual factors that precipitated the reaction. Vulnerabilities are things that make us more likely to respond strongly to a situation. If I don't have enough sleep, sleep if I'm in pain, if I don't feel well, all of those things maybe may make me more vulnerable to reacting strongly and negatively to something that may not deserve that strong of a reaction. So it's important to recognize vulnerabilities in people's behavior, whether it's how you're reacting or how someone else is reacting. And contextual factors may also contribute to vulnerabilities. If, you know, you're in a noisy sports bar and somebody drops a dish, you may not think too much about it, and it may not startle you. If you are in a library and somebody drops something really loudly, it may really shock you and trigger a much different reaction. So it's important to consider, you know, in what ways did the context of what happened impact this person's reaction or impact my reaction? In what ways did vulnerabilities potentially impact my reaction or this other person's reaction in this situation? So predisposing, those are historical things. Precipitating, those are things in the present that may have contributed to the reaction provocations. Now, this is when you really look in yourself and say, in what way might I have inadvertently provoked this behavior? Whether somebody was irritable with you or dismissive of you or, you know, obviously, if you're having a great relationship, you're probably not going to be Going through the four P's. So. So something unpleasant happened. In what ways might I have inadvertently provoked the behavior? Maybe you were dismissive. Maybe your nonverbals were very hostile thinking about your part in it. One of the things that I teach a lot of people is that when we're blaming somebody else, when you're pointing a finger at other people, two fingers are pointing at them and three are pointing back at you. So what was your part in creating the ultimate situation and plans? Did the person have good intentions? Sometimes people do things and they don't turn out right. Sometimes they do things with the best of intentions and it rubs you the wrong way. So it's important to think, did the person have good intentions? And there was a book, and I'm trying to think of the name of it right now, just for you by Little Critter. It's a little kids book, but it talks about plans. For example, Little Critter wanted to do things nice for his mom, but every time he tried, he just, you know, didn't follow through. And, you know, he had good intentions, but it never quite worked out right. And his mother was always, you know, feeling frustrated. And so it's important to really look. Did the person really have good intentions? And you know, what. What is the big picture? The big picture is so important in order to avoid miscommunication and misunderstandings. So predisposing factors. What factors inherent in the person, Precipitating factors, you know, what's going on right now that may have made them more irritable, more judgmental, more suspicious provocations. In what way might I have inadvertently provoked this behavior or caused this behavior? And ultimately, did the person have good intentions? And you can apply that to yourself or you can apply it to other people, but it helps you many times develop a greater sense of compassion and empathy when you start looking at the bigger picture.
