6 Must-Have Coping Skills

Foreign. Everybody, it is Thursday morning and today we are going to talk about must have coping skills. Y' all know I love my acronyms, so today we're going to be talking about the acronym charms. Welcome to the broadcast. Please feel free to share with me topics you would like me to cover in the upcoming week. Because I'd really rather talk about something you want to hear about than just something I pull out of things thin air. And as always, don't forget to subscribe, click the bell and share with any of your friends who you think might be benefit or enjoy this interactive presentation. Now, I know there's a lot of stuff on this slide, but since it was an acronym, I wanted to try to keep everything on the same slide. So bear with me. What we're talking about today are really coping skills for HPA axis regulation. Now remember, your HPA axis as well as your HPG axis are involved in emotion regulation. When your HPA axis or your threat response system is turned on, when it is hyperactive, you are going to feel stressed. You are going to feel anxious, angry that fight or flee is kicking in. When we are in distress, that HPA axis is activated. When we are in persistent distress, that HPA axis stays activated. And just like sitting in a car in park and just revving that engine, you can't keep running that hot in a car. At a certain point that engine block is probably going to crack. In human beings, we start to become apathetic. We start to experience distress and increasing problems regulating our HPA axis. So what we want to do is figure out how to cope with stress, with life on life's terms in order to keep our HPA axis from becoming overtaxed, so to speak, so it can respond appropriately. And hopefully when we do need it, the acronym we're going to talk about today, as I said, is charms. And C stands for cognitive or psychological flexibility, H stands for health, A stands for attitude, R RE regulation, M mindfulness and S social skills and support. So let's talk about each one of those things. Cognitive flexibility or psychological flexibility. But P just didn't work here, so we're calling it cognitive. Think back to Ellis's ABCs. You have your activating event. Whatever it is that happened, your activating event causes a litany of automatic beliefs that happen, you know, boom, boom, boom. In a microsecond, based on your prior learning experiences, that leads you to see which is your consequence. You either activate that HPA axis and start feeling emotions like anxiety or anger or, or maybe even happiness or, or you don't. So those are the basic ABCs. Now, the next thing you want to do is dispute those beliefs. Not all of your beliefs are going to be wrong. Not all of them are going to be exaggerated. But some of them likely are, especially if they are leading to distress. So when you have an event, and I always use getting cut off in traffic because that's a pretty benign event that most people have experienced, you get caught off in traffic and you get angry. We know road rage is a thing. What happened between getting cut off in traffic? What beliefs did you have about that event that triggered the rage reaction, that triggered the consequence of rage? So you want to go back through and identify each one of the thoughts that you had about that situation, which means, you know, trying to figure out what were those automatic beliefs and then examining the facts for and against that belief. You know, if you thought that person cut me off so I could have died, well, all right, could have, maybe. So let's look at the facts for and against that. Is it possible you could have died? Well, yes. What's the probability that given the fact that you were driving defensively and you were paying attention to the road and they just, they cut you off, but they didn't even like touch your car at all, what are, what's the probability that you could have died in that particular situation? Well, that's pretty slim. So we want to examine that particular belief for exaggeration, for catastrophizing. So each one of those beliefs, you want to go back and look at the facts for and against the the belief. The notion that this was an actual threat in this particular circumstance could have been in other situations. Maybe you were in car accidents before where it was a problem, but in this situation, in this context, at this time, is this belief accurate and probable? And also look for alternative explanations. Another thing that you might think that when this person cuts you off, they are so rude. Well, you know, maybe they are rude, but what are some alternate explanations? Maybe you were in their blind spot and they just didn't see you. So examine the, the bigger picture. That can also help us dispute some of our beliefs that lead to extreme turmoil. Once you have gone through each one of your beliefs, looks, looked at the facts for and against, and the probability that those things were actually accurate and effective a threat at this, in this context, at this time, then you want to want to evaluate how can I best use my energy in this situation to move toward happiness? When we're talking about getting cut off in traffic, does speeding up next to the person and flipping them off or screaming at them through the windshield. Is that a good, effective use of your energy? Generally, no. It oftentimes is not going to solve the problem. It may be cathartic in some ways, but is it a good use of your energy, or could you use that energy in another way to help you move closer to your goals of happiness? So you want to evaluate your options after you know your know what's going on, you're aware of the situation, what is the best choice of action should you change your reaction? Accept, use, radical acceptance. It is what it is. You know, it sucked, it was unfortunate, it's done. Should you let it go? You know, just decide that, you know what, getting upset over this and getting all tied up is not a good use of my energy. Or is there something that you can do to use your energy to change the situation? Now, when you get cut off in traffic, there's not a lot that you can do to change that situation. However, henceforth, after you get cut off in traffic, you can choose to drive more defensively. Maybe you get a couple car lengths behind that person that's driving like a maniac. You know, that is going to keep you safer. So you want to evaluate your reactions. C stands for cognitive flexibility. H and you know, I talk about this all the time, but I'm going to talk about it again. H stands for health. If your body is not functioning well, if your body cannot produce the neurotransmitters and respond in a way that is helpful, if it is low on fuel, so to speak, then you're going to have difficulty coping. When we are exhausted, it triggers our HPA axis. When we are exhausted, it impairs our ability to concentrate. When we are exhausted, they have found that we tend to respond with a greater cortisol dump and a greater HPA axis activation to even minor distress. So sleep is important quality sleep. Circadian rhythms go along with sleep, but they're not the same thing. Circadian rhythms help your body know when it's supposed to be awake, when it's supposed to be asleep, but it also controls a lot of other hormones. It controls your eating, your hunger, your satiation hormones, your gonadal hormones. There's a lot of stuff that is regulated by your circadian rhythms, including cortisol, which is your stress hormone, which is its highest when your body thinks it's time to get up, and it's at its lowest when your body thinks it's time to go to bed. If your circadian rhythms are out of whack and your cortisol is still high at bedtime, for example, then you're not going to get that quality sleep, which means, guess what, you're going to be exhausted the next day. If your circadian rhythms are low when you're supposed to be getting up in the morning, you're going to be exhausted, you're not going to have the energy to get out of bed, and life is going to feel a lot more like drudgery trying to get through it, which tends to put a lot of us in sort of a funk. Nutrition and hydration are important for health and happiness. Your chemicals in your body that are responsible for helping you feel happy, for helping you relax, for helping you fight or flee, all of those chemicals are created from the foods that you eat. You eat crap, you're going to feel like crap. Likewise, your nerves communicate in a fluid environment, literally fluid. So if you are dehydrated, even 1% dehydration contributes to difficulty concentrating, difficulty with memory and reduced energy. So make sure you are eating relatively healthy and staying hydrated. P stands for pain and inflammation. Inflammation throughout your body, whether it's from an autoimmune issue, diabetes, eating too many processed foods. There are a lot of different things that contribute to inflammation. But inflammation is associated with HPA axis activation, that stress response in your body. So it keeps that stress system going. We which means we're already revved, and it doesn't take much to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Paying attention to pain and inflammation. Do what you can. You're not going to eradicate pain and inflammation from your life 100% of the time. That's not realistic. But do what you can with stretching, with movement, with ergonomics, with medication if necessary, meditation, guided imagery. There are a lot of different things that you can do. Massage to address pain and inflammation. As inflammation goes up, depression and anxiety go up. As inflammation goes down, depression and anxiety go down. So we know that there is a very strong direct correlation between inflammation and pain. Attitude is the A we need to have an attitude of optimism. And I talked about this Tuesday. When we perceive a threat, you know, it's important that we don't miss potential threats in our environment. So our brain gives that five times more weight than the positive things. So I will notice the snake crossing my path and remember it five times stronger than I will the bunny rabbit that hopped by, because the bunny rabbit theoretically isn't a threat to me. It's important that we challenge ourselves to also notice the positive, to adopt an attitude of optimism, to see obstacles, to see things that get in our way, to see problems as challenges. Try to take an optimistic view and say, okay, you know, there are some things going on right now that really suck. But let's look at what things are going well in my life. Let's look at what things went well today. Let's look at, okay, this is happening. However, it could be worse. So let me be grateful for what's going on right now. And there's a lot of radical acceptance in there, but encouraging yourself, and studies have shown that spending 20 minutes a day, just setting aside 20 minutes, you don't have to do it all day long. Set it setting aside 20 minutes to encourage yourself to focus on nothing but the positive things that have happened that day. Even if that means having to go to YouTube and find funny videos and positive things. Focusing for 20 minutes a day on the positive actually helps increase our serotonin, increase our dopamine, and increase our, our gaba, which is our natural calming neurotransmitter. R stands for RE regulation and distress tolerance. Now, Linehan put out some great mnemonic devices to for distress tolerance skills, but I find a lot of people have difficulty remembering all those, all of those things, especially when they're in distress. So I have distilled it down to what I the the acronym brats. Breathing Radical acceptance Activities, thought, stopping and sensations. This is somewhat easier for a lot of people to remember. Breathing is the key to re regulation. When you're upset, you tend to breathe rapidly and shallowly. When you're relaxed, you breathe deeply and slowly. When you force yourself to breathe deep, hold for four, exhale for four. It actually tricks your mind and triggers that rest and digest response. So it starts actually forcing your body to physiologically relax. So breathing is essential. Now, unlike at the doctor, when they are listening to your heart and they say, breathe in and breathe out and you do it and you start feeling dizzy. That's not what we're looking for here. We want to breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four and exhale for a count of four. And then do that again. Maybe, maybe two or three times. You don't have to do it a bunch. Breathing is the first thing. Reminding yourself to breathe is also important. I know when my daughter gets stressed, she'll forget to breathe and, and I'll be like, haley, take a breath. Radical acceptance is the next step. So I'm breathing, and generally when I'm breathing, I'm also practicing radical acceptance, repeating to myself. It is what it is. And then I exhale and I let the tension out. Radical acceptance doesn't mean liking what's going on. It doesn't mean approving of what's going on. It means accepting that reality is reality. When we fight against reality, we're fighting a losing battle. You cannot change something that is what you can do is accept it and figure out all right, this is what's going on. How do I improve the next moment? I shared with you on Tuesday, for example, getting a cancer diagnosis when my mother got her cancer diagnosis, fighting against it didn't do wouldn't do any good because it it was what it was. However, saying all right, it is what it is now, what can I do to improve the next moment? That was a better use of my energy Activities and a lot of Linehan's distress tolerance skills revolve around activities designed to either distract you from the current problem or elicit opposite, ideally happy emotions. So anything that you can do? For me, it's gardening plan, playing with my dog. Sometimes it's taking a a cold shower, sometimes it is singing or putting on my music really really loud. Whatever it is for you have a list of ideally 10 activities that you can consider when you are feeling distress. The goal of these activities is not to make it all better, but it's to allow you to focus your attention away from the distress on something else until your HPA axis can calm down. Until you can re regulate and get into your logical mind and say all right, let me step away from a from it for a few minutes until I can get a clear head and then I'll step back in once I'm in a clear headed logical mind and figure out what is the next best way to approach this issue. T stands for thought stopping. Sometimes you just have to talk back to yourself and tell yourself no, I'm not going to think about it. For me, sometimes I just do that. I say no, not thinking about that right now. Other times I will launch into song and it can be something inane. It doesn't matter. Your favorite song, the ABCs, it doesn't matter. Just anything that forces you to think about something besides whatever that distressing thought is. And S stands for sensations. Now this is kind of an activity, but S is really helpful. I want you to think about all the sensations that you have available that can help you re regulate, that can help you feel calmer. You can use scent smells. You know what things do you smell that help you take that breath and go ah, I'm I feel calmer. What things can you feel sometimes? People like having I have a worry stone that I rub sometimes, or a fuzzy soft sweater or a fuzzy piece of material, Something that you can feel. What sensations can you listen to that help you feel relaxed? Maybe it's the sound of the waves coming in and out. Using your senses, you to help transport you to a more relaxed place. Using your senses to help prompt those feelings of relaxation, those relaxation chemicals is really helpful. M stands for mindfulness, and the acronym here is want, warning signs, needs in the present context, and triggers. So when we are mindful, we are aware of ourselves in the moment. We're not thinking about an hour ago, we're not thinking about lunchtime. We're thinking about right now. W stands for warning signs. Being aware. You know, scanning periodically for warning signs that I am starting to feel distress, whatever that looks like for you. Maybe you start clenching your teeth or tightening your back or grabbing your fists, or for me, it's biting my nails. When I notice that that is acute to me, to check in with myself and say, what is going on? What are my needs? In the present context, I notice that I am starting to feel an unpleasant emotion. So what is it that I need to do in order to improve the next moment? And then along with that, Just being aware of triggers. If you're going somewhere or you're somewhere, being aware of things that can trigger your distress can allow you to prevent emotional upset if you know that you're getting ready to go to the doctor and get a shot. I'm a big old when it comes to needles. I know that's a trigger for distress for me. So ahead of time, I start planning on for how I can mitigate that. I start bolstering my confidence and feeling more secure and empowered to approach that situation. And then S stands for social skills and support. It is difficult to get your needs met and to feel safe if you don't know and you or you can't articulate what is necessary for you to feel safe. So you need to be mindful. But then you need to also be able to tell yourself, this is what I need. And to tell other people this is what I need right now, to be. To be supportive, to help me through this. This is what I need from you. This is what I need from me. These are not all the coping skills, but if you have these six tools at hand, and I know it's actually more than six if you break each one of them down, but if you have these tools at hand, it really Sets you up to, to, for a good start, to re regulating your HPA axis. In terms of using these skills. If you've experienced trauma, it's important. Context is so important for everybody, but especially if you've experienced trauma in the past, sometimes things can trigger, trigger your memories of trauma, and you may be reacting as if that trauma is reoccurring, which is why it's important to examine what's going on, the facts of the situation in context, and the probability that you are safe or in danger in this situation, in this moment, at this time. Context is so important. You know, being in the dark, you know, for example, when you are at home, the lights go, power goes out, it's completely pitch black, you can't see a thing. You know, are you in danger? Probably not. You know, you don't want to try to navigate the stairs, but you're, you've, you're probably pretty safe if you just kind of stay put. If all the power goes out and you're in the middle of a shopping mall, you know, surrounded by thousands of strangers, you know, that would be certainly a much different situation where you may feel more intimidated because you don't know who is where and what's going on. So context is so important and recognizing that every emotion we have is a natural emotion. It's not good, it's not bad. It just is. It's our body's way of responding based on prior experiences. It can't predict the future, so it's drawing on past knowledge and going, okay. Similar situations in the past have really been not good, so you may want to check it out. Remember our HPA axis, our anger, our anxiety. Those are feelings that tell us that there might underscore, underscore, capitalize, italics, boldface might be a problem. It doesn't mean there necessarily is. Anxiety and anger are emotions designed to tell us, to get us motivated to examine the situation and see if there is a problem in the current context. What other questions do you have? And again, you know, while you're thinking of those, what other topics do you want me to cover in the coming week? I know we have a lot going on. No matter whether you're in the UK or Australia or, or the US Canada, wherever, everybody has a lot going on. And I am so appreciative of y' all taking time out to join me each morning, and I really want to make this a meaningful experience to you. So the more I can learn about what you're interested in or what you are hoping to learn more about the Better that I can tailor these daily presentations to meet your needs. Now, remember, these are available for replay as soon as YouTube, you know, transcribes them, or whatever it usually takes, takes it about a day. But these are available for replay on the YouTube channel. So if what you heard about today you find helpful and you think that you might have a friend who would benefit from watching the replay, please feel free. I please share with them and encourage them to come and take part in these when they have time. Thank you everybody for being here today. Okay, one more question. Speaking about pain, anxiety, when people have health conditions. Oh my gosh, that is such an issue. Because when we hurt, we dread hurting. And it's important to recognize that when we activate our HPA axis, when we have high anxiety because of the pain or because of anything else, it actually does increase inflammation and it reduces our pain threshold. So anxiety and depression increase pain, and pain increases anxiety and depression. So it's important, important to empower people to break that cycle by starting to feel empowered to address their issues, empowered to cope with the pain, helping them learn skills and tools to deal with their pain. If it's massage, if it is guided imagery, if it is meditation, tens units, hot, cold, whatever it is that they use to help address their issues, it's important for them to feel like they have an arsenal to help themselves feel better. It's also important for them to be realistic and recognize, especially as we get older. I hate to say it, but it seems to be the God's honest truth. We tend to have more creaks and aches and pains here and there. And expecting to be 50 years old and not having some level of pain sometimes is, is not realistic. So it's important to normalize the fact that pain can happen. Pain exists and it may not mean anything catastrophic. Sometimes people associate pain or assume that pain means that there is a worsening of their condition. So their anxiety goes through the roof and it's again, important for them to evaluate what's going on. My pain is worse today. What does that mean? Well, let me look back at yesterday. You know, did I do anything different that could cause my pain to increase? Let me look at what's going on today. Now I won't. I'll use congestion as a, an example instead of pain right now. But everybody is so freaked out right now. If they start getting a runny nose or if they start getting a cough that they have Covid and it's causing high levels of anxiety in people. And it's important to do things Like, I get up in the morning and I check my weather app to see what the pollen count is. I check myself to see, okay, I'm feeling really stuffy and sniffly today. What's going on? Oh, that's right, I left the door open. So the cat slept in the bed with me last night. It's important again, going back to that cognitive flexibility to look at my beliefs. If my belief is, oh my gosh, I must have Covid. Well, let me dispute those beliefs. What are the facts for and against the probability that I've got Covid? You know what else and what alternate explanations exist? Pollen, the cats, being in the bed, not forgetting to take my allergy meds for three days in a row. You know, all of those, those things are more probable than having Covid, especially since I haven't been anywhere in, in like months. So, you know, it's important whether it's pain or Covid or something else that we do practice our cognitive flexibility and examine the facts for and against our beliefs that are triggering our anxiety. There are several videos on non pharmacological pain management on the YouTube channel that you can look to and I can cover more about mood and pain in upcoming sessions. I will also. I can also talk more about DBT in upcoming presentations. There are many, many videos on DBT skills as well as breaking them down, emotion regulation, interpersonal skills and distress tolerance skills on the website already if you want to look for those long form, hour long videos. Alrighty everybody, if there are no other questions and I will stick around in the chat room for a few minutes after I turn off the video stream, I would. I will see you on tomorrow. Actually tomorrow's Friday. I'll see you tomorrow and I will make a list of all of these topics that you're interested in and I will try to cover them in the coming week. Have a great day. I hope to see you tomorrow and if not I will see you next week.