Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes explains anticipatory grief, the heartbreak that comes when you know a loss is coming. She walks through denial, anger, depression, and acceptance, stressing grief isn't linear, and suggests using that time to nurture relationships while you still can.
Hey there, everybody. Doc Snipes here. Today we're going to talk about anticipatory grief. There are lots of different types of grief. And remember, grief is a process. It goes from denial to anger, depression, and acceptance. Okay? Denial, anger, depression, acceptance. Unfortunately, it doesn't go linearly like that. It's not like once you pass one level, you're moving to the next level and you're never going back. Unfortunately, you're going to bounce around between denial, anger, and depression for a while until you have figured out how to move toward acceptance. And that varies for different people, whether it is six months or a year or a couple of years. And it's important to not try to conform to someone else's timetable. We all grieve in different ways, but today we're particularly talking about anticipatory grief. And that is grief that, as it sounds like you anticipate the bad thing hasn't happened yet, but you're waiting for it to happen. You are anticipating when your loved one will die. You are anticipating when your loved one's dementia is going to get to the point that they don't remember you. You are anticipating when your pet is going to die. You know, grief involves loss, so there's nothing we're going to talk about here that's happy. But anticipating these things, there's planning for them, recognizing, okay, my loved one is eventually going to die. They ain't going to live forever. It's just the way it is. And I'll figure out what I need to do so I'm best prepared when that happens. And then set that aside and then focus your energy on nurturing those relationships or nurturing that thing until whatever happens happens. But when we have anticipatory grief, we end up spending a lot of energy going back and forth between being angry and feeling depressed and hopeless when we could be spending time focusing on that thing that we love that's still with us. It hasn't gone anywhere yet. And it's important for a lot of people to recognize the difference. And anti. Anticipatory grief will kind of rear ugly head. I've been through two parents that went through hospice, and I know what that's like. But it's also important to recognize when you're starting to grieve and it's that anticipatory grief acknowledge that, yes, this is going to be awful when it happens. And I am going to choose to use my energy to nurture this relationship now instead of grieve before it's time.
