Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes covers five strategies for building self-respect and respect for others: changing your self-talk using the THINK method, dropping conditional love, practicing assertiveness, considering alternate explanations, and applying the golden rule. She argues these build stronger boundaries, higher self-worth, and better relationships.
Welcome to this fourth video on my newest book, 10 Weeks to Love and Abundance. I am Dr. Donnelly Snipes. In the fourth chapter of the book, you start talking about developing respect. And it's not just respect for others, but also self respect. To create a life of, of abundance and love, it's necessary to be respectful of yourself and others and recognize both the similarities, differences between you. If you've watched any of the other videos on my YouTube channel, especially the ones about relationships or personality types, you know that my husband and I are very, very different people. But instead of getting angry with one another because of our very different perspectives and approaches on things, we embrace the differences and we use them to synergize. Just like you have positive and negative magnets that work together, he and I balance the strengths that I have. He doesn't have the strengths that he has, I don't have. And we work really well together. So respect means being aware of other people's strengths and capabilities and just their general goodness as a human being. And I truly believe that the majority of people out there are good people and even, even if they have different perspectives than I do. And that helps me in my daily life have respect and patience and tolerance and all those other things. It's also necessary to develop self respect for, for your strengths and individuality instead of constantly judging yourself for not being how or what you think you should be. I don't like that word should. You are what you are, and it's important to love yourself for being who you are. And that is really hard for some people because they were taught that loving themselves was not okay. I would challenge that. I think it's important to love and respect yourself for your strengths, your weaknesses, your successes, as well as your mistakes. Everybody has different experiences which shape their beliefs, behaviors and reactions. People also have different temperaments, preferences, and even love languages. How much happier and less stressful would life be if instead of judging people for having different thoughts than, than you, you accepted that their perceptions are their reality and their reactions and behaviors make sense. When you see it through that lens or through that perspective. You don't have to agree with everybody because you all have different experiences. You're viewing things through your own lens. You're viewing things through your own perspective. However, respect means accepting that each person's beliefs and reactions are, are valid for them at that point in time. And that takes a lot of patience for, for people to recognize that, okay, this person may be reacting very differently to this situation than I am. Why is that? I wonder what happened, Getting curious can be really helpful. I wonder what happened in their past and that made them believe differently or perceive this situation differently than I do. So the respect self assessment is pretty straightforward. Do you say things to yourself you would never say to anyone else? A lot of people are way nastier to themselves than they are to other people, way more judgmental. Do you hold yourself to a standard higher than you hold others? What makes a person deserving of respect in your mind? Is it what they do? Is it who they are? What is it that you can say in your mind, this person deserves my respect. Once you figure out what makes a person deserving of respect, what does respect look like? How do you give respect? What does that look like to you? And do you regularly give respect to others? Or are you very self focused? The five strategies for developing respect. The first one is self talk. And I encourage people to really start changing their self talk, that inner critic to a voice that is positive, empowering and constructive. There's a mnemonic device think that I use a lot and we talk about in the book. T Is what you're saying truthful? H Is it helpful? I Is it being said in a way that's inspirational? N Is it even necessary to say it at all? And K if you do have to say it, are you saying it in the kindest way possible? And that is true for self talk as well as talking to others. The second one is ditching conditional love. And what this means is instead of loving somebody for what they do, loving people for who they are, even if they are not doing what you want them to do, even if they're being challenging or recognizing that every single person deserves love. A stands for assert or the the third one is assertiveness. Being assertive helps with respect because you are telling people what you think. But assertiveness means saying my perspectives are important and your perspectives are equally as important. My wants are important and your wants are equally important. When we're assertive, we can communicate our thoughts, wants and needs to others so they can, you know, try to meet those as much as possible. If we don't communicate what we need, then they can't help us. And then a lot of times people get upset because they feel ignored or unsupported. Well, don't expect mind reading. Likewise, don't try to read other people's minds. We're just not equipped to do that. So assertiveness means also being open to listening to others perspectives and respecting their perspectives even if they're different than yours. The fourth Strategy is alternate explanations. Sometimes we just take things way too personally. And alternate explanations encourages us to ask ourselves, what are three other reasons this person may have acted this way? If you're checking out and the cashier is all kinds of grumpy, you may be tempted not to be respectful of that person because it seems like they're not being respectful of you. What are three other explanations? Maybe the person's car died or they got yelled at by their boss or something else. Maybe it has nothing to do with you and they're really struggling to just get through the day. You know, using a little compassion and empathy there, you know, it can. You may be able to respect them for continuing to try to do their job even though it feels like the rest of their life is falling apart. So alternate explanations can help you be a little less sensitive and self centered in your perceptions of things. And finally, the golden rule. Do unto others as you want them to do unto you. So respect is all about the golden rule. If you want someone to pick up their trash when they drop it on the floor, you know, then obviously you want to be respectful of them and pick up your trash if you drop it on the floor. Think about in a household, how can you be respectful of others? Or even in an office? I remember several offices I worked in where somebody would end up putting a note above the sink that said if you make a mess, you clean it up. Well, that seems like common courtesy. And guess what? Respect. So thinking about what you do and how you do it, are you being respectful of others? And are you being respectful of yourself? As always, the book contains discussion, writing, meditation prompts and activities for helping you develop each of these strategies. When you're respectful of yourself and others, you accept personal responsibility for your own life. You feel worthy and others view you as worthy. You project the fact that, hey, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. To quote Stuart Smalley, you value yourself enough to make healthy choices. You feel empowered to follow your values and have and maintain your own boundaries. You recognize that and respect yourself enough to maintain your boundaries and not let people walk on you. For example, you protect yourself from being taken advantage of. You feel happier and more self confident. You're better able to see other people's perspectives and respect those perspectives as theirs. You don't have to agree, but recognizing that that's how that person sees the world. And you strengthen relationships with people who can support and nurture you and help you achieve your goals and create that life of love and abundance.
