Confidence or Narcissism?? and Live Q&A

Hey there, everybody, and welcome to today's brief presentation on Confidence, or NPD and the live Q&A. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. I recently asked y' all a question in the community section about what you would like to know more about or hear more about regarding narcissistic personality disorder that either hasn't been covered on the other channels or that you wanted a different perspective on. And oh, my gosh, you guys gave me so much to work with, and I appreciate that. It'll just take me a little while to get all of those videos together, and I want to mix them in with others so I'm not constantly doing narcissism all the time, every. Every video. But I do have at least eight videos that I will be doing for you today. I really wanted to start out at the very beginning and emphasize the fact that all personality traits are on a continuum from barely noticeable to extremely prominent. And we all have personality characteristics. All people occasionally exhibit behaviors that are characteristic of personality disorders. And I want you to think about yourself for a second. Have you ever been in situations, either now or in the past, where you were kind of chameleon, like you weren't your 100% authentic self? I think a lot of us can say yes. And does that mean you have a personality disorder? No. It may mean you felt uncomfortable in a situation, you felt anxious in a situation, and you were seeking approval. For example, have you ever been in a situation where you've been insensitive or lacked empathy? Wow. I think everybody has occasionally been in that situation. And it's important to recognize that while we would love to be empathetic 100% of the time every single day, occasionally it's not going to happen. We may be distracted with something else, thinking about something else, and we respond just sort of off the cuff. Or maybe we're overwhelmed with our own stuff and we just don't have the energy to take somebody else's perspective. You know, it's really important to think about and recognize that we all do occasionally engage in some of these behaviors. It doesn't mean we have personality disorders. Doesn't mean that people won't forgive us. Definitely doesn't mean we're bad people. People with personality disorders, in my opinion, are not bad people either. But we'll get into that in a minute. If you have. Wow, I have a misspelling here. Overly weak or rigid boundaries. And yes, I know weak should be W E, a K. Sorry. But if you have boundaries that tend to let some. Some people In a little closer or a little faster than maybe you should. Or you tend to keep people at arm's length, certain people for example, and are more cautious with them maybe than you need to be. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have a personality disorder. It may mean that the situation was not conducive to you feeling safe. Do you hear a trend here? Have you ever been inconsistent or irresponsible? Maybe you were overwhelmed with work or you had just had a new baby and you were trying to figure get your life re juggled and figure out your new rhythm with this new baby in the picture. You were probably occasionally inconsistent. Maybe sometimes when you get sick you get kind of foggy headed and you're irresponsible. You forget things. And it's not because you don't care about your friends. It's not because you're trying to hurt their feelings. It's because life happened. And so occasionally we are irresponsible. It's not because we don't care about others or we're trying to hurt them. Have you ever been detached or over emotional? Both ends of the spectrum. And a lot of times that can happen when we get overwhelmed, when we are feeling anxious, when we're feeling depressed, when we're grieving, when we're preoccupied with something. And occasionally you may get become or behave in ways that are somewhat abusive or aggressive. You may yell at somebody or call them a name or be aggressive in your communications. And most of the time we regret that. Like as soon as we do it, we regret it. But it's important to recognize that it occasionally happens. Now a person with narcissistic personality disorder often would not regret being abusive or aggressive. So let's talk about confidence or what might be termed healthy narcissism. And I really, really okay, soapbox warning here. Really hate this term narcissism being thrown around as much as it is because it has such a negative connotation to it. Confidence. There is nothing wrong with being confident. There is nothing wrong with being highly self confident. And some people are a little bit arrogant. Okay, so they are. However, does it cause them clinically significant impairment in any area of their life? And if not, then okay, well it's not a problem. Aspirations for and dedication to high achievements. Now the narcissist doesn't feel like they need to work for it. They feel entitled to whatever happens. The person with confidence or you know, the healthy narcissism, they have confidence that they can do something, they can achieve this goal, they can become an Astronaut or become a senator or whatever they want to do. However, they also realize that it's going to take a lot of hard work to do. They don't exaggerate their accomplishments. They recognize what they what they have done and they take credit where credit is due. They have a sense of entitlement for those things that they have earned. And yes, there is nothing wrong with that if you feel like you have, you know, put in your time and you've busted your butt to earn a slot on the U.S. olympic team and you don't get it. Okay, I can see being very disappointed, very frustrated and angry about that or for a promotion or whatever we're talking about here. However, well, I'm getting ahead of myself. So healthy narcissism and confidence recognizes that hey, I am as good as those people. I actually did do the work to deserve it. And so you may be upset when you don't succeed. Confident people are self assured without being mean. They feel confident but they don't need to take other people down around them. They have an attitude of abundance. They recognize that I may be all that in a bag of chips and guess what, you can be too because there's plenty of chips to go around. That's probably not the best metaphor, but they don't feel the need to say I'm all that and you should be grateful to spend time with me. People who are self confident will often use others strengths without exploiting them. They see other people's strengths and they figure out ways to synergize that is not exploitive, that is not abusive. That's saying hey, I have this opportunity or I have these strengths and I see that you have those strengths. Let's put our strengths together and create something awesome. People with confidence are still able to empathize. They still recognize their impact on other people and they care about their impact on other people. And they recognize and celebrate others accomplishments. So I want you to think about some people who are exceedingly successful. You know, think about singers or actors or whomever. How many of them have high self confidence aspirations and dedication to working hard to get those high achievements. A sense of entitlement. You know, they think they deserve that Grammy or that Oscar, that I don't know what the different awards are. You know, there's a lot of people who may carry themselves very highly. Sometimes because we don't have that same level of self confidence, it may be intimidating or overwhelming and sometimes we may feel that as. Stressful or threatening in some way. And it's important as People that we don't try to engage in mind reading, that we don't assume that because so and so is a award winning author, that they wouldn't want to spend any time, they wouldn't want to talk to me about anything. Don't assume that you know what they are going to think. Don't assume that they have no use for you, so to speak. A lot of people who are very successful love to mentor other people. So it's important to really recognize how much of our frustration with people who have high healthy confidence is our stuff versus them being mean. You know, step back and objectively look at it. Curiously look at it. Were they intending to be mean? Did they do this for personal gain and without empathy? Or am I assuming facts not in evidence? So what is a personality disorder? If that is healthy narcissism? What is a personality disorder? Because we keep talking about borderline personality, antisocial personality, narcissistic. But what is it? A personality disorder is an enduring pattern of behavior or inner experience which causes clinically significant impairment. If this person's behaviors don't cause them any problems in life, then it's not going to qualify as a disorder. It causes clinically significant impairment manifested in at least two of the following areas. Their thought processes, their affect. You know, whether they can modulate their emotions or the emotions that they feel and express, their interpersonal functioning or their impulse control. And the behavior is inflexible and pervasive. It's not just at work. You may work with somebody who is really challenging to work with. They may have a lot of these characteristics when they're at work. You may have a boss that is a really bad manager. But when they're at home or when they're with their friends, they act completely differently. Well, then that's not a personality disorder. That is bad management. That is insensitivity. But technically it doesn't count as a personality disorder. It doesn't mean that their bad management skills aren't abusive or detrimental. But when we're talking about a personality disorder, it's important to recognize that it is inflexible and pervasive. They're not going to change it based on setting or person. The onset must be traced back to at least adolescence. So anywhere between, you know, 24 backwards we can trace these behaviors back and they persist for years. It's not something that someone develops in their 30s. It's not something that somebody develops and occasionally manifests. And we see that a lot in people with addictions. For example, when they're in their active addiction. A lot of their behaviors are very personality disorder esque, but their behaviors are attributable to their substance use. When they are in a sober period, they don't have those same behaviors nearly to the same degree. So they're not causing that amount of clinically significant distress. Now you can have someone who has a personality disorder and an addiction and, and even when they sober up, those behaviors are still there. So don't get me wrong there. But a lot of times people have personality disordered behaviors when they're in their active addiction. Behaviors are not better explained by another mental disorder. And I'll be doing a whole presentation on differential diagnosis of personality disorders because personality disorders often get misdiagnosed or confused in diagnosis with autism spectrum disorders, dementia, PTSD or cptsd. That's a big one, schizophrenia. And that just is to name a few. It also can't be confused with substance use like I just talked about, or a medical condition. And you know, I'm not a medical doctor, but there are medical conditions out there that maybe. May seem like they mimic a personality disorder. One of the things that I regularly harp on is the fact that we behavior is communication. And it's important to get curious about what a behavior is saying. In what way is this behavior more rewarding? In what way is this behavior more protective than another behavior? And my clinical experience and my belief is that the majority of people with personality disorder behaviors or personality disorders experience trauma as children. And these behaviors make a lot of sense from a survival perspective. How that 7 year old, how that 10 year old tried to survive in a very chaotic traumatic environment. Anyhow, in order to qualify for narcissistic personality disorder, a person must have five or more of the following. And we use the mnemonic special. So S stands for special. They believe that they are special and unique. Other people's successes or strengths are often punctuated with a but yeah, they did that, but they could have done better or I could have done better or but let me show you all the faults or problems with it. And their perspectives are always right. So let's think about where might this come from. If a person experienced trauma as a child, they felt unsafe and disempowered. And one of the ways they may respond is by trying to paint themselves as better, more important or special. If I'm special, maybe you'll love me. If I'm special, maybe you'll help keep me safe. So it's important to examine, you know, what is the benefit when people have to paint themselves, paint this grandiose picture of themselves, or they always have to be right. What would happen if they admitted they were wrong? In what ways is that might that be terrifying to them? And for people who have been engaging in this behavior since childhood or early adolescence, it's pretty ingrained. So they may not even be able to step back and take a look and say, you know, in what? Why is this bothering me so much? It's just, it is. And somebody contradicts them, they become angry. And it's important to recognize that. Now that being said, and I know this is a little scattered, I'm trying to be as linear as possible. People with personality disorders, I believe, are entirely treatable. Marsha Linehan developed dialectical behavior therapy because she believed that people with personality disorders were often struggling from emotional dysregulation and invalidating environments that created trauma. And she believed that people with borderline personality disorder could be treated. So I'm not the only one out there. Personality disorders represent a way of responding to situations and it can be addressed if we understand what, what the function of the behaviors are and what the core beliefs and core issues are that are maintaining those behaviors. People with NPD are often preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love. They will often say things like everybody loves me. And they may actually even believe that because it's too threatening to their self concept to think that somebody wouldn't like them. That's terrifying to them. They may also believe that they will have unlimited success. They deserve unlimited success without effort. They also have a sense of entitlement. Their fantasy should be fulfilled without effort. They may become distressed when, when promotions, awards or recognition are not forthcoming. They need that praise. They need to get their way. They often become enraged and will insult or pull down others if they don't get their way. If they're not in control. And they may refuse to see other people's strengths or accomplishments as valid. So again, let's look at this from a abandonment, rejection, trauma point of view. People who have a fear of abandonment, a fear of rejection, who have a lot of anxiety within them, may feel a need to hold on to control. So when they fear rejection, it triggers that fight or flight response. When they don't get those promotions or awards, they they perceive that as a total rejection of them and it terrifies them. They may be conceited and have a grandiose sense of self importance, believing their needs come before others. Sometimes this can be rewarded in early childhood where parents always put the child's needs above everybody else's and tell them they are the most special, they are the most important, they are entitled everything. So it may have been reinforced. But it also may be that their conceit, their need to put, their desire to put their needs in front of everybody else's may be a primitive way of just trying to get their needs met. And just like a little five year old throwing a temper tantrum, I need to get my needs met right now before anybody else. Well, that may be where this person is stuck. Not to say that they can't heal that inner child and develop more mature coping skills. But be curious, why is it that this person feels like they have to have their needs met before anybody else's Interpersonal exploitation. People with NPD can be extremely charming. And as I talked about in the videos on how to avoid dating a narcissist and how to avoid hiring or working for one, it's important to remember that a lot of people who are in positions of power who, who are extremely brilliant may also have some narcissistic tendencies. And they can be charming or it can just be exhilarating to be around them because they're so smart, they are so unique, they are so special, and unfortunately they recognize that. So they are listening to you and they are charming you in order to figure out, okay, how can I manipulate you? They're not being charming just because they're charming. They're being charming as a means to an end. They will often steal people's ideas and present them as their own. And what I call throw people under the bus to distract from their own failures. If something goes wrong that they're involved in, they will not take responsibility, they will blame everybody else. And, and that goes back again to prevent, to looking at how can I prevent rejection? How can I prevent somebody from getting angry with me? And admiration. They need excessive admiration. And this is another one of those clues that NPD may stem from for some people, a need for validation, a need for somebody to say you're good enough. Because deep down inside they may not believe they're good enough. Or deep down inside, maybe they've always been told they were good enough and they can't tolerate any other opinion. But either way, they demand excessive admiration and they lack empathy. And this is such a crucial part of personality disorders. However, just because somebody has empathy doesn't mean they don't have a personality disorder. You only have to have five of the characteristics. So some people with personality disorders may also have some empathy. And that's where it Kind of starts getting really foggy. But what we really want to look at is, is it causing this person clinically significant impairment? And why do I say impairment? Most of the time I say distress. Personality disorders, for most people are what we call ego syntonic. That means the person doesn't see anything wrong with their behavior. They don't understand, they don't comprehend how they're impacting others. Part of that may be due to their lack of willingness or ability to empathize. Once people with personality disorders start seeing the impact of their behaviors, that often motivates them for treatment. And there are a lot of people who recognize that the deleterious effects of their behaviors on others, and they say, hey, I don't know why I react this way, but I recognize that it's causing problems in my relationships, and I want help. And that is where treatment begins. Okay, so that is sort of the summary, the takeaway points. Everybody has a personality. Everybody occasionally will have some or will exhibit some level of behavior that we might attribute to a personality disorder. It doesn't mean they have a personality disorder. It just means they had a bad moment and they acted in a way that may not be consistent with who they feel they are or who they want to be. Personality disorders are on a continuum. Not all people with narcissism present exactly alike. And y' all talked about that. There's covert narcissism, overt narcissism. You know, there's lots of different presentations that. That we can look at and we will in future videos. Personality disorders are, in my opinion, very treatable questions. Okay, let's see. Narcissism is a term. I would agree. The real thing. Narcissism is a term that for some reason, in pop culture, it must have come up somewhere because people have latched onto it. And back to what I was saying in the beginning that it's really important to examine. Is this person confident and portraying themselves with a strong presence that I find intimidating because I'm assuming that they are thinking ill of me, or because I'm not communicating effectively my needs and maintaining my boundaries, or are they intentionally malicious or lacking in empathy? The healing process for a narcissist? It depends. I wish I could say there was a clear track, but we're humans, and since there are so many different types of narcissism and so many different types of trauma, there's no one path that somebody's going to take. Generally, the person needs to recognize the negative impact that their behaviors are having on others that can start with an involuntary referral for counseling. You know, take that supervisor who is abusive to subordinates. They may get referred to their EAP to learn how to behave more appropriately. And then it can start. They can start talking there. Or the person may just do a self assessment and say, I recognize that my behavior causes other people distress, and I don't want to be that way. And I recognize that my behavior causes me distress and I don't want to be that way. And so they enter treatment. Creating safety is the first part. If you believe my supposition, if you agree with my supposition that a lot of personality disordered behavior develops as a result of trauma, and we know that trauma causes people to feel unsafe and disempowered, Then the first step for the person with a personality disorder, once they become aware that their behaviors are causing them problems, is to figure out how to create safety in their environment, how to regulate their emotions. So when somebody succeeds and they start to feel anger, how do they manage that? How do I manage that? Instead of blowing up, instead of having to insult them or talk bad about them, how can I manage that? And then eventually, working with a therapist to identify and adjust core beliefs related to themselves and to other people would be the general overview of the approach that I would probably examine. Part of creating empowerment, though, is asking the person help, creating an environment where they feel safe to be authentic, and then asking the person, what do you want to work on first? And any place you start is going to help unravel that blanket, that of the personality disorder that is so oppressive on them. Can a person avoid becoming a narcissist? And that's a really good question. There are a lot of people that experience trauma that do not develop personality disordered behaviors. However, since it develops generally in childhood and or adolescence, it would be. It really requires that there be an adult figure, a figure somewhere that can help the child navigate the distress that they're experiencing and navigate the trauma. So somebody with whom they can form a secure attachment, yes, it's possible, but probably not on their own. Because children and even adolescents, even though teenagers think they know everything, often need somebody that can help them learn new skills and regulate themselves. Well. Community question Person says, I find myself crying a lot when I watch your videos. Why is that? I'm sorry that you find yourself crying a lot. That. That hurts my heart. My sense would be that it is uncovering some of those wounds. Kind of like when you have a scab and you pick it off and it hurts watching the videos. If it's touching on some things that are unhealed traumas. It might be sort of poking at those wounds. So I encourage you to process that with your therapist. Obviously there's something there that still needs to be healed. There's a wound that needs to be healed and not just poked at. Hi, Kira. I'm glad, whenever you get here, I'm glad to see you. An intervention for a family member with a personality disorder won't work since they're. Since they are not the origin for reaching out. And that's difficult because. And my sense would be, when you're talking about personality disorders, an intervention probably would not be very effective. Because it is ego syntonic for substance abuse, for example. Interventions can be very effective because the person recognizes their behavior as harmful and they recognize their behavior as in general, potentially problematic. But they may not know how to stop or they may not want to stop, but they can see the forest for the trees, so to speak. So it would really require some finesse on the part of the therapist facilitating the intervention. As I said, a lot of people with personality disorders begin their treatment process when they are referred to counseling because of their behaviors, you know, an involuntary referral. And the therapist actually provides a safe environment. And instead of saying, oh my gosh, you are this horrible evil person with a personality disorder, they say, oh my gosh, you must have experienced so much trauma and you wanted to survive so much that you develop some creative ways of coping. And they're not helping you right now. But let's look at, you know, what these behaviors are saying. What are you trying to communicate and what do you want to communicate instead? When I'm dealing with people, I try to avoid whenever possible saying all about anything. So to the question, are all bullies at risk of developing npd? I don't want to say all because I don't know what's happening with every bully out there. We want to look at what is the bully's behavior communicating and do they have five or more of these behaviors that are rigid? You know, are they bullies all the time or are they just bullies at school or at work? And that's a little bit different because again, in order to qualify for the personality disorder, they have to be that way all the time. Is neglect in long term foster care the same as abandonment in attachment ACEs, etc. People who go into foster care because they are separated from their caregivers and because of whatever reasons caused the separation from their caregivers often have abandonment, trauma and foster care in and of Itself is an adverse childhood experience. So I'm not quite sure how what you're getting at there. But yes, people who are in foster care often struggle with insecure attachment and, and abandonment issues. People who have been adopted, even if they were adopted as infants, also often struggle with abandonment issues, which is kind of interesting, but that's a whole different presentation. How do we know if we are being manipulated or gaslighted by a narcissist? And I would just take off that phrase of by a narcissist and, and say, how do I know if I'm being manipulated or gaslighted? I don't care what your diagnosis is. If you're manipulating me and gaslighting me, I'm going to set some boundaries. Know what gaslighting is, and if somebody is trying to make you think you're crazy, if they're trying to tell you that things you know to be true are false, that's gaslighting. And it's important to recognize that. And if they continue to do it, then set some very healthy, very strong boundaries. Gaslighting is only effective if they get past your cognitive boundaries. If they convince you to start questioning yourself. If what they. You hear what they say and you're like, okay, I'll check that out for myself. That's different. So I would love to get away from whether it's being done by a narcissist or not and focus more on the behavior and say, this is unhealthy. Whether it's from a narcissist or not, it's unhealthy and it needs to be addressed. If the person is not willing to look at their behaviors or take responsibility for it, chances are you're dealing with narcissists, somebody with, at least with narcissistic tendencies. But it's important to set those boundaries and protect yourself from that situation. Do all counselors have the tools to help a teen not turn into a narcissist? Or is there a certain type of counselor that you should reach out to? First off, it's important to reach out to a counselor that will work with adolescents because not all counselors will work with adolescents. And secondly, discussing with the counselor early on, like in your initial session or even in your pre session, what your concerns are and how they might handle that would be important. Not all counselors believe that personality disorders are treatable, so it is important to talk to the counselor. But there's not a particular type of counselor that necessarily would be more helpful than another one that believes in attachment theory and Trauma Informed care would probably be more suited to helping address issues that might lead to the development of narcissistic behaviors. Can a narcissist ever get better? Yes. End of period, end of sentence. Yes, a narcissist can get better. These are behaviors. It's not like having brown eyes. I can't change the fact that I've got brown eyes. We can change the way we react to stimuli. We can change the way we interact with other people if we are so motivated. So a person with NPD, BPD, you know, any of the PDs, well, at least any of the cluster B PDs can experience significant improvement in their behaviors and in their life. So. And get to a point where, you know, remember I said behaviors are on a continuum. So the behaviors that are causing clinically significant impairment in their life may still come up occasionally, but they're barely noticeable. So it's important to look. We want to turn down the volume on those behaviors so they're not as noticeable. I read an article recently that said that traumatized children develop narcissistic traits. I shared my disagreement with other survivors, but have since realized I did have some of those behaviors. Traumatized children develop a variety of behaviors. Some may look like borderline personality. Some may look like narcissistic personality. Some will look like substance abuse. Some will look like generalized anxiety or some social anxiety. I mean, there's just the whole range. And that's where it's important to get creative, because every child, children are just, they're floundering. They're like, okay, let me see if I can find something that is going to make the pain stop. And what works for one child may not work for another. But they're creatively trying to find ways to survive this chaotic, seemingly very threatening, dangerous world that we live in. So, yes, some will develop npd and some will develop antisocial personality. However, We don't want to assume that every person who experienced trauma will develop a personality disorder or that personality disorders are always caused by trauma. We can't say definitives. We can't say extremes on either, either end. To find a therapist who understands adhd, it is. Very important to research them ahead of time. You know, you, you know, your adhd, and what ADHD looks like for you is not going to be the same as it looks like for everybody else. That's just the way mental health issues are. And when you talk to the therapist telling them, these are my symptoms, you know, this is what I'm dealing with, or this is what I want to deal with this is what I think might help or might help me understand. Does that sound like it'll work for you? You are the expert on you, you know what hasn't worked, you know what has worked, and you have an idea about what might work. Now, your therapist may have some other ideas that you haven't even thought of, but it's important to have a collaborative relationship with your therapist in order to be able to address your issues in a meaningful way. Now, my approach, you know, the buzzwords, if you will, of my approach are trauma informed, attachment based and cognitive behavioral. Those kind of form the, the underpinnings of everything I do and my perspective on things. So if a lot of the things that I talk about seem to hit the mark, those might be some things that you look into to see if that is the type of therapist that you're looking for. And I love the fact that you are discussing creating safety in classroom environments for kids with an IEP instead of labeling them as defiant or oppositional. I love that. Because it shows that you recognize that behavior has meaning and that oppositional or defiant behavior is an attempt to control when they feel scared, when they feel out of control, they're trying to control anything they can. Narcissistic personality is often caused largely by nurture versus nature. However, and there's a great big however there. Some people are more highly sensitive. Some people have something called sensory gating issues that make them more highly sensitive. And because of that, even as children, the environment can be far more overwhelming and traumatic to them than to other children. And parents may not recognize this or understand this. And as a result of them being highly sensitive and their parents not meeting that need, that's where the nature comes in, that then sometimes they shut down or they start emotionally dysregulating. Does the trauma experience create character traits, good or bad? Yes, it depends on the person and how they process that trauma and integrate it into their narrative. That trauma becomes a part of who they are. That experience is going to be encoded into their memories. And if they emerge feeling safe and empowered, it often creates positive traits. If they emerge feeling hopeless, helpless and threatened, then it's often going to keep that threat response system hyperactive and result in ptsd, CPTSD and anger and anxiety based compensatory mechanisms. Linda says, I was diagnosed with adhd. I took meds for two months, no more. So now I wonder and I'm wondering what you're wondering. I'm not understanding your question there. And sometimes people with ADHD and that's one I didn't even mention earlier. Get misdiagnosed as having oppositional defiant or narcissistic or antisocial personality because they tend to forget things and lose track of time and seem insensitive. So we do really, really, really want to make sure that we're doing an accurate intake and diagnosis. All right, everybody, thank you for being here today. I really appreciate your presence and your. And I look forward to hearing from you more. Like I said, there were so many really interesting twists on NPD that I will be making videos for the next couple of months on it. But in order to prevent it from dominating the channel, I will intersperse it with other videos on other topics. So. So just because I put out an unrelated topic, don't think I have totally switched gears on you. Ah, I see what you're saying, Linda. If you felt no difference coming off the medication, it could have been the wrong medication or a different diagnosis. You know, maybe there's something else going on that is causing adhd, like symptoms, trauma, for example. All righty, everybody. Have a great day. We are expecting snow here again in March. Oh, my gosh. In Middle Tennessee this weekend. So it should be interesting. Stay safe, stay warm, and I'll see you next week. And Miriam, I totally believe that you can change. It's a matter of finding a therapist or a path that feels comfortable and empowering to you.