Discover the Hidden Truth: Unveiling the Secrets of Being Alone

Hey there, everybody, and welcome to this presentation on five reasons you don't like to be around people. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. There are a lot of reasons why someone may not want to be in a crowd or even around other people. So let's take a look at a few of those. And not all of them are because of social anxiety. The first one is introversion. Some people are simply wired that way. They prefer to be alone a lot of the time or in small groups with one or two other people. But being in environments with lots of other people feels really overwhelming and overstimulating to them. The next reason is a desire for a deep and lasting communication in what I call our swipe left world. In today's environment, being able to connect with people all over the world and having our fishbowl be a lot bigger than it was in the 80s and 90s and before, it is appealing to some people to swipe left, if you will, or stop a relationship. The minute that it's not exactly what they're looking for and they go looking for something else, they try to find whatever it is again. So when this happens to you, when you get ghosted enough times, you may feel like, you know what? It's not worth the effort to put into this. If I'm just going to get ghosted. And I am so tired of having to start new relationships and go through all that small talk and everything else just to have it end up disappearing in a month or two, it makes sense. I mean, it takes a lot of energy to form relationships. And because of the prevalence of ghosting and swiping left, it can feel like it's just not even worth the effort. You know, rather have a dog. Being highly sensitive is another reason people may not want to be around others. And it can be because they're highly emotionally sensitive. So when they're in groups with others, or even maybe with another person, the intensity of that other person's or those other people's emotions can just be exhausting and overpowering and overwhelming. And if the person who doesn't want to be around others is already exhausted or stressed out, it's just that's more energy than they have to give. They need time to rest and recuperate. Doesn't mean they don't like other people. Doesn't mean they don't want to empathize or be around other people. It just means at this time, that's just more than I can handle. Likewise, being physically sensitive can also cause you to not want to be around other people. And when I say physically sensitive, I'm talking about sensitivity to lights and sounds. When you go into restaurants, for example, there's a lot of bustling and noise and other people talking. And that can get really overwhelming for people who are have sensory sensitivity sensitivities. So we do want to be conscious of that. Smells are another thing. People who are really sensitive to smells may not want to go out into environments around a lot of other people who may be wearing strong colognes or perfumes or those sorts of things. Things. It's really important, and I'm going to point to this in the summary, but I'll say it now too. It's really important to examine what your behavior is communicating. If you don't want to be around other people, why, what is it saying? And it may just be your body saying, that's more than I can handle right now, or that's overwhelming. So thinking of do I need to rest? Do I need to do something different so I feel safe can be important strategies to improving your rich and meaningful life now. Insecure attachment is another reason why some people might not want to be around others. They've experienced abandonment issues, they have had bad relationships and and probably dates back to their family of origin, but maybe not. And having been in those dysfunctional relationships enough, the person may get into a relationship, may be around other people and be concerned that, hey, if I make myself vulnerable and they go away, it's going to hurt too much and I don't want to do that. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to be abandoned again. Which takes us into the similar but somewhat different point of People with a history of abuse or trauma may also not want to be around other people, especially large crowds, because they don't feel safe. Trauma is generally perpetrated, not always. We have things like tornadoes. But generally trauma is perpetrated by another individual, either intentionally or unintentionally. So when the person who has experienced trauma is in an environment around other people, especially around people they don't know, it can be really stressful and their hyper vigilance kicks into full gear and they're on edge and they're stressed out and they're tense and they can't relax and have fun. So it can be just too overwhelming and too stressful for them to be around a lot of other people. Not liking to be around people is not always the result of social anxiety or what some people call antisocial. It's not that the person who isolates or spends time alone necessarily doesn't like other people. Guess what? They may like spending time with themselves. There's a concept being content spending time with yourself. They don't feel like they're missing out on anything. It's also important to recognize there's a continuum. There's the person who doesn't want to be around anybody ever, and they don't even like being alone. But they're more afraid of being around other people. All the way to the continuum of the person who just really craves being around others pretty much constantly and being the center of attention and everything in between. We're all wired a little bit differently. We've all had different experiences. So it's important to not just make assumptions. Think about what your lack of desire to be around people is saying. When you're around other people, whether it's one or a hundred, is it too much stimulation for you? And if so, what can you do to mediate that? If you want to spend time with people, how can you mediate that so you're not getting overstimulated, Maybe setting time so you're going to go out for two hours instead of, hey, come over to my house and hang out for, you know, whenever? There's a big difference there. Going out instead of inviting people into your home is another way if the people themselves are can be overstimulating. It's another way of having more control and ability to effectively modulate that. Because if you're out somewhere, you can excuse yourself and go home if they're in your house. Often it feels really uncomfortable to say, hey, I'm tired, I'm done. Y' all need to go. Now you can see how that might be more uncomfortable. But figuring out, what can I do if I want to spend time with people? What can I do if I get overwhelmed spending time with six people? Maybe I need to spend time with one. If it's too overpowering being in the same room with somebody because I'm a highly sensitive person, maybe I can do it through text so it's not quite as intrusive, if you will, or palpable if something somebody does is too stimulating, like they're wearing cologne that's too strong. Well, obviously virtual is a way to handle that. But if you want to be together in real life, it's important to communicate to them what is overstimulating. And while I'm on it, I know this is a whole nother tangent, but some people, when they get stressed, tend to be come more sensitive to sensory stimulation. So the mere sound of somebody chewing or swallowing or doing something else can be really overpowering and overwhelming and annoying in certain circumstances, but not others. And if that sounds like you, and there's a term for it called misophonia, but I digress. If that sounds like you and you recognize that sometimes it doesn't bother you, but sometimes it grates on your very last nerve, figuring out what the difference is so you can avoid putting yourself in situations where you're going to be triggered, when you are vulnerable to that. And is your lack of desire to be around other people the result of feeling unsafe? Feeling like you're going to be harmed, like you're going to be abandoned, like you're going to be criticized or canceled or whatever the case may be? That can be another thing. Or as I mentioned earlier, is it something else, like just the fact that so many people have ghosted you it feels like it's not worth the effort? Kind of like getting on the treadmill and running six miles but going nowhere, and then you get on the treadmill tomorrow and you do it again. Sometimes you think, what's the point? Recognizing the lack of desire to be around people is not necessarily pathological. Figure out what your body is trying to tell you, and then take steps to respond appropriately.