Emotional Dysregulation How we have become a culture in constant crisis

Crisis. Obviously, I could do three hours or more of presentations on this, but we're going to hit some of the highlights today. What is emotional dysregulation? Emotional dysregulation happens when our dis. Our HPA axis becomes dysregulated. Our HPA axis is our fight orf flight response. When we get stressed, when we feel threatened or disempowered, we have an automatic response that kicks in and it releases cortisol and glutamate, norepinephrine, blood sugar to help us survive, help us fight or flee in the face of threat. Unfortunately, when that HPA axis is activated too much for too long, it becomes dysregulated. So it, instead of responding to minor threats, it holds on. And then when there is a threat threat that is big enough to respond to, it responds in an excessive way. And I call this the flat or the furious. So a lot of people in today's culture are flat. Most of the time they're okay. They're not exhilarated, they're not super excited. They're just kind of here. But then when something happens, they disregulate. And to use car terms, they go from 0 to 60 in 0.2 seconds. And, and there is no middle ground. There is no irritation. There is no, you know, unpleasantness. They are either happy or they're enraged or terrified. And that's a problem because obviously when you're dysregulated like that, it's harder to think clearly, it's harder to think logically. It's harder to get into our, what Linehan called the wise mind. Where does this dysregulation come from? Well, for about 2% of the people, genetics, low birth weight and prenatal drug exposure may cause alterations in the brain that contribute to emotional dysregulation, that contribute to somebody being more sensitive, if you want to think about it that way. There's also a, a certain, certain percentage of people who are exposed to trauma in their life that, that also have hpa AIs disregulation. This is not true for everybody who's exposed to trauma. It's important to recognize that some people who are exposed to trauma have sufficient resources and sufficient support to buffer that experience so they don't end up having a persistent sense of lack of safety and powerlessness. Not all trauma results in traumatic injury, but for some it does. And for people who do develop traumatic traumatic injury, again, they regularly feel unsafe and disempowered, threatened. So their HPA axis is almost always turned on a little bit which can result in that flat or the, or furious over time. And finally chronic stress with inadequate coping skills. Coping skills, social support, buffers, those are super important. We are super resilient organisms and if we have the tools and resources that we need to deal with stress, then many times it is not going to be a huge big deal. But if we are left without the resources to deal with it or to deal with trauma, then it can cause problems. It causes the HPA axis to go into, you know, full steam ahead which creates environments in our brain that can actually start killing neurons. Chronic stress is stress that goes on over and over and over again or for a long period of time. This can be from poverty, can be from living in a household that is dysfunctional. It can be from work stress. And you know, you bring your work home with you, at least emotionally. And you know, it's constantly, you're constantly feeling stressed, you're constantly feeling helpless, hopeless and unsafe. So we want to look at these things that cause us chronic stress and figure out what are some things that we can do to address them. One of the things that causes us chronic stress. Multiple studies, you can go into PubMed and you can look up the effects of sleep deprivation. But multiple studies have shown that when we do not get adequate quality sleep, we are more reactive to, to negative stimuli in our environment. We be, it's easier for us to disregulate when we are sleep deprived. Our brain perceives that as a threat. We are not fully energized so we are more vulnerable to outside threats. Our brain perceives that ramps up that HPA axis again causing, causing us to be hyper vigilant and on edge. More pain can be a chronic stressor. If you've got rheumatoid arthritis or frequent migraines or anything like that that obviously when we're in pain we tend to dysregulate more easily. We tend to go from zero to 60 like that because we're irritable, we are already stressed out. Our HPA axis is already ramped up because of the pain. Then when something else happens, it just, you know, opens wide. Alcohol and other drug use and this I, I know alcohol is legal, but alcohol actually does cause systemic inflammation and activates that HPA axis as do a lot of other drugs that people take, legal or otherwise. So that in and of itself just the ingestion of those substances increases stress on the body and tends to increase the HPA axis activation. Additionally, a lot of people use these substances to deal Notice I'm not saying cope to deal with stress, to numb stress, to avoid stress. So when people are using these, not only are they increasing inflammation, they're avoiding dealing with the problem. And then when the alcohol or the other substance wears off, that problem is still there, which triggers that stress response again. What does emotional dysregulation look like? Now, I've already talked about this a little bit, but when I, when I talk with people, I, I refer to it as flat or furious. You know, when somebody is in a persistent state of HPA axis activation because they don't feel safe, because they are feeling disempowered, then their body keeps that HPA axis going, keeps those stress hormones going. Eventually the body says, you know, I can't deal with all these stress hormones, it's too hot, it's becoming toxic, literally becoming toxic in that brain environment. So the brain becomes less responsive to threats in the environment, which is, and even to positive things in the environment, which is why people tend to feel more flat, apathetic, low energy. But then when something happens, it is wide open. Persistent anger, agitation and negativity can happen when that HPA axis is activated before you get to the point of being apathetic. Because when we are stressed, when we feel unsafe, we notice the negative four, five times more effectively, if you want to put it that way, five times more effectively than we notice the positive. So people, when they're in a negative state of mind, they are perceiving the negative stimuli, the negative things, they're seeing the negative aspects instead of looking at the whole picture. There are negatives in life, there are unpleasant things in life, but when we're in this state of fight or flee, we tend to have tunnel vision and we focus only on the negative instead of other things. Emotional dysregulation can lead to behaviors like hate. Let's talk about hate. Now. Hate can come from a lot of things, but ultimately at its core, when, when you say you hate someone, often it means you have anger at them. You have anger at, at them. And anger stems from fear. Anger is a protective mechanism. It's part of that fight or flee that protects you from a threat. And when there's a threat, we're afraid. What is it that is causing that fear? When you hate something or someone, what is it that is causing that fear? And it's important to ask yourself, what with that, you know, if you hate a person, why is it that I hate this person? What is it about them that is threatening to me, threatening to my self esteem? What would happen if I loved them instead of hating them? What would happen if I accepted them or was compassionate towards them instead of hating them? And a lot of times when people start to ask themselves that question, it becomes very threatening. They're like, oh, I can't even fathom not hating that. What would happen if we loved with the same intensity, use that energy, and loved with the same intensity that we hate? We can love people and dislike their opinions. We can love people and dislike their behaviors. So I encourage you to examine, when you feel that feeling of hate coming out, remember that that's often a fear response. If this person does not agree with me, if this person does not do what I say, then they are presenting some sort of a threat. And then evaluate how real that threat actually is. Intolerance is another symptom of emotional dysregulation. When we fear losing control, when we fear becoming dysregulated, a lot of times we want to control things in our environment. What people think, what people do, what people say. So when we are in that state of fight or flight, we're feeling fearful. So we want to control everything. That means being intolerant of other people's opinions, other people's viewpoints. If I let let go of control, if I am tolerant of somebody diverging from what I want, that could mean that I lose control. And what would that actually mean? And that's a really important question. If I am tolerant of this person's divergent viewpoints, does that mean that I am in danger in some way? If I am intolerant of this person's divergent behaviors, does that mean that I am in danger in some way? And this can be everything from how somebody organizes their sock drawer to their political views. Aggression is another symptom of emotional dysregulation. Hey, that's part of the fight. In the fight or flight response, when we are on edge, when we are feeling persistently unsafe and stressed out, then we tend to be more irritable and aggressive. That is a natural response to keep away threats. Some people, though, aren't aggressive. They tend to withdraw and become withdrawn, become more depressed. That is the other part of the flight freeze response. You have the fight response. But some people look at something and they go, oh, that's overwhelming. Can't deal with it. So they either flee emotionally or physically or freeze. They just kind of sit there and go, I don't know how to deal with this. So let's talk about that. How do we deal with it? Improve your wellness. And I wanted to do this instead of talking about things to eliminate, I wanted to put a positive spin on it. Imagine that, a regulatory spin on it. Let's improve things in our life. Improve your sleep so you are not as edgy. Improve your nutrition so your body can make the hormones and neurotransmitters it needs to help you feel happy, but can also repair any problems that are going on, any physical damage. In order to reduce pain, avoid stimulants or at least reduce stimulants. When we ingest stimulants, that turns on that HPA axis that's just, you know, artificially turning it on. So if you can cut back on those stimulants, some switch to decaf or half and half. Even you may find that it's easier to deal with life on life's terms and address pain. When we're in pain, we tend to be crankier. It's just the way life is. So recognizing that pain can lead to a feeling of dysregulation, A feeling of powerlessness is important. When you feel like you can control your pain, you may not be able to make it go away completely. But when you feel like you can control your own body, it tends to be liberating and stress reducing affectively. And I was doing this right before this video. Seek out things that make you happy. I go on YouTube and I look or the dodo and I look at animal videos because animals make me happy, whether it's chipmunks or squirrels or groundhogs or birds. You know, there's generally videos online that make me smile. And it's important to infuse happiness into your day. Add that little bit of happiness. Periodically set an alarm on your phone to remind you three times a day to think about the best thing that has happened in the past hour or the one thing that, you know, one thing that could make you smile. Just reminding yourself, you know, even if you're having a bad day, you may be having a crappy day at work. When that alarm goes off, you are turning your attention to something that makes you happy and stimulating the positive neurochemicals in your brain, which can help sort of take the edge off. It's not going to fix everything if you're having a really crappy day, but it may take the edge off what's going on so you can breathe and go, you know what? All right, you know, there are more things in life besides this staff meeting that is not going well. Cognitively, find the facts. Is this thought accurate, fact based, and likely? And what Parts of this situation can I control? And I'm going to talk about three different examples in this. A lot of people are really stressed out about this upcoming election, who the president is going to be. Now, I don't care who you're voting for, just vote. But regardless of which president gets elected or which person gets elected to be president, presidents themselves cannot do a whole ton of stuff. I mean, they can sign executive orders here and there, but as far as things that impact our daily life on a regular basis and address our individual liberties, it requires Congress to vote on stuff. I mean, let's look at how long the stupid stimuli, I'm sorry, the stimulus bill has been held up for because they're trying to figure out how to spend money and you know, look at other things and ask yourself, you know, whatever it is that I'm worried about that I think this president might do or that president might do, is that something that the president can do unilaterally? And if not, then that means that, okay, you know, it is important to have a good president, but how likely is it that if somebody is elected, you are going to lose basic liberties that are important to you? So it's really important to delve into our governmental system to figure out, you know, what things can the president do himself or herself? And what things, you know, are going to require not only the Senate, but also the House to agree on. They're going to have to have some bipartisan approval. Covid. People are stressed out about COVID We have a lot more cases that are coming up right now. Okay, yeah, that's accurate. There are more cases right now. That's fact based. However, let's also look at the big picture. Let's look at the rest of the facts in this situation. Covid cases are increasing, but at the same time deaths and hospitalizations are decreasing. Be whether it's because Covid has gotten weaker or we have better treatment strategies or whatever the reason, the facts looking at it say yes, cases are going up. However, you know, the mortality seems to be going down. Um, and that's an important piece of information when you're looking at, remember the good with the bad. Yeah, it sucks that it's going up. However, it's a blessing that, you know, we're figuring out how to treat this a little bit better. And you know, largely have made, have made huge strides. Cancer is the same way 650,000 people die every year from cancer. And you've probably know somebody or somebody's who've died from cancer. I have three Relatives who have died from cancer and in. In recent years. So cancer is really scary to me. And I can think about cancer and get really stressed out and start getting freaked out about everything I eat and everything I do and how much time I spend outside in the sun. And, you know, I can get myself worked up into a tizzy thinking about all those things. Is cancer a problem? Yes. Is. Can't. Are there things out there that cause cancer? Yes. Based on my current lifestyle, what I do, what I eat, how I act, how likely is it that I will get cancer that won't be treatable? And, and that's, you know, the important part there. Because if I get cancer and it can be treated, you know, it's unpleasant, but, you know, I can deal with that. So thinking about those things, you know, recognizing that, you know, I go down on the American Cancer Society, the list of high risk factors for causing cancer. And with the exception of high stress, I tend to be really low on the, you know, risk factors for cancer. So how likely is it that I am going to get some super aggressive terminal cancer? Probably pretty low. So it's important to find the facts, not just keep that narrow, narrow vision and examine what parts of the situation can you control with the presidential election as well as, you know, House and Senate vote? You know, if you. That's one thing you can do to control the situation. And if it doesn't turn out the way you want it, or even if it does, you know, maybe get more involved in the election process next year to help promote the candidates that you want to win Covid. We know that wearing a mask, washing our hands, you know, social distancing, those are all things we can do to control our, our exposure to Covid and how likely we are to get it. And if we start feeling sick, getting a test so we can treat it early. They found repeatedly, you know, study after study that just like the flu and other things. I'm not saying Covid is like the flu. I'm saying that with COVID like many other diseases, including cancer, the earlier you catch it for most people, the easier it is to treat environmentally. Add calming images, you know, put things. I have tapestries. They're actually throw blankets, but I hung them up on the wall and I call them tapestries from Thomas Kincaid all over my house. I love Thomas Kincaid's work, and that makes me feel calm. You know, it's very homey, very relaxing. Add calming images. So you have a screensaver that rotates through things that either are calming or make you happy. Make sure that your environment is filled with calming colors, whatever it is that makes you happy. I like royal blue. I like purple. I'm not big on red or yellow, but that. That's me. And my daughter says I use far too much black in my interior decorating, but I like black. You know, go figure. Those things are calming to me. You may have different preferences for your colors. Sounds. Some people prefer quiet. Some people like to hear different things, like birds chirping or the wind blowing or a babbling brook. You can go on YouTube and find videos that are eight hours worth of, you know, babbling brooks and forest sounds or something that you can turn on and listen to quietly while you are working, if that helps you feel more calm or while you're trying to go to sleep. And smells. Aromatherapy is great. You know, the essential oils have unique properties that can help you feel more relaxed. Certain of them, like lavender, catnip, believe it or not, is extremely relaxing for humans. And valerian. But if you're. If you don't want to do essential oils, just using smells that trigger happy memories for you will produce calming chemicals. For me, the smell of cloves and allspice bring back memories of making these little clove ball orange things that we used to hang on our Christmas trees. Whatever it is, add those things into your environment. So wherever you're at, you feel at peace. Watch television news and listen to music, okay? That promotes happiness and that promotes hope. You know, stay away from all those shows that are, you know, proclaiming the sky is going to fall. Immerse yourself in information and. And, you know, media that promotes hope and happiness and surround yourself with optimistic, empowered people. It's really awesome when you're. Even if you're having kind of an off day, if you surround yourself with people who are optimistic and empowered, a lot of times, it'll pull your mood up. My best friend from college was always like that. She was just always positive. And I don't regularly use extreme terms like always, but I can literally not remember a time when Stephanie was not optimistic and she was just a joy to be around because you knew if you went, you know, even if you went and you talked to her about something, you were having a bad day. She would be compassionate and nurturing, but optimistic at the same time. And it was always helpful to get that perspective if, for me, if I couldn't, you know, get my head out of the funk. So finding optimistic, empowered people is also super helpful, and they're hard to come by right now. I. I tell you what they are hard to come by. So you may have to try to do it for yourself. You may have to put on a, in, in addiction recovery we say fake it till you make it. You may have to put on sort of a fake face and talk to yourself and go, okay, if I were looking at it from an optimistic point of view, what would I see? As I said at the beginning, there are a lot of causes of dysregulation that we didn't cover here. There are a lot of interventions for dysregulation that we didn't cover here. But these are some quick strategies that you can consider that can help you improve your wellness, improve your physical health, improve your emotional health and improve your relationships. Are there any questions? Alrighty, everybody. Thank you for being here today and I will see you next Wednesday. Or if you want to come to the open discussions, I'll see you tomorrow.