Short YouTube video (hosted by Dr. Dawn‑Elise Snipes) presenting a four-step HURT mnemonic—Hear, Understand, Rethink, Talk—created by Adriana Stan to guide people recovering from infidelity. The video defines each step: mindfully hear your reactions, understand links to past experiences, rethink the present based on facts, and talk to your partner using I‑statements and requests for future support.
Chapters
Hey there, everybody, and welcome to this brief video on four steps for recovering after infidelity. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. Now, this mnemonic, which is hurt, was developed by Adriana Stan, who is a member of the Doc Snipes family. She developed this mnemonic to remind you that you may be feeling and thinking something because when you were betrayed, you were hurt. So hurt makes sense as a mnemonic. H stands for mindfully and non judgmentally hear or be aware of your thoughts, feelings and reactions. After you're betrayed. You may have really strong feelings or reactions to things, and it's important to hear those and be sensitive and compassionate to the fact that that's your body reacting from a place of feeling vulnerable. U stands for understand. Your reactions may be related to prior incidents. So understanding your reaction to what's going on right now may be more about what happened in a similar situation in the past, but you are still reacting as if that situation is occurring again. R stands for rethink the situation based on the facts. Okay, so you've recognized that you may be reacting based on something that happened in the past, not what's going on right now. So rethink the current situation based on the facts in this context at this time. And then with all of that information, you are aware of your thoughts, feelings and reactions. You understand where these thoughts, feelings, and reactions might be coming from. Now, what do you do with all this? And that's where T comes in. Talk to your partner about what's actually going on, how you're feeling, using I statements, and let them know what would be helpful for them to do in the future so you can feel more secure, so you can be less stressed, less triggered.
