Hidden Secrets to Spiritual Happiness

This episode was pre recorded as part of a live continuing education webinar on demand. CEUs are still available for this presentation through all CEUs register@allceus.com counselortoolbox. All right, let's see where we are. Alrighty everybody. Well, we've got about two more minutes before we get started, but for those of you who are new, I see a couple new people in here. Please remember that you can log into the class@allceus.com and download the PowerPoint so you can follow along or you can have it afterwards after the quizzes or after the lecture is over. You'll need to log into allce.com and take your quiz in order to be able to print out your certificate after the class. Wow. I can't talk today. I will be sticking around for any Q and A that we have. Now remember, this is the first of, I believe, four parts in the spiritual Steps series. We'll be doing the Spiritual Step series every Tuesday for the next four, well today and then the three following Tuesdays. So let's see here. And also for those people who are new, during the presentation I'll ask questions. They're not meant to be rhetorical, so if you have a response, I encourage you to share it in the text window. If you have questions or just want to add your $0.02 to something while we're going through again, please feel free to do that in the text window and I'll segue it in as quickly as possible as well. I'd like to welcome everybody to today's presentation. This is the first of a four part series on spiritual steps to happiness. We're going to be talking about group and family activities that can be done. So if you're a parent, this is something obviously you can do at home. If you are a group facilitator, you can do it in group. And I'm sure there are ways that you can do it in individual as well if that's something that you want to do. So let's go ahead and get started. Started. We're going to define spirituality as we are going to conceptualize it for this series. We'll explore the concepts of connectedness, awe and wonder and faith in this particular presentation and we're going to identify seven days of activities for each. So the thought is that we'll present this concept during a group therapy session and we'll give clients homework for that night and the succeeding six nights after that. That way they can practice integrating this particular concept. Not every activity that we offer they're gonna like, you know, that's just the way things are. Just like nobody likes every ice cream flavor. But if they have seven days of activity, then they're going to be immersing themselves in that spiritual concept and they'll find something hopefully that works for them. There's. So what is spirituality? Spirituality is a really broad term and we don't want to confuse it with religion. Now in this presentation, I am going to share some aspects of Christian spirituality because I know I do have several people who are in attendance that are Christian based therapists. So I will share that, but that's where my knowledge is. I suggest to you, when you're doing these types of activities to prepare clients ahead of time, the first group let them know they're going to be talking about spirituality next week so they can come in and share with the group what their concept of spirituality is, if they even have one at that point. And then if they have, you know, if they're from different religions, different backgrounds, different concepts of spirituality, then every aspect, every concept that we talk about, I encourage clients to bring their own ideas about what does it mean to develop connectedness? How do you do that? What does connectedness mean to you? That way, you know, the person is finding a way to personalize it for themselves and everybody else in the group is learning from it. So if you've got people who are Jewish, if you've got people who are Buddhist, if you've got people who are atheist, we can all talk in a method that or about a concept that really can apply to everybody. You don't have to necessarily have a higher power, that's an entity, if you will, in order to be spiritual. Some people refer to spirituality as good, orderly direction, A belief that there's something bigger than ourselves that promotes a sense of awe and wonder. Now a scientist can have a sense of spirituality when they think about how the little molecules, the little atoms combine and change and make this world that we live in. Now, whether they believe that's being controlled by a entity that some people call God or whatever may or may not be true, what they believe might just be that this is just awe inspiring. The intricacies that, that exist in life and cells and DNA. So what we're really trying to get people to look at and consider is the bigger picture. To look and be aware and walk through life with this eyes wide open instead of going, you know what? It doesn't make a difference. So connectedness is one of the first concepts that I talk about in spirituality because it's one of the most important my mind. In order to helping people develop their sense of spirituality, a lot of our clients have begun feeling very disconnected. Not only from other people, from other supportive people, but also from themselves. And it's important to start re establishing the sense of connectedness so we can feel the implications. Just like if a particular type of bug dies out, it alters the entire ecosystem. We want people to see how they're important. If you think of It's a Wonderful Life, you know, most of us have seen that movie at least once or a dozen times. Jimmy Stewart recognizes, towards the end, how the world was changed because of his presence. He didn't think he made a difference, but he started recognizing how everything he did had an impact on people somehow somewhere. So connectedness is a recognition of our impact on others and everything. So, yes, we impact people, but we also impact our environment. If we litter, we impact our environment. If we have a small carbon footprint, that's one impact. If we have a large carbon footprint, that's another impact. We. We impact our environment, and then that impact has repercussions. So we want to start recognizing that. But we also want to encourage people to recognize that the environment and other people impact them. The way people treat them impacts their mood, impacts the way they go through life, impacts their ability to trust and have all kinds of healthy relationships. People's environment impacts them. You know, I don't like waking up in the morning and going out into the main part of the house where. And find and finding, you know, stuff everywhere. You know, there's pillows on the floor, every table is covered with stuff. The kitchen's a mess. Oh, my gosh. I'm like, what happened after I went to bed last night? And that usually puts me in a little bit of a cranky mood, but I'm aware of that. So, you know, I've done things to, number one, work with my family, so it doesn't look quite as much like a tornado, but also to recognize that it is what it is. And I need to look past the fact that the, you know, maybe the kitchen is kind of a disaster and focus on what is going to be instead of what didn't happen. Connectedness means a recognition that we belong and we're a vital part of the universe. And this is where that whole Jimmy Stewart movie thing comes in. Connectedness has been shown to be one of the strongest protective factors against mental health and substance abuse issues. So we want to encourage people to develop connectedness to their school or work, develop a feeling of Belonging. Develop a sense that they're making an impact, they're making a difference. Develop a sense that they have a voice in that environment. We want people to develop connectedness to their family. Same thing that they have an impact, that they have a voice that, you know, it's a give and take sort of thing. And they're a vital part of that family and their neighborhood. Whether you want to define neighborhood as the five houses around you or the city, most people think about whoever lives on your block. But we want people to develop a sense of connectedness to the neighborhood. In our neighborhood, we watch out for each other. I'm pretty aware of what cars belong there, what cars don't, you know, I'm aware of different things that go on. And we're able as a community, we formed our own little community to support one another. When, you know, during the holidays and all that kind of stuff, there's a sense of connectedness. Why connectedness logically makes sense that it can improve happiness and reduce distress. Well, when we feel connected, we can recognize what's impacting us. What is affecting my mood today? And it could be it's cold and rainy and nasty outside. That's part of the environment that's impacting me today. I'm in that environment, I'm connected to it. And yeah, it may be putting me in a little bit of a funk, but what part of that do I have control over? I can't change the weather, but I can turn on lights and I can turn on happy music and I can put on little, the little wax tarts to make it smell like pine trees in here. So at least it gets me in a holiday sort of mood that makes me happier. So while I can't make the sun come out, I can do other things, but I recognize the impact that that has on me. When it has a negative impact on me. If I let it put me in a negative space and I stay there, then I recognize that I have a negative impact on my environment and those around me. Connectedness means an awareness of our purpose and essentialness in the universe. This one's a little bit harder, it's very meta concepty, but we'll talk about it. And connectedness helps us because when we have a positive impact on others and we recognize that, you know, I did that, I made that person smile. It makes us feel good when we're connected and we recognize our impact on others. And I didn't know how to put this in a way that didn't sound self serving, but it can Strengthen our supports. Because if we are being kind, if we are giving out goodwill, then generally, when we need something, goodwill will be available for us to draw on. We're kind of depositing in that karma bank account, if you will. So connectedness helps us see the economy of positive energy, if you want to look at it that way. So, like I said, there are some concepts, if you've got Christian clients, that. And to a certain extent, some of these are Old Testament quotes too. So some of your Jewish clients that may be helpful, may not be, but I did want to point out that there are some. So in Corinthians 12, it talks about how we're all part of one body with many members serving a unique function. The body does not consist of one member, but of many. So if the foot should say, because I'm not a hand, I do not belong to the body, that wouldn't make it any less part of the body. You know, it's still there. If the whole body were an eye, we wouldn't be able to hear. If the whole body were an ear, we wouldn't be able to smell. So if everybody had the same talents and did the same things and was the same CEO, the world would cease to function. If everybody was the president of the United States, then there would be nobody to rule anything. So we all need to recognize that we have a vital role in the universe. The eye cannot say to the hand, I have no need of you. Nor again, the head to the feet, I have no need of you. On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable. Now, I don't like the word weaker. We're going to talk about that in a minute. But it is important again for every buddy to recognize that no matter what they do, they are a vital part of the functioning of society and the world and their family. You know, we can't just pluck them out and expect that family to remain exactly the same or expect that agency, wherever they worked, to remain exactly the same. So, you know, if you don't have Christian clients in your program or you don't want to go down that road where you're actually talking about religion instead of broad spirituality, that's fine. But I did want to throw out a few little tidbits. So day one, Universal connectedness. We talk in our groups. What organ can you do without? Can you do without a heart? Well, not really. You know, even if you don't have a physical heart, you have to be hooked up to a heart machine to Pump your blood. Can you do without a lung, a kidney, a pancreas, brain, skin, liver? You know, I go through a lot of those and ultimately the answer is no. You know, those things are not. We can't live without them. We have to have some sort of artificial replacement if we don't have the real thing. But they're all different, they're all serving a different function in the universe of our body. Once we pass that, that's usually a quick question. How does each of these non essential or weaker parts enrich life? Because there are certain parts that we have that are non essential. Like your non dominant hand. You know, my left hand, if I lost it, it would be unfortunate. I would not be the exact same person I was before I lost it necessarily, but I wouldn't necessarily die. So if I lost that hand, how would that affect me? How would that affect my body universe, so to speak? My body universe would have to adjust. If you've ever broken your hand, and I have broken my left hand before, things you don't take into consideration. Washing your hair is a big deal. When you have long hair and one hand, much harder. Much harder. There are a lot of things that are much harder when you only have one hand. Having both hands allows you to do things that you wouldn't necessarily be able to do otherwise. Your nose, well, you know, if you lose your sense of smell, are you going to die from it? Probably not. You know, as long as you can get oxygen in, probably not. But what does the nose do? The nose lets us smell wonderful smells. The nose also lets us smell noxious smells that tell us there's danger. Either don't eat this or there's a gas leak. Get out the nose. When we smell, and most of us have experienced this when we've been sick before, nothing tastes right because our taste senses are very connected to our olfactory senses. So when we can't smell, we're not tasting things the same. So could we live without a nose? Yes. Does having a nose and the sense of smell enhance life? Certainly. It adds a whole different dimension. It makes life richer in some ways. And you can go through the same thing with the eyes. People can live without being able to see their entire life. However, if you are able to see, what does that contribute to your life? So we talk about how the body copes when a part goes away or gets injured. And then we usually move on to talking about how a family copes when one member leaves for some reason or the group copes when somebody drops out of treatment. How does that affect the body? If you want to consider a family a body or a group a body, how does that affect the body? So people start recognizing that, you know, if I drop out and don't come back to treatment, that actually is more than just, you know, me not going. It impacts everybody in the group. And when I go and I share, it impacts everybody in the group. So encouraging people to look at different occupations is another way to help them see this universal connectedness. Why is a garbage collector as important as a teacher or a dentist? They all have their functions. If we didn't have somebody picking up the garbage, we would have a big problem in terms of waste and pollution and all kinds of other stuff. There are functions that every person serves and no function is. No function is one that we can necessarily do without. So we want to look at how people are serving a vital function in their society. Now the last one we do in this activity is, what part of the body are you? And why? And I usually ask this right before a break. And I give people 5, 10 minutes to take a break, and then I want them to come back and report about what part of the body do they see themselves being? The skin, the heart, the brain, the nervous system, mouth, hands, lungs, muscles, ligaments. When they come back, I say, okay, you know, what part of the body are you? And I have, I just use pieces of construction paper. You don't need big signs. And I have parts of the body all around the room. And people who think that they are the skin go there. And people who think that their function in their body, in their world, is to be the heart. And then the people who think their function in their body or their world is to be the brain, you see where we're going? And everybody separates into their groups. And then I ask, why? What is it about you? What is it? What characteristic do you have, for example, with skin? It protects and it holds everything together. So in what way does that describe what you do in your family, in your environment? The heart a lot of times represents compassion. And it also, you know, brings life throughout the body. It pumps that oxygenated blood. So people who say, I'm the heart, I'm the heart of my family, I'm the one who tries to, you know, feel compassion and help people be happy and loving towards one another. Okay, you know, so you see where we go with this. But I want people to see that they are a vital part of their body, their community body, if you will. Day two is self connectedness. So pre session homework, have them Keep a mindfulness journal of how they feel emotionally, mentally, and physically each day leading up to this group. So you can do this. Have them do it for a week. And I say one word, journal. They don't have to do all kinds of prose. I want them to check in with themselves, ideally two or three times a day. And for emotional, how do you feel? Happy. For mental, how do you feel focused? For physical, how do you feel? Exhausted? Okay, done. You know, it doesn't take a lot of time for them to do. And you can make a little chart that has the dates and has emotional, mental, and physical. And they can just fill in the. Fill in the little blocks. Makes it super easy for them to do. But I want them to start connecting with themselves, because when they move into group on the next group that they do, I want them to have an awareness, start developing an awareness of how the way they feel emotionally, mentally, and physically impacts their ability to be kind to themselves and others and be in a positive frame of mind. Again, you can do this if you're a parent. You can do this, you know, with your kids, with your family, or you can do it in group activities. So after you have that week journal, then have people sit down and put each one of these topics on flip charts around the room. Happy and content goes on one page. And then you have three emotional, mental, and physical. And then overwhelmed and exhausted has three emotional, mental, and physical. You see where we're going? So that's all around the room. And then you have people go to each one and say, okay, when I'm happy and content, how does it impact my ability to be kind to myself and others and in a positive frame of mind? And then you go around to overwhelmed and exhausted and angry and disempowered, depressed and hopeless and sick and in pain. Those are the big ones. Now, there are obviously other things like guilt and what have you, but there's only so many places in the room people can go. They can extrapolate from here. After they've done this activity and started recognizing. You notice we start with happy and content because I don't want to start with the bummer stuff all the time. I want people to recognize the difference between how they interact with other people and what their framework, mental framework is and how they treat themselves when they're in a good mood. I want them to see the difference between that and how they interact with people and their frame of mind and how they treat themselves when they're in a bad mood. Because we typically see that when people are In a bad mood. They're pretty hateful to themselves as well as, you know, the people around them. They can be very irritable and antagonistic. Day 3 Self Connectedness Pre session homework Again. So before you do this particular activity, you want them to spend a week paying attention to the gallery in their head. And for each day, I have them answer these questions today, what did you tell yourself? What kind of things did you should yourself? I should have gone to the gym. I should have whatever. What positive or negative self statements did you make? Did you say I'm brilliant and I'm lovable and gosh darn it, people like me? Or did you say I'm stupid and I worthless and whatever? And then what affirmations, if any, did you tell yourself? And a lot of times this affirmations is zilch because people just aren't giving themselves affirmations. And that's okay. You know, what I want is a baseline. I don't want them to necessarily try to change anything right now. And then I want them to go back over the shoulds and those statements that they're telling themselves. Figure out who planted these seeds in your psyche, because these are little seeds or plants that have grown over the years. Somebody told them that they should go to the gym every day. Somebody somewhere told them that they should do xyz. Somebody somewhere told them or they had an experience that made them feel like they were stupid, so to speak. So where did these ideas come from? Where did these seeds get planted from? And then what do you believe? So if the person says one of their self statements was that they were worthless, well, who planted these seeds in your psyche? Where did this come from? And they can, you know, generally identify some precipitating factors and then ask them, you know, look at yourself right now. What do you believe? Do you believe you are a worthless person? And they can answer that question? So this is. They have a daily journal that they answer all of these questions for seven days and then they come back to group. And I have people share their insights in group and discuss how to connect with themselves with compassion when they make a mistake. Instead of saying, oh, you're an idiot to themselves, what would a nurturing parent say to them? So they need to be their own nurturing parent. I want them to help start connecting with themselves in a positive, nurturing, compassionate way instead of a critical, high strung, demanding way. This group, believe it or not, can actually go on for quite a while because a lot of times people in the group share similar negative self statements. And I also encourage them once we go through the negative ones, I also encourage them to identify what positive self statements could you have added or what affirmations could you have added each day last week? And then encourage them for the next week to start. Every time they have a negative self statement, counter it with a positive one, and encourage them to tell themselves affirmations at least once a day. Day four is involvement. Synergize by seeking first to understand, then to be understood, and then create win win situations. This is straight out of seven habits of highly effective people. So synergize means connecting with other people to work towards a common goal. And that's part of connectedness. When we help people feel connected to their school or their work, they feel like they've got a voice, they feel like they have a function, they feel like they're important. We want people to feel that way. So we talk about how we can synergize. We talk about how we can seek first to understand what does that mean? And this is all very vague until we start applying it. So I encourage them to start out by picking one person that they often conflict with and discuss how they could synergize with that person. So I encourage them to think of a co worker, or if you're doing it with a family, think about the brother or sister that you fight with all the time, or the person at school. And how could you understand their point of view better? How could you try to put yourselves in their shoes? And then how can you create a win win situation? With my kids, when they were younger, they used to be thick as thieves. And then they started having a falling out because my son always wanted to play video games and my daughter wanted to play with action figures. And they would just fight like cats and dogs. And she'd be like, you always do this. And he's like, you never let me play my video games. So obviously, we've got some always and never stuff going on. But the important point was to get them to start talking and saying, okay, how can we create a win win? Shawn wants to play video games. Haley wants to play action figures with Sean. How can we make this work? Ultimately, we compromised, where he would play action figures with her for a certain amount of time, and then she would agree to go on her merry way and let him play his video games. But it was important for them to find something that worked for them and to feel like they were being heard and feel like they had a voice in what was going on. And they weren't just being you know, pushed around by a big brother or something. So we start with somebody you conflict with, and then we talk about. Pick one person that you're similar to and how you can synergize. How can you take both of your similarities and both of your awesomeness and create something that's uber awesome? I have a lot of similarities to my animal rescue friends. So we work together and we get our juices flowing to figure out, okay, how can we go out and minimize the stray cat population, what is our trapping plan, or whatever. But since we share similar attitudes and interests and passions, we put that energy together and it's multiplicative, it's exponential when you put us together. And we all walk away from there so excited and so stoked about the positive difference that we might be able to make. So you can synergize with people that you conflict with, and you can synergize with people who you tend to mesh with, and both ways end up producing a positive result and reducing conflict and improving morale and stuff. So encourage people to identify what is important to them and look for ways to be involved. And we periodically do this at my house at dinner time. You know, what is important to you? What things do you want to be involved in? Right now, my daughter has kind of followed in my footsteps with animal rescue. My son, on the other hand, he's more interested in politics. Okay, that's fine. So how can you be involved in that in a positive way? How can you make a positive difference in that area? Involve the whole group or family and reinforce the importance of every voice? So when we're talking about developing connectedness, if you're trying to develop connectedness in your group, you want to talk about ways to do that so people feel heard and respected and all that kind of stuff. One of those ways is to make sure everybody's there on time. Another one of those ways is to talk about what is appropriate to. If you're going to discontinue treatment, what's the process for doing that? And let everybody have a voice in policies and procedures that they can have a voice in with families, let people have a voice in chores, in what to have for dinner, in where you go on vacation. Not that they'll always get their way, but at least they get a vote and they. At least they get a voice. So a question comes in. Has it ever backfired with two people who are frequently in conflict with one another? Certainly it can backfire if people are having difficulty stepping back and seeking first to understand. And that's Generally when it backfires, if you don't understand the other person's perspective, then it can be really hard to create a win win. For example, when it comes to politics, my mother and I are polar opposites. I mean, couldn't be different and couldn't be more passionate about our positions. So does that mean that we're gonna butt heads on some of those things? We're going to agree to disagree. We are not ever going to agree on politics. But I understand her position and I can see where she's coming from even if I don't agree and vice versa. So creating a win win situation in that particular instance means we don't talk about politics. But there are times when you know you can create some sort of happy medium most of the time when it's not some meta concept charge discussion. There are practical steps you can take to create win win situations using objective outcomes. Day 5 Ponder your unique strengths and qualities that make you you. This is a fun one. So have each member of the group or family. So if you're sitting around the dinner table or you're in group, each person identifies a unique quality of every other member at the table and they put it on a note card and it can start with, you have improved my world or you've improved this group by blah, blah, blah, or you have taught me because we learn from other people. Some people teach you compassion, some people teach you patience. But it's important to recognize the impact that other people have had on us as well as potentially the impact we have on them. And then you take this information and you can make a profile wall which is kind of like an old fashioned wiki. People who haven't ever seen the profile walls, we take the cork boards, you know, smaller cork boards. You don't have to get the big ones and put the person's picture there. And then everybody puts their you have improved my world cards on each other's corkboard. That way we can look at Sally's corkboard and we can see all the different ways that she's impacted everybody in the group or everybody in the family. So that is something that can be done to remind people of the positive aspects and add to it regularly. If somebody does something and it's meaningful, hopefully it happens more often than not. Add to that, you know, today you improved my world or today you made me smile. Bye. Ponder your impact on others. Make a dedicated effort to practice random acts of kindness. And you can do this for most, for important people like your kids or your spouse or whatever for your co workers and then just for random strangers and another flip chart activity that you can do. Acts of service. What types of acts of service can you do for important people in your life? What types of acts of service can you do for co workers? What kinds of acts of service can you do for random strangers? One of those might be just holding a door open for somebody who has their arms full of packages. Simple things that we can do. But if we start thinking about it and making a list, it brings it to the forefront of our psyche. Do the same thing for words of appreciation, quality time, gifts and physical touch. Now, not every situation is going to be appropriate for physical touch, but with the important people in your life, like your kids or your spouse, then physical touch could be, you know, useful. So encourage people to really ponder ways that they can improve the positive energy in their environment and towards other people. Encourage them to be aware all day of how their words, nonverbals and actions impact other people. I have something that my kids call my resting snotty face. We'll use a different word. And it's not that I'm in a bad mood, that's just how my face is wired. So people can think I'm in a bad mood. And it's important for me to be cognizant of that when I am in classes and other things because it does impact other people if they think, well, she's scowling, what's that about? It's important for me to give minimal encouragers and smile and all that kind of stuff. But have people keep an evening journal of what types of random acts of kindness they did that day and how it impacted other people. Did it make them smile? Did it make them seem like it might have cheered them up for a second? Ponder other people's impact on you. Be aware all day of how other people's words and actions and your environment impact you. So this is another one of those journaling things. Journals don't have to be long winded things. They can just be a short sentence or two. Start encouraging people to become aware of what things have negative impacts on them and have them make a plan to deal with those unpleasant impacts. I take some common things that irritate people and we process this. So if you're working with somebody or your kid fails to do what's expected of him, fails to do his chores, how does that impact you and how do you deal with it? Just getting upset and being angry all night long, that ain't gonna fix anything. So how can you handle that? Rude drivers may irritate you. How do you deal with that? How we recognize that their impact may be to irritate you, but then how do you deal with that irritation? Do you hold it, do you nurture it? Or do you take a breath and let the bad air out and be done with it? Grumpy people, people with opposite temperaments, disorganization, lots of noise or sudden noises that can be really stressful for people who have hypervigilance because of trauma related issues. So encourage people just to be aware of how other people in the environment impacts them and encourage them to also be aware of what things have a positive impact on them and make a plan to enhance those in their life. And I've told you before about my best friend from college was just, oh my gosh, she was so positive all the time and she just lit up a room whenever she would walk in there. So I think to myself sometimes, what would Stephanie do? What would Stephanie do to improve this moment? And that's one way that I improve my life. You can also add in that loving kindness meditation that we talked about last week in order to deal with some of the more unpleasant effects, but also to cultivate positive feelings towards others. You don't just have to do loving kindness to get rid of bad feelings. You can do loving kindness to cultivate positive feelings in yourself. So awe and wonder and I've got to pick up the pace a little bit. What is it? A sense of wonder is characterized by full engagement, flow, being present in the moment, and a high wow factor, according to Rachel Carson. Being aware of the beauty around you, just a sense of amazement, recognition of your personal power. And then I also ask clients, what does awe and wonder mean to you? You know, I always think of a little kid walking into a museum or something for the first time and their eyes get really big and they're just like wow when they see the Tyrannosaurus rex statue or whatever. But awe and wonder. Why do we need awe and wonder to help us reduce distress. It helps us get outside of ourselves. It helps us instead of being in our own thoughts and our own stuff in the moment. And what we're aggravated about, if we have awe and wonder, then we're recognizing the amazing things around us we're seeing. Even if we're in a bad mood, we're seeing the butterfly fly by or we're seeing the clouds or whatever it is. It helps us see that things aren't necessarily as simple as they first appear. A blade of grass looks very simple, but when you start breaking it down to its parts, how it came to be, and all the different parts in its DNA, it's actually pretty. A pretty complex thing. And, you know, it sends sugars down to the roots at night, and then it brings them back up into the leaf during the day. Who would have known? My. My farrier taught me that it helps us realize that very little is impossible. When we look at all the magnificent things that happened, then we realize that very little is impossible. It may not be easy, but just about anything is potentially possible. It helps us see that something small, like a cell or a seed can produce something big. Because a lot of times we as people feel very small in this universe. But it only takes one voice. And it helps us see that some things are just stinking out of our control and. Or understanding, you know, we just won't, can't ever comprehend this. It is. And I mean, there are people whose entire career is philosophy trying to figure out things that we may never understand. So if you want to go through Bible references, the creation story talks about, you know, how the wonder of the universe came to be. In Job 38, God is telling Job that he has knowledge and powers, that God has knowledge and powers that Job will never understand. He says, where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me if you understand, who marked off its dimensions? Surely if you're as smart as you think you are, you know who stretched a measuring line across it, knowing good and well God did not Job. On what were its footing set and who laid its cornerstone? So God is saying, there are just some things that you. You won't be able to understand. Now you can come to closer understandings, but you may never grasp it all. In 1 Samuel, there's David and Goliath, how this little teenager was able to slay this big behemoth giant all by himself with faith. How many times do our clients feel like very small, powerless people, yet they have the ability, if they have faith in themselves, and they have faith in the order of things, they have the ability to accomplish monumental goals. And in Judges 7, Gideon had an army of 300 that conquered an army of tens of thousands. And again, showing that one person, it only takes one person to make a huge impact. So we talk about maple seeds, and I typically bring one in because I'm sure you've seen maple seeds on the ground at some point. They are little tiny bitty things. Ponder how much how such a small seed can produce such a majestic tree with so many diverse parts. Think about all the functions that a maple tree provides. It provides food for critters. It also provides syrup for us. It provides shade homes for creatures, lumber for homes, heating for homes and fireplaces. Soil renewal. When the. When the leaves fall and decompose and just decoration and happiness. Maples can be some of the prettiest trees when the leaves change. So focusing on how something so small can have such a huge impact on the world, on the environment. Chicken or egg dilemma, which comes first? You know, you can argue this until doomsday if you want to. My point with people is to help them recognize how often they get into their own chicken and egg. Egg dilemmas. When they say, before I do this, then that person has to do something. They have to give me something before I'm willing to give them anything. And then that person's going, well, they have to give me something before I'm willing to give them anything. Nothing gets done. You know, did the chicken or the egg come first? Who apologized first? So it's really important for people to kind of reflect on this and recognize that it doesn't really matter which came first. Eventually something has to happen. So do you want to be the catalyst for change? Day 3. Help people create those amazing oh, my gosh moments. Have them find amazement in every day by being mindful, present, and fully engaged, exploring each moment as if it were their first experience. So the tastes, smells, sights, and experiences. You can do this with a beach ball. If you want to put taste, smell, sights, experiences on the beach ball and toss it to different people, whatever they're looking at. When they catch the ball, they have to tell you something amazing that goes there. So if I look down and I saw tastes, I would have to tell you about the dish that my daughter made last Saturday that was just amazing. My bunny rabbit's fur. You know, he had the softest fur. The purr of my cat. We had a feral cat that we had, and she gave birth while she was with us. Didn't make a sound. Never had kittens before. She was very young, but she gave birth to those little things like nobody's business. And she was the best mama. It was just awe inspiring. And then our rooster has defended my honor before when one of the other roosters was trying to attack me, and he. He put that rooster in his place. Why? You know, it was kind of interesting to see that Bourne Stellar recognized my rooster, my good rooster recognized that I was an important part of his universe. Encourage people to make a list of awe and wonder adjectives and use them daily. And And I gave you some over here. Instead of good, think about tremendous, incredible, marvelous, fabulous, amazing, spectacular, or unbelievable. If people start changing their adjectives, they'll start feeling those adjectives. Day four. Multiple perspectives. Be curious instead of critical. Instead of saying, that person just doesn't get it, say, I wonder why that person is thinking about it that way. An activity that you can do in group is charades, for example. Because, you know, people get up there and they do charades or Pictionary, and you're looking at it going, what in the world are they trying to draw? And then afterwards they say, well, I was drawing the Leaning Tower of Pizza. And you were like, you were doing what? But you're trying. Instead of being critical about, well, that didn't look anything like it, you're looking at it going, okay, I can see how that might have been representing the Leaning Tower or whatever. So encourage curiosity. This is a fun game to do if your clients have had a particularly stressful week. If you have a really intellectual group that likes to ponder, you can talk about what existence means and start talking about the different perspectives of different philosophers. Never used this, I'll tell you, because I kind of put that out of my head when I graduated from college. But philosophy some people like to talk about. Day five, Remembering wondrous moments. And this is just reflecting on individual moments. I mean, there's awe and wonder every day. But then there are also those moments that just punctuate your life. When I was pregnant, you know, when my son kicked for the first time, that was amazing. When I gave birth, and all of a sudden it went from something that didn't breathe air to something that breathed air and cried a lot. That was earth moving. Encourage people to think about, you know, when I. And finish it with something they accomplished that they didn't think they could. When I wrote a book, when I rode a bike for the first time, when I. Whatever it is, when I went into recovery, and when someone supported me and I didn't think they would. It was amazing to feel the support from my supervisor when I did this, that, or the other, because I didn't think they would have my back. So those are the things I want people to really reflect on those punctuating moments. Day six, Immersion in awe and wonderful. I love the awe and wonder unit. Slow down. Encourage people to immerse themselves in the awe and wonder around them. And I like to play hot potato with this one and use a little ball, not a potato, because potatoes generally hurt if you drop them on yourself. And definitely Not a hot one, but you toss it. Toss the potato around, and whoever catches it has to identify awe and wonder around them. So you can start out by saying, okay, the category is a singer's voice. And then you play hot potato, and you keep throwing the potato around until everybody has identified one singer that they think has the most amazing voice. Whitney Houston, when I was growing up, I mean, she had the range. I mean, she'd had the voice of an angel. The talent of your child, the intelligence of someone, whatever it is. But you can choose different things and have people think fast because that encourages them to become more aware of the awe and wonder around them. And day seven is the eyes of the child encourage people to follow things forward and backward. So I have a stack of cards, and they're questions that little kids ask a lot. And it's just to help people have the awe and wonder. So pick a card. Birds fly. Why do birds fly? Well, I don't know. Or how did birds learn how to fly? I don't know. So how do you think they learned how to fly? And then you work backwards from that. And what would happen if birds couldn't fly and you could work forwards? And since birds can fly, what does that let them do? And yes, it's an inane topic, but it lets you see how amazing it is. I mean, why do birds fly? Why did they develop feathers and we didn't? Why is the sky blue? Where did mountains come from? Why? One of my favorites is, why do squirrels act squirrely? You know, they run into the middle of the road and then they dart back and forth three times. Why? And we can hypothesize this, but just being aware of the interesting things in the environment gets us out of ourself. All right. And finally, faith. What is it? Faith is so hard to define, but it is confidence not based on actual evidence or proof that things will work out as they need to or that things will work out however they do and you'll be able to deal with it. You know, I always kind of add that extra part on there. How can this help improve happiness? It helps us give up trying to control people and situations that are out of our control. You know, I have faith that if I do all the right things, then something will happen. And whatever happens, I have faith that I can deal with, empowers us and motivates us to do our part. I have faith that if I then. And I encourage people to start using this phrase when they're anxious about something. I have faith that if I Go to the doctor and get this tested that will be able to diagnose it and identify a course of action. It helps us recognize that even when things don't go our way, we will be able to cope. I have faith that I can get through this. Sometimes it's not pleasant, but we can get through it. So the Bible in Matthew 6:25 it says, don't worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, about your body, or what you will wear. Look at the birds of the air. They don't sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? And can any one of you, by worrying, add a single hour to your life? And I don't care who you are or if you believe in God or not, that holds true. Can you add a single hour to your life by Worrying? No. Matthew 19:26 says, With God all things are possible. Proverbs 3, 5, 6 Trust in God with all your heart, in all your ways. Acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. So people who believe in a higher power believe that if they follow this good, orderly direction, whether it's a plan or a entity higher power if they follow this plan with all their heart, with all their belief that they will keep going in the right direction. Proverbs 3, 9 and 10 honor God with the first fruits of all your crops. Then your barns will be filled to overflowing and your vats will brim over with new wine. Again, obviously there's the literal translation. But for people who don't believe in a higher power entity, honor your good, orderly direction with the first fruits of all your crops. Invest in your plan. Invest in this direction that you're going, this direction that you're traveling with all of the best of your energy. Don't put it off. Something that you really want, don't put it off till you're exhausted. Don't ignore it or put it away. Give it the attention that it's due and you will succeed. And then Psalm 23 yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. A lot of people find this very comforting for faith, and there's not really a good translation for good, orderly direction here. So Day one Faith in the Process and I have some. You can't see what I'm pointing to. Over here on the right hand side I have some songs because I also do like to have clients make playlists if they like to run or listen to music while they're cleaning. Faith in the process so sentence completion. I have faith that if I then so we've talked about that one and you'll see the little picture I have here says, I know that when one door closes, another always opens, but man, these hallways are a bitch. And that's the process. The process is not always easy. Another thing people can say is, I have faith that I can handle whatever life throws at me. Because, you know, having faith is one thing. I have faith because I've been through similar, because I've got good supports, because yada yada. Encourage people to make a list of times when they faced hardship, but things either worked out the way they wanted or they were able to handle the adversity and how they did it. One of my best friends just had an accusation made against him, and it was a false accusation, but it ended up. It caused him a lot of stress for a long time. It worked out in the end. How did he deal with that anxiety? How did he deal with those feelings? When I had a premature infant, that was not what I wanted, but I was able to get through it, and it was a challenging time, but I had faith and it made me stronger. Faith in others Make a list of people who've been there for you, and make a list of people who respect your thoughts, feelings and boundaries, even if they don't agree. We need to have faith that we can have our own opinions and people won't abandon us. Make a playlist that talks about faith in others, that talks about friendships like Wind Beneath My Wings from Bette Midler. I'll Be There for you by Bon Jovi. You know, I'll go through the songs at the end. Make a scrapbook of people who have been there for you, those important people that you can call on, those people that you think of, that do your heart good and you're like, that is what a true friend is, that you can look through that scrapbook when you're feeling a little negative about people or things, and it can remind you that there are good, other good people in the world. There are some people who are not good, but for the most part there are good people and you do have good people in your life. Day three is faith in others. People do the best they can with the tools they have at any given time. So encourage people in this first activity to discuss what tools do we need to have that help us succeed in life, that help us interface with others, mindfulness skills and These are things that you want to have come up. Mindfulness skills, interpersonal skills, Compassion, patience, distress tolerance, problem solving skills. How can each one of those things help people be who they want to be and increase happiness? How can being mindful help people be who they want to be and increase happiness? Staying with that. People do the best they can with the tools they have at any given time. Why might people not have tools with them all the time? You know, when you've got a doctor on an airplane and somebody starts having a heart attack, the doctor doesn't have his medical bag with him. You know, we don't necessarily always have all of our tools with us, so it's important to recognize that that's the case. Some people are not, you know, prepared and going in with their Uber patients on or something. They may not have dressed with Uber patients that day. We also have vulnerabilities, and this is more applicable. There are days when we are overtired, when we are sick, we are stressed, whatever, that we are less mindful, we are less patient, we are less tolerant of distress. We don't have those skills with us that day because we left them at home. You know, we are exhausted, we're worn down. It's important to recognize that people are not on their A game every day. Why is this important? Because instead of saying, this person always lets me down or this person disappointed me, we want to have people explore how, you know, when that person disappointed you. How was it that they might have been doing the best they could with the tools they had at that point in time? When you disappointed yourself, you didn't live up to your own expectations? Were you doing the best you could with the tools you had at that point in time? To date, I've never had anybody say no. You know, when they look back over it, they're like, yeah, I was. I was really doing the best I could. I should have. And I'm like, shoulds don't work. Were you doing the best you could with the tools you had? And they're like, yeah, how does this apply when you've disappointed other people? And again, looking back going, were you doing the best you could? And if not, what can you learn from it? And how can you enhance compassion in yourself? How can you remember to ask yourself when you start to feel irritable, is this person doing the best they can with the tools they have at this point in time? Faith in self. I am perfect in this very moment. So I encourage people to make a faith mantra poster. I have faith that I'll do the right thing. I have faith in my gut. I have faith that I'm a good person. I have faith that I can fill in the blank. I have faith that I can learn and grow from every experience. Because what we're working for is progress, not perfection. So people can create this nice faith poster about themselves. And again, Playlist here. Day 6. Awareness of limits of control. Have each person identify one challenging situation. What in that situation can they control? And the associated dialectics to control their reaction to the situation. So some things that we've talked about, and if you're doing this as a family, you may want to just talk about one challenging situation each night. If you're doing this in group, then obviously you can cover more. But for example, somebody says, I want to be in a relationship with or I don't want to be broken up from, okay, that is a challenging situation. What parts of this are in your control? And what parts of this are not in your control? And how can you deal with your reaction? So things that we talk about sometimes being in a particular relationship, being accepted by a particular group, getting a job to be healthy and live forever. We want our kids to be happy, but we can't necessarily do everything to make that happen. If somebody says, I have to be valedictorian or I have to be CEO, I want to be happy, I want to go hiking today. There's lots of things, challenging situations that we may not be able to get our own way 100%. So how can we create that win win. How can we create a doable compromise where we're satisfied? You can create a worksheet that people have that they keep with them where they say, I want what parts are within my control, what parts are not within my control, what would be a positive compromise? And how can I make lemonade out of this? Even if it's a bad situation, how can I make lemonade? Finally, day seven. What things happen without fail. This can help people when things seem totally out of control, to recognize that there are some things, there is some stability in the world. What goes up must come down. Unless it's a helium balloon. You know, there are always going to be some people out there who want to heckle with exceptions. And that's okay. That's why I say usually without failing, people will die. It's gonna happen. The sun will rise and the sun will set. Now, in Alaska, that doesn't happen every 24 hours, but eventually it does. Summer comes after spring. I will wake up, I will have good days and bad days. I will have comfortable days, but pain sometimes and my dog loves me there. And people can come up with their own this is another one of those hot potato activities where you toss the potato or the little ball to somebody. They have to identify something that happens pretty much without fail to help them see that there is predictability. So connectedness, awe and wonder and faith can all help people live a happier life. Even those who don't believe in a higher power being can often embrace the higher order of good, orderly direction. Be aware of trauma triggers when doing this work, though when you're talking about connectedness, you may trigger a reminder of connectedness with an abuser and how that abuser has impacted their life. For the negative faith in a higher power in a traumatic situation, people may feel like, well, how can I have faith if my higher power let this happen? It may trigger thoughts about faith in other people who abandoned them. How can I have faith in anybody if my parents abandoned me, etc. So we do want to be cognizant and conscious of all the potential trauma triggers that can come out. And make sure to process these with our clients. And like I said at the beginning, provide the topics ahead of time to your group so they can find meaningful quotes in their scripture or their philosophical readings. All right, I apologize for going a little bit over today, but I thank everybody for being here and I will see you on Thursday for 30 trauma informed interventions. And I'm not sure about the difference between helicopter and bulldozer parents. Obviously we know that parenting style does have a significant impact on children's motivation, their sense of self efficacy, their sense of self esteem, etc. So yeah, we definitely want to take a look at those things. All right, have a wonderful day everybody. If this podcast helps you help your clients or yourself, please support us by purchasing your ceus@allce.com or getting your agency to sponsor an episode. A direct link to the on demand CEUs for this podcast is@allce.com podcastceus that's allce.com podcastce to sponsor an episode of Counselor Toolbox and reach over 50,000 clinicians per week. Go to allce. Com sponsor. Thank you.