How did I not know this? Essential Tips to Deal with Stress

Welcome to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes. This podcast was created to provide you the information and tools Doc Snipes gives her clients so that you too can start living happier. Our website, Docsnipes.com has even more resources, videos and handouts, and even interactive sessions with Doc Snipes to help you apply what you learn. Go to Docsnipes.com to learn more. Hi everybody, and welcome to the Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery podcast. Today we're going to be talking about tips to deal with stress and increase productivity. So what causes stress? Well, looking over some research done by the Mayo Clinic and other places, some of the most common causes of stress are politics, relationships. And that can include being in relationships, ending relationships, deaths. You know, there's a lot that goes into relationships, finances, your work environment, because you spend a lot of time at work, having too many responsibilities, feeling like you're being pulled in a million different directions, health problems and unhappiness with appearance. Yes, unhappiness with appearance actually did make the top 10. So we're going to talk about some of those today and maybe things that you can do to address them. The first thing we want to look at is why do we care? You know, everybody's got stress, so why do we care? Well, stress can have deleterious effects on your body and your mental health and a whole bunch of other stuff. It can cause headaches, muscle tension or pain, chest pain, fatigue, changes in sex drive, upset stomach and sleep problems. So those are the effects that stress just has on your body. We know that when you have sleep problems that it's going to wear you down. You're going to likely have more irritability, be more susceptible to illnesses. When you've got a lot of pain, it's harder to sleep well. When you have changes in your sex drive, it may have an impact on your relationships as well as your self esteem. And just being fatigued all the time really wears on you. You may feel kind of hopeless and helpless. So you can see how physical things can actually impact your social life, your mental health and all that stuff. But it doesn't stop there. Stress also causes anxiety, restlessness, a lack of motivation or focus. At a certain point, you may just feel so overwhelmed. You're just like, I give up. You know, I got too much to do. I can't even begin to see the forest for the trees. So you start losing motivation and focus because you don't even know where to focus at all. Feeling overwhelmed, irritability or anger and Sadness or depression or a sense of hopeless and helplessness. So again, all of these dysphoric moods, as we call them, are going to probably impact your productivity at work, your relationships and your physical health. When you feel this way, then it's probably going to start compounding your physical health problems like muscle tension and fatigue. Other effects of stress include overeating or under eating. Sometimes we eat in order to deal with stress. Sometimes we just don't have an appetite because we've got so much stress. But our body needs the good building blocks. You know, it needs good food, not junk food, in order to make the neurotransmitters to help us feel happy, healthy and focused. Angry outbursts, drug or alcohol abuse, tobacco use. A lot of times people will start self medicating to try to control the stress. Instead of addressing the stress itself, they just try to numb the emotion. Social withdrawal because you just can't take one more thing. And even exercising less often because who has energy to exercise when you're barely sleeping and you've got 17 other things in your inbox? So you can see the effects that stress have on your behavior. Now. What are we going to do about it? Find your groove. The first thing to do is identify what's important to you. Because once you figure out what's important, it's easier to figure out what can be let go and what things you can say. You know what? Not worth my energy. Take active, mindful steps to use your energy in productive ways. You only have a certain amount of energy, so are you going to waste it, you know, getting mad at somebody who cuts you off in traffic or getting upset about something you have no control over? Or are you going to use it to do something that is going to help move you toward your goals and finally get recharged? Yes, you need to take time out to do fun things to have happiness in your life. It's not just about eliminating stress, it's about adding happiness. You need to have a balance of good things in your life to balance out some of the stressful things. So let's start with perspective. Get in that groove. Who and what is important in your life? Is your family important? You know who in your family is important? Maybe your great, great uncle Bob, not so much. But your kids are, you know, the center of your world. Okay, so that's going to be important. So whenever something comes up, whenever a mood comes up, whenever you're struggling with something and you're trying to decide how much energy to put into it, ask yourself, is dealing with this going to help me be more present for my kids, or is this just draining my energy and letting it go would really have no effect on my relationship with my kids? Other things with family, like spending quality time and visiting family, sometimes that's important. For some people it's not. So it's a matter of figuring out what's important in your life and who. Your friends, which friends do you want to spend time with? Are you content just texting or do you want to be able to go out once a week? What about your career? What do you want your career to be like? Where do you want to see yourself in a month, six months, five years from now? And you know, what steps can you take to get that way? For example, if you want to see yourself as a CEO in five years, then regularly switching jobs because you're mildly unhappy probably not going to get you there. So you're going to have to figure out a different way to handle that particular stressor. Are your pets important? What about your hobbies? Or certain financial or other career goals that you have? So make a list of all those things so you see what's important, you see what your end destination is. And then when things come up, you need to say, is putting energy into this and taking energy away? Is it going to take energy away from me, moving toward my goals? Mindfulness. That's the next step. When things come up and they will, ask yourself, how can I deal with this issue in a way that helps me get closer to those things and people who are important to me? And you have choices, you can accept it, you can let it go, you can address it. There are a lot of things. So let's take politics, for instance. Maybe you're unhappy with the state of things in politics right now, but right now you probably can't take the president out of office. What can you do in politics? If it is important to you to try to change that right now, as opposed to waiting until the next election, what types of advocacy activities can you do? As opposed to just being on Facebook and spouting and being negative and being upset all the time and feeling powerless? Some people will decide, you know, politics. There's not a lot I can do to control it right now. So I'm going to let it go because it is what it is. And then when the next election comes around, I'm going to get really involved in my particular political party and make my statement known. Other people may say, you know, politics is politics. I'm just one vote. It's not worth My energy because I need to focus on other things that are more central to my life than the global economy. Relationships are another thing. You know, things may be going well, they may not be going well. Maybe you want to get into another relationship or, you know, when things come up, you've got to decide, how important is this relationship to me? And I have this certain amount. I have this tank of energy that is designed to help me achieve my goals. Is it worth drawing on that tank of energy to address this problem right now? Sometimes it will be. And then you need to ask yourself, how can I address it in a way that is most efficient and makes most sense? Stewing on it, hiding from it, ignoring it. That's probably not going to work. Because even when you take something and you stuff it down, you try to ignore an emotion, it's going to keep coming back and kind of haunting you. You've just stuffed it down. And it takes energy to keep it compartmentalized or stuffed down. So you need to figure out how you're going to deal with it. Finances are kind of the same way. What can you do? How can you address it in a way that's meaningful and helps you move towards your goals? Another thing you can ask yourself is, what thoughts am I having about this situation that are moving me further away from those things and people who are important to me? So if you're having negative thoughts regularly, if you're having thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness, if you're having a lot of thoughts of anxiety, then you want to say, are having these thoughts and dwelling on this worry and anxiety, is this getting me closer to my goals or is this draining my energy? And if it's draining my energy, which a lot of times worry, resentment, those emotions can do, how can you change those thoughts? Remember that anger, anxiety, worry, those things are put in your world. And even depression are put in your world to say, hey, take note, there may be a threat. Or in the case of depression, you may have lost something that was important to you. So take note and figure out, how are you going to improve the next moment. Your emotions themselves are not bad. They're not negative. That's why when we talk about depression and anxiety, I really avoid using the term negative emotions, because all emotions are there to serve a purpose. It's what you do with them that can be positive or negative. Other tips to help you kind of recharge and rebalance include reducing input. Set aside a certain amount of time each day to read the news and or be on social media and preferably not before bed, because you don't want to accidentally get yourself riled up right before bed. So if you need to read the news, which, you know, most of us like to stay informed, and if you have to be on social media, set aside a time and make sure that it has a beginning and an end time so you don't get sucked in. Be aware of what we call the availability heuristic and the logarithms on social media. Things that you like, they're going to show you more of. So it may seem like there is a lot, there are a lot more people who are sick and struggling. If you're reacting to people's posts who are in the hospital or who are struggling with something, because Facebook's going to say, or another social media place may say, oh, you're interested in those sorts of things, so I'm going to show you more of that. So you may think there's a lot more suffering and negativity in the world than there really is. If certain topics bother you on social media, just try even an experiment. Go for a week or two without responding to them, or even go as far as telling the provider you don't want to see that in your feed and see what happens. They found Facebook actually did an experiment and found that they can alter people's moods by what they show them in their feed. So, you know, be careful and be cautious about what you respond to. And if it starts getting too negative or too depressing, you know, you might want to look at responding to positive posts again to balance out the ones that where you've got a friend in the hospital and you're sending prayers or whatever. Set aside venting and worry time. It is easy to get caught in a negative funhouse. You know, you're looking around and everything seems to be kind of going wicky wonky and you're negative and the world just kind of seems to be closing in on you. I hate fun houses. But that aside, if you've had a bad day at work, sure, you know, some people need to come home and vent about it. They're extroverts. They need to kind of get it out, get it off their chest. That's cool. But set aside again a beginning and an ending time so you're not venting all night long. Have that 30 minutes or an hour where you can just let it all out and then after that, force yourself to focus on other things. Create healthy routines. And this is part of the recharge. You need to get adequate quality sleep, not Just sleep, quality sleep. That means that deep sleep where you're actually dreaming and everything. Nutrition, your body needs the building blocks to make your neurotransmitters to help your body stay healthy, just to operate. So good nutrition. I'm not saying you have to get, you know, obsessive about it. Try to eat colorfully. Try to get some vegetables in each day. Try to minimize as much processed, you know, white flour and sugar as you can. But, you know, reality is you're probably going to eat some of it. You may stop by McDonald's. McDonald's and get a Big Mac or something for lunch. And. Okay, so it's got white bread on it. So what? You know, don't get too hung up on it if you know, because you do need to eat and fuel yourself. Exercise, it doesn't have to be 40 minutes in your target training zone. Just get your blood moving. Go out for a walk with the dog, go play with your kids, dance around the house like a crazy person. Put on music when you're cleaning. Whatever it takes to kind of get your blood moving a little bit will help you get energized because exercise causes your body to release serotonin. Serotonin is a calming chemical. And recreate. Yeah, you gotta schedule in time to have fun. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. So it's important to make sure that you schedule in if you have to schedule it in time off. Schedule in time to do things that are important and meaningful to you, like your hobbies or spending time with your family. That way you have some rewards coming out and you're working on other aspects. Not just work or not just one thing. You don't get this tunnel vision. Use effective time management. Too many times we get caught up feeling like we're being pulled in 15 different directions and we've got too much that has to be done. Ask yourself what actually has to be done. If it doesn't get done today, there are going to be major negative consequences. You know, if your electric bill is due tomorrow, then paying the electric bill has to get done today. If you're running low on food at the house, you know, we are right now because we've been snowed in for like four days. Do I have to get to the grocery today? No. You know, I can stop by and pick something up. If I don't have time to do a full grocery shopping today, eventually I do need to get to the grocery store. But does it have to be done today? No. What can be delegated? What can you ask other family members or friends or co workers to do. You know, if you're at work and you got a big task going on, you can delegate some things. If you're at home and things need to be done, you can delegate some things. My husband has a four wheel drive, so you can darn well bet I'm going to be sending him out to get the food today because you know, he's not going to slip around and he can get in and out of our neighborhood. Look at what can be simplified. Sometimes we make things too difficult. Can you do all your shopping in one day for the month? And then, you know, occasionally you may have to stop by and get something or order from Amazon or Walmart or somewhere else and have it delivered. But what can be simplified to save you time, you would be surprised. And just think about it. Driving to the store, for me to get to the closest store takes about 20 minutes. Shopping takes about another 30 minutes. If I'm not doing a full shopping, checking out another, you know, 10, 15 minutes, driving home, another 30 minutes, unloading, putting away, we're talking an hour and a half minimum every time I go to the store. So if I'm doing that eight times a week or eight times a month or more, think about how much time I'm wasting. Whereas you know, I could probably get all of that done in one three hour block if I just planned ahead. Simplify by, you know, getting frozen dinners, ordering out every once in a while if you've got too much to do. I know my family's really happy when I give in and I'm like, okay, we're just going to order out tonight, you know, we'll let the lentils go and we can have Kentucky Fried Chicken or something. And they're like woohoo. You know. But simplifying doesn't have to be negative. It doesn't mean anything negative against you. It just means you're cutting corners right now. Let's see what you can do. When I cook, I will cook. A lot of times I'll cook casseroles. That way I have fewer dishes that I've got to do. And a casserole generally can be reheated for lunch the next day. So I've got two meals in one. And then look at things that can be combined. If you need to call your mother, you know, I'm notorious for calling my mother while I'm driving to and from the office because you know, I can talk to her on the hands free while I'm driving. Combining those Activities and bada bing. So what things can you combine? What things can you do while you're riding in your car? Can you listen to your messages from work? Can you call people and stay in touch? You know, obviously you want to be safe. Maybe you can exercise with a friend, you know, so you got that friend time and exercise kind of going together. So what things can be combined? So you're not trying to do 15 separate things, but you're doing six combined things. Develop focus. Know your temperament. Some of us need to be around others and we derive energy from others and we get really charged when we're around others and it helps us stay focused. And you know, maybe the ego gets in there too and we're like, okay, I'm going to be the one that gets this done first. Or you know, when I'm at the gym, that really kicks in and I'm like, oh, I'm not getting off the treadmill before that person does because I'm just naturally competitive. Not saying that that's necessarily good, but I derive energy from other people. Some other people are more introverts and prefer to work alone. They get a lot more done if they're in the quiet by themselves and nothing interrupts them. Know what works? Even if you're an extrovert, you can't deal with a bunch of interruptions without wasting a bunch of time. But if you're an extrovert, you know, maybe study at the library or go to Starbucks with your laptop to do some work. That way you're around other people and you don't feel isolated and know when your energy levels peak. For me, my energy is in the morning. If I wait until 2, 3, 4 o' clock in the afternoon, I'm kind of dragging by that point. So I do the big stuff that I've got to get done before noon. Visualize your day in the morning before you even get out of bed. Just kind of lay there and think, okay, what do I need? What do I have to get done today? And kind of what's my day ideally going to look like and see yourself going through the day. That way you can visualize what needs to be done, kind of plan it out and be settled. Once you've done that, create a task list so you know which things are priority for that day and include no interruption times. So ideally in a couple hour blocks, so maybe a three hour block or a four hour block. If you can do that, you're going to get a lot more done. If you're not checking your email or answering your phone or having somebody come to your office door or whatever. So those no interruption times are really important in order to be productive and help you really knock a bunch of stuff off of your to do list. Finally, know your task, whatever your tasks are for that day on that task list. And before saying yes to anything else, check in and see if saying yes is going to enhance or reduce your movement towards getting that stuff done for the day. You know, if somebody comes by and says, hey, we're all going out for lunch, do you want to go out with us? You know, you can look at your task list and you can either say, sure, I've got time to schedule in some fun because I've gotten a lot accomplished this morning, or you can look at your task list and go, no, I haven't gotten enough done. I really need to stay here and keep working. But it helps you to stay focused and really prioritize and decide how you're going to spend your time and energy. Practice mindfulness by working with your rhythms and check in periodically to see how you're feeling. What are you needing? Do you need to go out and get a little snack? Are you thirsty? Your brain uses an amazing amount of blood glucose, so if you're doing something that's really cognitively intensive, you may need to periodically get a little snack. Sometimes it's better to take the day off and recharge than muddle through and be totally unproductive. So, I mean, think about a day you've gone in and you haven't had any sleep because the baby was up all night or you were sick or stayed out partying too late, whatever the case may be, and you go to work the next day and you just can't. You read the same paragraph six times and you still have no idea what you've read. So at that point you've got to ask yourself, is there something different I could do that needs to get done? And then I can come back to this more intensive task when I'm more alert. Because muddling through and reading the same paragraph another six times is probably, probably not going to get you any further along in your day. You're just not there that day. Effectively communicate. When you're talking to co workers, family members, roommates, whomever, and they're talking to you, listen to understand, not to try to solve or defend. What do I mean by that? I mean, when you're talking to them, listen to hear what they have to say. Try to put yourself in their shoes instead of getting defensive or trying to solve their problem or trying to jump the gun and go, okay, I hear what you're saying, let's see about doing this. Listen to understand what they may have to say and ask instead of tell. So once you understand, ask if you've got the right idea. So what I'm hearing you say is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then ask them, what is the next step? There was somebody in one of my groups who is getting burnt out in her line of work right now, and she posted on there, she didn't know what she wanted to do next, whether she should change careers or whatever. And people just started throwing out ideas of different things she could do without really knowing. What about your current situation is unfulfilling? You know, if high demand work is unfulfilling, then going to work in certain environments may continue to be unfulfilling. So what is it about your current environment that's not doing it for you anymore, that's making you feel burned out and less than happy? And then we can work from there to figure out and what type of work environment would be ideal for you. What do you see if you could create the perfect job or work environment, what's your passion? And then we can figure out from asking those questions what directions maybe to go. But a lot of times you have to ask when good salespeople interact with you, Instead of coming up and saying, hey, you know, you want a new refrigerator today? Or whatever they say, is there anything I can help you with? Or what are you looking for today? Or how can I help you? Instead of assuming that they know what you want or what you need. And finally, address a burnout environment. If you have too many demands, without enough support at work, at home, whatever, figure out whose support you can enlist and what demands you can reduce. Remember going back to that list of what actually has to be done if you feel like you've got little or no control, that's probably true. There are things in life, in relationships, in politics, in work that you have little or no control over. But there are also parts that you do have control over. Part of that is how you react to it, how you think about it, and how you handle it. So identify what parts of the situation you do have control over and what the logical step is to address whatever this is to get more control that helps you move closer to your goals. If there's no sense of community or belongingness wherever, whether it's home or work or, you know, with your roommates or your sorority house, how can you develop community? What Things can you do at our house? We have a movie night. So, you know, I've got teenagers, they're not real keen on spending a whole bunch of time with me. But movie night, you know, they're willing to acquiesce and come down and hang out for a little while. If you sense a lack of appreciation, the first thing is, how can you show yourself appreciation? Relying on others to get out of their own drama and notice and be appreciative, putting a lot of pressure on them. So instead of relying on others to appreciate you, appreciate yourself. And you can encourage others to show appreciation, whether it's your kids or your spouse or your co workers, by modeling it. If you show appreciation, if you are regularly saying, wow, I really appreciate that you took up that shift for me, or I really appreciate that you reminded me to take out the trash, or if you regularly tell them that you appreciate their efforts and you appreciate them, it's going to rub off and they're likely going to start using that same verbiage back towards you. If you sense that there's a lack of fairness, which there is, life isn't fair, look at the situation and ask, are there ways that you can make it more fair? Can you change the situation? And if not, how can you accept the fact that it's just not fair? Sometimes the bad guys win and the good guys lose. So how can you deal with that? Getting angry over it? You know, the initial feeling of anger says this isn't right, and that's true. But holding onto that anger and dwelling on it isn't going to make the good guys win. If you want to try to change the situation, maybe you can try to figure out how to help the good guys win. But how much energy do you really want to devote to being angry about the fact that life isn't fair? How long do you want to spend on that? If you have a lack of security in your situation, in your relationship, in your job, you know, imagine the worst and make a plan. If I got fired or laid off tomorrow, what would I do? You know, what's the worst that would happen? How would I handle it if we broke up tomorrow, what would I do? You know, how would I handle it? Have a plan in your head so you're not stressed about it and look for things in that situation that might help you get more security. You know, if you're fearing that you may break up in your relationship, well, that tells me there's probably some turmoil. So how can you start feeling more secure in your situation? What can you do? What issues do you need to address? Same thing at work. You know, maybe you're the perfect employee and there's just been a bunch of, you know, layoffs and whatever because the company's not doing well. Well, you may not be able to do a lot about that, but if you are continuing to be one of the best employees, the chances of you getting laid off are a lot slimmer than if you're one of the ones who's unproductive. And high levels of negativity. Think about what you can do to buffer the negativity. If you walk into your office or your house, maybe you're living with a couple of people who are just big old Grumpy Gus's. You can only be around that much negativity for so long before it starts stressing you out. So what can you do to buffer the negativity? Number one, don't reward it. Don't get down in there and say, you know, let me hear about how your day is and collude with the person. You know, look for positives or maybe even try to avoid that person when they're being so negative, you know? And finally, schedule in fun. And I encourage people to do this every single day. 15 minutes of fun. Anybody can find 15 minutes in their day to laugh. You know, find a skit, go out and watch the squirrels climb the trees. Whatever it is that makes you smile or laugh will help you have a better attitude and help you have more positive chemicals flowing through your brain so you're not as stressed out. Thank you for being here today. If you like this podcast, please subscribe on your favorite podcast app and you can also join us on Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery group on Facebook. Thanks for tuning in to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes. Our mission is to make practical tools for living the happiest life affordable and accessible to everyone. We record the podcast during a Facebook Live broadcast each week. 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