How To Cope with Holiday Stress and Triggers | Relapse Prevention Counseling

Foreign. I'd like to welcome everybody to today's presentation on coping with holiday stress and triggers. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. In this presentation, we're going to explore the impact of holiday triggers on the whole person. Define relapse, identify exacerbating and mitigating factors for relapse, and explore some unique relapse triggers and traps during the holidays. And we're really going to talk about daily different issues like depression, grief, eating disorders, and substance misuse. Starting at the beginning, Stress, we know, triggers the HPA axis. It triggers our fight or flight response. And when our HPA axis is activated, remember we have the fight, which is anger, the flea, which is anxiety, or the forget it, which is depression. And depression can happen when we're grieving or when we're just plumb out of energy and we just, we don't have it in us to even care at this point. We're just, we're done. When that HPA axis is activated, it suppresses our immune system, so we're more susceptible to getting sick. It increases our systemic inflammation, which can lead to feelings of depression and dysphoria. It may increased inflammation will keep that HPA axis activated as well as contribute to depression, which can impair sleep, which will result in lower energy. And obviously, increased inflammation is usually associated with increases in pain. Any of those things may trigger reactive behaviors to avoid or numb distress. And that can come in the form of addictive behaviors, risky behaviors like thrill seeking behaviors, or even withdrawal from other people. And when we're talking about relapse, I want you to recognize that relapse is the recurrence of symptoms for health, like your autoimmune disorders or, you know, any sort of illness or pain. Mental health, like depression, anxiety, even schizophrenia or addictive issues. So relapse is not just about addiction. Relapse is about. About returning to a prior state of being that was unpleasant or unhealthy, not where you wanted to be. We want to look at issues that may come up during the holidays. These can be thought of as relapse warning signs. When you start experiencing some of these symptoms, it's a clue that you probably need to pay attention and figure out what's causing it and what you can do to improve the next moment. During the holidays, sleep often feels like it is fleeting and you just can't get enough of it. Partly because we run, we have a lot more demands on our time during the holidays. It's really important for people who are in recovery from anything to make sure that they prioritize sleep. Sleep inefficient or poor quality sleep activates that HPA axis, increases inflammation, increases pain, increases depression, and reduces our ability or our resources to deal with life on life's terms. So it makes us a lot more vulnerable appetite and may also change when we are experiencing distress. Remember, when we're in fight orf flight mode, we may not want to eat as much, our appetite may be suppressed, or we may seek to self soothe with comfort foods. Pain, you know, it happens, and especially during the holidays, unfortunately, when cold fronts are coming in and we're doing a lot of things that we don't normally do and using muscles we don't use usually use. I tried to get the Christmas tree out of the attic last week and I had, I greatly underestimated how heavy it was. So, you know, getting it down without falling out of the attic was, was kind of a challenge. So people can experience pull muscles or just experience pain or discomfort that they're not used to. And it's important to address pain. Pain activates the HPA axis, prevents quality sleep, increases inflammation, increases dysphoria. Substance use is obviously something that happens sometimes during the holidays. Now, if we're talking about somebody who has an addictive disorder, hopefully they're not using substances, but other people may be using substances around them. So it's important to, when we get down to environment, we'll talk about that. But for people who have other issues such as depression, anxiety or autoimmune issues, substance use may be something that they engage in and you know, they don't have a problem with addiction, so to speak. But it's important to recognize the effects of substance use on the body. Most of the time, substances are going well all of the time. Substances that we use that would fall under this, like nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, they're going to alter our neurotransmitter levels. Some substances, specifically alcohol and nicotine, also increase systemic inflammation. And it's important to be aware of that because even if you're increasing the inflammation in your gut, for example, by drinking alcohol, that can kick off the HPA axis because the vagus nerve will tell the brain, hey, we've got some inflammation down here. There's a problem, HPA axis kicks off and you're back into that fight or flea mode. And sometimes we just fail to relax. We get so busy going to work and doing Christmas shopping and going to holiday parties and, you know, sending cards and doing whatever you do over the holidays. Sometimes people fail, fail to stop and rejuvenate. And it is important. In 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he talks about how it's important to, quote, sharpen the saw. It is important to rest and rejuvenate. Just like you recharge your phone at the end of the day, you need to recharge your own personal battery, preferably at the end of every single day. So you get up the next morning and you. You've gotten good sleep and you feel refreshed and ready to take on a new day. In order to get good quality sleep, it's important to relax not only the mind, but also the body. So we want to encourage people to take note of this in preparation for the holidays. I know we've already gone past Thanksgiving, but it's important to pay attention to relaxation to make sure that they are taking good care of themselves. Because if they get run down and their health, mental health, or addictive issues flare up, then that's not where they're going to want to be. That's going to make things worse on everybody else. It is better to make sure that you are recharged and available. Maybe fewer hours, but at least when you're available, you're present, you're healthy, you're happy, effectively. And I just kind of put this in dysphoria because there are so many different feelings people can experience during the holidays that are unpleasant. And we're going to talk about some of the reasons later, but depression, anxiety, grief, anger, resentment, jealousy, you know, the list goes on. And it is very important that people practice mindfulness during this time. So they note, they notice when they are starting to feel these feelings. And I ask my clients, you know, when you're feeling, when you start. Start to feel depressed, you're not clinically depressed, can't get out of bed. But when you start to feel depressed, what's the first thing that you notice? Some people, their sleep goes wonky. For other people, their energy goes in the crapper. For others, they have difficulty concentrating and then it kind of spirals from there. But knowing what your early warning signs of an impending relapse or resurgence are is really important. Same thing is true for autoimmune disorders. For example, if you've got an autoimmune issue, what are your first signs that that may be starting to flare up? You know, a lot of, most of the time, you don't go from 0 to 200 without noticing something in between. So it's important for people to really focus on mindfulness. I mean, yes, during the whole Rest of the year. That's important too. But it's extra important during the holidays because in addition to normal demands there, most people also have some memories, some experiences, some things that make their holiday less than hallmark perfect and they are dealing with or avoiding those feelings. So it's important to be aware of what they're feeling or where it's coming from and strategies that they can engage to improve the next moment cognitively. When people are, you know, headed down that relapse road, we tend to see their cognitions turn more pessimistic. Well, that makes sense. We know when that HPA axis is activated that we are going to be more hypervigilant of the negative stimuli and the thought threats in the environment and we're going to pay a lot less attention to the positive things. So if you're looking around and what you're mostly noticing is the negative, yeah, it's probably going to make you feel like it's an unsafe, unhappy, stressful place to be. It's important that we help people develop tools to again, be cognizant, be mindful of when they are developing an attitude of pessimism. They're using some cognitive distortions so they can address those quickly with an attitude of gratitude or with cognitive flexibility. And along with that, people, as they get stressed, the more stressed people get the, or if they're in pain or they're not sleeping well, a lot of times they become more cognitively inflexible. They have more difficulty seeing options, more difficulty even finding a single solution, let alone getting outside of the box. And this can be a sign, and it can be really challenging at work, for example, or if you've got, you know, three children and you've got different plays and things that you've got to be at. Trying to plan and organize can be very overwhelming and challenging if you really just want to stay in your routine. You know, mindlessness is another symptom of relapse. When people start becoming reactive, when they go on autopilot, that is a step towards relapse. Most of the time when we are acting in our mindless self, we typically are very reactive. We don't stop to consider the long term consequences of what we're doing. Being mindful is important to figure out what is the next best step in this situation. Instead of going, you know, I'm really stressed out, I want to have a drink to make it go away, saying, I'm really stressed out now. What are my options? What could I do? And what is the next most helpful thing for me to do in this situation, recognizing that, you know, in most cases, drinking to deal with stress probably isn't the best choice. And people can have cravings and longings. They can long for people that have passed on. They can have, you know, they're craving that connection with them, they're craving that person. They can crave, you know, obviously their substance or their addiction. If they're dealing with addictive behaviors, there are a lot of different unwanted thoughts that can occur. Thoughts that make a person focus on memories or experiences that either they can't access again because it's gone, or that they don't want to access because that would lead to a full blown relapse. And it's important for people to notice these things. I mean, there are still songs that I hear periodically around Christmas time that remind me of the holidays I would spend with my dad. And I have a moment of nostalgia, but I've learned to identify that and say, okay, you know, that's bittersweet, and then decide, okay, what am I going to do next? I can sit here, listen to this song, but I'm probably not going to put on an entire SoundTrack and spend 3 hours dwelling on what used to be. Everybody's going to deal with their cravings and longings differently. We do need to help people develop distress tolerance skills so when they experience those cravings and longings, they have tools so they don't feel like it's going to become overwhelming, so they don't feel like they can't control the thoughts. We want to make sure that they feel like they have options in their behaviors environmentally during the, during the holidays. A lot of times if, when people start feeling depressed, for example, they may stay at home, blinds drawn, watching whatever on tv, trying to avoid. People avoid reminders that it's the holidays, anything that they can do to withdraw from the situation. Unfortunately, when we do that, that keeps us from accessing those healthy social supports which are so important in any kind of recovery, as well as in a healthy, happy, meaningful life for most people. We are wired to want to be connected to people. We're wired to want to have interactions with other people. So complete withdrawal can eliminate those social supports. And staying at home with the blinds drawn and, you know, sitting on, on the couch watching TV all day, you know, every once in a while, all right, probably not a problem. But if you do it for days on end, it's going to mess up the circadian rhythms, which is going to negatively impact your sleep, which is going to trigger the hpa. Axis. So this is another thing people need to be mindful of. You know, are they maintaining their circadian rhythms? Are they making sure that when it's light, supposed to be light out, they're in light spaces and when it's supposed to be dark out, they're, you know, in, in darker areas. And sometimes people will ex go to old places and this can be a trigger for grief. If you have to go to a family reunion and you have to go back to the house that you grew up in, but your grandparents have passed away or a parent has passed away, going to that house may be extremely triggering. Going back home. Some people develop their addiction when they were living at home, when they were in high school or before they left, left home. And going back to that city, going back to that neighborhood can be very triggering for people who have addictions. So there's a lot of potential triggers in old places, a lot of memories. And unfortunately we tend to romanticize a lot of our memories. So people with addictions may go back to those places and start romanticizing the good parts and trying to not think about the bad parts. When they have to go back to old neighborhoods, that may trigger distress. It's important that people have a plan for how they're going to deal with that. Interpersonally. People may regress to old ways of interacting, being selfish, being withdrawn, or being overly compliant. They may over commit to things from guilt. You know, they feel like, you know, I really, I should have been there and you know, it's important for me to be here because they will be angry with me if I don't agree or fear of a, with fear of abandonment or rejection. You know, if I don't say yes, then they are going to not love me anymore. And, and again, withdrawal from social supports, time management, circadian rhythms, sleep, nutrition and social, social support are all super important in maintaining our reserves during the holiday season. We need to make sure that that pantry, if you want to think about it that way, that that pantry is stocked with all of the resources we need, with all of the fuel that we need on a daily basis. We need to check that pantry and know how much fuel we're going to need, how much energy we're going to need on a given day, how many resources we're going to need to deal with life each individual day. And each day is going to be different. Some days may be regular work days. Other days you may have to deal with going to the office Christmas party, which you know you're going to have to see the really Annoying person from down in accounting or whatever, how do you deal with that? Or there's going to be drinking at that party. So if you're in recovery, how do you deal with that? Unique triggers around the holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year's, you know, any of those holidays that revolve around family and social gatherings. Being around triggering people, people who could, if you have an addiction, trigger you to want to use. People who trigger feelings of anger, people who trigger feelings of anxiety or resentment. Any of, any of that can be a problem. And it's important for people to think ahead of time. What am I going to be facing when I go there? Who's going to be there and how am I going to deal with it? And I encourage people to have a plan A, a plan B and a plan C to deal with triggering people. You know, making sure that you are aware of options. Exhaustion from social demands can happen during the holidays because people want you to come visit, to drop by, to call, to do this. And yes, you can call from your own home, but that can be extremely draining, especially on introverts, to have to call and carry out long conversations with people on the phone. Loneliness can really flare up a lot if you are not invited to certain parties or even if you are invited, if you go and you feel like, all right, I'm in a room full of 50 people, but I feel completely lonely because nobody accepts or acknowledges me or getting invitations that ask for a plus one when you don't have a significant other at that particular point in time. And these are also things that people need to examine how they feel about it and examine the facts. You know, if you're not invited to a party, could it be an oversight? You know, what does that mean to you? And how are you going to deal with it if you feel lonely or unaccepted? In a group of people examining the facts, you know, what evidence do you have that you're not accepted? And what can you do in that particular situation to cope with what's going on? You know, if you're going. Like when I go to, when I used to go to my husband's holiday parties, you know, I didn't know many people there and I was just kind of twiddling my thumbs and, you know, not really knowing what to do. So I started learning to get prepped ahead of time on different people's interests. So at least I had a little bit of a heads up on small talk that I could make those invitations asking for a plus one. You know, they are meant out of kindness. So people don't have to go to holiday parties by themselves. But what does it mean to you if you don't have a plus one? You know, do you interpret that as a failure? Do you interpret that as a rejection? Or do you interpret that as, hey, I just haven't found anybody worthy of my time? There can be abundant during the holidays, abundant and often inflammatory food and drink. And remember that foods that are highly processed tend to be much more inflammatory than your whole grain foods and your super healthy foods and, and alcohol is also a food or a drink that is inflammatory. Recognizing that that exists and recognizing being mindful of how it impacts your system is really important. If you eat certain foods and you feel like crap the next day, that that's good to know. And not saying that necessarily, you have to cut it out completely. But recognizing that, you know, uber moderation is probably in order. Some people during the holidays are like, what do I have to be thankful for? And it's important to encourage people to engage that concept of hardiness and step back and look at what they actually do have that makes their life rich and meaningful right now. What is important to them? You know, they have, do they have a dog that they love? Do they have ex. Have had, have they had experiences that have been worthwhile encouraging them to look at all of the things that make their life rich and meaningful and notice what is going right. And that can be really challenging. But too often people get stuck on all the things they don't have yet, all the things they want that they can't have. So it's important to encourage them to turn their attention to, you know, what do you have and that you're grateful for. These holiday movies can be ridiculously depressing for a lot of people. Just like social media where people present their best face most of the time they don't tell you about all the things that are going wrong in their life. They tell you about their promotions and their anniversaries and their this good thing happened and that good thing happened. They don't typically tell you about the bad stuff. Well, the movies and, and television are often a lot, very much the same way. They present this idealized version of the holiday season. And people look at that and they think, well, this is what I'm supposed to be experiencing. This is what the holiday should be like. And it's important to help people get a more realistic conceptualization of what the holidays are really like for most people and then define for themselves what would a good holiday look like for me, you know, looking back over past holidays that have been good or aspects that have been good, you know, picking and choosing and figuring out how to make the holidays beneficial or pleasant. Reminders of losses can also be triggered around the holidays. You know, this is the, you know, third Christmas since so and so died, or as this is the this year, people have a lot of losses, financial losses, losses of jobs, losses of friends. And so the holidays or are exceptionally stressful for a lot of people. And I know they haven't talked about it near as much as anything else, but I know the rate of deaths from opioid overdoses has gone up this year. So there are a lot of things that people are grieving over the holidays and it's important not to invalidate their grief, not to take away their grief, but help them figure out how they can experience their grief and have the best possible holiday. What's that going to look like? What can they do to improve the moment? What might they be able to do to get some moments of solace and going along with what do I have to be thankful for is another year. So same stuff, different day. That sense of hopelessness and helplessness and helping people develop a sense of hope and empowerment. Looking at what it is about their situation right now that they dislike, what aspects of that do they have control over? Making small, achievable, measurable, realistic goals to encourage, to help them start moving out of the quicksand of despair and toward a feeling of empowerment. Once they start accomplishing goals, then hope may start to spring up again. You can also talk with them about what hope looks like for them. What do they hope for? What do they want to hope for? Even if they don't hope right now, you know, in the past when they were hopeful, what was different for family and social gatherings to handle it? If you have to be there, figure out how to cope with the people you don't want to be around. One way can be positive mantras. Figure out a positive mantra before you go, you know, it's all good or it's not me, it's you. Whatever mantra you need to handle you, you know, the person that is challenging to be around. Repeat it to yourself. Use guided imagery. Going. Before you go there, imagine envision yourself going through the social gathering and being able to handle your encounters with the pleasant people as well as the challenging people. Consider reminding yourself that by feeding in, by letting people get under your skin and upset you, it you're giving them your power. You're saying, I am letting you have control over my, over my feelings. Consider ways that you can safeguard your own power. How can you keep your power and avoid feeding in to their nonsense? You know, and generally most families have at least one relative that likes to poke fun or be, be critical or, and that maybe they're doing it in jest, but when you feed into it, they, it gives, it seems to give them more energy when they feel like they are getting under your skin. So recognizing that and rehearsing with clients, you know, let's, let's rehearse what it's going to be like when, you know, you see Uncle Bob and he tries to, to get under your skin. Rehearse coping strategies and refusal skills. And this is true for dealing with emotional distress as well as dealing with being around things. The holidays are very difficult for people, for example, who have eating disorders because there is a lot of inflammatory food. But it's also high calorie food and high comfort food food that tends to trigger that serotonin and dopamine release. So it is important to rehearse refusal skills. So people who do have addictions or eating disorders don't feel unsafe when they go to these environments. They don't fear having food or drink kind of pushed on them. Another thing that's helpful, and I encourage people to have multiple strategies, is to identify two or three people you want to shadow if, you know, you get along well with, you know, Aunt Sam and then plan on finding her as soon as you get there so you can, you know, kind of shadow along with her or even, you know, if you like the host or hostess that you, whose house you're going to, maybe you can volunteer to help out in the kitchen or help out kind of behind the scenes so you're not in the crux of everything if that is overwhelming to you, if it is an unsafe situation. And when I say unsafe, I don't necessarily mean physical harm like somebody's going to assault you. You know, heaven forbid that that would happen. But I mean unsafe, emotionally unsafe because you're around triggering foods, triggering, drink, unsafe in, in those sorts of ways. It may be more prudent to politely decline the in invitation if you know that it's going to be an extreme trigger. Just like you wouldn't expect someone who is in recovery from alcoholism to go to a Christmas party at a bar. You know, it's really important for people to be able to look, look at the situation and say, all right, you know, these, the, the host or hostess may get a little upset or disappointed that I can't come. But is it better to have that little bit of disappointment and maintain my sobriety or maintain my remission of the depression or whatever? Or is it better to go and risk it all? And, and most of the time it's going to be better to deal with the temporary, temporarily disappointing that person as opposed to experiencing long term relapse problems. When you're dealing with people over the holidays, you know, a lot of times you're dealing with people who are your friends and family and like I said, they may be disappointed, you can't go. But as Dr. Seuss says, those who, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. So the people who truly have your best interest at heart, again, they may be disappointed, but they are not going to be rejecting. They're, they're going to understand that you need to take some steps away for your own recovery and safety. Ideally, if you can identify a legitimate reason you cannot go, you know, that can go a long way. But also make sure if you decline an invitation that it doesn't end up with you sitting at home and, you know, feeling bad because you're not at the party. You know, what are you going to do instead if you don't go to that gathering? What are you going to do instead? So you, to make sure that you feel connected and happy and all that stuff. Loneliness, huge trigger during the holidays, people are shopping for everybody else, you. And if you don't have somebody to shop for, it can feel devastating. You know, my family's gotten somewhat smaller. My kids have gotten older and now they want, they're older, so they want more expensive presents so they don't get as many. And I used to love getting them lots and lots of, you know, little things that they could open up and watch their little eyes light up. But that's not how it happens anymore. And that's okay at recognizing that. They're growing up, Life's changing, things evolve, yada, yada. I, I understand it, but it can be sort of sad, you know, not to be able to shop for a little kid anymore. So you can shop for the less fortunate, maybe adopt a family or contact the local domestic violence shelter and see, you know, whether there's a family there you can adopt or if there are certain types of presence that they want. When my daughter was in Girl Scouts, they made birthday boxes that the domestic violence shelters would keep. And we made multiple, different, multiple boxes for the shelter. So whenever a child there had a birthday, there was an all in one you know, birthday party ready. It had the hats and the plates and you know, everything that went with it, as well as a few toys. If you don't feel like doing that, you can also. People can also consider adopting a shelter pet. Not necessarily taking it to your house, although some shelters will let you take the animals to your house over the holidays. But finding a pet that is in, you know, your local animal shelter and getting it blankets and toys to play with so it has something over the holidays that, you know, brightens its day. Other people are going to family gatherings and if you don't have family gatherings to go to, it can feel, feel very lonely. And you know, I've, as I said earlier, my family has, you know, dissipated significantly. So we don't have family gatherings to go to. Especially we have no family in Tennessee. And our in laws, my in laws are not able to travel anymore. They're. They're too old to travel. It's very stressful on them. So, you know, not having family gatherings to go to can feel, can, can feel sort of sad. So find other people without a place to go and invite them over. You know, what, what are you doing on Christmas Day? What are you doing on New Year's Eve? You know, let's go on a hike, let's go do whatever. Commune with your higher power and going back to finding other people in recovery. A lot of times the 12 step programs have open meetings and get togethers over the holiday so people don't have to be home alone if they don't want to. During COVID You can also find a lot of meetings online on Zoom and as well as text. But I encourage people to plan ahead. Don't wait until New Year's Eve and then try to figure out where there might be a group of people getting together. But it can be comforting even if it's just through zoom, to interact with other people on those holidays. Commune with your higher power is another thing you can do either at home or go to a church or a synagogue or whatever sort of house of worship that you go to and video conference. You know, we will be video conferencing with my in laws and you know, my husband's grandparents over the holidays because as I said, they are too old to comfortably travel. You know, like I said, it stresses them out. So we will be video conferencing with them. So nobody feels as isolated. Abundant food and drink. And this is more an issue for people who have problems around emotional eating or eating disorders to a certain extent, you know, substance addictions. But specifically when we're talking about food and eating disorders. Don't go famished when you're going to a holiday gathering because you know there's going to be lots of goodies. And it's kind of like going to the grocery store when you're hungry. You make poor choices when your blood sugar is low, so don't go famished. Stay as far away from the buffet table as you can. Eat mindfully if you have to eat, and try to avoid eating out of stress or obligation. Get if you feel like you need to have a plate because everybody else does. You know, you can get some vegetables or something to put on it and kind of pick at those if you want to. But it's important to be aware of what you're eating and not just mindfully. Eat mindlessly. Eat while you are talking to people and moving around. Choose lower calorie and less processed options. A lot of people with eating disorders have a reaction called disinhibition. And once they feel like they have. Once they have eaten what they consider a forbidden food, they feel like all is lost. And they have difficulty shutting the floodgates back, if you will, and stopping their. Stopping their binge or stopping their overeating. So recognizing what you're comfortable eating, recognizing that this may be a stressful situation and to be kind to yourself is really important. Getting small helpings. If it's a potluck, bring a healthier dish so you know you have something to eat. Actively sip on water, at least if you've got a drink in your hand. A lot of times people aren't going to be, you know, it's not going to be obvious that you aren't eating and partaking and in all of the food and stuff. Have a battle buddy. When you go to these gatherings. Take somebody with you who can help you stay focused and stay mindful and avoid relapse if necessary. A lot of times for people in recovery from alcoholism, for example, holiday parties will still have alcohol. And it can be really helpful to. If they feel like it's not too unsafe to go, it's really helpful to have somebody with them that you know, can help them resist urges and temptations and remain mindful. And notice if there comes a point where they actually, they just need to leave because their cravings are too strong. Play the tape through, recognizing before you pick up that big old hunk of cake or that drink of alcohol. If I do this now, what is going to happen? What are the going to be? The ripple effects? Cook at your own house and send the leftovers away. And this is a good strategy sometimes again, for people with eating disorders, if they feel like they want to celebrate, but they want to know that what they're eating is not a, quote, forbidden food, or they want to have more control over the food that's available. Cooking at their own house can be helpful, and then sending people away with, with takeaway boxes can be a nice treat for them. And then you're not left with, you know, lots of leftovers that may be overly tempting. Time demands can be another huge trigger around the holidays. Time management is a pretty priority. It's important for people to ask themselves, what can I let go of to make time for seasonal demands. When my kids were little, they had, you know, holiday plays and holiday parties and, you know, all that kind of stuff. We had lots of stuff we needed to do, plus shopping and everything else. So it was important for me to identify what things can I let go of during this time that so I still have time for me, I have time for relaxation and I don't end up getting completely worn down and sick and stressed out again. Remember that anything you go to, you don't have to stay for hours. You can go, you can make an appearance, and then you can leave. When it comes to answering that question of what do I have to be thankful for, you know, sometimes it's helpful to use those distress tolerance skills and get out of your own head and go volunteer at a soup kitchen or Habitat for Humanity. Volunteer with people who are struggling more than you are. In order to put it into perspective. Hand out blankets and, and little bag toiletry bags to the homeless. You know, that can be hugely important. And it's amazing what having soap, deodorant, a toothbrush, and a nice warm blanket and socks. Socks are big. That can do for someone who is homeless. Go to a meeting or a celebration at One of the 12 step areas, groups a lot of times that can help you interact with people and recognize the supports that you actually have, review your gratitude journal or visit the sick. And I use the term sick very broadly. There's obviously the physically sick. And right now you may not be able to actually visit them, but you can also visit those struggling with depression or anxiety or addiction. You can spend time just some 12 step facilities are open like 24 hours a day and you may be able to volunteer time there. If you're in the 12 step program, you may be able to interact with people virtually in chat rooms or on discussion boards who may be struggling over the holidays and, and I'm talking about these virtual options because of COVID and lockdowns and everything else right now, you may not be able to physically get there, but I do want to get beyond the idea of just visiting the physically sick, visiting the people in the hospital and focusing on people who are not happy, people who are struggling with mental illness or addiction as well. If you envy that Beaver Cleaver Christmas, think about what is it that you envy when you watch those Hallmark movies? What is it about that that you envy and how can you meet those wants? And sometimes, you know, it's important to recognize what aspects of those movies are just completely unrealistic and, and make our expectations more in line with reality. Avoid holiday specials that will get you upset. Sometimes it's better just not to watch them and create new traditions. Create your own, you know, John Smith's Christmas. What does that look like? I remember when, you know, I was little, my, my father's mother, my, my paternal grandmother, we had a very set ritual every Christmas and I looked forward to it every single year. And it's important, it was important for me to have that tradition. And it's something I can look back on fondly. So create your own traditions. You don't have to necessarily celebrate like everybody else does. If reminders of losses are a problem, acknowledge them, validate your feelings and think about, okay, this, I miss this person. I miss them being physically here. But how can I celebrate them? How can I keep them here in spirit? Try to focus on instead of on what you've lost over the year, what you have and where you want to go from here. In terms of financial stresses, identify free activities. Or in Nashville area you can go to Opryland Resort and they have. The arboretum is all decorated and you can walk around there and look at the, the decorations and hear the Christmas music and everything for free. And it's climate controlled. So bonus. There, there are a lot of things that you can do. You just have to look a little bit, make something for somebody. Crafts pictures, picture books, slideshows, a humor book, digital scrapbook. Any of those things can be really cool. There are apps you can download from the app store where you can get a certain number of like three by five pictures printed out for free. And you know that can be really meaningful and a really inexpensive gift for somebody like a grandparent. If you have those things sent. Explore why material possessions are important to you and whether it is in your top three to five values. Yes, maybe you can't buy the stuff that you really wanted to buy for everybody this year. Maybe you have to have a more modest Christmas this year. If you're feeling bad about that, explore what that means to you. Explore the what stuff, what material possessions, what place they hold and what meaning it holds for you. And figure out how you're going to address that. Figure out what that means to you and whether it's worth beating yourself up over that sense of hopelessness and helplessness. Another year, Same stuff, different day. Identify what went right this year. Identify what you want to be different next year and what parts are in your control. Start making a plan even before New Year's. Learn how to set those specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time limited goals. Identify reasons past goals have failed and address them. You know, if it's the same stuff, different day, well, why? My guess is you went into the new year thinking things were going to change. Why didn't they change and what parts of that might be in your control this next year. And learn how to maintain your motivation. The media tells people that this should be the happiest time of year. In reality, for a lot of people, it is one of the most stressful, depressing, relapse prone times of year. And it's important to recognize that. It's important to recognize what we see on Facebook are the the best snippets of people's day most of the time, and to use a filter and recognize, okay, that's I'm seeing 10% of their day. What was the other 90% like? To recognize that most people don't have what they would consider an absolutely perfect life. Holidays often highlight losses, loneliness, and financial stresses. It's important for us to help people identify and be able to work through their grief. Develops tools to deal with the distress that happens when their grief gets triggered, to identify supports, to address their loneliness, and even to reach out to or connect them with resources that can help them with financial stresses, such as the Toys for Tots program, for example, and different programs that can help get presents, but also clothing and food and anything else that they need. Unfortunately, this year that is way more prevalent than it has been in past years. And a lot of people who are experiencing financial stresses this year haven't in the past, so they may be unaware of all of the myriad of resources that are available in your local community. Make sure you get that word out there. Go on to Facebook and find your local community webpage or group. You know, in my community, it's Hip Wilson county is what it's called. But find your local community group and make sure that you're posting if you feel feel the spirit move you to do it. You're posting information about resources that are out there for people who are struggling so they don't feel as trapped. So they do see that there are options. Relapse prevention over the holidays involves people knowing what their first signs of relapse are preventing getting run down and vulnerable, setting healthy boundaries, recognizing when you've got to say no, I just I can't put myself in that situation or this is getting too uncomfortable, I need to leave. Addressing issues of rejection, isolation, and failure and setting positive, proactive goals to help bolster people's mood, their emotions, their problem solving skills, and their coping skills and positive behaviors to make sure that they have tools in order to regulate their HPA axis and regulate their stress to prevent relapse. Arth.