Identifying and Responding to Toxic People and Behaviors

Hey there everybody. I am glad to be back with you today. It's been two weeks since we've done a live presentation. Gonna give a couple more minutes for some people to filter in. Pardon me. If there are any questions that you have, please feel free to put them in the chat window. I will answer as many as I can today, but I am still kind of getting my energy back. So I'm going to call it at the 45 minute mark and then any other questions I will either do videos on or post answers to. So I'm not going to not answer your questions. I just may not get to them in the live presentation today. In response to your question, Kurt, Childhood abuse and neglect do rewire and change the brain. However, in large part through a variety of techniques, most people can learn to rewire their brain. Basically, there are always going to be some artifacts of that trauma that can get triggered occasionally, but people can better learn to integrate their experience and improve the functioning of their autonomic nervous system. Alrighty, so let's go ahead and get started. I'd like to welcome everybody to today's presentation on responding to toxic people and behaviors. This is a part of the PACER method, a trau informed, integrative, cognitive behavioral approach to health and wellness. And I'm your host, Dr. Donnellice Snipes. The first question is, where do toxic behaviors come from? Well, toxic behaviors communicate to other people when they experience them. It communicates to them that they're not okay, they're not safe. And toxic behaviors often try to rob people of their power to be safe, happy and empowered. So we want to think of toxic behaviors kind of broadly as anything people or organizations do that might contribute to people feeling unsafe, unhappy and disempowered. We can learn these behaviors from caregivers, the media, news, movies, television, educational institutions, social media, social media, and our peers, including from Twitter, colleagues and friends. I want you to think about some of these things as we start talking about what toxic behaviors are and think about ways that we see this not only in our personal relationships, but also in our organizations and in our culture. Toxic behaviors often can be traced back to insecure attachment or fear of abandonment. And, well, we'll talk about that more in a minute. In toxic relationships, it's basically the opposite of a securely attached relationship. There is inconsistency. So toxic relationship behaviors can include vacillating between extremes. So one partner, maybe, you know, love you one moment and hate you the next moment. So you never know whether you're going to get Jekyll or Hyde. So you're walking on eggshells a lot of times. They can also be passive aggressive. And passive aggressive behaviors are kind of interesting because when people are passive aggressive, oftentimes it means they are afraid to confront you directly, to be assertive. So they are passive to your face to avoid rejection, to avoid conflict. But then they may talk about you behind your back or may do something behind your back. And that indicates in large part a fear based response. Other toxic relationships include unresponsiveness as opposed to being responsive. In a relationship, the person who is being toxic, it's always about them. They don't care about your happiness. It's about what makes them happy all the time. It's a me, me, me, me, me sort of operetta. And there's conditional love. The person only responds to you when, or the organization only responds to you when, when you are doing what they want you to do and making them happy. It's all about them. Another example of unresponsiveness in relationships is being shut out. Either being given the silent treatment, being ignored, being put in timeout, if you will, or being fired, even negative attention. Again, the person who is toxic often needs to be the center of attention. And this is not uncommon. When we talk about cluster B personality disorders for people who have histrionic personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. This person needs to be the center of attention. If they're not, if people are not paying attention to them, they feel terrified, they feel like they're going to be abandoned, they feel like they're going to disappear. They need to be constantly, you know, bolstered up. You know, think about if you've ever had one of those lawn ornaments, I don't know what you call it, that has the air that blows it up like the little Santa, little snowman. And in toxic relationships, people are like that, that blow up ornament on the lawn as soon as you turn off the fan. They just wither away or they fear they're going to wither away. Another example of toxic relationship behaviors include manipulation to get your attention. In a relationship, this may mean flirting with other people or when they don't get their way, being extraordinarily dramatic in their reactions in order to get your attention or guilting you. And guilt can be used in a very manipulative way. Now, not all guilt is bad. Sometimes we feel guilty because we know we did something wrong and we can move on from that. But when people use guilt to manipulate others, that's toxic. There's no positive attention for you. And it goes back to. It's always about them. And the person may keep a relationship scorecard. They keep a list of done me wrongs, even ones that you've apologized for, you think you've gotten past. They come up. There's invalidation. So as opposed to validation, there's invalidation. The toxic person is unable or unwilling to empathize, to experience life through your eyes, to try to understand how you feel. And they often won't take responsibility for anything. It's always all your fault. And yes, I know those are extreme words, but toxic relationships tend to be extreme and filled with these cognitive distortions. Lack of encouragement. In a toxic relationship, the toxic person often feels insecure. So they may be jealous of your successes and discourage your growth. They also may not support you in, in terms of being supportive of what you want to do. They may engage in splitting. They go to your friends and try to get people on their side. That way you don't have a leg to stand on. So. So you have no support from your friends, from your family. They can also be clingy. They're not supporting you. You are having to support them all of the time. So these are some toxic behaviors. Obviously, I could go on for a really long time going through different ones. But let's think about this. How are social media organizations toxic? In what ways? You know, whatever social media organization you want to envision. In what ways might people have to walk on eggshells? In what ways might the organizations themselves. I'm not talking about the people on the organizations, but the organizations themselves. The. In what ways might they be passive aggressive? In what ways? When you're on these social media platforms, do they communicate that it's all about them and they don't really care about your happiness? In what ways do they show conditional love or appreciation for you? They only appreciate you if you're doing what they want you to do and then shut out. You know, all of our social media platforms have procedures, if you will, for putting people in timeout or Facebook jail or whatever you want to call it when they are not behaving appropriately according to the definition given by that organization. Now, sometimes, you know, people are behaving inappropriately, but you know, when we look at that inappropriate behavior, it's probably toxic as well. So we really want to start looking at how often we are bombarded by toxic behavior, negative attention. In what ways do social media organizations try to insert themselves? So they were. So they're always the center of your attention or try to manipulate you, to get your attention. You know, if you do this, then you'll get this benefit. Some social media organizations keep what you might think of as a relationship scorecard. If you have too many strikes on your record, then your account gets terminated, invalidation. Well, most organizations are not going to have a lot of empathy. But a lot of times, you know, think about social media. In what ways do they fail to take responsibility for their part in what's going on? And you know, I won't go into specific examples. Lack of encouragement. Now, you know, they may not be jealous of your successes or discourage your growth. Not every relationship has all of these behaviors. And in what ways can they support splitting? Where they support people who you know are your connections, are your friends or whatever. In rising up to try to convince you to change your mind, instead of being accepting that they're splitting, they are creating dichotomies. Think about how schools or jobs can be toxic. You know, I remember going to the university and even way back then, long before the Internet and social media and everything else, it was known, and I use that term kind of loosely, that in certain classes, that if you wrote your paper in a way that contradicted, even though it was an opinion, paper wrote your way, your paper in a way that contradicted the opinion of the professor, that it was going to be bad mojo. Now, there are a few professors that are very open minded and are open to constructive debate. You know, that's true. But there are also some that are insistent on encouraging you to espouse their point of view. So, you know, thinking about how organizations and schools, they may alter and omit sections from, from the curriculum or only present one side of the curriculum, you know, that is a toxic behavior that is potentially creating a situation that is not healthy. How can parents or peers be toxic? You know, and you know, that is much easier. We typically think when we think of toxic behaviors, we think of people. And if you go on Twitter any particular day, and yes, I'm calling out Twitter, you can see some really toxic, hateful, just incredibly icky, I don't know, behavior. I can't even read comments on Twitter because they are unnecessary and mean. And it's, you know, goes both ways. It doesn't matter what side of any particular aisle you're on, People are very intolerant. And there are a lot of these behaviors. And then think about how are you toxic to yourself as well as others? I've been talking about, how do you experience toxicity? But I also want you to recognize in what Ways. What, which of these behaviors might you also embody sometimes? And you know that may be a place to work on, to grow. And how are you toxic with yourself? Oh, that's, that's one to ponder on. In what ways are you extreme with yourself? You love yourself or you hate yourself? In what ways are you passive aggressive with yourself? You allow yourself to do something, then you beat yourself up for it. In what ways are you unresponsive to your needs and wants? In what ways do you provide yourself? Conditional love. I'm only good if. In what ways do you manipulate yourself and keep a relationship scorecard? Keep this self esteem scorecard of I'm good and I'm bad. In what ways do you fail to be empathetic and compassionate with yourself? Now a lot of times when we're talking about toxic relationship self behaviors, it's the opposite. Instead of not taking responsibility, you take all the responsibility and you blame yourself for everything. Lack of encouragement. In what ways do you discourage your own growth in order to because of a fear of failure or, or a low self esteem? You tell yourself, you know, I can't do that, I shouldn't do that, why should I even try to do that? And in what ways do you fail to support yourself? Fail to encourage yourself to strive towards your goals? It's important to recognize that the way you treat yourself models for others the way that you want to be treated. So if you are toxic to yourself, it's more likely others are going to be toxic to you. And again, we learn these toxic behaviors, which means we can unlearn them. And that is the first step in starting to create secure relationships. Boundary violations are another aspect of toxic relationships. And if you watched my video on boundaries that came out last week, I think there are five types of boundaries. Our physical boundaries. Those are pretty self explanatory. How close people get whether they touch you, but also their eye contact. And people who regularly violate physical boundaries make you feel unsafe. Affective boundaries. When you feel a certain way and people tell you you shouldn't feel that way, or you think a certain thing and people tell you you shouldn't think that thing, they're violating your boundaries. They're telling you how to think or how to feel instead of accepting your reality, instead of validating your reality as yours in this moment, they may not agree, but they have different experiences, they have different perceptions, they have different perspectives than you do. Environmental boundary violations. When somebody is in a relationship and their significant other starts hacking into their phone or trying to read their emails without Their permission, going through their stuff, that is a toxic behavior. It demonstrates a lack of security and a lack of trust. And relationship boundary violations are when you tell somebody who they can be in a relationship with and what a good relationship looks like. You know, we want to be able to have a certain ability to define our own reality and set that boundary and say, okay, here's my reality. If you want to join me in it, great. If you don't, that's okay too. I will respect yours more. Toxic behaviors. Abusive behaviors can include coercion, threats of intimidation, threats and intimidation of repercussions. So if you don't do it my way, you're going to fail or be fired or be canceled or delisted, or we'll break up or I'll file a lawsuit. If I don't like what you're doing, I'm going to try to sue you for it. Trolling, stalking, there's lots of those. Emotional abuse to force people to do what you want, making them feel guilty or inadequate in order to gain a sense of power over them. Now I want you to think about these behaviors. You know the first one, Coercion, threats and intimidation. That's aggression, that's anger. Emotional abuse is also anger. And it's a. Anger is a response to a threat. Which takes me back to ask, what is this person feeling threatened by? What is the threat to this person that is making them act out from a place of fear? Fear. Economic abuse. Controlling access to money, such as providing somebody an allowance or jobs through compliance or spending all the money on themselves. Controlling what people are allowed to do and information they're allowed to have in order to keep them isolated or gaslighting, denying, blaming, minimizing to make you question your sanity or harm other people's trust in you. So you start telling other people that are the toxic person. Starts telling other people that you're losing your mind. What do we do about it? All right, I've identified only some of the behaviors. I want you over the next week to really be aware in media, you know, not just the news, but also television programs, movies that you watch, etc. At your job and in advertising. In what ways are you being inundated with toxic behaviors and what are you going to do about it? Now, I think this question actually kind of came up because we're getting ready to launch into the holiday season where a lot of us are going to be spending time with family. And some people's families are more toxic than others. So what do you do about it? And in this last part of the section, we're really going to talk about coexisting in human relationships, not so much with organizations or in jobs where the decisions may be a little bit different. When you recognize that you are experiencing toxic behaviors, increase your self awareness of your wants and and needs, the behaviors that you're experiencing that are toxic and the impact that those behaviors are having on you. So the first thing basically is to become mindful, start being aware of this. Once you're aware, then you can start becoming safe and you can feel empowered to do things to help keep yourself safe. Recognize, regardless of whether it's an organization or an individual, is likely more about them and their insecurities than anything that you did wrong. So think about, you know, what threat is, what's making this person feel so threatened that they need to act aggressively, that they need to be toxic in their approach. A lot of times it comes back to somewhere deep down inside they may have a core lack of a sense of safety and power. The person may be behaving jealously because they're afraid of abandonment or passive aggressively like I talked about earlier, because they're afraid if they confront you on something that it will cause conflict, but they don't like it, so they're, you know, not able to address it appropriately. Extremes. If somebody that you're in a relationship, you know, one minute loves you, the next minute hates you, one minute they're happy, the next minute they're enraged. You know, recognizing that a lot of times that comes from what we've talked about before, that's called emotional dysregulation. The person is okay with, but when they're triggered, they go from being okay to being enraged or terrified. Blaming and controlling are other behaviors that are also often reactions in order that they're doing, in order to try to get control, in order to try to help them feel safe again. Explore what those behaviors are communicating for that person or entity, how they may have developed as a survival response. Why? Well, because it's a lot easier sometimes to feel to downgrade our stress response when we have compassion and pity as opposed to anger. So if you recognize where it's coming from and you think, wow, what must have happened to this person that they are feeling this terrified? And how stressful must it be to live in their skin to be this angry all the time? You know, that is, gives you a bit of a different perspective, empathy with that person, you know, trying to understand their experience and validation. That doesn't mean saying you're right, it means Acknowledging what they're feeling is real is what they're feeling in their reality. So that doesn't mean you accept it. That doesn't mean you're saying it's okay. What it means is you're recognizing where there are, where they are, and what we call their phenomenological experience. We all want to feel safe, empowered and loved. Decide what your goals are and needs are for that relationship. You know, some things, like social media, you may say, well, I don't need this in my life, and you can turn it off. Other things, like our relationships with our family, you may feel compelled to nurture and keep. You know, it's not easy to just cut ties with somebody. So you need to decide, are you going to ignore their behavior and think of it in terms of they don't know how to do any better. They are doing the best they can with the tools they have at this point in time and let whatever they say roll off your back? It's one option. Are you going to assertively address it and we're going to talk about what that may look like in a minute, or are you going to terminate the relationship? You know, those are three very viable options. Consistency is one of the things that you want to do in relationships. If people are responding to you because they feel unsafe, then one of the ways to deflate that sense of unsafeness is to create a safe environment. So be consistent, know your boundaries and maintain them. When I was in, you know, primary school, we used to say, I'm rubber and you're glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you, you know, but in a certain way, that was an early representation of boundaries. What you say can't hurt me unless I decide to let. Let it in, you know, it's going to bounce off my boundaries and it may stick to you. It may end up hurting you in the long run because you're, you know, other people see the behavior or you don't get your way or whatever, but maintain your boundaries. Now sometimes you're going to choose to do this overtly, where you actually confront somebody and say, hey, Sally, you know, this makes me really uncomfortable when you do this or when you come over and criticize me in front of the entire family. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. If you've got a problem with what I do, I would appreciate it if we could have that discussion in private. You know, so that's overtly and assertively stating and maintaining your boundaries covertly is more. When you are putting up your force field and you're saying, I'm not going to let that person get to me. I'm not going to let them get under my skin. Recognize your part. And I'm not blaming. Even if it's being a target of transference, somebody may react negatively to you because you remind them of somebody from their past. So you've got to recognize that, hey, my existence may trigger them. It doesn't have anything to do with me. It has to do with their past. But I recognize that they see me and I trigger them. Just recognize it. They also, you also. It's important to recognize if you are experiencing projection, so they assume you feel how they do. So they feel insecure, they feel angry. They may assume that you feel angry at them back, so they are reacting to you, assuming that you feel the exact same way that they do. And you may be like, I didn't know there was a problem. So that can be another area where communication gets broken down. So if you're consistent in recognizing your part, stating how you feel, you know, pulling somebody aside and saying, hey, it seems like there's some tension between us, and I'm not sure where it's coming from. You know, if the person assumes that you're angry with them, they may say, oh, I thought you were angry with me. And you can clear the air right there. So be consistent. Create an environment where your responses are predictable. A lot of people who grew up in insecure environments, the responses of their caregivers were not predictable. Respond by validating or acknowledging their fears, thoughts and needs as real to them. So you're respecting their boundaries. You're not telling them you're overreacting or you're, you got this all wrong. You're telling them, I, I can see where you might have gotten that impression, or I can see where this may be stressful for you. So you're going to acknowledge their fears, thoughts and needs as real to them. And if safe and necessary and helpful, you may also identify your feelings about the situation and preferences. Now, why did I say safe and necessary and helpful? Well, number one, you want to do it in an environment that's safe. Not everybody is safe to set boundaries with in an assertive sort of way. So you may need to figure out how to make yourself safe. Often it's necessary to set boundaries if you're going to have a healthy relationship, but sometimes it's not helpful. And what I mean by that is sometimes the person may not recognize their behavior as toxic or hurtful and addressing it, no matter how assertively you do it may trigger a threat response. So it is important to pick your battles and think about, you know, Thanksgiving's coming up, you know, if Uncle Bob tends to engage in some toxic behaviors, and it may not be the appropriate helpful place and time to address those right before Thanksgiving dinner. You know, it may be more appropriate, you know, when it's not a holiday, when there's not a lot of stress or, you know, Uncle Bob may need more help than you can give him. And it may be more important to consider covertly maintaining your boundaries because he's not going to hear what you have to say, ways you can address it. I feel blank when blank. And it would be helpful to me if you could. Blankety blank. You know, very simple things. Instead of saying you do this, you always want to start with, I feel when this happens and it would be helpful to me. So you're not saying you need to, you're saying it would really help me out. Semantics. But it cushions the blow. So one of my family members struggles and she is the nicest person in the world, but she gets criticized by another family member a lot because the turkey is too dry. That's one of the big complaints. So instead of getting upset or reacting negatively or something, one way that she could assert her boundaries and maintain them would be to say something like, it would be really helpful to me if you would bring the turkey this year because, you know, mine always seems to be too dry. So it takes the wind out of that other person's sails because she's acknowledging their perception. She may not agree, but she's acknowledging their perception and she's taking the power back and providing an option so the complainer doesn't have a leg to stand on. And again, recognizing where that behavior comes from. Why does this person feel the need to be so critical? And in this particular case, I would venture a guess that it can directly be traced back to insecurity. Attend to them proactively to help them feel safe so they don't need to use toxic behaviors and encourage appropriate behavior by rewarding it. Thank people for being so nice. Thank people for, if they pull you aside instead of, you know, reading you the riot act in front of the entire family, you know, thank them for that. Practice good self care. When you're dealing with toxic people or toxic environments, it's exhausting because toxic behaviors are a source of threat. So practice good self care. If we're talking about a toxic work environment or toxic relationships or toxic holidays, develop an emergency line. And when we used to send people out of residential, they would, you know, often have a day pass to go out for Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving dinner. They would always have an emergency line that they could call that, you know, counselor carried around a phone all day long. So if the client started feeling triggered, they had somewhere they could call. Have an emergency line. Focus on the facts and what you can and cannot control. If somebody is expressing a different opinion than you, you know, look at the facts, you know, is my opinion based on my knowledge and my perceptions? Is my opinion correct? If it is, okay, it is. Maybe theirs is too. But. So you can choose to address the situation. That's something you can control. You can't control how they respond. You can control whether you choose to address it. You can choose to internalize what they have to say and let them through your boundaries and cause you distress or ignore it. You know, let it bounce off of you and stick to them. You can choose to end the relationship. You can choose pity and compassion over anger. Remember, don't feed the trolls. When my son was little, that was when Star wars was really big and my husband would put on this Darth Vader helmet and walk down the hall acting like Darth Vader. And Shawn would scream and carry on, daddy, Daddy, don't do that. And one day, this went on, you know, for several days. And one day I sat my son down and I'm like, sean, if you don't get riled, it won't be any fun for him anymore. So, you know, ignore him. And, you know, sure enough, it ended. But the same thing is true with trolls. If you get riled, you are feeding into them. You are rewarding their behavior because they know that they got under your skin. A lot of times when you experience toxic behavior, stop and breathe first. Just breathe in for a count of four, eight, sometimes 16. Hold and exhale very slowly as well. Just one deep breath and that can start rebalancing your autonomic nervous system. And avoid trigger topics. You know, sometimes things can be okay unless particular issues come up. So try to avoid trigger topics that might cause somebody to feel unsafe, disempowered or attacked or contradicted. If you are trying to maintain the peace, Toxic behaviors are all too common. Living happily in a toxic society means recognizing toxic behaviors and their impact on you. Reconceptualizing toxic behaviors as frantic strategies from someone who feels unsafe to take back. Trying to take back their power and identifying ways to improve the moment. Coping with toxic behaviors and maintaining your self esteem. Maintaining your sense of safety, empowerment and self esteem. Okay, so I saw that a lot of you were commenting, and can toxic people change? Yes, definitely. The key to change is recognizing your toxic behaviors, identifying what they're communicating, what's the function, the toxic behavior? You know, oftentimes it's to protect you from a perceived threat and then dealing with that issue, whether it's a fear of abandonment or a fear of rejection or a fear of criticism, you know, whatever it is, addressing those issues so you can more effectively respect other people's boundaries and engage in consistent, responsive, attentive, validating, encouraging, and supportive relationships. I will be doing an upcoming video on encouraging or developing intimacy with other people. In terms of helping a partner that neglects their own needs or does not express their needs, it's important to examine what that behavior is saying for that person. They may have grown up in an environment where they were taught, don't talk, don't trust, don't feel, which is the, you know, tagline of the addicted family. So they may not even be aware of their own needs. They may neglect their needs because they don't feel they deserve to take care of themselves, or if they're not aware of them, then they can't take care of them. It is important with each individual to explore why that might be happening with that person, but also recognize that they need to be motivated to take care of themselves. And trying to take care of them is also encroaching on their boundaries. So. So there is a fine line that you walk between being caring and being paternalistic. Exactly, Ed. Reminding yourself when people are being toxic or organizations are being toxic, it's not about you most of the time. Most of the time, it stems from their own insecurities. Now, it's important to remember that we may do things, we may make mistakes. However, there's an appropriate way to respond, and that's assertively, not toxically, not manipul, manipulatively. And you're right, Friar. We can only control ourselves and do the best we can with the tools we have in the environment that we're in at any point in time. And that's all that can be expected. We're all imperfect. However, we can support one another. We can model healthy behaviors. We can model to others how we expect to be treated. If you go back through some of the behaviors that we talked about and recognize that most of us occasionally engage in one or more of those behaviors, and we need to. We may need to work on that. For example, boundary violations, trying to fix something for somebody and make them feel better, that's actually a boundary violation. Being supportive when they feel bad and, you know, offering to help whatever they would like you to do is one thing, but trying to take their pain away is invalidating. And they need to be able. It's also toxic because you're depriving them of their ability to work through their own pain. Are there any other questions that I can answer for you today? How do you deal with the toxic person that talks over you so that you're not heard? This is another one of those. You got to decide, is this Uncle Bob at the Thanksgiving table? Is this somebody at work who is, you know, steamrolling you in a meeting? A lot of times, if they're talking over you, it's important to take a breath because that may mean that they feel like they're not being heard. And I know it sounds counterintuitive, but a lot of times when people don't feel like they're being heard, they tend to get louder and more frequent, forceful in their presentation. It can be helpful in those situations to, you know, sit back and breathe for a second and empathize. Paraphrase what you hear that person saying so they know that they've been heard. And then if you feel the need to respond, respond now. They may be also talking over you because they're trying to violate your cognitive boundaries and change how you think. Basically tell you what you think is wrong, and you may end up at a stalemate there, where they are going to continue to vociferously argue until you acquiesce or leave. And that's where you've got to decide. What do I need to do at this point in time to keep myself safe? Is this going to be helpful if I offer the information about my opinion? If you're disagreeing about religion, for example, is it going to be helpful to this person to understand my point of view if I explain it to them with the facts that I'm using to support my beliefs or my. My stance? Or is it going to fall on deaf ears? And people who feel insecure a lot of times are not. It's too terrifying to hear an opposing point of view, no matter how right or wrong that opposing point of view is. It's too terrifying to hear something that's different than them because it represents potential rejection. It's also important. I don't remember saying this. I thought it was in this presentation. But it's also important to take a breath and separate somebody's criticism if they're being toxic and critical criticism of behaviors from criticism of you. I did not know you had an Uncle Bob Friar. And toxic positivity is a real thing. Remember that. You know, if you tell somebody to buck up, that's not helpful. The helpful version is what we call tragic optimism, and that is recognizing the pain and acknowledging that and then helping the person figure out or helping yourself figure out how to improve the situation. Now, they may not be ready to do it right away. If they're grieving, for example, they may need to experience that grief for a bit and then work on improving the moment. But that is also, you know, tragic optimism helps people see that there is a light at the end of that very, very long tunnel. When people respond aggressively and toxically towards you, if you aren't doing what they want you to do and they're a friend and you think they may not recognize their, the impact of their behavior on you, then it is often helpful to, in private, not in front of other people or, you know, when you're upset, but in private when you're calm, talk about it with them and express how their behavior impacts you and what you would prefer that they do. You know, for example, if their idea of fun is not your idea of fun, then they don't have to come when you go to the movies if they don't like doing that. So instead of being nasty and critical, they can choose to do something that they like. Foreign. Everybody, thank you for being with me today. As I said, I am going to call this a little bit short today just because I'm still getting my energy back. But I look forward to seeing you next week and I am so thrilled that so many of you attended today and I look forward to seeing you next week. I will review the chat to see if there are any questions that I missed that I didn't actually fully answer. And I will respond to those in the community section. Everybody, have an amazing day.