Learned Empowerment | Live Chat with Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes

Hey, hey, everybody. We're gonna get ready to start in about two minutes. So, you know, make that last cup of coffee and, or, you know, start thinking about the types of things that you want to discuss. Please remember to in, in the chat room, in the chat window, you can share with me any topics that you are interested in having me cover in these brief morning sessions. I am trying very diligently to do these morning sessions every single morning at roughly 9:30. Just kind of depends on whether I have a patient, whether I do it at 9 or 9:30. But, you know, hopefully we'll get segued into that place where I am able to do it at 9:30 every morning. The goal of these sessions is to just provide you short little snippets, you know, 10 minutes, provide you a little bit of information or a tool that might be useful in helping you live happier. So good morning to everybody. Again. I see there are 12 people watching right now. If you haven't already, please remember to click the subscribe button. That way you can be notified when I do go live and also click the little bell. I was informed that you have to click the subscribe button and the little bell in order to be notified when I go live. But that way you don't miss any opportunity to interact if you want to. And my goal in these, as I was saying a minute ago, is to provide you a tip or a tool that can help you live happier. But also I found that a lot of you seem to really enjoy interacting, and I really enjoy interacting after the presentation. So I will stick around and chat with you guys as, you know, pretty much as much as you want after the presentation. Okay, Danielle, so before, you know, I get into today's presentation, I will answer that question on the YouTube channel. If you just search my channel for the keyword trauma, you will come up with a lot of videos talking about trauma. The biggest thing to remember with trauma is that when we experience trauma, unfortunately, it takes away our sense of safety, it takes away our sense of power, which dovetails nicely into what we're talking about today. But one of the first things that is important in recovering from trauma is to identify in what ways you, your safety was disrupted, you lost your sense of safety. And this can be emotional, physical, interpersonal, you know, being able to trust other people. You know, in what ways did you lose safety? And what can you do to start rebuilding that sense of safety and sense of power and control in your current situation so you don't feel helpless, hopeless, and vulnerable? That is really where I start with a lot of my clients that are struggling with trauma, which is unfortunately the majority of them. We start identifying how to create safety before we really start delving into the trauma itself. It's important that people feel like they've, you know, got the energy and they feel like they're in a safe place to confront those issues. So that being said, I can get back to that if you have more specific questions after the presentation. But that being said, let's move on to today's topic, which is empowerment. We've talked about mindfulness, we've talked about hardiness and serenity, and today we're going to move on to talk about empowerment. Because I've noticed in the discussions that learned helplessness seems to be a huge interest for a lot of you. So empowerment or learned empowerment is the opposite of learned helplessness. Learned helplessness occurs when we experience situations repeatedly. Not necessarily the same situation, but we repeatedly experience various situations that are out of control and we start feeling like nothing we can do is going to affect what's going on and we're always going to be in this position of pain or threat or unsafeness. And learned empowerment helps us start creating that safety. Today's tool, and if you've watched any of my videos, you know I'm a huge fan of acronyms. It just makes it easier for people to remember things. And today's tool is what I call free flip. When we are in a distress state, what do we want to do? We want to flip our mood, we want to flip our attitude so we're not staying distressed or not staying stuck. So the first part of this begins with mindfulness. Knowing recognizing how you feel, whether you're angry, you're anxious, you're sad, you're depressed, you're all of the above, okay? Recognizing that, accepting it non judgmentally, it's not good or bad the way you feel. It is just how you feel. And that is your body's natural reaction. Just like when a smoke alarm goes off, that is the smoke alarm's reaction to, you know, something disrupting its sensors. It could be dust, it could be. I know ours go off a lot when we have the windows open because dust gets into them. So whatever. But my point being that just because a smoke alarm is going off doesn't necessarily mean there's a fire. The smoke alarm, just like our emotions are clues, are cues that we have that we need to get up and examine. We need to look around and see is there really a problem? And okay, if so, what do we do? About it. I actually encourage people to sort of thank their brains, if you will, even for the unpleasant emotions, even for the feelings of anger and anxiety. Because that's your brain's way of saying, hey, I want to survive and there might be a threat, so get off your duff and look to figure out what we need to do to stay safe. So in a way that's awesome because that means that you do want to survive. However, not everybody likes that interpretation. Once you acknowledge, once you identify how you feel, you know, you notice that you're feeling anxious or angry. You accept it non judgmentally because there's no point fighting with it. You feel how you feel. So taking a breath and saying, let's figure out why I feel this way and what can I do to improve the next moment, which is where we come to observe and describe the situation. The first thing you want to do is look at the facts of the situation. Too often we make decisions and we do things based on feelings. For example, if you have a fear of snakes, when you see a snake, you may just have this automatic thought that, oh my gosh, I'm in danger because there's a snake right there. Well, if you look at the facts, the chances that that snake is actually poisonous, the chances that that snake is actually going to pursue you, even if it is poisonous, are really quite small. So that fear that you felt, the initial feeling is your brain saying, okay, you need to check it out, you know, recognize there's a snake there. You don't want to step on it because that's a bad thing. But also, you know, figure out if it's a poisonous snake or not because you know, you're probably going to give a poisonous snake a wider birth. But that anxiety that you feel is just a trigger to get you to do something. Then you want to look at the facts and say, okay, number one, is there a way I can get around this snake, this problem? And number two, is this snake poisonous? Is this problem really that big of an issue right now? Let's take another example that has to do with humans. You're walking down the hall and your boss is coming the other way and you say, good morning boss. And the boss doesn't even look at you and has this scowly look on her face. Okay, now you may have this automatic, you know, anxiety like, oh my gosh, what did I do wrong? Okay, that's that anxiety, that's that smoke alarm going off and saying you need to check and see if you did something wrong. It didn't. It's not saying you did something wrong and she's angry with you. It's saying. Saying you need to check and see. So you check back through your mental. Mental notes and go, okay, you know, I don't think I did anything wrong to tick her off right now. So what are the facts in this situation? You have no idea why she had that scowly look on her face. You have no idea whether she even noticed you. Because you know what, if you're deep in thought, you may not notice when you walk by somebody. I've done it. I think all of us have done it at times. So checking the facts is huge. Not assuming you know what somebody else is thinking, not assuming something is dangerous or fearsome because you have anxiety. That anxiety is just telling you there might be a threat and you need to check it out. So you find the facts in the situation, and sometimes the facts are going to support what's going on, and. And then you've got to decide from there. But other times, and a lot of times the facts don't support our maintaining our current anxiety. The next step is to look at your language. Are you using extreme language like, she is always mad at me or so and so never cleans the litter box? You know that those all or nothing terms that extreme language, every time I go driving, I get in a car accident. It is never safe to walk to your car at night. You know, all of those extreme words can set you up to feel anxiety. So it's important to check that language. And if you're using extreme words, find exceptions. Things rarely happen, happen all the time or never. So find the exceptions to what's going on and choose less extreme words. Often it is dangerous to do this, or often this happens, but not necessarily all the time. The third step in Flip is check your interpretations. Sometimes interpretations are not based on the current situation. They're based on things that happened, you know, last week, last year, 10 years ago, things that you experienced. But now you're projecting. For example, if you have a significant other who starts acting kind of withdrawn, and in the past, you've had significant others that did that, and it meant they were cheating and your relationship was bound to end in short order. Well, if you're projecting that, if you're assuming that's going on right now, that can really stir up that anxiety. Now, again, your interpretation of what's going on right now is based on what somebody else did in the past. You want to look at this current situation and say, are there other interpretations, other explanations why this might be happening. And then that also goes back to the facts. So if your significant other is acting withdrawn right now, you know, look at some of the facts. What's going on? They may be exhausted. Maybe they're working twice as hard at work, or maybe they are having difficulty dealing with the COVID lockdown or politics or whatever. There's a lot of stuff that is stressing people the heck out right now, and a lot of people are withdrawing. And it has nothing to do with your relationship. It has to do with people feeling overwhelmed and starting to shut down. Now, that's not good. We'll talk about that on some other video. But recognize what you're Whether your interpretations are based on the current situation at hand, the context that you're in, or if you're projecting stuff from the past. And then finally, P stands for probability. A lot of times we confuse possibility with probability. Could something bad happen? Yes, something bad could always happen. Unfortunately, that's just life. However, whatever you're thinking that's causing your anxiety, causing your distress, what is the probability that it's going to happen? What is the probability that, you know, your boss that was that passed you and grimaced at you? What is the probability that she is angry with you and you're going to get called into her office and fired today? You know, people can really go the full, full distance with catastrophizing things. So what's the probability that all of your worst fears are going to come true? Generally pretty small most of the time. And it's important to remember this, that, yes, something could happen. You go in to get a test at the doctor for hiv, for example. I know this. A lot of people face this. They go in to get their HIV test and they start getting really worried. And it's important to look at the facts. You know, how likely is it that you've contracted HIV based on your behaviors and any symptoms you have, any language that may be extreme, what are your interpretations of the situation? Maybe the nurse was in a particularly bad mood. But more, more importantly, in this particular scenario, what's the probability based on the facts, based on your behaviors and your symptoms, what is the probability that that test is going to come back positive? And recognizing that, we go through other things. Like when, when I was pregnant, you know, I had a test that measured to see if the baby had birth defects. And, you know, there were. There was a period where I had to wait to find out whether, you know, there was something wrong with the child. And it was important for me to remember the probability. What's the probability that it's going to come back with something seriously wrong with the child. So flip just to summarize stands for facts. Base your reasoning on facts. Your emotions tell you to check something out. They tell you there might be a threat. So then find the facts for and against your fears or whatever's making you angry. Make sure you're not using language that's too extreme, like always or never. Make sure your interpretations are based on the current situation and current facts at hand. And then evaluate the probability that your worst case scenario that whatever you're stressed out about is actually going to come true. Remember, pretty much anything's possible, but how probable is it that that's going to happen? Hello, Helena. Welcome, welcome back. Kim Whitefeather. And, and Kim Whitefeather, I would say in that statistic is that in normal Times More than 50% of American people will experience a mental illness, I would say, because these times are not normal at all. And we know that the rates of anxiety and depression have skyrocketed like 2 or 300% last time I looked, since all of this stuff started back in February. And I'm just kind of lumping everything together. I would bet that that number is higher, and I know that that number's higher if you include addiction in there. If you're only including, you know, mood disorders and psychotic disorders and developmental disorders, neurological disorders, maybe 50%. But once you start to include addiction in there, it goes up into the stratosphere closer to, you know, 85, 95% of people. That is a staggering number. And I have worked with people, Rich, who really like that framework that, you know, if they worry about something, they're pretty much sure it's not going to happen, you know, and, and that's a choice that is certainly a choice. I don't like to worry. I like to spend my energy doing other things. And when I worry, I worry and I spend a ton of energy. So, you know, everybody has different ways of handling, handling stress and figuring out what is the best way to spend my energy right now to improve the next moment so I can have that happy, healthy, fulfilling life that I am really striving for. I am going to look and see if I can find that statistic for you real quick. Kim Whitefeather, give me just a second. And when I talk about addiction, I'm talking about process addictions as well as chemical addiction. So we're also talking about gambling addiction, gaming addiction, sex addiction. And I'm not finding that statistic really quickly. I'LL have to go back and look and see. I know it's in one of my classes that I did a while ago. Are there other questions, are there other topics that you want to discuss? I am at your disposal for the next few minutes. Well, workaholism I probably wouldn't put in there just because you know that, that one is often more of a coping skill than, than some others. But yeah, I mean, anytime we are using a behavior to distract ourselves, remember the definition of addiction. Continuing to engage in a behavior to escape from unpleasant feelings or to provide pleasant feelings despite the fact that that behavior is causing problems. Two or more problems in any six month period, causing problems in the person's life. So continuing to engage in a behavior despite the fact that they know the behavior is causing problems. And they've done a lot of research. I mean gaming addiction actually did make it into the dsm. But it's interesting to notice that things like Facebook, for example, have also become extremely problematic. I, I haven't bothered to count, but that is a frequent issue that comes up when I'm talking to students. When I'm talking to employers, students say they, you know, lose track of time and can't get their, their homework done because they spend too much time social networking. And that can be tick tock, Facebook, Instagram, any of those. I have a lot of couples that complain that one person stays on social networking too long. I have a lot of employers complain that, you know, they have had to discipline employees for finding workarounds so they can get on social media when they're at work because people have so much FOMO that they have difficulty putting down their mobile device even to do something like, you know, work. Alrighty everybody, have a great day. Remember, if there are topics that you want me to cover, you can reach me at support all ceus.com and you know, I'm happy to try to cover any of any topics that you're interested in in these short little discussions. In the morning I will try to, I'm trying to move my clients around so I can do this consistently at 9:30 every morning. So just kind of plan on that. But remember to subscribe and click the bell if you want to be notified when you do. When I do go live. Daniel, can you explain what you mean by a morning process for mindset structure? Yes. Real money. You're exactly right. Betting fantasy sports, kind of. I lump that in with gambling addiction and that is huge. And it's become online gambling fantasy gambling. A lot of that has become even more problematic with the lockdown from what I've seen. It. Okay everybody, if let's see any type of positive affirmation, talk or reading, you may want to go back, Daniel and look at the video we did on mindfulness the other day. I also have on the YouTube channel there are longer form videos on on mindfulness. There are a couple that actually introduce a lot of different mindfulness activities that you can do in order to help your get grounded. Not only in the morning, but I suggest doing the mindful activities at each meal. I call it anchored mindfulness because you know, we generally eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. So if you know that before or after the meal that you need to do your mindfulness check in, it encourages you to remember to do it at least three times a day. Thank you Daniel. I'm glad you have found the channel to be helpful to you. And again, as a LPC in training, please let me know if there are topics that I could break down a little bit and make more useful or accessible to people who may not have been working in the field for tons of years. And in response to your question, Kim White Feather, about spirituality or lack of spirituality and addiction, you know that is a huge topic. So I will put that on the slate for maybe early next week and one of these discussions. Alrighty everybody, have a great day and I will see you tomorrow.