Short educational video by Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes reviewing relationship boundaries. Uses a “house” metaphor to explain why boundaries create safety and to distinguish types: physical, interpersonal, emotional, cognitive, and environmental. Emphasizes that boundaries vary by person, develop over time as trust is earned, and should be set to protect safety and authenticity.
You. Hey there, everybody, and welcome to this brief review of boundaries in relationships. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. I've talked a lot in other videos about boundaries, but I really wanted to give you a short video in order to have a reference point when you were trying to remember what is a boundary and why is it important? Boundaries are like a house. When you're in your house, you feel safe, and boundaries help you feel safe. Upholding boundaries help you feel safe from other people. And it's important to recognize that just like a house has doors and windows and you can let people in or you can choose not to open the door. In relationships, you can choose to let people in or. Or not, you can choose how far to let them in. Some people, you may answer the door and go out on the front step to talk to them, because you know what? I'm not real comfortable letting you in the house yet. Then other people you may get to know a little bit better. And fine, okay, you can come in and we'll talk in the foyer. I don't feel threatened about letting you into the house, but I'm not ready to have coffee with you yet. The next boundary, or stage, if you will, is just like when you have friends and you say, okay, I trust you enough to let you in a little bit and start to get to know you more. So this is the friend that comes over and has dinner or has coffee with you, or you hang out and watch movies. You're still not to the point of giving the person a key and letting them watch your house for the weekend. Okay, so you can see how boundaries can differ for different people. There are some people in your life, I hope that you would feel very comfortable giving them a key to your house. The same thing is true with your thoughts and your feelings. You feel safe enough to actually be vulnerable and give them access to your thoughts and feelings. So what are these boundaries? Physical boundaries are the boundaries between you and another person, how close you stand to one another, whether they touch you or not, and even the amount of eye contact. Interpersonal boundaries are boundaries between you and another person where you may have certain beliefs about relationships and the. The way things, quote, should go in a healthy relationship and what you want to be able to do in that relationship. For example, being able to be in a relationship with someone and still have personal time. So that's one of those relationship boundaries where you try to figure out, how can we meet each other's needs and get our needs met at the same time. Emotional boundaries and Cognitive boundaries are very similar. It's how you feel and what you think. You don't have to agree with other people. You can still hold your own thoughts, hold your own feelings, and that's okay because they're yours. When you set boundaries with people, it's important to recognize who is safe, who is trustworthy with the this particular boundary. Who is it that I can trust? If I tell them what I'm actually thinking, is it going to be a safe situation, or is it going to cause rejection or anger or put me in some sort of problem? And that's important. Same thing with our feelings. We may feel a certain way about something, but it may not be safe to share your feelings with other people. So thinking back to that House metaphor, how much vulnerability are you willing to have in sharing your feelings and your thoughts? And then environmental boundaries, this has to do with your stuff. Physical boundaries has to do with your person. Environmental boundaries has to do with your stuff. People that have things like diaries, and we all have stuff that we don't necessarily want some stranger rifling through. So what are your boundaries with your stuff? Some people are less territorial, if you will. And if they have roommates, they're like, sure, go into my closet. Get whatever you want. And then you may have other people who are like, no, if you want to wear something out of my closet, ask, and I will go get it for you. Then that is their environmental boundary. They don't want you rifling through their stuff. And as I said multiple times already, people will earn your trust in those areas. And eventually maybe you'll be like, sure, go into my closet. But it's going to take time. You're not going to meet somebody, have known them for a week, and then all of a sudden, sure, go, you know, unrestrained in my room or somewhere that is. Might make me vulnerable. So that was just a quick review of the different types of boundaries we have in relationships. And your boundaries can vary on different things. Your boundaries can vary. For people, you may have very strict or guarded physical boundaries because of trauma, and that's okay. Whereas you may have less guarded emotional or cognitive boundaries because you feel safe being authentic. That's okay. What's important is that you recognize where you need to set your boundaries in order to feel safe in each and every relationship.
