Optimism vs Toxic Positivity: Counseling Techniques

Hey there, everybody, and welcome to this brief presentation on optimism versus toxic positivity. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. One of my favorite little memes out there is this one, and it basically shows somebody in the darkness, and it says, when one door closes, another one opens, but these hallways are a bitch. So let's talk about that. And that is really the crux of optimism versus toxic positivity. Let's start with what is optimism and what is tragic optimism? Well, optimism is the willingness to have hope. It doesn't mean that everything is okay right now. It means acknowledging how things are in the moment with, without judgment and saying, all right, it is what it is. I know some of y' all hate that phrase, but it is what it is. And having hope that things can get better. And that's where tragic optimism comes in. Optimism comes from a place, you know, things are going along, things are decent, and you are optimistic that things will continue to go well or continue to improve. Tragic optimism is when you're coming from a place of distress. You acknowledge your distress and you say, this really sucks. However, I believe that things can get better. If somebody has a heart attack, for example, you know, that's where tragic optimism would come in. They recognize what is without judgment. They had this life altering experience, and they can be optimistic that if they do what the doctor tells them to do and they follow their treatment plan, that things can get better and they can resume a meaningful version of their life. People who are optimistic have curiosity about what could be. They feel personally empowered and strive to improve the next moment. Even when things are going well, they say, all right, how can we keep this going? How can we keep this feeling going? How can we, you know, move closer to those goals that I have of a rich and meaningful life? People who are optimistic view obstacles as things that they've got to figure out how to handle, as opposed to barriers that keep you from moving. Obstacles, you can go over them sometimes, sometimes you go under, sometimes you go around. But obstacles are like an obstacle course, something you've got to figure out how to navigate. And they do that with curiosity. And optimism helps people develop resilience. It helps them recognize that, yes, there are bad times, there are really unfortunate things that happen. However, I have survived this, I have survived things in the past, and I can continue to survive and even thrive now. Toxic positivity is a little bit different because toxic positivity encourages people to not acknowledge the bad, to tell people everything is good, it's all good, even when it isn't Toxic positivity isn't helpful because it robs helps people, including yourself, from the right to feel. If you tell somebody who's going through a bad patch that, hey, you know, you've actually got all this stuff going for you so you know, you shouldn't feel bad, that's toxic positivity. Optimism acknowledges what is without judgment. It acknowledges unpleasantness and it has hope or helps people have hope that things will get better. Toxic positivity just starts at the let's just pretend that that bad stuff doesn't exist and go on acting as if. Toxic positivity also prevents people from being able to learn how to deal with unpleasant feelings. If you just ignore them, kind of put your fingers in your ears and go, la la la la la la la, this isn't happening, then you don't develop the ability to navigate challenging thoughts, to sit with unpleasant feelings and ride the wave, so to speak, recognizing that, okay, this is unpleasant, I don't like sitting through this. However, things can get better. Journaling Prompts what are the five best things and the two worst things in your life right now? Is that toxic positivity? No, that is encouraging your brain to acknowledge that yes, there is bad stuff happening right now, but also acknowledge there's good stuff and that helps you with a little bit of balance because our brain is pre wired to focus on the negative stuff. So sometimes we have to encourage it to look at the bigger picture, but it also acknowledges that there are things that are not going well. Regarding the good things, what do you hope will happen with them in the future? Maybe your relationship with your best friend is going good right now, or your job is going well right now. All right. What do you hope that's going to continue to look like in the future? What options are available to improve the worst things in your life right now? Maybe you're struggling with some autoimmune issues or a relationship problem, or you hate your job. Okay, you know, let's acknowledge how you feel about that and what are some of the options you have? Let's get curious about what you could do. What do you have the power to do to improve the next moment? And finally, what is the probability that if you take steps to address the unfortunate issues right now that you will actually start to feel better? More in depth resources can be found in the optimism playlist@allce.com optimism videos.