Realistic Thinking: Quickstart Guide

Hey there everybody, and welcome to this quick Start guide on realistic thinking. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. Realistic thinking involves making a realistic assessment of situations, setting reasonable goals and reasonable expectations. We can start this process through wise mind thinking. It is hard to have a realistic assessment of situations when we are in our emotional mind. It's important to be able to down regulate our emotional reactions to situations and to non judgmentally accept what's going on in the current situation. Assess what's going on in the situation, then we can make decisions about, okay, how do I proceed? Wise mind thinking is the first step. And that's one of those standard tools from dialectical behavior therapy that is really essential for making effective, informed decisions. The next technique that or skill you might employ is using context. We experience a lot of things over the years, but the context is never the same. The relationship that you got into three years ago is different than the relationship that you're getting into now. Not only is the person different, you are different. The environment's different. So it's important to examine what's going on in this situation at this point point in time. Now, yes. Stuff happened in the past that may inform your decisions. You may have had bad relationships in the past or bad jobs or good ones even, and you learn from those in order to help you create future situations that are safer, more fulfilling, more rewarding. Examine facts versus emotions. Fact based thinking is more realistic than emotion based thinking. Emotions have a place. We definitely want to integrate our emotions with what we're doing. We want to choose what is the best option for us at this point in time. Now sometimes there's no clear, clear. You know, this is the best thing to do all the time for everybody. Most of the time that doesn't actually happen. So you're going to balance in this situation at this point in time what makes the most logical sense and what will make me the happiest. You know, where can I find the best compromise anyway? Facts. You want to look at the facts of the situation in the present moment. You want to examine in this situation what's in your, what parts are in your control and what parts aren't. And then research or think about what your solutions are. I usually give the example of snakes when I talk about realistic assessment. You may be on a hiking trail and there's this snake in the middle of the hiking trail just sunning itself. Now you may initially get very anxious about it, but let's go back to realistic assessment. What's a realistic assessment of that situation? Well, let's look at the snake. He's almost asleep. He's just kind of sunning himself. He's all chill. What are the facts? What are the chances supporting the notion that this snake is just poised and ready to strike at me? Well, at this point, there's. There's no evidence for that. You know, he's. He's all but in a little sunbathing coma. Looking at the snake, you know, based on what I know about poisonous snakes in this area, what are the chances that this snake is poisonous and. Or aggressive? You know, going with facts. Emotionally, my mind says snake danger. Factually, my mind says snake probably not danger, because there are only about five poisonous snakes, I think, in Tennessee, and they have very specific characteristics. But even if, worst case scenario, this snake was startled, was coiled, was poised, and was poisonous, what is still within my control? Well, I can back away. You know, it. In this particular situation, the realistic assessment of the situation, how much danger I'm in and what aspects are out of my control, can be very different when I really start looking at the facts. You know, so a lot of times I'm going to encounter a snake and my brain goes, snake danger. And then I say, okay, maybe, but let's look at this situation in this context, in this moment with this snake. Well, it's a little tiny green snake that's in the middle of the path. I know that the poisonous snakes aren't green. Like I said, he's all but in a sunbathing coma. And if I walk around him, give him a wide berth or I back away, you know, chances are, based on the facts, based on what we know about snakes, snakes, it's not going to chase me. So the realistic assessment of that situation is very low probability of danger. There are a lot of different things. You may make assessments about the. Your relationships, the product of your work, the likelihood that you'll get a job. There are a lot of different things. But you do want to examine not what do I assume, assume is going to happen, not what do I think this other person's thinking, but what are the facts that I actually know in this situation at this point in time. And consider alternate perspectives. You know, sometimes it's helpful to call your best friend and say, hey, this is the situation I was just in. What do you think it means? And they may, being less connected to the situation, have a completely different perspective on what was going on. When crimes happen, a lot of times investigators will interview multiple people who saw the situation happen, and they will get multiple stories. It's because those people all saw it through their own personal lens based on their personal experiences and expectations. So it's important to recognize that you're only seeing one version of what happened or what's going on, and it can be helpful to get alternate perspectives. Maybe you're going to interview for a job and you think, okay, this is what I need to do in order to get this job, but it can't hurt to call a prior employer or a friend of yours who happens to be a supervisor and say, hey, I'm getting ready to go in for this interview. What do you think that person? Or what might be looking for? Or what do you look for when you're interviewing people? Some journaling prompts to help you with this realistic assessment. How are you stronger, smarter, and better equipped to handle life on life's terms today than you were 10 years ago? A lot of times our assessments are fear based and based on experiences we had in the past and don't take into account the growth that we've experienced since the prior bad experience. Who are the three smartest people you know? How could considering their perspectives help you think more more realistically? And you may not even need to call them. I have mentors from my past and even thinking about my daddy who's no longer with us, I think to myself, what would they say or how would they handle this situation? I don't always necessarily agree with what I think they would do, but it gives me other perspectives to consider. Always consider probability versus possibility. If you are getting ready to do something and you are feeling anxious about it, go back to those facts again. What is the probability that something bad's going to happen versus the possibility? I mean, a lot of times, if you've ever been on WebMD, you know that there's almost always a very, very small possibility that bad things could happen. It's just the way life is. But what is the probability? Let's talk about cancer. If you are a healthy weight, if you exercise, if you eat a healthy diet, you don't smoke or you don't drink, is there a possibility you could get cancer? Yes. What is the probability that based on your lifestyle factors that you are going to get cancer? You know, you greatly decrease the probability through behaviors. Look at exceptions to what's going on. If you are anxious or angry about something or worried about something, think about exceptions. You know, when have you been through a similar situation and it went okay? Likewise, you know, let's talk realistic isn't always always about trying to find the positive realistic is about looking at both sides. Think about relationships. You know, if you're trying to realistically assess a relationship, look at that relationship objectively and look for exceptions. You know, when have you been in similar relationships that really didn't go very well? You know, you're looking for exceptions to your belief, your hope that this is going to be the perfect storybook relationship. But let's look at times when you've been in similar situations. You know, when has it not worked out so well? So it's important to make sure you're looking at both sides of the picture for and against, whether you're hoping for a positive thing or you're worried that the negative is going to happen. Examine both sides of the argument. Find alternate explanations for why things happen. This goes with realistic thinking. If you didn't get a job, for example, that you applied for and you think you had, you just knocked that interview out of the park. Okay, let's be realistic. Why didn't you get it? Well, maybe you did have a great interview. So what are some alternate explanations for why you might not have gotten the job? And Play the tape to the end this is one of my favorites. When we're talking about realistic thinking, sometimes people look for quick fixes and magical cures. So play the tape to the end. How realistic is it that if I do X that all my problems will be solved? Or on the negative side, you know, realistically, if I get into this relationship or if I take this job that I know it's probably a bad fit, am I going to be able to change that person or change that job once I get there to make it something that is just totally right for me? Probably not. So play the tape to the end. How likely is it that if you take this step, you're going to end up with the outcome that you're hoping for? Some More Journaling Prompts Think of two situations that caused you distress in the past. How could some of these techniques have helped you evaluate it more realistically? How can playing the tape all the way to the end help you avoid acting impulsively or making the wrong decision? For more in depth resources, check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Understanding cognitive distortions@allceus.com distortions.