Relationship Skills: A Quickstart Guide to Temperament Sensing-Intuitive

Good morning everybody, and welcome to, to today's live presentation. We are going to continue talking about temperament in our unit, if you want to call it that, on relationship skills. Today we're going to be talking about sensors and intuitors. In the notes for the chat, you will see that I've also given you two other links or two other suggestions. There's a link to the Kirsy website where you can learn more about temperament, kind of straight from the horse's mouth. There's also a book that I absolutely love and I used it a ton. It's called Effective Teaching and Effective Learning Making the personality connection in your classroom by Alice M. Fairhurst and Lisa L. Fairhurst. That's in the, in the notes in the chat that you can look up, you know, so in case you didn't get that, as I just read it by. But it is an old book. It's an oldie but a goodie. And it provides a lot of super useful practical information for parents as well as teachers on applying temperament in the classroom. I've also found it very helpful in using with my supervisees as well as my students who are becoming clinicians, to help them understand a little bit more about how to create personalized and individualized treatment plans. So with no further ado, I AM your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes, and we are going to be talking about sensors and intuitors or being sensing or intuitive. Remember, temperament, again, is exists along a dimension, along a continuum. And one side is not better or worse than the other side. They are just different. Kind of like the colors of the rainbow. Roy G. Biv. You know, red is not any better or worse than violet. They are just very different. And then there's everything in between. So just like we did yesterday, we're going to compare and contrast and talk about how these different temperament styles can impact people in relationships, in work, in recovery. So sensors tend to be practical and realistic. They like facts. They like things that are very tangible. They tend to like occupations like accounting, that is very practical, useful. They can kind of see what they're doing and why they're doing it. Intuiters are imaginative dreamers. We don't mind not having something that seems super practical at the moment. If we can see this vision of where we might be going with it. Sensors tend to prefer facts and live in the real world. They like what's in front of them. Like I said, they like things that are tangible, things that I can look at and manipulate right now. Great as statisticians, great as research Scientists, really awesome intuitors tend to prefer abstraction, inspiration and insights. We tend to, obviously I'm an intuiter, we tend to focus more on, you know, the broad strokes, the big picture, the meta concepts. Intuiters are really good grant writers because we can look at a grant and say, okay, here are the basics that I've got to deal with now. What can I turn this into? We love theorizing and hypothesizing and, you know, staying in that meta concept world. Getting down to the nitty gritty and the facts and details can be difficult. So let's think about, you know, just these two characteristics and, and the opposition or the challenges. When you have people that are working together or living together who are on opposite ends of the spectrum, the great thing is they can balance each other out. My husband, as I said yesterday, we are polar opposites. So he will get thrown under the bus a lot in or outed in these discussions, but he is very practical and realistic. He likes data. He's a computer guy, very detail oriented. I'm not. So when I think big picture and I think, think big scheme of things, he's the one trying to figure out, okay, now how do we make this happen? So, for example, with our website, I'll say, this is what I would love for the website to be able to do. And he makes it so because he likes figuring out how to make things work. He's not one that's going to come up necessarily with these ideas of, oh, wouldn't this be neat? That's up to me. So I am the creative imaginat person sort of in this partnership and he tends to be the get it done sort of person in the partnership. But we balance each other out. Because I, because I am such a dreamer, I'm kind of up here. He has to, you know, pick his head up out of this, the facts and the details in the real world and consider possibilities. And because he is so detail oriented, it forces me to think about, all right, you know, what are the practical aspects of this and will this really work? So we complement each other and he reminds me to look at the details and I remind him to look at, you know, pick his head up and look at the big picture. Recovery. If you've got two people in recovery, people who are sensors in recovery can get so caught up in the details of making these meetings and doing this and doing that, putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing and they're just, you know, trudging through kind of Looking at the ground the whole time, and they may miss the big picture. Recovery is about having a healthy, happier, rich, and meaningful life. And if all you're doing is going through the motions, making sure that you check every block, guess what? You're probably not going to enjoy life as much. So it's important for sensors to look up, you know, look at that big picture, Try to dream every once in a while. Remember what the ultimate goal is at the end of the day, at the end of the journey. Intuitors in recovery tend to love those. We see, you know, this big scheme. We see what health and happiness and a rich and meaningful life looks like, but we tend to miss the details. You know, we may think, okay, you know, support groups are great, but then forget to schedule them in or not make time to schedule them in, and we miss some of the big details. Intuiters tend to be so, so much focused out there on the dreamers and imagination that sometime, sometimes we forget to be mindful and focus on the present moment. So in recovery, it's important for intuitors to really work on their mindfulness and pay attention. Not to the point of being, you know, drowning in details, but pay attention to the details. Sensing people are often content in general. They've got their. Their facts, their stuff, they're working through it. They're just, you know, one foot in front of the other. They're not necessarily unhappy, but, you know, they don't look and say, oh, it could be so much better if they're just content. Intuiters, we tend to be restless. We tend to always be able to think, how could things be better? How could we improve this? And we can forget to be appreciative of what is wonderful in the moment. We can live so, so much so often in the future that we forget to appreciate the moment. So it's important for intuiters especially focus on what is going well in the moment. Sensing people tend to focus on practical, concrete problems and would rather do than think. They're the ones who get a project, get a. Something that they've got to do, and they're like, all right, let me make a plan. Let's make this happen. Bada bing. Intuiters, we see something and we think, okay, let me think about, you know, the 16 ways that this could be done and how could we do it the best? And we can get caught up thinking about all the different permutations and never actually take action. Now you can see how this can be frustrating. If it's a co worker, you Know, you have a co worker that's constantly dreaming and never actually getting anything done. And then that person may get frustrated with the person who just always wants to hop to and doesn't take a minute to step back and consider some of the possibilities. So it's important again to compromise, to set ground rules to encourage the sensor to, you know, don't just hop right to it. Let's think about what are, what are our options here and the intuitor to set some limits on how much time they spend hypothesizing and fantasizing and ultimately say, okay, you know, let me think about this for a little while and then I will get back to you in an hour or I'll get back to you tomorrow. Sensing people may see the, the details but ignore the big picture. We kind of talked about that already and intuitive pictures, intuitive people often see the big picture but miss the details. So we do want to consider that when we're looking at treatment plans, when we're helping people learn how to more effectively communicate, when we are considering recover and just life in general, making sure that there's a nice balance there, you know, you're going to prefer one, you know, you're probably going to prefer either the dreamer side or the detail side, but being willing to recognize that both sides are important and you can't forego one for the other. Sensing people tend to be very specific and very literal. They want you to tell them exactly what they, what you want them to do or what needs to be done. Intuitive people get feel very hemmed in when they have that much rigidity in things. They want you to give them a project, you know, make this happen and they want to be able to have some, be able to take some liberties with how that actually gets implemented. You know, when you're working with your kids, for example, and you tell them to clean their room, you know, you can tell them very specific specifically what they need to do and how it needs to be done. A sensing, a child who is more sensing would prefer that. Or you can leave it more up to them so they can figure out what a clean room looks like to them. You know, that that's one area I tended not to like to let, let go too much. But then you could compromise. You know, sensing people may think that there's a place for everything and everything in its place. An intuitive person may think there's a bin for everything. And you know, so we have like 10 bins, but it's not so micro organized that you've got to Spend an hour trying to get everything in the right place. Sensing people often think that intuitors are impractical because we spend a lot of time thinking and dreaming and noting and jotting and hypothesizing, which, yes, it can take time, but we feel that if we don't spend that time that we might miss out on a better way to do something. And intuitors have difficulty with people who are too practical. You know, let's look at different ways. You know, a sensing person may see duct tape and say duct tape is to be used to tape ducks. An intuitive person may see duct tape and be able to think of 15 different ways to use it. You know, it's just a difference in. Intuitors love to be outside the box. Sensors don't mind being in the box. Sensors tend to believe if, if it isn't broken, don't fix it. You know, don't start monkeying with something that's working. And intuitors, yeah, we tend to focus on the future and the possibilities. Where is this going? How could it grow from here? So obviously there are significant differences in the way that sensors and intuitors approach life. And I tend to be much more, much more intuitive in nature. When, when I'm going through life, I know that I am not good at focusing on the details. I. I suck as my own editor. So it's important that I have somebody that is more detail oriented, that I can count on, that I can trust to do those detail oriented things, to do those administrative things that cause me a fair amount of anxiety. They sort of loom over my head because I'm. I'm always so worried that I'm going miss a detail, I'm going to miss a renewal, I'm going to miss some administrative aspect that I can't, that I have a hard time getting it, getting it out of my head, because I know that that's a weakness of mine. So recognizing how you deal with life, recognizing how you see life and approach things, that will help you identify things that make you happy and situations that promote relaxation and curiosity. But they will. It'll also help you recognize situations that may be unavoidable, that may be stressful, that you've got to prepare for and figure out how to deal with so you can do that ahead of time. What questions do you have about sensing and intuitive? And I will tell you, there's a lot of research out there that about 60% of the population, you know, two thirds, so it's not everybody by any means, but about 60% of the population. Women tend to lean more towards the intuitive side and men tend to lean more toward the sensing side. Women tend to lean more, when we get down to it tomorrow, more toward the feeling side, the compassion, the harmony that motivates us as opposed to facts and rules. That's not, like I said, that is not a hundred percent accurate. It's only accurate about 60% of the time. But it is something interesting to kind of notice just the way that we are wired. And that's true in multiple different cultures. It's not just an American culture thing. What other questions or curiosities do you have about temperament or how to blend temperament or issues that may come up when there are people in relationships that have different temperaments in terms of addiction? No. My experience has been, and I've never seen any research on it, but my experience over the past 20 years has been that temperament doesn't really predispose someone. Their. Their temperament doesn't predispose them to addiction as much as being in environments that are invalidating, contrary to their temperament. When they are in high stress in invalidating environments, it tends to cause more distress, which can predispose them. We know that stress and distress is a risk factor, a significant risk factor for the development of addiction. So it's more about finding, knowing yourself, being mindful of your thoughts, wants and needs and preferences, and trying to create an environment in which you feel safe and accepted. Combining the head and the heart is definitely important. Figuring out how you handle data, but also knowing what motivates you is. Is really important. And a lot of times in therapy I talk about head, heart and gut honesty. You know, what your head says, that's the logical mind. What your heart says, that's kind of your emotional mind. And then your gut tends to be the mediator. And you know, I talk about the gut as being your spidey senses. And your heart may really want something and your head may be able to justify it, but your gut may be the outlier going, y' all know that ain't right. It's important to recognize with temperament that temperament is what it is. And it's important to embrace your temperament and, and not necessarily work to try to change it. When you embrace your temperament, you recognize what your preferences are, but you also develop skills and tools to deal with environments, situations, relationships that are contrary or opposite or different from your preferences. So instead of trying to change yourself, developing skills and tools to, to kind of make it work where you have an understanding like I, the example I gave with the work project. You have a sensor and an intuitor that are working together on a team. The sensor gets the project and wants to jump right into it and get it done. The intuitor wants time to think about the best way to get it done. It's important for those two people to communicate and the intuitor to say, okay, give me an hour, give me the rest of the day to think about this, and then let's meet up and discuss it. So the intuitor is communicating. Yes, I recognize that you want to get started. However, I need to be able to. To think about it. So it's important to. Communication is the biggest factor. Well, mindfulness. But knowing what you need and want and communication are some of the biggest factors at helping people with different temperaments work together. In terms of cognitive distortions. Can you give me an example? Which cognitive distortions you think a person that is sensing might be more prone to as opposed to an intuitor? I can see both people or both types being prone to things like all or none thinking, saying, you always have to go off and, you know, think about 16 different ways. And the intuiter saying, you always jump right into things. You never give me a chance to think about what I want to do. I can see always and never being common, equally common among both sides. I can see personalization being equally common. I'm sure there are some that may be more prone to more common in people who are detail oriented. But yeah, I'm not thinking of any right off the top of my head. But it is important for, again, for individuals to be mindful of their thoughts, wants and needs. And the first thing in that is their thoughts and being mindful of their individual cognitive distortions. A lot of our cognitive distortions we learned as we were growing up. And it's in. In a way as a way to understand or cope with the environment or just because we were cognitively unable to think in variations, to think in abstract terms, because kids are very egocentric and very concrete, they can't think of all the different possibilities. A lot of times they. They can only focus on what's in front of them. And if the thoughts and ways of dealing with life that they developed when they were 10 never get, never develop or never get go questioned, if they go unchecked, then people can maintain those cognitive distortions into adulthood. And it's possible emotional reasoning may be more. More prone and intuitive people. But I know a lot of sensors that can be very emotional in, in their reactions to things. But yeah, I mean emotional reasoning. The counter to that is fact based reasoning. So sensors are probably less likely to be as affected by, by that. But it's important to, to remind sensors that, you know, they may not be emotionally reasoning, but they may be biased in their facts. They may only be looking at facts that support their opinion. Great questions, y'. All. Are there, are there any other questions? Alrighty. Well, thank you for being with me for this second part of the Temperament series. Tomorrow we'll be talking about one of my favorite dimensions, the thinking and feeling dimension. Thinkers are no less passionate than feelers and I want you to, you know, kind of chew on that for, for until tomorrow because thinkers often get dismissed as being dispassionate. And they are not by any means. They just experience it and express it a little bit differently sometimes. So on that, I will see you tomorrow. Have a great day. And remember to check in with yourself throughout the day, preferably at least at every meal. And ask yourself what is one thing that is has gone awesome for me or one good thing that has happened since the last time I checked in with myself?