Serenity, Gratitude and Contentment 6 Weeks to a Happier Healthier You Quickstart Guide

Foreign. I'd like to welcome everybody to today's presentation of integrative behavioral health care. Today we are talking about serenity, contentment and gratitude. And I know we've talked about these before and they come up, but they are so essential, so integral into being able to downregulate that HPA axis so we can feel less stressed and be more psychologically flexible and able to really appreciate what we do have in life. The benefits of serenity, contentment and gratitude. Obviously, as I said, they are going to help us down, regulate our HPA axis or relax. They're going, which is going to help us sleep better. It's going to help us clear adenosine out of our brain more effectively so we can think more clearly. It's going to help our body be able to reduce those free radicals so we, we don't build up a lot of oxidative stress in our body. It's going to help improve our pain tolerance. As serotonin goes up, pain tolerance goes up. As stress goes up, pain tolerance goes down and serotonin goes down. So we really do want to pay attention to that HPA axis. We're going to feel at least more content if we are encouraging ourself to look at both sides, not just focus on the threats, but also recognize the beauty. You're walking through the forest. You know, there's potential threats. There's snakes, there's spiders. You know, there may be a big old bear out there somewhere. But it's not going to be a very enjoyable walk through the forest if you are constantly focused and listening and looking for that bear and terrified all the time. You're not going to approach, appreciate the flowers, the plants, the sounds of the birds, seeing the little squirrels chase each other around the tree. So it's important to be able to open your experience to embrace both the, you know, unfortunately, the threats that exist, I mean, just life, we don't have a perfect scenario. A lot of the times be aware of those, but not exclusively aware of those. Cognitively, we're going to be more flexible. Environmentally, it's going to improve our personal energy and our ability to effectively manage our time. And it's probably going to. When we're serene and content and we just have that aura about us, it will likely improve our relationships, our patience, our tolerance and all that kind of stuff. So let's start out with the serenity prayer or meditation. And I have it in two different ways here. One is more, less secular and the other one is more secular. So I'll just Read through both of them. The the less secular one. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Okay, on the other one, good, orderly direction gives me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. When we focus on the big picture, good, orderly direction, we are able to identify what we can and cannot change and recognize, you know what, some of these things aren't worth our energy. So good, orderly direction, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And that is so important in life and happiness. Recognizing that, you know, we need to radically accept life as it is. The good and the bad people, the good and the bad experiences the good and the bad. Like work. You may go to work and you may, 95% of the time love your job. But most people out there don't love their job. A hundred percent of the time. You're embracing the good with the bad. You're recognizing there are all these great things, okay, there are these a few annoying things over here, but the good far outweighs the bad. And that helps you feel content in your situation, even when you've got to deal with the stuff that you really don't like. It's important to recognize what we can and cannot change. If you have your house built 10ft over on your neighbor's property line, pushing it with your shoulder with all your might, I don't care who you are, unless your house is like a little kid's house and, and plastic, you are not going to move that house. You cannot change that. So recognizing how you're using your energy and focusing your energy on the things that you can change to improve the next mom is what helps us. Give us a. Helps give us a sense of serenity and contentment and gratitude. So grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. And that is the same in both sides. Living one day at a time. When we are mindful, when we are living for today, we're not worried about tomorrow or regretting or feel guilt, feeling guilty about the past. We are focused on what we're doing in the moment, in the present. We are aware of what's going on. When we're worried about stuff in the future or the past that's taking away from our ability to focus on what's right in front of front of us. What is wonderful about right now, or, you know, if right now is not so wonderful, what we can do in order to improve the next moment. But it's important to focus on that. It's important for our recovery, for our health, for our happiness, to be aware of what's going on one moment at a time. Being mindful. So when we start to feel distress, when we start to feel angry, when we start to have cravings or urges, we. We are aware of those and we can take proactive, positive steps to make sure that we are headed towards our ultimate goal of health, happiness, sobriety, serenity. We're following that good, orderly direction and we're not getting distracted by our autopilot. So we are enjoying one moment at a time. Being mindful is, is so important to what's going on. It doesn't mean every moment is going to be perfect. That's just not realistic to expect. But it means if we are aware of the moments as they come, then we are able to make them the best that they can be by asking ourselves, when we have an unpleasant moment, what can I do to improve the next moment so we don't get stuck in the quicksand of misery? Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. And that this, that part of the meditation is so essential to help us recognize that, number one, if we never experienced hardship, it would hard be hard to be so grateful for when things are going well. You know, hardship actually shows us that, okay, this is really uncomfortable right now. So we end up being more grateful when we are past it. When we experience hardship and we survive it, we recognize how strong we are, how creatures courageous we are, the resources that we have which can give us a greater sense of inner peace later. Because we know that, hey, I went through that, you know, maybe I can get through more than I actually thought. Which gives us a sense of peace. It gives us a sense of contentment and awareness that we can actually handle difficult things, especially if we focus on our good, orderly direction or our higher power. The next part is where it gets a little less secular. In the first version, taking as Jesus did, the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it in the secular version, I just took out the part about Jesus taking the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. We cannot change the whole world. We cannot will everybody to act the way we want them to act. It just, it ain't going to happen. But if we accept the world as it is, instead of trying to change the world, then we can change ourselves to be in the world. We can improve the next moment for ourselves. We can adjust our attitudes, our perceptions, what we do, what we think, what we say we can alter. In recovery, we talk about changing people, places and things. It doesn't mean that we are going to change the people and, you know, we're going to reach out and suddenly make everybody around us conform to our will. It means we explore those people, places and things and decide whether we want to spend time and energy around those people, places and things and how we're going to handle that for our mental health, for our sobriety, for our physical health, recognizing again the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot change. Well, we cannot change the sinful world. We. We cannot change some of the macro issues that are happening, but what we can change, what we can address is our own feelings of safety, contentment and gratitude. Next section is trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy in the next. Trusting and this section, which is less secular. Trusting that our higher power, something greater than us, will help us find contentment that will make all things right. It may not be the way we want it to be. Garth Brooks wrote a song many, many years ago called Unanswered Prayers. And he talks about in that song about some how sometimes God's greatest gift is unanswered prayers. So we have to trust that if we do the next right thing, then good things will generally happen for us. Not always, but when we do the next right thing, we are living with integrity. We're able to love ourselves. We're able to demonstrate love and compassion for those that we care about. We're able to experience joy even in the midst of hardship. Sometimes in the more secular version. Trusting that good, orderly direction, looking at the big picture and doing the next right thing. Good, orderly direction, or God will make all things right. If I follow that plan, if I don't follow the directions, then I can't expect to have something work out right. If you get furniture from IKEA and you don't follow the directions, you can't expect it you to stay standing. You can't expect it to turn out right. We need to follow the directions. We need to follow the plan, whatever that good orderly direction looks like for you, so that you can be reasonably happy in this life. It doesn't say deliriously happy. 100% of the time it says, reasonably happy. Going back to hardship is a pathway to peace. Every once in a while, we're going to experience. Experience challenges. But those challenges help us grow. Those challenges help us realize the things that we are grateful for and help us realize the things that we are truly thankful for in our lives, which help us be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy in the next. So there are a lot of things that the serenity meditation or serenity prayer really communicates. And in recovery, we generally stop at the first verse. Grant, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Well, that is great, but you miss. You lose so much when you don't say the rest of it. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. That reminds us to be mindful, to be on top of things, and to recognize the good in the moment. Taking the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it in mental illness, depression, anxiety, addiction. A lot of times we want the world to change, to be what we want it to be. We want to control that, to make it better. We want it to do what we want. And that may not be be in the cards. And we're using, wasting a lot of energy trying to change things out of our control. So taking the world as it is, not as we would have it, trusting that God or good, orderly direction will make all things right if we follow the plan so we can be reasonably happy in this life. You know, that is such a rich set of statements that, that I think it's important to really ponder on each one. So let's talk about some activities we can do really quick. The first one, I call it the angel's advocate instead of the devil's advocate. When your mind wanders to stressful things, when you start worrying, you start wandering to the future or wandering to regret and resentment in the past. Okay, you know, recognize you went there and then gently bring yourself back. You know, don't be aggressive about it. Gently bring yourself back and counter stressful thoughts with ones of gratitude and contentment. Think about, you know, if you've had toddlers, your own, you babysat, whatever, you've had toddlers around, and you go to the grocery store or you go to the mall, and they wander. Sometimes they get curious. Now, for them, it tends to be a happy thing, but it causes you stress. When they wander, you bring them back into your safety, you Bring them back to you, and you try to give them something to occupy them with you. And that's kind of what. What you want to do to your thought. You want to compassionately corral your thoughts and focus on the good behaviors, Focus on the good thoughts. And that may mean encouraging yourself to counter those thoughts with ones of contentment. So if you start thinking about something really stressful, you say, okay, I went there again. It is what it is. What can I counter that with? However, you know, if you start thinking about, you know, all of the stress with COVID and with this new strain of COVID and you start getting yourself all worked up, that's anxiety over something you really don't have a lot of control over, except for, you know, following social distancing and doing all the stuff you're supposed to do. But you can't control what other people do. You can't control the virus itself, whether it's going to spread or exist or not. So, okay, you start thinking about it, and then you recognize this is a stressful thought that is just burning up my energy. I am grateful for the fact that, you know, I haven't had it yet. I am grateful for, you know, whatever it is. So counter that stressful thought with one of gratitude. So instead of being playing devil's advocate, you're playing angels advocate and you're pulling out. You're highlighting the gratitude. Increase oxytocin through random acts of kindness. Try to do one every day. And even social distancing. You can do random acts of kindness. You can text a friend who you know is struggling and check in on them. You can volunteer to foster animals and so they don't have to be in the shelter. There are things you can do. You can walk around your neighborhood and pick up trash that has been discarded. You know, no matter where you go, you're going to find some trash somewhere because the wind blows it around. Whatever you can do each day. When we do positive things for people, when we do nice things for people, and for some people, when they do nice things for the universe, it increases oxytocin. It increases that feeling of connectedness and contentment. You can also, you know, bolster that by using love languages. If you're trying to do a random act of kindness for someone, use their love language. If it is quality time, then do something. If it is acts of service, then, you know, use that to do your random act of kindness for them. Try to get the most bang for your buck, so to speak. When you are doing random acts of kindness, but try to do at least one a day. Start and end each day with a focus on what you have, not what you lack. I wake up in the morning and my prayers in the morning are focused on gratitude for another day. Gratitude for, you know, the safety of my family and my friends. I go through this whole litany of things that I am grateful for to remind myself where kind of where I stand to get the day off on a. On a good foot, recognizing that there is a lot that I'm grateful for. Even if there are things that are, you know, a little anxiety provoking. I'm trying to focus on what I can control. Watch or listen to positive media. The Dove channel, the Hallmark Channel, any of those family channels that are. Have messages of positivity. If you watch Touched by an angel or, you know, there are lots of shows, a lot of them tend to be from, you know, like the 90s and early 2000s that are very positive, pro social, family oriented, those sorts of things. But those types of media can help us feel happier. It can help us believe that there is good in other people because there is so much, especially in the news type media and in social media, there is so much negativity that sometimes it's hard to remember what things were like back in, you know, oh, what was that show with John Boy? Golly, that was actually even before my time. But it's hard to remember that there was a time like back with Little House on the Prairie and Andy Griffith, when people really bonded together because we have become so divisive. But it ignites hope that we can be that way again. Meditate each day. And y' all know I love the loving kindness meditation. That is a wonderful way to start the day. And you can just. You don't have to get fancy with it. Just imagine sending energy of serenity, love and health to your family, to your friends, to your neighbors. At sending out that positive energy, whether it actually exists or not, can put you in a positive space so you're feeling. It helps us feel more serene, loving and positive towards people when we are sending them those positive feelings. Walton's Mountain. Thank you. That was the one with John Boy. Create a thank you jar. And this is a neat thing. And it's a little bit of a twist on the gratitude jar. But if you have a. You're living with a family and you can even do it if you're living by yourself, you can thank yourself. But having a thank you jar for each person in the family and when somebody does something that you appreciate, you Write them a little thank you note. And it can be on a little scrap of paper. You know, we get a lot of, you know, junk mail and paper and stuff that we could recycle or we could cut into strips and write on the back of it thank you messages. So thanking people for what they did, that you, you are grateful for, and that obviously is, is goes to the words of affirmation, love language. It's not going to hit as strongly with everybody, but when you do, do encourages you. If I encourage you to do a thank you note for everyone in your family every day, and it encourage you, encourages you to really focus on being grateful for what you do have in your life. You can use mindfulness, gratitude prompts. And you can do this, you know, by yourself or with your family. And this can be kind of fun to do with kids as well. What are four things that are blue that you are grateful for today? What are three things that you smell that you're grateful for today? My. My daughter made. It smelled like caramel oatmeal this morning. I don't exactly know what she put in it, but it smelled absolutely heavenly. And then coffee, I smelled this morning and I happened to like the smell of my perfume. So those were three things that I smelled today that I was grateful for. They were three things that made me happy. You can write a gratitude letter, and this is kind of like the thank you jar, but it's, you know, you're not going to do it every day. Writing a letter to a family member or a friend or even an old mentor expressing your gratitude for what they have, the impact they've had in your life, and sending it to them, you know, that is a wonderful way to send out gratitude. And it makes them feel good, which will increase your oxytocin, make you feel good, and everybody wins. You can also do it with a gift. And we used to do this a lot when I was younger, making gifts for our neighbors during the holidays and bringing them to them or when people move into the neighborhood, bringing them a gift, welcoming them and saying, you know, hey, we're grateful you're here. You can also. And my last one is a gratitude scavenger hunt. And you can do this with a, a camera, with a phone camera. It doesn't have to be anything, you know, really fancy, but you make a list of things that people are going to look for throughout the day that they're grateful for, something in nature that they're grateful for, something that smells good that they encountered that day that they were Grateful for something they love, something they are looking for forward to that day. Maybe they have a vacation coming up. This, you know, in this weekend or next month. Well, they can take a picture of their plane ticket or whatever it is, but it's reminding them that today I am grateful for and looking forward to this thing that I'm going to do. Something you lost. And this is an interesting one, and this is more about generally people, but people who are no longer with us. What are you grateful for? That they. The impact they had in your life. What did they add to your life or contribute to your life that you're grateful for? They may not be here in physical form anymore, but they are in your heart and in your mind and in for. In what ways are you grateful for that something in the kitchen that you're grateful for? You know, if it's a nasty day outside and you are on lockdown, maybe it's snowy and you can't get out of your neighborhood or something, or it's just a gross rainy day and you plan on staying home, you can make all of these gratitude things apply to something, the things that people can find in the house. And then you get together and you all share your gratitude scavenger hunt bounty with one another and share with each other what you're grateful for. And it can be a fun activity to do just to get people out of that rut of either being bored or being negative or stressed out. Helps helping them recognize and pay more attention to things that they are grateful for in the moment. What questions do you have? What things are you grateful for? Do you have any other activities that you do for enhancing gratitude and contentment? Another thing that we talk about a lot in recovery is giving it away. And that can help you enhance your sense of gratitude for what you have. If you are working with someone who is struggling with something that you've recovered from, whether it's depression, anxiety, grief, even helping somebody who's a new parent navigate being a new parent, because that is hard work. Being grateful that you have developed the skills and tools you have come through, that you've successfully navigated, that you've grown from, that you've become stronger. You're seeing this person who is struggling, who is where you were maybe a month, six months, a year ago. You're grateful for the progress that you've made. You're grateful for the ability to be able to help them take steps toward navigating that situation yourself. And it's that sort of a double, double lesson, double gratitude that can make those experiences extraordinarily powerful. I appreciate you all so much for being here every morning at 9:30, 9:30 Central Standard Time, 10:30 Eastern Time. We will be back tomorrow, which is Wednesday, and we will be focusing on a cognitive aspect of health and wellness as part of the six weeks to a happier, healthier you. So have a wonderful day. Have a peaceful day and take time to focus on doing some gratitude activities today because it actually, it really does help free up some of your energy so you can appreciate the moment.