Spiritual Steps to Recovery | Pastoral Counseling

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I'd like to welcome everybody to today's presentation on spiritual steps to recovery. We're going to start out by defining.

Spirituality and really differentiating it from religion.

We'll explore why the following spiritual principles are important to recovery from mental health.

And substance abuse issues and how to develop them. We're going to talk about honesty, hope, faith, courage and willingness and discipline. Now as many of you know, a lot of my background or all of my background isn't a co occurring setting.

So a lot of what I learned.

About spirituality and treatment started with understanding how it applies in 12 step programs and addiction recovery.

But I really want you to see how these tools can be super helpful.

For your clients who have mental health issues, who are struggling with anxiety or depression or anger or grief and can.

Help them recover even if they don't.

Identify themselves as religious or choose to identify themselves with, you know, a specific religion or higher power.

So spirituality can be thought of as.

Spontaneous joy and wonder and a sense of fascination, mystery, awe and delight at the universe.

Think about like a three year old.

The first time they see a rainbow. Think about the look in their eyes and they're just like whoa, that's awesome. We lose that as we grow up. We start ignoring or not paying attention to the things around us as much. We're on autopilot so much and we.

Stop recognizing the connectedness between all things.

Think about I have dogs and when.

I'm in a good mood, you know.

The dogs are in a good mood.

When I am stressed, the dogs pick.

Up on that stress and they tend to want to distract me so I can be in a better mood, I suppose. But anytime anybody in our house gets stressed, whether it's me or somebody else, and it could be something like we're watching a horror movie or something, it doesn't have to be, you know, super bad, but they can sense tension and it affects them.

The same thing is true if you've had children.

You know that if you're upset and you're holding your child, it's going to be a lot harder to calm them down because children are very, especially infants and young children are extremely intuitive about how mom or dad is feeling and that serves as survival mechanism because a.

Six month old needs you to stick around in order to feed them.

So it's really important that they be attuned to what's going on with you. Now as children get older, they start setting those emotional boundaries and they're like, mom's in a cranky mood today or what, whatever. And it's not as big of a deal for them, but it does impact them. I mean, when somebody in your household is in a particularly nasty mood one.

Day, it has an effect on a.

Lot of things that they do on the people that they are surrounded by. I know when I'm in a bad mood, I tend to just not want to clean and tend to be a little bit more short tempered with certain things.

So starting to think about even just.

How you interact and how you interface with people and recognizing the connectedness and how awesome that can be.

If we have hope, faith, courage, discipline, all these things, you know, we've got.

This positive outlook and we're going to kind of exude positivity. And when we exude positivity, a lot of times positivity comes back. It's not like a magnet where negative seeks out positive, which is kind of cool. Positive gets positive in the real world and negative sometimes gets negative. But we want to focus on the positive.

So spirituality is really what we're talking.

About today is not religion. What we're talking about is a way of rekindling this joy and wonder and fascination and knocking down some of this other stuff that distracts us from it, like conflict.

Honesty builds trust. And honesty is the first is the foundation.

You need to get honest with yourself and others. And I always talk about self honesty. I talk about self esteem and liking yourself.

Because a lot of times we talk.

About stuff to do with others. But people need to be honest with themselves first. What do you need? Be mindful dishonesty with yourself causes many people to deny or ignore their own needs, wants and feelings.

So if you get up in the.

Morning and we've all had these days, we get up and we know we've got a lot to do today. And somebody says, hey, how you doing? You're like, oh, I'm fine. And you keep on chugging. You keep on acting as if you're fine. Now sometimes we've got to suck it up and keep on chugging.

But by denying or ignoring your own.

Needs and not saying, you know what, you know, I had 15 things to do today, but I'm only going to get six of them done. And being compassionate with yourself by pushing through sometimes it can cause additional distress, anxiety.

And if you're not having a great day, if you're on a B day.

And you have 15 things to do. The likelihood of you getting all 15 things done and done well is slim to none. So you're setting yourself up for, for failure. You're setting yourself up for self criticism.

So paying attention to your own needs.

Wants and feelings and figuring out how.

To get those met, you know, and it's a compromise.

Like I said, some days there's stuff you got to do. You got to get out of bed, you got to go to work. Even if you woke up and you're like, I didn't sleep all night long.

Okay, but I got to be to.

Work because I have six patients today. All right, got that. Got to get up and get moving. But what else can you do to be kind to yourself? What are the have to do's that you have to do versus all the things you thought you would get done today? How can you be compassionate with yourself and give yourself a little bit of wiggle room?

And dishonesty with self also causes many.

People to stop trusting their instincts. If their spidey sense, which is what I call it, says, you know, that's probably a bad idea and they don't pay attention to it and go on and do whatever it is anyway and ends up being a problem, then they are like, well, you know, I should have trusted my instincts.

But a lot of times they look.

Back and then they start beating instead of going, I should have trusted my instincts. They beat themselves up and go, well, that was stupid. I wonder why my instincts didn't kick in and keep me from doing it. And when you look back, their instincts were going, danger, danger, Will Robinson. But they didn't pay attention.

So dishonesty can cause a lot of problems. Dishonesty with others, which is what we.

Usually think about, creates relationships based on.

False principles and destroys trust. So why would you be dishonest with others?

And this can be an interesting group discussion topic.

And basically the two big themes I.

Want to come out of the group discussion is sometimes we're dishonest with others.

In order to please ourselves.

We're dishonest with others to get something we want. We can lie, we can manipulate, we can massage the truth, or we can selectively omit certain things.

In order to.

Get what we want so we can please ourselves. And sometimes we're dishonest with others to please them.

We tell them that dress looks great.

On you, even if it doesn't. Now there's, you know, brutal honesty and then there's honesty. But just giving you examples of a lot of times people are dishonest with others because they're telling them what they want to hear or what they think that person wants to hear, which means that relationship is already being built on certain falsehoods. You know, if you have a relationship and somebody says, do you like sci fi? And the other person really hates it, but they're like, oh yeah, I love the Star wars series. Well, then when they start getting into this relationship that's supposedly built on a mutual fascination with sci fi, one person's going to be miserable and the other person is going to be like, well, what's going on? So it's important to understand why honesty is important.

And a lot of our clients have.

Low self esteem and they really want to be liked.

So they may tend to, you know.

Try to chameleon themselves, try to fit in wherever they can, which causes them to be dishonest a lot of times.

So we want to ask them, how.

Does it impact you if you are doing these things that you don't like to do, going to restaurants you don't like to go to, ignoring your preferences, how do you end up feeling? Is that helpful to your recovery? Another question you can ask clients is how does dishonesty affect you, your relationships and your environment? And the last part usually gets people they can think about, okay, when I lie, it causes me stress because I got to keep track of all the lies or whatever, or I feel guilty for lying to somebody. Relationships, if you're lying, you got to keep up on those. And then if you get found out, you know, there's all kinds of problems. But the environment, how does dishonesty affect the environment?

Well, think about what dishonesty does to your mood.

If you are somebody who lies a lot and has to keep track of lying and you're not just, you know, really good at it. Some people are good at lying and they can look at you dead in the face and lie to you without blinking. But I'm talking about, you know, most.

Of us, it causes extra tension.

So how does that affect your environment? How does that affect the people around you? Are you exuding extra tension? Do you get defensive when you think that they might be onto your lies? It's important to think about and then look at how does honesty affect you, your relationships and your environments?

That is, when you're honest with yourself, you know, sometimes you learn things about.

Yourself or relationships or something and it's.

Like, well, this kind of sucks. And that's true.

Honesty doesn't shield you from all the bad stuff. It makes you acknowledge and Deal with.

The bad stuff in your relationships.

Being honest may lead to a little bit of conflict here and there.

However, if the relationship is built on.

Honesty, then it's one that's got stronger foundations.

So encourage clients to get honest with.

Themselves about what they want and feel through mindfulness.

One thing I have my clients do is keep track of these things three times a day for a week.

You know, what did you need, want and feel? What did you learn about yourself in retrospect, going back? You know, they may learn that after lunch, a lot of times they feel sleepy and they want a nap and they feel like they need coffee.

It gives them clues into their energy.

Levels so they can plan their days a little bit better.

It gives them clues into maybe what.

They ate affected them. They start seeing the connections between their physical health, their environment, what they're doing, maybe even time of day.

What do you need to start doing differently to meet your needs? Now again, a lot of us can't.

Take a mid afternoon nap. That's just not something that's likely going to happen.

So if you have a lull, which.

I know I do, from about 1 to 2:30 or 6, 1 o' clock.

To 2:30, what can you do? And I generally schedule what I consider.

My less brain intensive activities for that period. Something that I enjoy a little bit more. Because when I'm tired, my motivation to do stuff I don't like is really low.

So I arrange it so my day.

Is a little bit more tolerable.

It reduces the stress.

I also, after lunch I go out on a walk so I get some fresh air and some sunlight and kind of recharge my batteries, so to speak.

But that's me encouraging clients to look.

At where are their stress points and you know, where are their lulls, where are their needs not getting met and.

What can they do to kind of try to make things fit better with them.

And like I said, it's always compromise.

Get honest about the reasons you're not honest. So think of three times you are not honest with yourself and three times.

You are not honest with someone else. And I have them write this down on a piece of paper and usually six different pieces of paper, three sides, whatever.

Why were you dishonest?

What were you hoping to do, gain or what were you hoping to avoid by being dishonest?

And what past experiences made you think.

That dishonesty was a better choice? So maybe in the past when you've been honest with somebody, they have gotten really, really upset and really, really angry and not talk to you for a month. So you thought, you know what, I really don't want that to happen again. I want to avoid that problem. So I'm going to be dishonest.

You know, it's important to think about.

What motivates dishonesty because there is a motivation.

And then they go back and do.

The same thing for honesty.

On the three times you were honest.

Why did you choose to be honest instead of lying? And you know, a lot of times it's like, well, because there was no point to lying.

And what past experiences made you think.

That honesty was a better choice?

So what taught you that in many.

Cases, or at least in those three.

Cases, honesty was the best policy? And remember, we're talking about times that.

They were, you know, again, not honest with themselves and not honest with someone else.

A lot of times, again, people figure.

Out that they are dishonest with themselves for external reasons. They want to seek approval, or they didn't know how to manage their time, or they just didn't even think of managing their time better, or they didn't, or they're not compassionate with themselves.

So we want to look at these.

You know, why was it better to just, you know, ignore your own feelings, for example, and muster through eliminate excuses?

Justifying your own behaviors to yourself often.

Avoids addressing the real issue. Stress eating is one of those behaviors that sometimes people will justify and they'll. If they're stress eating, I'm tired, I deserve it, I need comfort right now.

And they're not addressing whatever it is.

That'S causing the distress. They're distracting or they're justifying their behavior. But again, they're not addressing what's causing the problem, what's causing them to want to stress eat.

Justifying your own behaviors to others may elicit sympathy, but it also may lead to a loss of respect and still.

Avoids addressing the real issue. I didn't get the job done because my car broke down and this happened and that happened. Make it sound like a bad country western song.

So, okay, you know, maybe all those things happened. That's justification, I guess, but it doesn't.

Address the real issue. How are you going to keep it from happening again and how are you going to fix it? You know, I'm not real interested if my employee comes in and says, I didn't get the grant written.

I'm not real interested in all the reasons why.

I want to know, well, how are you going to get it done and how are you going to keep it from happening again? So justifying isn't often helpful, and we.

Want to look at what happened.

People with poor time management will often justify and make excuses for why they didn't do something or why they did do something.

So looking for that underlying reason, what's.

Going on that is causing you to fail to keep promises or, you know, stress, eat or smoke or whatever it.

Is justifying others behaviors. Sometimes we'll justify other people's behaviors to.

Minimize feelings of anger or anxiety, but.

It may cause you to miss signs.

Of an unhealthy relationship. Think about clients we've had who are in really dysfunctional relationships, and when they.

Lie to them or when they justify.

That person's behavior, they're like, it's okay, I brought it on myself. Or, he had a really hard week at work. So you know what? It's okay. And it's always, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

Well, are they being honest with themselves.

About how they feel? Is it really okay?

And, you know, maybe sometimes those justifications are true, but we also want to.

Look at patterns and go, is there a pattern here? And is it a healthy relationship if you're constantly justifying or making excuses for someone? That sounds like enabling to me, but, you know, that's me.

Encourage people to be mindful for a week of how often they make excuses.

You know, keep a log. You all know I like my logs.

Because it's a lot easier to pay.

Attention to something for a week and keep track of it, kind of get baseline data to be aware of it than try to think retrospectively. Because sometimes you won't remember, you know, well, I didn't make any excuses for anything last week.

Well, you probably did, but let's take.

A look at what happened so if they keep a log, then they can explore it a little more thoroughly. Why did they make the excuse? Why did they justify it instead of just going, you know what? I screwed up. I plan to do XYZ to fix it.

What would have happened if they were honest? Maybe they're afraid that if they're honest.

With the person, that the person is just going to completely go ballistic. Okay, is this based on facts or feelings?

So, you know, you're dealing with, Sally.

And John are in a relationship now, and they're dealing with something, and Sally really needed to something done. John didn't get it done. She makes excuses for him. She's afraid to confront him on it and go, john, why didn't you get this done? You know, I asked you to do it for Tuesday's board meeting. Or whatever.

And John's just like, I don't know, Sally doesn't confront him on it.

Sally just makes excuses for it and says, okay, it's all fine, and lets it go.

Well, when we look at Sally's history, we find out that Sally's family was pretty chaotic.

And whenever there was any. Whenever anything didn't get done, maybe dad was an alcoholic and when things didn't get done, he got defensive and he would go ballistic.

So she expects that from people.

She expects that if she confronts them, if she holds them accountable, that they are going to go ballistic like people in her past have.

So we want to encourage people to.

Get honest about in this situation with John, when you hold him accountable for.

Things, does he typically, you know, loses stuffing? And, you know, it may not be true.

It may just be based on feelings from the past. I'm afraid that if this happened.

So then again, asking, how likely is.

It that John is going to be.

Go ballistic? And, you know, John may have a real even temper.

So you may go, well, not very likely. You know, my dad, my family of origin, people were just all over the place constantly.

But John's pretty stable, so it's pretty.

Unlikely he's going to lose his stuffing.

Is this prediction based on the present or past experiences?

We talked about that.

And if you confront him, if Sally.

Confronted John and said, you know what, I hear all this stuff, but you made a promise to get this done, and I really needed it done for the board meeting.

And if John gets mad, how can Sally deal with it?

How can you deal with rejection or someone getting mad if you don't make excuses for them or if you do something or fail to do something, maybe you, my son, bless his heart, can never remember to take the trash out.

So when he doesn't take the trash.

Out, you know, I hold him accountable for it. I'm like, you have an alarm set. Why didn't you take the garbage out?

And yeah, he gets mad at me because, you know, he doesn't like to.

Take the trash out.

But it's important to understand that that's okay.

I'm a parent. He's going to get mad at me. That's just the way the world works.

But it's.

Our clients need to understand the same thing. When they hold someone accountable or when they don't do something, it's important to take responsibility for it.

Encourage clients to deal effectively with conflict. Avoidance of conflict can lead to ignoring.

Your feelings and needs.

So again, we're still on honesty.

And I know there's so many other spiritual principles.

But if people aren't honest, it's hard to have hope and faith because if.

Everything is built on. On a lie or, you know, smoke.

And mirrors, then having faith that things.

Are going to work out isn't based on facts necessarily. It's kind of based on hope because you don't know what the facts really are. So we're still being honest.

Why do people avoid conflict?

And you know, some of us, I don't like conflict, so I tend to try to avoid it.

So we want to ask clients, why.

Do you avoid conflict? What are you afraid of? What don't you like about it?

Encourage them to explore.

If they only avoid conflict with certain people, sometimes it's authority figures, sometimes it's their significant others.

You know, are there certain people that.

You tend to avoid conflict with?

And what's that about?

What is your fear there that's keeping you from being honest and open and.

What needs to change so you can.

Effectively deal with conflict?

For a lot of clients, there's a.

Combination of assertiveness skills and communication skills.

As well as a healthy dose of building self esteem.

Because some clients don't want to engage in conflict because they're afraid of making people angry, because they need that external validation.

What would it look like to successfully resolve conflict? And we'll do this.

We'll role play situations in, in group or in individual sessions.

But then when clients get ready to.

Approach a conflict, I always encourage them to mentally rehearse the situation prior to.

So if you're going to have to.

Have a talk with your boss or with your roommate or whomever before you.

Go in there, mentally rehearse what you're.

Going to say, how it might go, and ideally, seeing a positive resolution to it.

Ineffectively dealing with conflict can take the.

Form of seeing only how you're right and you know, the other person's wrong, so they just need to fix it.

Or seeing only how the other person.

Is wrong and ignoring their perspectives or feelings. And I give the example of a child doing chores.

When I call my kids on the.

Carpet for not getting their chores done, you know, I'm like, I'm right.

You didn't get them done. But it's important for me to look.

At what else is going on.

Were they sick?

Did they have a lot of extra schoolwork that week? Was there something else kind of going on that you know, I need to be compassionate about now?

Am I making excuses? No, because I am taking into their perspective.

I'm still holding them Accountable. They needed to tell me that they weren't going to get it done. They needed to handle it differently. And be honest with me that, you know, ma, I ain't got the energy to do this this week because of. And my son's pretty good about that. If he's sick, I'll be like, son, did you do your chores? He's like, no, I'm sick. He always points to his nose too, but bless his little heart.

But he is very clear about what.

He needs, wants and will do.

So encourage clients to think about situations.

In their life where there is conflict and what are their feelings and needs in this situation. And again with holidays coming up, there could be conflicts coming up.

So having them think about, because they're.

Already probably thinking about them, what conflictual situations may be occurring and what are your feelings and needs. Maybe they don't get along with Uncle Bob and they're having to go to a family reunion.

So there's a little bit of conflict.

There for some reason. What are your feelings and needs?

In what ways are you right? You know, and encourage them to be.

Honest and validate their feelings and wants and thoughts.

Encourage them to look at what might the other person's perspective be?

You know, take Uncle Bob's perspective and you know, for whatever reason you guys are having a to do, why might they be kind of digging in and refusing to see it from your perspective.

Or holding on to theirs, which may be very valid. So it's important to look at how is the other person from their perspective, right?

And there are almost always rights on both sides. So how can you create a win win? How can you compromise? You know, maybe you and Uncle Bob will never see eye to eye on whatever this particular issue is, and that's okay. But how can you create a win win so you both can survive the family get together.

And that's when we're what we're talking.

About with feelings and needs. You're not necessarily going to get another person to come around to your side.

But what we want is for people.

To acknowledge what do I need to feel okay in this situation?

And maybe it's just for Uncle Bob.

To stay on the other side of the room. And that's something that you can discuss with your clients.

How do you see this?

What's the best possible scenario? If you go to the realistic scenario, when you go to the family reunion and Uncle Bob's there, what do you need to have happen so you can feel okay about things and self esteem.

Because many times fear of rejection or.

Somebody getting mad at you keeps you from being honest.

So if the person says, it really.

Disappointed me when you broke your promise.

A lot of times they may think that but not say it because they fear rejection.

They think if I tell her this, she's going to think I'm being stupid and making a mountain out of a molehill and get mad at me.

So we want to look at again.

Why are you avoiding conflict? Why are you avoiding being honest with people about how you feel?

Encourage them to think about three times when they weren't honest with someone for fear of rejection. And we've all been there.

You know, it may have been a while, it may have been last week, but we've all been there.

So in those situations, if you would have been honest with them, how likely.

Is it that they would have rejected you?

And for certain people or in certain.

Circumstances.

It may be very likely that.

They would reject you.

But then you want to look at.

The relationship and go, is this a healthy relationship?

Encourage clients to separate rejecting the person from rejecting the idea.

So you know, maybe you have two different, maybe you're on polar opposites on politics or something.

And if you're honest with somebody about.

Your, your stance and they're honest with you about their, their stance, you may never be able to meet in the.

Middle, but that's okay.

Does it mean they're rejecting you or does it mean that they're rejecting your feelings or your, your thoughts on that particular thing?

And it doesn't mean that either one.

Of you is wrong, it just means that you have different opinions.

How did it, did it affect your relationship?

Because you failed to address it. So if you failed to address something that in a relationship and it kept going on like, like I mentioned earlier, maybe you told somebody that you are a huge fan of sci fi and.

Oh, you really hate it. So every time you get together, you.

Watch sci fi marathons and you just.

Want to pull your hair out. So it can affect your relationship because.

You may not be feeling like your needs are being met.

Well, because they don't know what your needs are.

They think your needs are this. You know, that you enjoy watching sci fi films and that's a great way to spend the weekend. And you think your needs are going out hiking. Well, if they don't know that, then how can they even try to meet your needs?

And then how did it affect you.

And your self esteem because you didn't address it.

And sometimes when we're not honest with.

People and we're kind of living a lie, we feel bad about ourselves. We feel guilty for not being honest.

And we feel unappreciated because they're not.

Reading our mind and knowing that that's not what we want.

So it's important to encourage clients to.

Develop self esteem so they're not so reliant on other people to give them validation. They can validate themselves, and they can separate rejection or acceptance of an idea or something versus rejection or acceptance of them as a person.

Develop self esteem. A powerful internal critic may also keep.

You from being honest with yourself about your needs. For example, you think, wow, I really need to take a break. And your internal critic says, you are such a lazy bum.

Well, somewhere you heard that.

Or somewhere you got that idea that it's not okay to take a break, and your fear of rejection kicks in.

And you think, well, well, I'm not.

Lovable if I take a break, or I'm worthless if I take a break. So then you don't take a break. You're ignoring your own feelings. You're not being honest with what you.

Need and what you deserve and what's okay. And I would, I encourage people to really look at, you know, if somebody.

Else said, I need to take a break, would you look at them and go, you are such a lazy bomb? Or would you say, all right, you.

Know, let's talk about how we can.

Get these things done in a way that, In a pace that works better for you and have clients identify their strengths because, you know, focus on your strengths. We all have weaknesses. You know, that's just the way the world works. We're not perfect at everything. In fact, we're probably not perfect at anything.

So looking at what are your strengths?

Because that's a way to also silence that internal critic saying, you know, I.

Work really hard five days a week.

And, you know, I really need a break on the weekends in order to recharge, but I'm a good employee or whatever it is.

Encourage people to recognize how awesome they.

Are, because then they won't rely as much on external validation, and they can shut up that internal critic.

Stop trying to control the uncontrollable. Having clients identify three things that caused them distress in the last week will.

Help them start identifying ways that their energy going out. You know, if you are, you.

You have a house that is 10ft.

Over on the, on the property line, and you lean against it and you try to move it with your shoulder, and you're pushing it with all your might, all your energy is going there. You're probably not noticing the squirrels and the trees and the cloud shapes that are going by. You are too focused on trying to push with your shoulder. That house 10ft back over the property line.

Well, it ain't going to work.

And look at all the stuff you missed.

Look at all the awesome things that you missed and how much is it affecting you in your honesty and your hope and your enthusiasm for everything by focusing on this one thing that you just can't control.

So have people identify what parts are within your control.

Maybe you went in for an interview and you didn't get a get the job.

All right, that's okay.

It happens sometimes. So what parts were within your control? What did you do well, and what could you have done differently? What can you learn?

What parts were out of your control?

And how can you accept that once.

People start stop fighting with their feelings and stop fighting with the uncontrollable, they free up a lot of time to.

Pick their head up from their iPhones or whatever and look around and start engaging with other people. And they have energy to do the stuff that gives their life meaning and, you know, makes it awesome.

Be mindful of yourself and your intentions.

Give yourself permission to have needs and wants and to make mistakes.

And then just be honest about your.

Mistakes and how you're going to fix them. Make a commitment to honesty, even when it's hard.

Encourage people to think before they speak.

Because if you're in the habit of telling people what you think they want to hear, then sometimes you may, you know, kind of massage the truth inadvertently. So encourage people to stop and think before they speak. Have them consider the long term consequences of being honest.

How much better will it be if.

I don't have to keep track of all these lies and half truths?

Be consistent and be open to feedback. Be open to the fact that people can tell you what you may need.

To change.

And be honest about what may need to change if the information changes. So for example, if you said, john.

I'm going to help you move this weekend, and then on Wednesday your kid comes down with this really bad ear infection, well, you know, the information changed.

So you were being honest when you.

Told him you would help him move, but now things have changed, so it's important to be honest and go, this happened. I can't help you move this weekend, but I can help you next weekend.

Hope is the belief that things can.

And will get better.

The more strongly we believe in positive possibilities, the more hope there is.

I mean, think about it. When you hope for something, it's pretty exciting. Lack of hope leads to a lack of motivation. People are like, well, what's the point now?

Faith I put together with hope because.

They kind of go hand in hand.

Faith is the belief that if you.

Do the right thing, your hopes will be realized.

So people come into treatment, they hope.

They'Re going to get better.

Well, that's great. But they need to have faith in.

Themselves and in the process and in us as their clinicians that we can help them move towards that.

And faith can be the belief that.

Other people will do the right thing.

And that's not always true, but we.

Can always have faith that, you know, people are going to do the right thing. If you find somebody's cell phone on the ground, you're going to turn it in, not take it and sell it on ebay or something.

Conduct a hope audit of your life. What do you have to be grateful.

For in your health, work and relationships?

And sometimes you can do this as.

A group and it's really encouraging and enlightening.

Other times it's something that people can.

Do individually that can help them really reflect personally.

When they do it individually, they get.

A lot more personal about what is. What works for them and what they have to be grateful for. They won't share. There are some things they're just not going to share in a group setting.

What have you done that's made a positive difference? And some people feel like this is.

Bragging, so they may not talk about it in group. You just kind of have to get the pulse on your group for this one.

But I want clients to tell me, and I want them to know that.

Even holding the door for somebody or looking at somebody and smiling or, you.

Know, there are small things, random acts.

Of kindness, the little things that make positive differences.

If things are going bad for somebody, have them identify three people who've encountered similar situations and it worked out okay.

Maybe they lost their job or they're depressed or they just got diagnosed with some sort of illness and they're really stressed out about it.

Identify three other people who've gone through.

The same thing, which is why support groups are so awesome for helping to develop hope.

Have clients spend 20 minutes identifying all of the things that they're currently hoping for.

Cause we all have a list of things that we're hoping for, from winning the lottery down to getting home safe this afternoon after work.

Rank them in order of importance, and then identify what you need to do.

To make them happen. If anything, if you want to win.

The lottery, you got to Buy a lottery ticket. You want to get home safe from work, you need to drive safely or.

Maybe not leave during rush hour or whatever.

But it's important to understand that hope is great, but we've got to do.

Our part to make everything happen. If worry is anxiety about what hasn't happened yet, hope is a belief that positive things will happen. So hope is in the future, just like worry is.

I have clients think about things that.

Caused them anxiety over the past week, and instead of saying, I'm really worried that, have them change their semantics to I hope that. So I really worried that I'm not going to get this job.

Change that to I really hope that.

I get this job.

How does it change their stress levels.

And their outlook on something? How does it change how they feel inside? You know, when I say I hope that this happens, I get kind of excited when I say I'm worried that I feel like I've got an albatross around my neck.

Encourage them to practice mindfulness by identifying.

Three positive things that happened each day.

So in addition to checking in at.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner with, what do I need? What do I want? How am I feeling?

Have them identify one positive thing at.

Each check in that has happened so far that day that encourages hope and faith.

Identify things you feel discouraged or hopeless about and have clients identify the ideal.

Resolution to the situation.

For example, somebody may say, in my.

Relationship, I want us to get along all the time and be completely in love. You know, those Disney type in love. And we know that Disney's not realistic.

So I want them to define what is the ideal resolution to the situation by breaking it down and saying, what's.

A smaller, more manageable, and maybe more realistic goal. And in the example of relationships, having.

Somebody say, you know, in my relationship.

I want us to get along most days and have positive feelings for each other.

Well, that's doable.

You know, that's something that, you know, is definitely we can set goals to.

Work toward for if somebody's addicted to.

Opiates or if we're thinking about the opiate crisis, you may say, you know, the ideal resolution is nobody is addicted to opiates anymore. Well, that ain't gonna happen. You know, it's just, let's accept it. So go down to what's a more manageable, realistic goal that you might be able to impact that everyone who contacts me wanting help gets it, and the epidemic is slowed so that people are able to provide services and that anyone who wants services gets it. How awesome would that be? And that's something that as clinicians, we can actually affect.

And what can you do to impact the situation?

So in that relationship, again, they want to get along most days and have positive feelings towards each other so the person can be more mindful of themselves, communicate more effectively and honestly, and make.

An effort to use the other person's love language. So those are three things that person.

Could do to improve their relationship and achieve that goal of getting along most days for the opiate epidemic.

You know, for example, what I could.

Do, I could make myself available in the community and on social networks to help people wanting help link with that.

Help and provide free, easily accessible prevention education.

You know, I'm not going to be able to necessarily treat everybody, but we can put the information out there to help people understand the dangers and maybe prevent some people from getting addicted.

And then looking at what parts are.

Out of your control in the relationship. If you're dealing with Sally, and John's not your client, well, you don't have any control over what John does.

And even if they're both your clients.

We can't control other people. So all you can control is yourself. All Sally can control is what she does.

And.

And John has to be responsible for his part.

With opiates.

I can't keep people from using pain medications. I can't keep people from abusing pain medications, but I can educate them about the dangers and I can make sure that treatment's available if they want it, or at least in certain circumstances.

Develop a description of what you envision.

As a rich and meaningful life and state your goals in realistic terms in.

Order to have hope.

If people are hoping for something, they.

Need to know what that something is.

What does this something look like? I want to have a rich and meaningful life. Well, that's awesome. What does that mean to you?

So have clients identify what that looks like and then break it down. What do you need to achieve whatever.

That is this week, this month, and in the next six months?

Encourage them to monitor progress, to see incremental changes and increase their hope so they can keep a log each day of their progress.

Maybe part of living a rich and meaningful life is being more patient with their family. Okay, so this week, what can you do to improve your patience and start working towards achieving that goal? Well, maybe part of it is the first step is to become more mindful of their own vulnerabilities and their stress triggers. So that's what they would do this week, and then what would they do over the course of the month? What are they hoping to have achieved. And how are they hoping to measure that? You know, maybe in number of times that they got frustrated with somebody or whatever it is.

Compare how you're doing this week with last week. So I went through this week.

I did pretty good. Go through next week, keep a log of it.

Then I want to look back, and.

I want to see some improvements.

And if I don't, then, you know, we need to make some changes. But it's important that clients see the small incremental changes, because they're not going.

To go from being clinically depressed to, you know, just dandy in a week or maybe even in a month. So what are we looking at? Number of days that you got up in the morning and you didn't feel like you'd been hit by a Mack truck. Okay, so if we go from zero to, you know, two days. Last week I woke up and I felt pretty okay. That's improvement. Is it where you want to be? No, but it's definitely significant improvement.

And encourage clients to remember that a.

Bad day, it's just that a day, it doesn't necessarily mean you're backsliding. It means you had a bad day. There's a lot of things that could go into that.

So if they focus on that day.

Instead of the preceding 17 that were really pretty good, then it's going to destroy hope. I want them to look back and.

You know, let's look at the past.

Two weeks and see how things have been going. Yeah, today was a crappy day, but how are the last two weeks? Were things starting to get better? Okay, so what can we do, starting right now, to make sure that tomorrow is another good day? Maintaining hope means setting and prioritizing clear and attainable goals. If we don't achieve our goals, we get discouraged, and that knocks down hope.

So clear and attainable goals develop multiple strategies to reach those goals. Because if one thing doesn't work, you.

Need to be able to kind of drop back and punt.

Stay motivated to use the strategies to attain the goals, even when the going gets tough. So if we're talking about depression here.

You know, taking medication and going to counseling are two options. Getting adequate sleep, eating a nutritious diet, exercising.

There are multiple strategies.

So we want to help clients identify what's going to work for them and what do they need to do to stay motivated to use those strategies.

Encourage them to use failure as a.

Learning experience so they can develop hope from that. You know what? I learned one thing that I am never going to do again.

That is great.

So you are honest with yourself about what didn't work. So you are not going to make the same mistake.

Score.

Reflect on times of success and find.

Meaning in what you do. Even the little things like doing dishes. Why do you do dishes? Well, for me, I do dishes because I. I'm a lot more relaxed if my kitchen is clean. That's just how I was raised.

Contribute value to the community. Some people find hope by giving to others and invest in positive relationships. If you have other people that are.

Inspiring you, it gives you hope that you can inspire others. It gives you hope that you can be happy like them too. So investing in positive relationships helps maintain hope.

Courage means having the internal strength and.

Belief that you can do things which may not be immediately rewarding or that are threatening or scary.

And sometimes the first thing we want.

To do is not the best choice.

It's not going to make the pain.

And what we need to do is not going to make the pain go away right away.

So choosing what's going to help us.

Reach our ultimate goals may not make us feel so good right now. Think about, you know, for me, chocolate.

At the end of the day, you.

Know, after, after dinner, I like to have dessert and that I like dessert, it's just a good thing. But it's not necessarily going to help me achieve my health goals if I have two helpings of dessert. So does it mean I have to, you know, have the courage and the discipline to not have a second helping?

Yes, it does.

So I can achieve my ultimate goals. Would having a second helping make me really happy right now?

Yeah, could.

However, again, long term goals, I'm going to be much happier in the long term if I'm healthier and they're for my kids and all that kind of stuff.

In order to develop courage, have people.

Reflect on what they've accomplished in the past.

Because my guess is their life hasn't.

Just been a cakewalk. They've encountered things, they've gone through things, they've survived things.

So what have they done?

You know, how courageous are they?

And most people will realize that they're.

A lot more courageous than they give themselves credit for.

Identify your supports that can help you. No matter how much courage we have.

We don't necessarily have the ability to take on everything by ourself.

And it takes a lot of courage to ask for help and remind yourself that failure is always a learning opportunity. So the courage to do things, you.

Know, you're getting ready to start trying to do this new task at work. When we had to learn our first emr. Oh, my gosh.

And I'm good with computers in general, but that was just, wow. So going into that class and getting.

Ready to try to learn this new complicated computer program was pretty overwhelming. So I had to remind myself that failure is a learning opportunity and have the courage to sit there and try to do it and ask questions. Because, you know, I felt like I was being a pest asking questions every six seconds. But that enabled other people to get their questions answered. So the supports, you know, asking questions and having people in my office that were good with the emr, that could.

Help me reminding myself that, you know.

What, just because this is not my strong suit doesn't mean that I'm a failure. It means that I'm not so good with our particular emr.

Willingness means being able to actually do.

The things that you have the courage to do. So maybe you have the courage or you think you have the courage to go bungee jumping. Well, that's awesome.

But if you don't have the willingness.

If you're not willing to actually dive, you're. You'll tell everybody, no problem. I'd go skydiving, I'd go bungee jumping. It's not a big deal.

But actually doing it.

Oh, well, wait, you actually meant I had to jump out of a perfectly good airplane? No, that's not going to happen.

So willingness means being able to take.

That courage that you think you have and actually do what it is, put yourself out there.

Once you have the goal, the plan.

And the courage, you need to get started.

Sometimes this is what keeps people from.

Getting started in recovery, from getting started.

With treatment, because they've got the courage.

They really want to get better, but.

They are afraid of, if they.

If they get started, what's going to happen. So we need to go back to courage again. So courage and willingness. Typically, you got to go back and forth a few times.

So ask people what keeps you from.

Getting started on tasks and how can you increase your motivation? Sometimes that comes back to increasing courage.

And, you know, maybe recognizing what is.

Important about that, whatever the task is that they're doing and being honest with themselves, if it's something you know that they just really don't want to do, acknowledge it instead of fighting with it, and go, okay, well, this is going to be an unpleasant two hours, But I can get through it.

Instead of.

Trying to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.

So putting it together, it's important for.

Clients to get honest with themselves and.

Others about their goals so they can.

Understand what their needs and wants are for a rich and meaningful life. Because what yours are may be different from mine probably are.

Develop hope by identifying the steps that.

They can take to achieve those goals.

Increase faith that you'll be able to achieve your goals by reflecting on prior.

Successes and getting feedback on your plan.

Muster the courage and willingness to get started and then regularly reflect on actions and progress to maintain hope and motivation. So as clients work through their treatment plan, have them regularly reflect on how.

Far they've come in order to maintain hope that, wow, I've got momentum, I can keep this going.

And you know what?

Maybe I can be happy, whatever that means for your client.

So honesty with self helps people be.

More aware of and effectively meet their needs and wants.

Honesty with self also helps people identify.

Identify roadblocks to achieving their goals. Instead of going, I don't know why I didn't do that.

Well, dig deep, let's get honest and.

Figure out, why didn't you do that?

Honesty with others develops healthier relationships. And it's important to understand that even.

Though there may be the occasional conflict, conflict isn't necessarily bad. It's just, you know, kind of a hiccup in the road. Have you ever driven down a Road for 150 miles and never hit a crack or a pothole? I don't think so, at least not around here. So, you know, relationships are kind of the same way.

Conflict can be a little pothole.

It doesn't have to be a gaping sinkhole that swallows up your car.

Being honest with people develops healthier relationships and enhances trust.

Dishonesty takes many forms, including justifying lying or just simply ignoring what's going on. Many people who struggle with depression, which, you know what I'm talking about here, is especially the hopelessness and helplessness aspect, often also struggle with a lack of honesty, hope, and faith.

So if we can help them develop.

Hope that things can get better and hope and faith that they actually have the ability to make things better for them, then it is.

Then it's something.

That can help them get more motivated and believe in the process.

80% or more of what happens in.

Treatment is dictated by our clients and by the momentum, just like they've done those studies that have shown how much of it is therapeutic technique and how much of it is, you know, the relationship that we have and the belief the client has that they can get better, that this is going to work, their faith in the process and themselves.

Okay, are there any questions? And EMR is electronic medical record.

And I hate those things. I hate them with a passion. They're necessary. They're mandatory if you take Medicaid or Medicare. But any.

Anyhow, you know, I'm just being honest.

I realize they serve a purpose and I have to know them.

All right, everybody, have an awesome day.

Today's Tuesday and I'll see you all on.

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