Surviving Disaster: Coping Strategies for Trauma

Hi, everybody, and welcome back. Today we're going to continue talking about coping after a disaster. This video is on general tips for coping. We're going to get into some more specific granular stuff in the next few videos. But right now I just want to give you some high level things that you can consider doing. Right now. I AM your host, Dr. Donnellice Snipes. In general, we want to make sure that everybody, from the toddler to the older adult, have someone to talk to about their feelings and reactions and fears about the situation. What has gone on now is a very unique situation and we have a variety of feelings and thoughts. And sometimes it helps to just be able to get those thoughts off our chest and have somebody else hear them and validate our feelings and say, you know what? You're not crazy, because you're not. It's important that we don't feel responsible for the disaster. Now, this was a natural disaster, but maybe you were asleep when this happened and you didn't wake everybody up and go down to your shelter in the basement or something and you experienced some problems because of that. There are a lot of things that we can feel like we're responsible for even or even after a disaster that we had absolutely no control over. It's important to check what you do and do not have control over. We can't change the past. And if there's something you would do differently the next time, figure out how to do it differently the next time. But don't beat yourself up over it because that's just going to drain the energy that you need to survive now. Also, don't get frustrated because you cannot help directly during rescue efforts. A lot of us want to get out there and do something to help. We want to volunteer, we want to pitch in, we want to do whatever to bring our community back together. And while that is a wonderful sentiment and it will serve us well in the weeks and months to come, sometimes there's nothing you can do, or sometimes there is just not the right time to do something. So try to use that time to take care of yourself and figure out, you know, listen to news sources and, you know, talk to people to figure out if there are ways that you can pitch in. Talk to your local religious groups to see if they need assistance with food pantries or, you know, stocking up and managing a donation closet where people may donate clothes or food or pampers or whatever. Talk to people if you want to get out and volunteer, but you may not even need to go that far. Walk outside, look at Your neighbor. See if your neighbor needs some help. It may not be something huge that you have to go drive somewhere to do. You can probably provide help and comfort in your own neighborhood. Take steps to promote your own physical and emotional health and healing by making sure that you are eating well, resting, exercising, relaxing and meditating. And I know you may be thinking, after a disaster, now is not the time to be relaxing and meditating. But you know what? It actually is. Because if you are completely worn down and burned out and exhausted, you are not going to be as effective or as efficient at anything you do to help out. If you listen to Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the things he says is sharpen the saw. You need to make sure you take time out to rest and recharge so it doesn't wear you down in the process of you trying to help. We're going to talk more about healthy eating and rest and exercise in the next couple of videos. Another thing you can do is maintain a normal family and daily routine. I said in the last video, and I'm going to say in successive videos, that routine and structure and getting back into your rhythm is so incredibly important. This morning I woke up. We had no power. We had. I had no ability to see outside. It was still dark, so I was scrounging around for flashlights to try to make sure that our fence was still up on the farm and check on the animals and do that kind of thing. And I also wasn't able to take a shower or make coffee because there was no hot water. And both of those are very disturbing to me because I have my routine and that disrupted my routine. Now. I was very thankful for the fact that I woke up and my family was safe. And I can't say the same about some people who are in my community because there were casualties and there were a lot of people who lost a lot. In retrospect, looking at that, I look at my minor disruption this morning as, okay, that was unpleasant, but nothing compared to what some other people are dealing with. And it's important to reflect on ourselves and compare what's going on for us to what's going on for others. A lot of times we'll look at our own situation and go, oh, you know, I've actually got it pretty good compared to. And that can help us reframe what's going on, even though it may not be exactly how we want it right now. Maintaining a family and daily routine also means making sure to get up about the same time and go to bed about the same time. Don't stay up all night. Don't sit around all day long watching the news broadcasts that keep telling you the same thing over and over again and showing you the same images of death and destruction over and over again that is going to suck your emotions dry. It is important that you get the information that you need and then go about your regular daily activities as much as you can right now. If children are out of school, and I know around here all the schools are closed because some of the schools were decimated. If children are out of school or didn't go to daycare, it's important to engage them in some meaningful activities today so they're not sitting around wondering what's going on and trying to figure out why you're so stressed out. Limit demanding responsibilities on yourself and your family right now. Focus on the have to's. I have to get up, I have to make breakfast or eat breakfast, I have to take a shower, I have to do these things. But anything over and above that, if you have the energy, great. If you don't, if you are in the middle of building a new dog house or a barn or whatever you are in the middle of doing, if it is not essential to your daily activities and routine and functioning, you need to really ask yourself, is this a necessary use of energy right now, or can I table that for a couple of weeks until everything is back to a greater sense of normal? And make sure to use existing support groups, including your family, friends, community groups, and religious institutions, to access emotional support, practical support. You know, some people may have, you know, holes in their roof and they may need assistance and the water came in and flooded and now their bed is gone or something, and they may need a new bed, they may need a place to stay, they may need assistance boarding up a window. It's important to be able to rely on friends, family, neighbors, community supports, and even religious institutions because they have a lot of friends and family that are probably there and wanting to help, to help with those things. I personally wouldn't know where to begin in boarding up a window to make sure that it attached because we've got a brick facade to our house. So it would be important for me to be able to access somebody who had those tools and know how in order to make that happen. Practical support, emotional support, and just the ability to know that you're not alone are really important during this time in your life. And finally, I created a little acronym or mnemonic device or whatever you call it to Help you remember some of the things that you may need to focus on in order to feel safe, secure, content, and even occasionally happy right now. Consistency. It is important to be consistent in responding to our children and responding to our loved ones and in checking in with and responding to ourselves. We need to be consistent in our care of self and others, keeping that pattern of. And this goes beyond just being consistent in our day to day routines. If you normally ask your kids how they're doing in the morning, then this morning you need to ask them how they're doing. If you normally ask them, you know how their day was at the end of the day, at the end of the day, then at the end of the day today, you need to ask them how their day was. You need to be as consistent as possible. So you need to check in with yourself consistently to see how you're doing and what your needs are. Check in with your kids and your family consistently to see how they're doing and what their needs are. Once you check in, that's great. You get information and then you've got to be responsive to it. If they're doing fine, well, that's. Ducky. Not everybody is going to be in a state of complete turmoil after this. And that's okay, you know, that is everybody's going to react differently. But if they do respond in a way that says, you know what, I need something, I need a hug or I need some words of encouragement, or I need some practical assistance, then we need to be responsive. Part of secure attachment is knowing that somebody is going to consistently be there. If we communicate our needs, they're going to be responsive. In helping us meet those needs, we, we need to make sure that we do that for ourselves as well as for other people. So consistency and responsiveness A stands for attention. Aside from being reactive and responsive like we need to, we need to step up and be proactive and give ourselves attention. Taking care of ourselves, being willing to do things for ourselves to help us relax, rejuvenate, etc. We need to give others attention. We need to reach out and go, hey, you know, you're doing a great job today. Give some positive feedback, bring some light to this situation. Bring some happiness if you can. V stands for validation. I said in the last video and I'm going to say it again, your feelings are your feelings and they are very valid. If you are feeling scared, then that is your brain telling you that there was a pretty big old threat last night and I want to survive, so I'm scared and that's okay. Feelings are there to help us survive. It's what we do with those feelings that can be helpful or harmful. So validate that. Whatever you're feeling. Guilt, anger, anxiety, depression, relief, curiosity. You know, there are a lot of feelings going on right now. Once you have validated those feelings, have empathy for yourself and for others for what they're feeling. If they are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, have empathy. Instead of saying, well, you need to push through and do everything that you had on your list. Say, you know, I can really understand how overwhelming this is. Let's talk about what I can help you accomplish and what really has to be done today. So empathy is taking that information about the person's feelings and needs at the moment and being responsive and putting yourself in their shoes and going, wow, I can see how overwhelming or exhausting or terrifying this must be for you. That helps us connect with other people, and when we connect, it helps us feel less isolated. And finally, solution generation. There are a lot of very unique problems right now. I saw a picture in the newspaper today of some person's truck that had been dropped right in the middle of their swimming pool. Well, that is not one of those problems we have a ready solution for because that's not something you ever planned for. Having a hole in your roof, you know, you may not know how to deal with that. So you need to have people there who can help you generate solutions to the current situation so you feel empowered and you are able to identify the things that are going on right now that are within your control. There are some things that are not, but there are a lot of things that are just to sum up. Crave stands for consistency, be responsive, Responsiveness, attention, validation, empathy and solution generation. If we focus on doing those things each and every day, then we are going to develop much stronger relationships and we are going to be able to help people walk through this situation and emerge as survivors and victorious on the other side.