Transforming Trauma Into Triumph: Healing Strategies

Hey there, everybody. Doc Snipes here. Today we're talking about healing strategies to transform trauma into triumph. The first thing that we need to do is recognize and address how trauma influences each piece of our daily life and our relationships. Now, remember, peace stands for physical, interpersonal, emotional, cognitive, and environmental. So how does trauma influence us in each one of those ways? And it will be a little bit different for everybody. But understanding that unresolved trauma leaves us feeling unsafe and powerless. When we feel unsafe and powerless, it increases our stress response and has a cascade effect on everything else in your life. Think about a time when you've been mentally or emotionally stressed. How has that affected you physically? How has it affected you interpersonally? In your relationships, both with others and with yourself, how has it affected you emotionally and mentally? Have you had brain fog or have you been able to think clearly and focus just fine? Thank you very much. Those are the things I want you to consider. Because unresolved trauma may not be quite as overt as that example when you're, like, really, really mentally stressed right now because you've learned to cope with it over years and you've pushed it down. But it's just this ongoing undercurrent of stress and anxiety and feeling unsafe and questioning. When you start trying to transform trauma into triumph, it is important, it is vital, that you remember that you are empowered to decide where to start. You may start with getting better sleep. You may start with setting an appointment with the counselor. You may start with trying to nurture some relationships that can help you take some of the burden off of you with other stuff. While you're trying to work on this, there's a lot of different ways you can start. But it's up to you where you feel comfortable starting. So you're empowered to decide that. You're empowered to decide how fast to progress and when to slow down. A lot of people, when they open that Pandora's box, it starts feeling really scary, really fast, and they slam it shut. That's okay. All right, you dipped your toe in, you took a look into that box, and you shut it. What do you need to do so you can feel safe enough and empowered enough to keep yourself safe that you can open that box again, work on those skills, and then when you feel like you've got the arsenal ready, that you can protect yourself and you can feel empowered, then you can open that box again. It's up to you. And don't let a therapist or anybody else tell you you've got to keep going, develop mo emotional Resilience with distress tolerance grounding and mindfulness activities. When you start processing trauma, it's going to be emotionally draining, it's going to be emotionally devastating. Sometimes it's going to be emotionally chaotic. There may be grief, anger, depression, anxiety, all kinds of stuff comes up that's okay, that that's expected because that's all the stuff you've been pushing down. So before you do that, you want to have this arsenal of skills that you can use when you're processing the trauma, but also between sessions because stuff is going to pop up once you kind of crack open that box. Some things will sort of leak out and you may have a flashback here or you may start feeling really irritable between sessions and you don't know why. That's okay, that's expected. If you have these emotional resilience skills and distress tolerance skills, you'll be able to down regulate so you don't feel terrified, so you don't feel unsafe, so you don't feel powerless. And recognize what's triggering that emotion in the moment. And then use tools like FitKat to examine the facts. In this context at this time, whatever you're thinking about, when it happened eight years ago, 18 years ago, you were vulnerable, you were powerless. In this context right now, with who you are and where you are, recognizing that you are empowered and you are safe if you is so important. But until you've mastered those skills, I don't recommend trying to open that Pandora's box and start processing that trauma. Recognize your triggers in the present and again, use fit cat. There are things. It could be the sound of somebody's voice, it could be a holiday, it could be a smell of certain cologne or aftershave or even laundry detergent that reminds you of that trauma. Maybe if you were in a fire, you smell smoke, even if it's from somebody's chimney, and it triggers that feeling. You may not know it consciously, but subconsciously your gut starts to tighten up. Recognizing those triggers, recognizing that, hey, okay, this is why I feel a little edgy right now is important. And remember, fit cat is to examine the facts in this context at this time. So with the smoke coming from the, the chimney facts in this context, am I safe? Yes, right now I am safe. And there is no problem with a fire burning a house down. It's a, it, it's a fireplace fire. Yes, it's reminding me of that prior trauma. But again, coming back to the present and going, however, right now I am safe. And then taking steps. A lot of times you May take steps to get away from that trigger if you can. If your neighbors are using their fireplaces and it's bothering you going inside, they're using their fireplaces, it's probably pretty cool outside, keeping the windows closed and maybe putting on diffusers that have some other scent in it so you're not smelling the fireplace smoke. Validate your experiences without judgment and silence the inner critic. Instead of saying, I should be over this by now or I shouldn't still be reacting this way, or it's stupid that I get angry or anxious every time this happens. It is what it is. You feel how you feel. And that is critically important to empower yourself to feel your feelings. Because until you feel them, you can't acknowledge them and you can't address them. So you feel safer and more empowered until you acknowledge them. So if you're still feeling anxious, if you're still grieving over something, okay, acknowledge it. That is your experience. At that point, you can choose how you want to address it. Do you want to let it go? Do you want to sit with it for a minute? Sometimes that's healthy. Do you want to process it? You know, there are a variety of ways to address ex distressful experiences. Create safety in each piece of your life. And I have videos on setting boundaries in each piece of your life. And I think it's really important to feel safe physically. Feel like people are going to respect your physical boundaries. They're not going to hug you if you're not a hugger. They're not going to stare you down and make uncomfortable eye contact. Interpersonally, they're going to respect how quickly or slowly you feel comfortable developing emotional and physical intimacy in relationships. Emotionally and cognitively, you feel like you're able to feel your feelings and think your thoughts. And other people aren't going to reject you for that. They may disagree, and that's their right, but they're not going to try to change your mind. They're not going to try to take your power. They're not going to try to tell you that you're wrong now you're wrong and you need to change your mind. Is very different than I disagree with your opinion. You know, one is put both of you putting your cards on the table. The other one is the person trying to stomp through your boundaries and change your mind. So it's a little bit, a little bit tricky right there, but feeling safe. If you feel safe in your relationships and you're able to express your thoughts and feelings, then that's huge. If you're able to ask for what you need. If you're able to acknowledge your thoughts, wants and needs in your own head and respect them, that's huge because you've probably been taught somewhere along the way to ignore your own thoughts, wants and needs. And that's one of the worst things that I think we teach people. Once you've developed those distress tolerance skills, you feel empowered to start looking at whatever the trauma was. You're aware of your triggers, and when you get triggered, whether it's at the store or at your house or wherever, you're able to manage those triggers. You know you're starting to feel empowered, you're starting to feel safer in your skin, in your environment. That's great. Then you want to reframe the narrative. Shifting from what they call a victim mindset, I call it a powerless mindset, to one of empowerment. And what that means is back then looking back and recognizing what you could and could not control objectively, not what you should or shouldn't have done, but what was objective. And you know, sometimes there may have been things you could have done that you didn't. But you can't change the past. Okay, so how can you use your power in the present to take that knowledge and keep yourself safer? How can you use what you learn from that experience to feel more empowered and more capable of preventing it from happening again? Reframing that narrative means taking control of it. It's not going to go away. You're not going to ever be able to look back at it and not feel something. You know, it's just the way it is. It was traumatic, it was awful, and you've grown through it. And when you start reframing it to one of empowerment of I'm going to use my experience to help me feel stronger, to help me be stronger. And I'm going to recognize that surviving that experience, how much courage that took, which takes us to our next one. Recognize your trauma, survival skills, whatever skills you develop to survive that trauma. And some of them may not have been healthy, some people develop addictions, some people in engage in self injury. I'm not saying that all of our management skills are necessarily the best, but if we recognize our, the behaviors that we develop to survive that trauma and try to feel safer and more empowered or at least numb so we could survive, it helps us quit being mean to ourselves. And then we can use that a catalyst as a catalyst for growth and transformation. I developed a way to survive because I wanted to survive. And now I'm more powerful I'm safer and I can use my energy. Instead of trying to protect myself from all these, you know, threats that I thought were out there, I'm recognizing that my present is not nearly as scary and I have more energy that I can use to grow and develop healthier coping skills and process this so it's not constantly draining my energy. Nurturing secure attachment with yourself and others using cares, which is the mnemonic I use for secure attachment. Consistently pay attention to yourself. Check in with yourself in the morning. I encourage you at least at every meal, morning, lunch and dinner. Check in with yourself, see how you're doing and pay attention. Spend time with yourself recognizing that life is not about just putting one foot in front of the other to get to the next day. Spend time with yourself because you deserve it. You deserve to enjoy life and enjoy spending time, sometimes even alone. Be responsive to your needs. If you're feeling scared, okie dokie, what do you need to do if you're feeling completely overwhelmed because you've been working on this trauma stuff and it's just draining your energy? Okie dokie, what do you need to do to take off some of the other burdens? What can you delegate? What can you let go for right now? A lot of people start therapy and they think, oh, it's just, this is something else I can do in addition to everything else I'm already doing. And I caution against that pretty strongly because therapy, if you do it right, is exhausting. It is a full time job in and of itself as far as the amount of energy it takes. I encourage people to minimize as much unnecessary stress and as much unnecessary stuff as they can. This is not the time to start planning to have your in laws come and visit for a week. If they are coming to visit for a week, then if you're being responsive, you're probably going to say, I'm going to put therapy on hold for two weeks so I can prepare for them, host them, recover from them being here, and then I can jump back in. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break from therapy because life's happening as long as you plan on getting back to it. And it can be easy to kind of forget to get back into it, but make that commitment to yourself. Remember, you're empowered, where to start, how fast to go, and if you need to stop and take a break, that's okay. Find purpose and meaning by identifying values and goals that are important in your rich and meaningful life and how you can create those and be a trauma survivor. These things are important in my life. Yes, I've had trauma and I can still do these things. Trauma is not going to prevent me. Yes, I've got to deal with this powerlessness and anxiety and that's going to take some energy. And I can also spend time doing or focusing on some of these other things. Acknowledge your progress and celebrate small victories. And small victories can be very small. Like going an entire day without dissociating or going to a family gathering without feeling totally triggered. Now notice I said totally triggered. It may feel a little triggered. But if it goes from being triggered on a as a five out of five to a two out of five, that's huge. That's huge. So acknowledge, acknowledge progress and celebrate your small victories. Recognize that you're learning new skills to deal with something that nobody should have ever had to deal with. And you may be replacing old skills that helped, but they were not beneficial to you in the long run. And unlearning things takes energy just as much as learning new things. Finally, recognize healing as an ongoing transformative process. I went through trauma as a young person and do I still occasionally as a 50 some year old person, have a flashback? Yes, I do. Now. There are very few and far between these days, thankfully, but I still have them occasionally. That's something that's just permanently in my brain. But they don't overwhelm me as much anymore. I have it. I get the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I recognize what it is. I use my distress tolerance skills and I'm able to sort of get regrounded in the present moment. Does it feel awful for a second? Sometimes, yeah. Is it exhausting sometimes? Well, yeah. I mean, it doesn't last very long, but it does take energy to process that stuff. And recognizing that my goal is to have those things affect me less today than they did yesterday. That's all my goals are. I'm not competing with anybody else. How are your unresolved past traumas continuing to cause you to feel unsafe and powerless? How is feeling unsafe and powerless causing you ongoing anxiety, anger or depression, or all of the above? How is this anger, anxiety and depression impacting every piece of your life? Physically, interpersonally, emotionally, cognitively and even in your environment? Finally, what is one thing you can do today to help yourself feel safer and more empowered in your environment, in your car, in your home, at your work, in your head, with your thoughts and emotions? What's one thing you can do to help your yourself feel safer and more empowered from that inner critic, from those flashbacks and as one. What is one thing you can do today to help yourself feel safer and more empowered in your relationships?