Understanding the Needs of Extroverts and Introverts

This episode was pre recorded as part of a live continuing education webinar on demand. CEUs are still available for this presentation through all CEUs. Register@Allce.com Counselortoolbox you I'd like to welcome everybody to today's presentation on understanding extroverts and introverts. Over the next hour, we're going to define temperament. Examine how knowing your temperament and the temperament of those around you can improve your communication, enhance relationships, and reduce stress. Will explore in depth the Extrovert Introvert dimension. If you're familiar with temperament, you know there's four dimensions. Extrovert Introvert is the first one, but we will be going through each one of those dimensions over the next four webinars. We'll identify potential conflicts between extroverts and introverts as it relates to recovery, as it relates to. Relationships, as it relates to a lot of different things. It's important to remember that temperament is a relatively stable set of traits, referring to preferred environments, learning and problem solving, styles and methods, ways of conceptualizing and approaching the world, a person's philosophical approach to the world, and time management. So that incorporates all four of the dimensions. Preferred environments is one of the things we're really going to be talking about today. The extrovert is as an introvert. Temperament occurs along a complementary continuum. It's not better or worse. What we're talking about is just differences. If you want to think of it as balancing out or yin and yang, neither end of the continuum is going to make someone more more likely to relapse or easier to get along with in a relationship. It's just who they are. It's like being blonde versus brunette. Most people are somewhere in between each point. So when you do the Kirsty temperament sorter or you do the Myers Briggs or you do some other version, you're going to be asked questions on a Likert scale and depending on how extreme you answer, whether it's a one like something that you feel is never going to be important to you versus a five something that you feel is always important to you, or the person who answers three most of the time because they feel it's most of the time it's important. But you know, it could go either way. Those people that are threes the middle of the road tend to have more psychological flexibility on that particular part of that particular dimension. So I don't want to start thinking or I don't want you to start thinking that people are really rigid one way or the other necessarily. Now some of us Tend to be a little bit more rigid, but we'll get into that later. As stress increases, people gravitate toward their preferred temperament dimensions. So, for example, I tend to be somewhat of an introvert. I have certain extrovert characteristics. You know, I love presenting, I love being around people, But I also need my downtime and I need my time to get grounded and focus and all that sort of stuff. So when we're looking at temperament, when I get more stressed, I find it harder to find the energy to do all this stuff in a social environment and do this get grounded. So it's more important to me to make sure that I get myself grounded so I can deal with, you know, people and animals and I live on a farm. There's always something going on. Additional stress and vulnerabilities can be reduced through awareness of personal preferences. You want to prevent your stress. I could never do one of those jobs that is just, you know, you never know what's going to happen. My partner used to be a law enforcement officer and, you know, loved it because every day was new and exciting. It was never the same two days in a row that would drive me bonkers. So it's knowing your personal preferences and making choices. Awareness of the preferences of those around you can also be important, and we're going to talk about how that can collide. But it can also work to your advantage as you start to understand what temperament does and understand your partners and your friends, temperaments, your kids, people around you, and knowledge of how to create an environment supportive of your individual preferences. So when you start to get stressed out, you've got a safe haven that you can go to. So the extrovert, we'll just kind of go through that person's characteristics first. This person tends to be expansive and passionate, Focus on multiple things, sort of superficially, they learn about it and then they move on. It's kind of like taking survey of psychology. Instead of getting a master's in psychology, they might be thought of as lacking in focus because they don't go through and get that. Master's may have six half finished projects and find it easy to transition between multiple activities. The introvert, on the other hand, is intense and passionate. You give them something and they are going to want to learn everything there is to know about whatever it is. When we started farming, we organically farm and one of the things that I did was get every book I could get my hands on on organic farming and homesteading. You know, it wasn't just reading one or two books. It was like 17 books from Amazon came the same day and I was just happy as a pig and slop and it was good. Some people would kind of see that especially extroverts might see that as overkill. The introvert will focus on one thing through mastery and can be thought of as being too self involved. Part of this is because the introvert needs some time to focus and think things through before they talk. It's not that they are so concerned about themselves, but they need to figure out what they're thinking before they want to share it with everyone else. And we'll get more into that later. They're usually immersed in a project or topic, sometimes to the exclusion of other activities. And this can be a problem for the introvert. So let me go back on this one. Expansive versus intense. That's great. I mean think about in a relationship, if you have one partner that's expansive and has 17 different hobbies and they're really well rounded, that's awesome. You know, there's always variety. If you have someone who goes really deep into something and is just obsessed with get a hobby and want to learn everything about it, you know, that's good too. But the extrovert could get a little bit bored and the introvert can get frustrated if they're jumping around from thing to thing. So it's important that the two people communicate about something. So maybe the introvert picks up one of the extroverts hobbies and learns everything there is to know about it and then they can talk about that particular thing. Understanding that the extrovert, like I said earlier, is kind of like the survey of and the introvert is somebody who's going to learn everything there is to know. That doesn't make any it better or worse. When you're talking about in the work environment you want to have some people that have multiple different skills, multiple different ideas and then you want to have people that are your expert in. So it's good to have both of them. It's just figuring out how to help them work together. The interventions are on the next slide when we're talking about recovery. And you all know I come from a co occurring perspective and a co occurring field. The extrovert tends to be very expansive but less passionate about recovery. They'll learn a little bit about this and a little bit about that, but it's hard to get them to focus intensely on any particular thing sometimes unless you find their motivation and we'll talk about that. The introvert can get too intense on focusing on One particular thing to the exclusion of everything else. I've seen people in recovery become so intense and passionate about 12 steps that they forget everything else their life becomes. Getting up in the morning, going to meetings, going to work, going to a noon meeting, going back to work, going to a meeting after work, and then going to a step study that night. They want to know everything there is, and they're very intense about it. Now, this can work for some people, but it generally, you look at the balance in their life between recreation and health and wellness and all that other stuff, and you find that it starts to lack. So both the extrovert and introvert can have difficulty with balance. The extrovert has difficulty really drilling down on topics because they get bored easily. It's also important that the introvert makes sure that they're paying attention to other things. Whatever they're working on is really important to them and they're passionate about it, which is great. But they're going to have to take a break if they're involved in relationships with others or they need to take care of themselves. And you can see where people can let their health and wellness go if they start saying, well, I'm more involved in this right now, so I'm not going to go to the gym, I'm not going to worry about eating, I'm not going to go to my meeting. So other things that are necessary for health and wellness can go by the wayside if the introvert is too focused on whatever it is they're concerned about. The extrovert, and I do want to point this out, finds it easy to transition between multiple activities. The introvert doesn't. And one of my characteristics, the introverted characteristics, is I have difficulty transitioning. I can't just go and be in the middle of working on preparing a class and then talk to somebody on the phone and get right back to working on my class really easily. It takes a lot of focus for me to do that, and it tends to be a little bit more stressful. So for interventions, we want to encourage each person to understand the other person's approach and avoid devaluing it. So what is it in this relationship or in your recovery that your temperament brings that that's a strength. It's good in recovery, it's good in relationships to have a lot of different interests, to have a lot of different ideas. That's wonderful. And it's important to recognize that other people who are more introverted that may know everything there is to know about the Big Book, also bring something to the table. We want to encourage introverts to set alarms or otherwise schedule in activities like, like family or going to meetings or recovery or working on their treatment plan to avoid getting consumed in one particular activity. So if there are things they have to do that are not whatever this item of consumption is, they need to schedule those in. Sometimes extroverts are hard to pin down. So it's important to provide deadlines for specific tasks. We want to make sure that they keep making forward progress and remember. And we'll talk motivation and extroverts I think on the next slide. But we need to keep helping them drill down so they don't get bored. We want to encourage partners of different temperaments to discuss their interests and goals and look at them as, you know, sort of a survey versus a mastery and accept that that's just the way that person happens to be and appreciate it. If it pertains to something like cleaning, recovery, etc. Clearly define what the goal is in observable, measurable terms. What do I mean by that? Well, if you take an extrovert and an introvert and you put them in a room and you think survey versus mastery and you say let's clean this room, the extrovert may tidy things up a little bit. The introvert may be down on their hands and knees doing the baseboards. So what is it that, how is it that you define clean? How is it that you define successful completion? How is it that you define recovery? For example, the extrovert may define recovery in terms of not using. The introvert may have a much more detailed description of what that means. So for social support now we just talked about having difficulty making transitions between things and being very interested in a lot of things. I don't like the word superficial because so so often it's taken negatively. Survey versus mastery. You have that kind of thought pattern, you have that kind of environmental interaction with that person. They need different environments. The extrovert is generally easy get to get to know, whereas the introvert is more difficult to get to know. The extrovert likes meeting new people and having a lot of friends or acquaintances and they will talk to anybody and that's how they think. That's how they work. They know what's going on around them better than what's going on inside them. They tend to be very open and chatty and find reciprocal self disclosure quite easy. They get. Extroverts get energy from other people. Introverts are drained by other people. It can be, it's not that they don't like them. It's just that it's exhausting to pay attention to what's going on around them all the time. The extrovert talks things out in order to figure things out. So you'll find an extrovert with a problem will call up a friend and try to brainstorm. Introvert will go into their room or sit down at a table and start writing pro and con lists or something. The introvert ponders and then talks. The extrovert talks while they ponder. Important point for recovery and relationships. Now the introvert is more difficult to get to know and they have to exert effort to meet new people. So think in a relationship how this could be a problem. If you have an extrovert that likes being around people, draws energy from being around people, loves crowds, is really chatty, really friendly, and their partner is an introvert and that's just exhausting, then social interactions can be challenging. You can find that the extrovert will want to be in a situation like a big meeting or a group situation or for parties. They love being at big parties. The introverts happier with dinner with a couple couples or going, if we're talking about recovery, going to a step study or individual counseling, something that is less, where there's less input from a lot of other people because they're just taking all that in and trying to process it. And they don't process it the same way the extrovert does. The introvert is more likely to know what's going on inside them than what's going on around them. So the introvert has taken time. They're kind of grounded. They have an idea about what's going on inside them, but they may not be as aware of the positive and the negative going on around them. And when they're submerged in that, it can be exhausting because they know what's going on inside and all of a sudden they're bombarded. It's just how they deal with things. They like to think before they speak, which makes them seem more reserved. And they find connections with others during post event processing. If you've been in a relationship with an introvert, whether you're one or you're an extrovert doesn't really matter. You might find that driving home after a gathering or a party or a class, the introvert will talk about things or will listen to the extrovert talk and then start to draw conclusions and go, yeah, you know, I actually did think that we had some things in common. Now they may not have Shared that during the interaction with whoever it was, because that's not where they were yet. They hadn't put those pieces together. Introverts tend to be very reflective and introspective. Extroverts are what I call active learners and they tend to learn and process as they go. So again, if you've got them in relationships, this can be a huge stumbling block because the extrovert needs to be around people just. I mean, it's in need. That's where they get their energy. The introvert really needs that downtime. So if they have to go to work and be around people all day long, they need some downtime when they get home. How does that, the extrovert feel? If the introvert comes home, automatically goes to watch TV or have some sort of quiet time, the extrovert can feel rejected if they don't understand. That's just part of this person's process. We want to encourage each person to be aware of the other's feelings in situations where the extrovert may be really excited, the introvert may be really overwhelmed. Finding that happy medium, if you've got to go to a big group thing, how is the introvert going to deal with that and how are you? Or how is the extrovert going to help the introvert deal with it? If they're different, if they're both introverts, then they got to figure out how they're going to band together and do the. Do the office Christmas party. But interventions really are very similar if you're thinking about work versus relationships, because at work you do have relationships, so you want to make sure that you're paying attention. If you're working with people in relationships who have different temperaments, the extrovert, like I said, may get bored easily or the introvert may be intensely fascinated. If you've ever gone to a museum with a small child, you know how they bounce around from thing to think to thing, because everything's new and everything's really exciting and most kids do that. Whereas my son, when you would take him to the museum, you could plan on making it a day process, because he would go and he would read the little plaque and then he would think about it and he'd ask questions, which was great, but he was intensely fascinated with everything. So it took us an eon to get through, to get through a museum trip. Whereas his sister, once she was old enough to start going with us too, she's not as intense about things. So she would get bored and she'd be like, come on can we go to the next thing? Helping the two of them respect each other's preferences, but also figuring out how to navigate that is really important not only for siblings, but in relationships as well. Have each partner share what they need, want, or envision as effective social support. For the extrovert, it could be having 20 friends to talk to. For the introvert, it could be having one good friend. It's not necessarily about the quantity of contacts, it's about the quality of one. We want to explore reasons for feelings of jealousy or inadequacy in the relationships and normalize behavior because extroverts may want feedback or support from multiple people, which is, that's just how they are. You know, they're going to tell their friend Jane and then they're going to tell their friend sue and then they're going to tell their friend Bob, and they're just, they want feedback, they want input, and they're going to think about it. Every time they tell it or ask about what somebody else's opinion is. They're going to be formulating their own opinions. This is their process. Introverts, on the other hand, may always seek feedback or support from one or two people. So the extrovert may feel jealous if the introvert's always going to one or two people or going to that person and yet another person and they're like, well, why do you always have these intense discussions with so and so? And it may be because both of them are introverts and understanding the reason for the discussions and how we process things. Whereas introverts can feel jealous because extroverts have to not have to, but generally prefer to talk to multiple people about a problem and get multiple inputs, even if they've already talked to their introvert partner and the introvert partner might be going, well, what, My input wasn't good enough? So we want to make sure to work on any feelings of jealousy or inadequacy that may come out and help them understand that this is just their process. Extroverts do better in groups and draw energy from people, so they will be the life of the party. They will do really well in support group situations. They'll do great in group therapy, they do good in classes because they like to think on their feet and they like to be around other people. Introverts, on the other hand, like introspective activities and draw energy from personal grounding. So they may do better with a step study or reading their book and then doing a workbook instead, or even doing a workbook and sharing it with their coach or their sponsor or their therapist. So in recovery, we want to figure out what situation is best for our particular. Our particular clients. And when I was in a residential setting, you know, I've told you before, we hadn't packed in like sardines. So the introverts that were in the residential setting would get really stressed out. Why? Because they had never had a moment's peace. They literally could not go to the bathroom by themselves because there was always somebody in the bathroom. It was important to help those people recognize that there's nothing wrong with you. This is just how you're wired. You need some quiet time to get refocused and regrounded. And we designated certain spaces on the campus where they were allowed to go with counselor permission. We had to know when they were leaving the facility, but they were allowed to go to rest and reflect during certain periods of the day that allowed them to get quite quiet time. There was enough space where you never had to have multiple people sharing the same quiet space and helped reduce a lot of the stress in the environment. The extroverts, on the other hand, often during those down times, had time to play volleyball and do other things that were extroverted and loud and exciting. And they would talk while they were playing volleyball, or they would talk while they were playing cornhole or whatever it was. And that's how they processed things. So knowing how your clients process things, helping them understand what they need. Because a lot of us have no clue exactly what's causing our stress. We just know we're stressed out. A lot of times it comes back to temperament and the fact that you're trying to walk this middle ground, but you really feel like being over here. Whether over here is introverted or extroverted, the extrovert, like I said, would rather figure things out while they're talking. So this is the person who has a problem, something happens, and the first thing they do is pick up the phone and either call or start texting their best friend. They're the person who often tends to talk and share a little bit too much sometimes, because when they are in their processing phase, pretty much anybody who comes around can be a reasonable sounding board. They're considered good talkers and are often auditory learners. So this is important. If you've got somebody who's an auditory learner and you are asking them to do a lot of stuff that's written, you know, I want you to go read three chapters in the big book, or I want you to read this book, that may not be their learning style, that may not be their learning preference because they talk it out as they learn. So if you have written material that they have to go through, how do you, how do you do that? You can't just uproot the entire treatment program. No, but you can go through it in bits. So instead of saying, go, read three chapters and then tell me what you learned, take it section by section and let's talk it through. Just like you would do a big book study or a Bible study or, you know, just about any other kind of study where you get together in a group and study written material. Introverts figure things out and then talk. So again, going back to coming a relationship where you've got one extrovert and one introvert, if the introvert and extrovert get home at the same time, this can be a highly conflictual situation because the extrovert wants to tell the introvert everything that happened during the day and process it. And the introvert just can't wait to get some quiet time so they can process what happened during the day, encouraging them to figure out how to work this out. A lot of times I found it works best for many people, many couples, to know that when they come home there is going to be some sort of 30 minute activity or whatever where the introvert can go and just have some quiet time and the extrovert can start making dinner or clean the house or call a friend and tell them what happened during the day or whatever else happened. And then after that 30 minute period, they can get back together. If the introvert has to drive a long way home from work, that may be enough time for him or her to process what happened during the day if they want to think it out. So this isn't always necessary, but you know, if it is finding ways to compromise so the introvert can get grounded and get in the right head space to be able to listen to the extrovert and help listen to the extrovert effectively in disagreements. The extrovert may feel dismissed and the introvert may feel cornered when they start to argue. The introvert may hear the extrovert's argument and say, okay, you know, just let me think about it and then want to go think about it. The extrovert, that's not how they process. So they're like, wait, wait, wait, where are you going? We need to talk this out. And the introvert may be like, well, I can't talk things out, that's not how I do it. So the Introvert feels cornered because they don't have time to process everything, encouraging the two of them to understand that, you know, the introvert may need some time to process. The introvert may feel talked over because the extrovert just has wants to talk it out and wants to basically use the introvert as a sounding board because that's their process. It's not that they don't care what the introvert has to say, but they may have a lot to say and they don't really know yet because like I said, they figure it out while they talk. When one partner is under stress, another conflict can happen when they respond with their personal problem solving approach. So if the introvert is under stress and the extrovert responds by going, well, let's talk about it, let's talk about, you can tell me everything that's going on and then we'll figure it out together. And the introvert gets really irritable and says, no, I just need some time. It can cause some conflicts. Again, feelings of rejection and isolation and all that stuff can come up in counseling. We can help people process, you know, is that really what was going on and where is this stuff coming from? A lot of it is quelled, if you will, just by educating both people that this is a process. We don't all solve problems in the same way because a lot of people haven't ever stopped to think about that. Interventions that can work with these two on this particular dimension allow the extrovert to say their piece in an argument, validate understanding. So if you go back to Rules for Fair Fighting, paraphrasing, making sure you understand what the extrovert has said before you go process, it is important because otherwise you may be processing the wrong stuff. So if you're having a disagreement, making sure there's clarity on what's been said. But before a resolution is come up with, the introvert may need 30 minutes to go sit on the porch or go on a run or go do something to get their head together. Another method that can work, the extrovert writes down the problem, which is kind of a way of them getting it out, lets the introvert read the narrative, think about it, and then the discussion ensues 30 minutes later. One of the cool things, if the extrovert will write it out, is a lot of times they will write it and then they will erase and rewrite to make it clear. So while they're writing the narrative, they're clarifying it in their own head. Now, I said they're often auditory Learners. So a lot of extroverts just don't want to do this. And, you know, I get it. So if that doesn't work for them, that's fine. Understand your partner's process and develop a system to allow them to work through it. Because not every partner is going to come home and say, you know what, I had a really rough day today and I need 30 minutes to get my head together. Just, you know, and I'll be in in a while. So it's important that the partner understand, the other partner understand that, you know, sometimes Sue's going to come home from work and need 30 minutes to take a bath or take a shower or go on a run or do something before we talk about our day. And it's not that I'm not important. It's not that she or he needs to get their thoughts together. One of the key things here, because introverts know what's going on in them, but not as much around them, is the fact that they will have a bad day. And they may come home and have their 30 minutes, get their head together, and then they'll be like, okay, you know, problem resolved, and go about their business. And the extrovert's going to. Gonna clue me in what happened. Because the introvert's fine now. They feel, okay, problem solved, no further attention is needed. Extroverts often want to be clued in, even if it had nothing to do with them. So, you know, you figured out whatever happened at the office and figured out how you were gonna deal with it. Clue the partner in, you know what happened. You don't have to go into great detail. Introverts may forget to ask about your day, even if they want to hear about it, because, again, they're more aware, not concerned, but they're more aware of what's going on inside themselves because they are reflective and they kind of. A lot of times we assume that everybody's like us, so they may forget to ask, how was your day? So extroverts may need to kind of initiate the discussion because extroverts are the talkers. Introverts are the listeners. Extroverts often need to verbally process their day to figure out kind of what's going on inside themselves. And they may come home and they'll be like, I'm exhausted. Let me tell you what happened today. And just get it out so they can. That's how they lay things out, you know, if you want to think of talking as laying things out. So they need that kind of Time. Introverts in recovery may need external feedback for perspective, because introverts know what's going on inside themselves. But addiction tends to be a little sneaky. They may know they feel bad, they may know they're struggling, they may know they hurt, but they may not be able to figure out which direction to turn. Extroverts in recovery are a little bit different. They often are very aware of what's going on around them, but not aware what's going on inside them. So it's important for the extrovert to be able to have someone, whether it's another extrovert, who can point out this is what's going on, and you need to be conscious what's going on with you? Temperament and environment. Extroverts, again, they like energy, they like excitement, they like stimulus. So they often enjoy background noise like TV and radio. And they don't really mind clutter as much because it's not overwhelming. This input that they get from visual input or auditory input isn't nearly as overwhelming, Whereas the introvert may prefer peace and quiet and prefer organization. So we'll start with recovery and treatment centers, because that's shorter. Think about residential treatment center environments. They're noisy, so having quiet time where people can rest, relax, reflect is important. But if you have extroverts who find it difficult to be in the quiet, you know, that may be a treatment issue, that they've got so much stuff going on in their head that they don't like being in the quiet because they start to think. Or it could just be not how they are wired. And to relax, they need to have some sort of stimulation. Headphones can be an option. Going outside and listening to the birds, you know, that's still stimulus input and paying attention to clutter. If you've got people packed in like sardines, making sure that they're keeping their personal spaces relatively clean. I mean, let's be reasonable. It's not a white glove test. Extroverts can feel stir crazy if it's too quiet for too long. Now there's. They can stand periods of time, but if it's, you know, silence all day long, it can be overwhelming. Think and you're going, when is it ever silent? All day long. When if you have someone who is in residential and maybe they're sick and they can't do anything so they're not going out with everybody else to the groups and everything, it may get very, very quiet back there, and they may start to feel a little stir crazy, which could be Good, because it could be motivation to get out of bed or it could be adding extra stress. So pay attention to what makes people motivated and comfortable in relationships. If you live in the same house, whether it's a romantic relationship or siblings or roommates, the introvert can be overstimulated with too much noise. And, you know, it can be as simple as city versus country. I couldn't imagine living in a city where there's constantly horns honking and this and that. And I think I would learn to tune it out, but initially it would be a little bit overwhelming hearing all that stuff constantly. I had a friend who used to live literally on the L in Chicago, and that train went by like every 15 minutes and didn't bother him a bit, but I just couldn't imagine trying to sleep through that. Other things like kids, dogs, television, there's often a lot of noise in various households, so understanding what each person needs is really important. The extrovert usually doesn't mind that much. Earplugs and headphones. If you need quiet and there's not quiet, make it quiet. If you need noise and there's no noise or quiet time, headphones can help schedule quiet times. At home if you have a lot of noise and stuff going on, or in the treatment center where you know there's going to be 30 minutes or an hour where people who need the quiet time can have it and, you know, other people can find something to do. Create quiet spaces. Now, sometimes it's not easy to create a quiet time at your work or create a quiet time at your house, but you can create a space that is always quiet. So children know if mommy goes down to her office that we're not supposed to bother her unless you know the house is on fire. Or at your office, if you have a quiet space where my staff used to know if my door was shut, that please don't bother me. I need a quiet time to get something done, you know, unless it was an emergency because I always had my door open. Otherwise, anything to help you figure out how to get the quiet time you need. If you need that is important. Likewise, if you need stimulation, figuring out how to make that happen. Develop your daytime work schedule to conform to personal preferences. We work eight hours a day, five days a week, so that's 40 hours a week plus drive time to and from. So that's a lot of time each week that we're awake and in this work mode work environment. So how can you create a situation where it conforms more to your preferences, whether you're around people and able to interact and socialize, or you need more quiet time and reflective time. If noise bothers you, you can add carpet and wall tapestries to absorb some of the noise. Because blank walls and wood floors or tile floors are really noisy and echoey. Be aware of your personal stress times and arrange your environment accordingly. So again, if you've got two people who have very different noise and activity needs, it's important that they also understand when their stress times are. Hopefully it's not at the same time, but if it is. Communicating about what is it that I need when I come home from work? What is it that I need first thing in the morning? I'm one of those people who needs one of those cups of coffee that says not yet, not yet. Okay, you can speak now. First thing in the morning is not the time to start bombarding me with stuff unless it's urgent. So it's important to understand that environmental stressors can be huge vulnerabilities. So if you need quiet and you are always bombarded with stuff, eventually it gets exhausting, which can make you more irritable and more likely to feel anxious or depressed. If you're one of those people who needs to be around other people and it's too quiet and you're too isolated, again, feel feelings of depression can set in and isolation. So it's important to arrange your environment so you're getting the energy wherever you need it from. Extroverts don't mind interruptions and transition easily between tasks. I wish I was that person. Introverts dislike interruptions and have difficulty transitioning. The example I can give you is if you've ever been awakened from a deep sleep. You know, not kind of dreaming, but one of those really deep sleeps and you wake up and you're not even sure what day it is or where you are. And that actually happens when you get into that deep, deep sleep. It's hard to wake someone and they're disoriented when they first wake up. And this is kind of how the introvert feels if they've got a transition between multiple activities here and there. When I worked at the treatment centers, I would be working on notes or something and then I would go facilitate a group and then I would come back and it would take me a little bit to get back into the groove of doing the notes again, because I don't transition as easily as maybe an extrovert might. Like I said, my partner used to be a cop. And it's one thing to another you go from one call, you might be a domestic to, you know, patrolling something. So you're going to activity and quiet and crisis and no crisis and just constant. And that's what he preferred. So potential conflicts, which can add stress. Kids, Kids interrupt. That's just what they do. You have to be more flexible with kids. So understanding how to deal with that and helping children understand not only their temperament, but your temperament. Just because they need something doesn't mean they need something right now, this minute, and I've got to talk to you about it. So having them understand where your quiet spaces are is important. Pets, the phone, your partner, appointments, anything that is going to interrupt you or make you transition. If you're an extrovert, not a big deal. If you're an introvert, it can really kind of throw you off kilter because of the difficulty transitioning. So what do you do about it? Extroverts can handle interruptions while the introvert is on an intensive task. So maybe the introvert is working on the bills. The extrovert can handle the kids, the dogs, the phone, whatever. In treatment, the introvert may need time to process something. So extroverts can go do something else that is more active, more socially oriented, so they're not in the same space with the introvert while they're trying to do their intensive task. A lot of our clients would go back to their bunks when they were trying to work on assignments. So the rooms during the day were always labeled as quiet spaces, during the evening, not so much. So it enabled the introvert to go away from all of the activity. Introverts need to be aware of time, and time sucks because they can transition so easily. They can get distracted and. Or, I'm sorry, introverts can get too focused on something and they need to be cognizant when they're doing something because they're so intense and they're not getting interrupted, they can lose hours. I've gotten into something before that I'm working on the computer and I'll look up and I'll be like, oh, three hours have passed, had no idea. So it's important that they schedule, use clocks, alarms, something so they don't get too sucked in and miss family time, dinner, all those other things. Introverts can handle life while the extrovert gets things done. So we don't want the introvert to have to transition, but it doesn't mean that the introvert can't take a period of time and go, okay, I will focus on the kids. And the dogs and cooking while you go do whatever you've got to do. Introverts need to schedule focused time around the needs of the family, recovery and wellness. We say that recovery is a selfish program, which is true because people need to learn to schedule time for their own recovery, health and wellness. But it's important to not have that consume everything. So it's important for them to schedule focus time that is recovery involved or wellness involved. If you're not in recovery, it's important to take care of your own self because you're not very good to anybody else. If you're falling apart and the family and work, whatever your priorities are, setting blocks of time for those things. The introvert needs blocks of time. They don't do well with just kind of multitasking. If you have an introvert in the house, kennel the dog and turn off the phone. You know, Fido can be kenneled. They were cave animals. It's not cruel to kennel them for an hour or two. Schedule appointments so they don't interrupt your focus time. And sometimes it's not possible. My son's got a dentist appointment next week at 2 in the afternoon, which is like smack dab in the middle of the day. No other time I could get it. Normally I try to schedule them for either the beginning or end of the day. And introverts can create a transition ritual for me that is coming into wherever it is, making my coffee and sitting down, and then I'm focused again. I don't know why it works, but it works. So whatever your transition ritual is, not that I'm suggesting you take up coffee if you don't already drink it, but it helps me get my mindset for, okay, I'm going back to doing X task. If you think about it, we kind of do the same with elementary kids. When the bell rings and they change between between different courses, it's their time to go. Okay, I'm done with social studies. I'm moving on to math. Now, each person is a combination of some introverted and some extroverted characteristics. So you're not usually going to find everybody who says yes 100% to everything in one column or the other. Which is good because it means you've got some flexibility and you may not be completely rigid about some things. Remember I said it's on a likert scale. So for preference of not having interruptions, I'm kind of a five on that one. I really prefer not to have interruptions a lot. And the more stressed I get, the Less tolerant I am of interruptions. So it's important to remember that knowing your own preferences can help reduce your own vulnerabilities to stress. So if you know, you need quiet time or you know, you need to be around people a certain amount of time in order to feel energized, in order to feel good, in order to feel happy, well then know that. Because doing things that are in line with your personality, that are in line with your temperament, are going to help you feel happier. They're going to help you feel more relaxed and at ease, which reduces your vulnerabilities to stress, anxiety and depression. Woohoo. Knowing the preferences of your friends, family and co workers can help you understand more about how to interact in harmony with them. Because they're probably different. As my kids have grown up, you know, I've watched them become actually more solid in their temperament than they necessarily were as kids. But my daughter is very, very much like me. She's very structured. 8:30, we start lessons, 10 o', clock, we take the dogs out. I mean, she's got a schedule and an alarm for everything. She's actually more rich than I am anymore. But, but she's also very much an introvert. She gets stressed out being around a lot of people, whereas her brother just can make friends with anybody, he chats with everybody. So understanding their different temperaments and how different situations can make them feel stressed out as a parent is important to me because then I can know kind of what direction I'm going. When we have martial arts tournaments, I know she's going to get a lot more stressed out than he is. And, and so I can work with her on talking about what's stressing her out and that kind of stuff. But I also know she needs quiet time and if I'm constantly hounding her, hey, what's wrong? What's wrong? She's gonna get a little cranky. Just like two people with depression may have different symptoms, two extroverts may have different extroverted traits. Like I said, they're not all 100% down the line. So don't just assume that since somebody's an extrovert, they don't transition well and they want to be around people all the time. And this is true 100% across the board. We're people, we're not that predictable. But it's a good starting place to go. Okay. This person tends to be a little bit more extroverted or introverted. So when we start doing a treatment plan, let's think about catering to those needs and making sure that they are paying attention to those needs. If we're doing couples counseling, let's see if they're on the same page, or let's see if they're different. And if they're different, let's figure out how we can help them complement each other instead of contradict each other. So a quick assessment. Just quick idea. When you're talking to somebody, do they. Or do you think it out or think then talk or talk it out or think then talk? So, you know, thinking that out, my son, he talks it out. He'll talk to himself. He'll talk to the dog. He talks it out. My daughter wants to think it out and then talk. Are they friends with everyone, or do they stay with one or two people? Good to know. Gives you an idea about what kind of environments might be stressful. So if they go to a particular environment or, you know, they're getting ready to go to a big thing, you can help prepare them for it. We were supposed to go to an ice skating event, and I was really psyched because I wanted to go ice skating. I hadn't been ice skating since I was 8, but my daughter was like, no, not in a million years. If I have to go, I will sit on the sidelines, but no, I am not going to go ice skating. I respected her decision on that. It wasn't a mandatory fun activity, but that was too stressful to not only do something she'd never done before, but do it in front of 20 strangers. Can they or you focus on a task for an extended period of time, or do they need variety? Now, this is where my son differs. Both of them, actually. Will can get very focused on something and focus on it for an entire day or week, or, you know, he'll go down the rabbit hole, if you will, learning about something. And she does, too. She tends to, too. So as far as variety, neither one of them is very superficial in anything. Do they prefer quiet or active environments? So these are the big areas. These are the big questions to ask about introverted versus extroverted. When you're forming relationships, when you're creating a classroom, working in group work, doing a treatment plan, the other questions to ask yourself is, you know, when you're weighing or identifying the similarities and differences between you and someone else, what is it that you're bringing to the table? You know, if you're an introvert, then you bring reflection, and you're a good listener. So that's awesome. And they complement your traits by being good talkers but the two of you can balance each other out. And extroverts tend to get introverts to talk more. Introverts tend to get extroverts to slow down a little bit. So it can be a cooperative balance. It's just accepting, appreciating and understanding instead of trying to change or question why somebody does something. Are there any questions? If you enjoy this podcast, please like and subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube. 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