A short YouTube presentation (Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes) explaining why some people develop narcissistic behaviors (distinct from narcissistic personality disorder). The speaker argues behaviors arise from two main mechanisms—fear (e.g., fear of rejection/abandonment) and learned expectation/reward (e.g., being taught or reinforced to expect special treatment)—and describes common narcissistic behaviors, reinforcement/extinction dynamics, and a brief journaling prompt for reflection.
Chapters
Hey there everybody, and welcome to this brief video on why some people become narcissists. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes. There are a lot of theories about why people develop narcissistic tendencies. And it's important to remember that there is a difference between narcissistic behaviors and narcissistic personality disorder. However, we're just going to talk about narcissism in general in this presentation. Narcissistic behaviors can develop as a means to quell feelings of fear as a result of teaching and proactive reinforcement. When people are afraid of rejection, they're afraid of criticism. They may develop this bigger than life Persona in order to protect themselves. They project that they think they're all that in a bag of chips in order to try to convince other people that they are. They may also develop these behaviors because they are taught that they deserve to be treated like they are very special. And certain behaviors may get rewarded if they act greater than life. If they demand special attention and that gets rewarded, then they may continue to engage in those behaviors. Because guess what? If you do things and those behaviors get rewarded, you're probably going to do them again. When the behaviors no longer produce a reward, it often results in what behaviorists call an extinction burst. That means that instead of just gracefully going away, that behavior will actually intensify before it dissipates. So think about the kid in the candy aisle at the grocery store. Their parents say, no, you can't have the candy. The child says, but please. And the parent says, no, it'll ruin your dinner. You can't have candy right now. And the child becomes more adamant in their demand or request for the candy. The parent continues to say no. The child keeps upping the ante until they're throwing an all out tantrum. That's an extinction burst. And it's a balance between the cost and the benefit. If the person thinks that the benefit of their behavior is worth it, then they may increase their desire for it or their demand for it exponentially until they get it. At a certain point they're going to say, you know what? Whatever I'm trying to get, it ain't worth all this effort. And then that behavior may start going away. The behaviors that we often refer to as narcissistic include expectations of superior treatment, being fixated on on fantasies of deserving power, feeling like they deserve to be the most important, to be the most successful, to have the most intelligence, that they believe they are the most attractive, that they deserve the best spouse or the best House. And they may have this self perception of being unique, superior, and can only associate with high status people or institutions. So let's think about this. In what ways can these behaviors develop as a result of fear or expectation? Let's talk about fear. First, needing continual admiration and attention from others. If someone fears rejection and abandonment, then if they require continual admiration and attention, they're getting constant feedback that you're acceptable. I'm not going to abandon you. Okay, that makes sense. Sense of entitlement to special treatment and obedience. How does this develop out of fear? Going back to that Persona, that larger than life Persona. If they project this sense that they they're entitled to special treatment and people should obey, then they hope that people are going to believe that which again theoretically prevents them from being rejected or abandoned. Because people tend to glob on or tend to follow people who are of high status. Look at all the influencers in our world. So this projection, this Persona of entitlement may be a smokescreen, hiding fear of abandonment or rejection, exploitive of others in order to achieve personal gain. How does this develop out of fear? Again, when you are fearful of rejection or abandonment of or people finding out that you're not all that in a bag of chips, then you may do whatever's necessary in order to maintain or continue that Persona in order to continue that facade. Odd. You may do whatever's necessary which can result in being exploitive, unwilling to empathize with other people. This can develop out of fear because sometimes is too scary to try to think what may other people be thinking. It's too scary to take their perspective. Because you're afraid of what you might see. You're afraid of what you might find out. So it's easier just to stay in your own perspective and insist that everybody fall in line and experience things and interpret things the way that you do. And finally envying others and believing that others are equally envious of them. Now from a fear standpoint, if people fear, feel inadequate, if they fear rejection, then they may envy others who don't have that fear. Now they may not believe that others are equally envious of them. That one tends to be more on the expectation side. But I would be interested if you have ideas about how that could also develop from a fear perspective. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. Now let's talk about expectation, the other end of the spectrum. Some people grow up or throughout the course of their life. Certain behaviors are rewarded and they are taught that they are only lovable if they receive continual admiration and attention from others. They are taught that they deserve continual admiration and attention from others, so they come to expect admiration and attention from others. They may come to expect special treatment and obedience because they were in situations in environments in which they were told that they were entitled, so that's all they've known. They don't recognize their similarities to other people. They don't recognize that other people may also be entitled to the same treatment exploitive of others to achieve personal gain. Unfortunately, some people are raised grow up in environments where they're taught or they are in occupations in which it is the norm to exploit others to achieve personal gain. Unwilling to empathize with other people. Well, if you have the expectation that people will give you special treatment, they will be obedient, they will admire you, then why should you empathize with them? Because that's not something that really deserves your energy. So many times people who develop a sense of narcissism or narcissistic behaviors out of expectation just don't want to use the energy to empathize because they don't see the benefit. And finally, envying others and believing that others are equally envious of them. People who have this expectation for continual admiration and being number one may envy others that have a higher status than them. They may resent other people for having a higher status than them, and that can cause them a great amount of consternation. By the same token, they believe that everybody else who is supposed to be giving them special treatment and obedience. They may believe that all of those minions are equally envious of who they are and this is their perception of the world and has been reinforced based on prior experiences. So as a journaling prompt, think of someone who has narcissistic behaviors. What functions do those behaviors serve for that person? How are those behaviors being rewarded and maintained? When they demonstrate a sense of entitlement? When they demand special treatment, how are those behaviors rewarded or punished? But most likely, if they're continuing those behaviors, they're being rewarded in some way. You can learn more about narcissism and narcissistic personality@allce.com narcissist.
