Scott shares a method for tough conversations: first regulate your own emotions, then deliver the core message directly in about twenty seconds without softening language. Deep listening matters most—hearing the emotions underneath words, reflecting back what you understand, and building toward solutions that feel inevitable rather than personal.
So if people are thinking, I've got to have this difficult conversation, it's really timely that I'm listening to Scott, how should they approach this difficult conversation? What techniques or tools or tips have you got for somebody thinking about how to get it done?
Yeah. There's a number of things there. First of all is you've got to Get yourself into the right place first emotionally, because if you're rankled, if you're irritated or frustrated with this person, that is not gonna end well, right? So you've got to be the right person to have the conversations where you may not be.
Mm-hmm.
And you know, that's where the ego comes into play. You think, well, just because I'm the boss, I should be able to have this conversation, but there could be somebody far better. So first of all, you need to make sure that you're, you've got your own mindset and emotions squared away. And then as alluded to at the beginning, fast is good. Candid is good. Clear is even better. If you can be clear and candid with that person from a place of, you know, regulated emotion, you're going to cut, you're going to cut to the chase. None of this feedback sandwich, none of this around the houses, because a person's sitting there thinking, what's the point of this meeting? Right. The reason I call you today, Dom, is. Actually, we've been through this before. And so you've had some coaching, trying to improve your performance. It's still not cutting it. Unfortunately, we've come to the point where we're gonna have to let you go. There you go, 20 seconds. Then we can come all the niceties and how you're gonna exit the company and all of that. But it's like, Dom, do you know what? You've been a great asset. It's like people can see through that. So being candid, being clear, and being direct with it and, and managing yourself is key. And that's the first thing I'd say. The second thing is you've got 2 responsibilities here, not only to have difficult conversations, but to increase and improve the conversations in your workplace. First one is we think we're better listeners than what we are. So we need to listen on what I call level 5. Talk about in the book, level 5. Level 1 is You're just listening for the gist, or you're waiting to argue back your point to prove you're right, they're wrong. But when we get to levels 4 and 5, we're listening about, we're listening for emotions, but ultimately point of view. What is this person really telling me here? Because people won't share things with you unless it's really important. Okay, so they're saying one thing, but what's driving it? And if we listen at level 5, almost for what's not being said, remember, it's not about you. We need to first seek first to understand. The other side, whether it's a client, customer, or colleague, they will give you their pain points, their issues, their challenges. And if you listen properly, they will give you a bridge to a solution that all you've got to do is Well, here's a solution. How does this sound? And, but you've already done the hard work by actually getting underneath the surface. And if you can somehow reflect that back, your understanding of it to them, you've got the gold medal. And actually people are more likely to want to work with you long-term as a result of that.
Yeah, I, I think it can work. I mean, I've ended up getting rid of people and then they've invited me to their weddings. Because if you do it, I think if you do it right, it's not— people feel as though it was inevitable and it was on them. It wasn't you. You weren't being mean or vindictive or whatever it was. It's like you just teed it up right.
