Your Money Relationship Status: Complicated or Happy & Committed

You're listening to Finances Demystified with Dominique Broadway, the podcast that provokes the conversation of money, demystifies all your finances, and shows you how to bring all of your dreams to reality so that you can live your very best life on your own terms. Welcome back to another episode of Finances Demystified with Dominique Broadway, and I am your host Dominique, and I'm really excited about today's topic. And what I wanted to talk about today is your relationship with your money. And now what I've realized in my years of experience, and even in my own life, that most people have a super very, very, very unhealthy relationship with money. Some— for some people it's even toxic. And the interesting thing is a lot of people blame themselves for where they are in their lives financially or the relationships that they have with their money or just the experiences that they have with their money. And believe it or not, it's really not even your fault. So if you've ever met me or seen any of our presentations, you know one of the first things I always kick off a presentation with is asking everyone in the room what their very first relationship with money was. And I always do this because, believe it or not, most of us have never really took the time, unless you've gone to therapy, to see like how our childhood experiences have so much to do with where we are in life, with how we manage our money, with how we handle our relationships with our significant others, with how we handle our relationships with friends. Um, and it's really interesting. And when you take the time to stop and think about like, oh man, I remember as a kid, my mom or dad telling me not to answer the phone because it's probably a bill collector or someone who's calling to ask for money. And this is before CallRD. But anyway, and because of that, you got into this habit of being scared to answer the phone, being scared to open your mail because you think it's someone that's going to be trying to ask you for money. And you feel like if someone's asking you for money, you need to duck it, right? That's just one situation. But all these different experiences that we have, or if you were asking your parents for money and they were like, no, no, I don't have it, we don't have it. What do you think, money grows on trees? You start to create this mindset of scarcity. Like, we don't have money. Money isn't something that's abundant. It doesn't grow on trees, which it doesn't, but it's not something that's ready and available to you, and you create this mindset of scarcity. So It's really interesting. So, you know, a lot of us, like I said, as, as children are coming into adults, you know, a lot of people inherit money, right? Not a lot, but a decent amount of people inherit money when someone passes and things of that nature. But for most people, you're really just inheriting a really bad relationship with money. And it has like these bad experiences that you have literally will carry with you through your entire life. It's, it's super, super interesting. So I think it's really important for people to take that first step, and I challenge all of you to ask yourself, like, what was my first relationship with money? And once you identify what that relationship with money is, start to think about how is it affecting you, you know. How did those first experiences with money— how are they affecting you now? How are they affecting you in your career? How are they affecting you as you try to reach your financial goals? Like, What are they doing to you? And it's interesting because even, like, I guess America in general will, even with certain careers, they'll always say, like, oh, if you're a social worker, you're never going to make any money. And that's not necessarily true, right? Or they say, oh, if you get into teaching, you'll always be poor. You won't make any money at all. And that's not the case. But it puts a lot of students who are getting into these careers into a mindset of scarcity, and they feel like they never will have a lot. And just because they are helping people, that they're almost not allowed to be wealthy, to have this positive relationship with money. And it's super, super— it's really interesting. I think it's really interesting. Like I said, I challenge all of you to think about your first experiences and how they're impacting you now and what your relationship with money is. When you think about money, do you feel like you are, I don't know, like, do you get nervous? Like, I literally have people that I've worked with or people that I know who anytime you bring up the topic of money, they just literally freak out. They're like, oh my God, I don't wanna talk about that. Oh my God, it stresses me out. And just the thought of money, the thought of making the money, spending the money, having to manage the money literally will like just give them an anxiety attack. Which means they have a super— they have a really bad relationship with money. I've worked with clients who have literally, you know, came to my office and brung a stack of envelopes from months and months and months, like literally from months and months and months that they have not opened because they're so freaking scared of opening them because they don't know what's inside. And the interesting thing is when you go— when you have this negative relationship with money, because I had a very short stint in my life, but I had a negative relationship with money, and I'm definitely going to I'm going to tell you that whole story very soon. But I was the same way. I was so scared to open the mail because I knew that I owed and I knew that I didn't have the money to pay the bills point blank. And it was literally me sitting down with my grandfather and saying, okay, Papa, I've really messed myself up. Can you just help me get through this? And you know, he was able to sit down and just help me go through, open the envelopes and open, get everything open and realize that, you know, I think the interesting thing is we realized that I was not in, I was nowhere in as bad of a financial situation as I thought that I was. And that was what was eye-opening. Because when we have this, this, you know, sometimes it's not a long-term negative relationship with money. Sometimes people can have a short-term negative relationship with money. And even during that short stint, um, you can build your financial problems up so big to be this giant monster that's in your brain. And you realize it really is not that big once you take the time to to look at your entire financial situation and see where you truly, truly are. So if you have this unhealthy or negative relationship with money, I can guarantee you that you will never, ever be able to create the abundance, um, or create the wealth that you want. Like, you have to start working on that relationship, and you have to change, um, that relationship with your money so that your whole financial world, your financial life, your feelings, everything about money will be different. Right. And so I wanted to give you guys just a couple of ways that, you know, I think helped, you know, me. I mean, I didn't actually have a negative relationship with money growing up, but just has helped a lot of people to, to make, to really start making that shift, you know? And I think one of, one of the biggest things, um, that I know and read is that you really have to think about, are you focusing on your lack of and scarcity. Because if you're focusing on your lack of and your scarcity, you will never be able to create abundance. So instead of focusing on your lack and your lack of and your scarcity, you need to be focusing on abundance. You need to be focusing on prosperity. You need to believe that money can come easily. You need to believe that money can come frequently. And instead of complaining and say, oh my gosh, I have this bill. I'm sure I don't want to go to the mailbox. I'm sure it's full of bills. I don't want to open my email. I'm sure it's full of bills. Think about, no, you know, I have abundance coming. Wealth is coming. Checks are coming. Money's coming in. Bonuses are coming. Money's coming my way. I can handle the bills that are coming because I am wealthy. That's really how you start to build that wealth mindset and to start changing your relationship with money. And I think another thing that people do Um, is they think that their background, their IQ, social status, whatever, whatever, you know, is, is really what's keeping them from having this money or is keeping them from earning money. And you have to realize and shift your mindset and understand that those things don't matter. Most of the richest people on the planet right now, such as Oprah, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, um, who else? No, I think, I think even, uh, Richard Branson. None of them have finished college. So it shows you that college and having these certain pedigrees do not equal necessarily having money. It's about having that wealthy mindset and having a good idea, right? A good idea that can service people and solve people's problems. Another thing you need to do is start expecting to make loads of money. Like, think big, think really big. And I remember as a kid, I always, like, when I was in high school, I used to post pictures of G500 Mercedes trucks and Bentleys on my wall. And I would go online and order yacht books. Literally, I would get yacht books sent to the house and my mom be like, where are these coming from? Like, oh, one day I'm going to have a yacht. I'm just, I just wanted to, you know, see what my options are. And I was looking for yachts in high school. And we did not have any money at all to buy yachts. My mom's actually like petrified of like water. But anyway, um, but I was thinking in abundance. I was thinking about wealth. I was picturing what I wanted my future life to look like. Like, how much money do you want to make? Is it $150,000, $500,000, a million? Expect that and think about that on a daily basis. Not once a year. Think about it on a daily basis. Um, another thing that we can do is think about, you know, for the entrepreneurs, think about what problem can you solve for other people. Not necessarily like— I meet people all the time like, oh Dominique, I want to start a business, but I don't know what type of business to start. It's not about starting a business, it's about figuring out what problem can you solve. What problem can you solve to help a lot of people? What huge problem can you solve to help a lot of people? Because if you are servicing people, you deserve to make a ton of money, point blank. Like, if you're helping people and you're helping them solve a problem, the money will come your way. And I remember when I started my, my company after being, you know, working in the financial services industry and working exclusively with high net worth clients, people were telling me that I could never make money helping people that did not have money. And that honestly just pissed me off. I'm like, that's not true. Like, I can still make money helping people that don't have money because at the end of the day, there's a lot more people that don't have millions and millions of dollars versus the couple of people that do have millions and millions of dollars. So I'm going to go after the 99% and I'm going to help the 99%, not the 1%, get their finances together and understand their money. There's a huge market there and I can solve a huge problem because no one else is looking to help those people. So I knew that. I knew the problem that I wanted to solve. And once I figured out what problem I wanted to solve, the money started coming my way. I was helping people and I believed in the abundance and the prosperity of the work that I was doing and that it was going to change people's lives. Another thing you can do, or another thing that you should kind of think about, is if you really believe that abundance is available to everyone, not just you, but to everyone, that you'll end up attracting your own abundance. So this even means making sure that you're surrounding yourself by people who, um, not just are wealthy, but think wealthy and want to be wealthy? Are you hanging out with friends who have a scarcity mindset, who are always paycheck to paycheck, who don't want to move forward in life? That's who you're going to end up being like. As they say, I think you are, um, like a product of the, the 5 people you spend the most time talking to, or something like that. I probably jacked up that quote, but it's true. Um, you have to believe that abundance is not just for you, it's for everyone else. Another thing is paying attention to your money. Like, if you have no idea where your money is going, how in the hell do you ever think that you're gonna be able to have a healthy relationship? It's almost like being in a relationship— you being in a relationship with someone and never knowing where they are. That's, that's a relationship that's, that's failing, right? Or, um, if you, you know, if, if you're not doing a good job of keeping track of the money that you have now the little money, the big money, whatever that you have. When you have more money, when you have more money, um, it's, it's— the situation isn't going to change. You're still not going to know where it is. You're still going to have a bad relationship with it. And you almost just need to think of it— always say, you know, your money doesn't want a one-night stand. It wants a long-term relationship. It wants to be around for a while. And for most people, as soon as their money comes in, it goes straight back out like a one-night stand. And instead of that, you need to stop ignoring your money, start appreciating your money and keeping your money around, thinking happy with it, being abundant about it is really what it's all about. And you have to realize that like no one is going to make you rich. Like no one is going to just drop $100,000, you know, $1 million on you. That's not— I mean, it happens, people do hit the lottery, but for most people, that's not how it's going to be. So you have to start nourishing and appreciating the money that you have so that you can attract more of it, more of it to you. And I think another issue that people have with a scarcity mindset is they think that money is not important, and it is important. Like, stop faking. Like, there's no way in hell that you could live your life without money. It's just not going to work that way unless you like go off and like live in the jungle somewhere. Totally possible. But you know, Who's trying to do that? I'm not. Um, but money is important in this world we live in. You got to have a place to live, food, clothes, um, medical, uh, services, things of that nature. Like, these are the things that we need to stay alive and to live a happy and abundant life. And if you don't have money, you can't do that. So people need to stop acting like money isn't important. Money is important. It is what makes the world go around. You get up every single morning and your, your goal is not to not make money. You're not saying, oh, I want to go to this job and not make money. No, you need to make money. You need clothes, your, your kids need clothes, you need food, you want to go on vacation, you want to experience life. Money is important. Stop acting like it's not, okay? Stop acting like it's not. So developing this healthy relationship with money, like I said, is critical. And I want you guys to put some of these, um, some of these, uh, just kind of things that I mentioned, action items in, in place, and start Thinking abundant, thinking about the money that you want to come your way. I mean, if you wake up every single day and just say, today's gonna be abundant, today's gonna be prosperous, today money's gonna come my way, um, things like that, like literally just a habit. And I do this, I try to say this, like, this is gonna be an extremely prosperous day for me, it's gonna be extremely abundant day for me, I'm gonna help a lot of people, I'm gonna make a lot of money. There's nothing wrong with that, that's not greedy at all. It's not greedy at all. So I challenge all of you guys to think about and start implementing some of the things that I said, because I want each of you to have an extremely healthy relationship with money so we can start building wealth and, and living the lives that we want to live. And living the lives that we want to live. That's what it's all about. That's what— that's why we're here. We're here to help people and live our very best lives. So on this note, Cheers to all of you to having a wealthy, prosperous, abundant day each and every day. And I'll talk to you all soon. Bye-bye.