It’s Not All Sunshine: What to Do When Life Gets Hard and You’re Off Your Game

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company, I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You too can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life. Donnie Rouse here. And today I have a question for you. How do you respond when life throws you off course or when. When you feel like life is against you? The reason for this episode here was because of some of the emotions that I was going through earlier today and my intention behind coming here now and doing this live. It is about 9 o' clock at night. I typically don't show up this late at night because my brain has a hard time completing sentences. But the reason I'm here is because I want to share an experience, because I know if I'm going through this. Likely you are. And we tend to have a negativity bias towards ourselves, meaning when we look out into the world, we tend to think that everyone else is doing amazing. There's no problems whatsoever. But then when we look into the mirror, we look at our own lives, we feel like there's something wrong with us, like there is a problem and we feel deficient or that we are lacking in some way. So this one is for you to. For you to realize that you do not lack anything, that this is just part of the course. And so what I'll do is I'm going to give you kind of five ways to. Whenever you're feeling that, five ways or strategies to step outside of that. But before I go there, let's first touch upon exactly that. We tend to think that everyone else has it easy. And then when we look into the mirror and we look at the problems in our life, we tend to wonder why? Like, why is it so tough? Why do things happen? Why are there so many challenges? Why doesn't this just go right? And we create a negativity bias for our. Towards ourselves, not realizing that everybody goes through very similar challenges. If you don't believe me, just whatever you're getting challenged with, do a post online. Make it. Make it make it social or bring it. Put it out in the public and see how many people respond. If you're vulnerable, I guarantee you that people will say, yeah, you know what? I feel that too. I don't really share it, but yeah, that's me. And they'll raise their hand and they'll support you. The problem is when you don't share, you tend to isolate and you tend to go deeper and deeper. So the, the in the. Again, it's point. I want to point to the negativity bias. The, the bias that makes you think that everything on. Else around you is going well. And while. And you're doing horrible inside. That's just not the case. I was having a conversation with a friend and when I would share some of the things that I was having a hard time with, she would respond like, you, Donnie, really you. And it would annoy me because I'm like, well, yeah, I'm human, right? And what I want you to realize is that this is all part of the journey. And the most important thing is how you respond despite or in spite of the challenge that you are facing. So earlier today I woke up and I had been feeling a little. I had been feeling off. And the reason I had been feeling off, well, many things. Concern for. Concern for, you know, for some loved ones, things with my business in terms of how I was going to move forward. This is going to require some big steps. And as a result, there is some uncertainty there. So it's going to, you know, because I don't know what the future is going to be, I have to take these steps in faith. So I've been waking up with feeling in this funk. And then earlier today I had a call with one of the, One of the labs that I would be working on my formulation with. So we're going through the entire phone call and this is not, you know, the price tag is not a small price tag. It's. It's fairly big. Probably one of the basic biggest expenses that I've had in my business up until this point. Although I shouldn't say have yet because I haven't signed that contract. But during the call with this, with this person, we were talking about it and we're going through the proposal and what the offers were, the a la carte services. And I quickly realized after I hung up the phone, I'm like, I mean, I guess I'm paying to use their facility, but I mean, where I would be producing the product. Like, I'm really, I'm doing the research. I'm going to be the one determining that the formulation, how the products composed, like, they were like, you know, you should request all the samples. Otherwise we charge X, Y and Z. I'm like, well, so, all right, so I'm doing that. What am I really paying them for? And all of a sudden I was confronted and I started to get feel overwhelmed because this was. I mean, I've been doing this coffee beverage for the last 15 years of my life. And this is not the first time that I've looked to formulate it so this way I could produce it on a larger scale. I've been doing this since I started, right? So all of a sudden now I'm like, holy shit, here we go, like all over again. And I started to doubt, I started to spiral. And then I'm standing in my room and I just felt like I wanted to leave the house. But I had a hard time leaving because I would. Like the moment I would try to leave somewhere, some. Some way, how. Or I would find myself back in my rooms, cleaning, doing something other than leaving the environment I was in just to change my. Change my physiology, move my body. So this feeling, it was just. I felt defeated. I felt like things aren't going my way and that they would never go my way. To add to the fuel to the fire, I was online. I was importing my contacts from my RouseCoffee mailing list over to my donnyrouse.com mailing list. If you're part of the RouseCoffee mailing list, why am I doing that? The reason I'm doing that is because of the overarching theme of savoring life. Right? Donnyrouse.com is about savoring life. Rouse Coffee is about savoring the moment. Keyword saver. So in that. In the process of importing those contacts, it wasn't working. It was taking so long. Like, I couldn't figure out why the import wasn't happening. Like, it wasn't. When I exported the contacts, it just wasn't happening. I'm like, what the frig is going on? I hate you, activecampaign. And I do really dislike that platform. And I'm saying it very nicely here right now. And then I want to do it, do my journaling. And the Growth Day app that I use for doing my journaling, it froze. It completely died. And I couldn't read. Like, I didn't have my glasses on, right? Because there was a notice that popped up that said something about a service, service error or there was a Problem, right. The announcement came up. I couldn't even see it because I didn't have. I wasn't wearing my glasses, so it was hard for me to read the small font on the screen. Right? So all of a sudden, I noticed myself creating a story in my mind. And I'm thinking to myself, why is this happening to me? Have you ever had that problem or have you ever found yourself saying that that is the problem is that you find yourself saying, why is this happening to you? But when I quickly realized it was like. And I snapped out of it right when I heard myself say that, I'm like, why is it happening to me? That's. It's not happening to me. It happened, right? The loss of service on the. Whatever the cloud services are for, the journaling app, the extra time is taking to import or export these contacts, it's not happening to me, right? The fault is thinking that life is throwing you something that, that you don't want when really it's just happening. It's just life. So if you're doing that, number one, realize that nothing is happening. It's just the story that you're putting on it. So when you are feeling this, what do you do? Like, how do you get out of it? How do you change course and start to go on the up and up, lifting yourself from that bottom pit that you were just in? And I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you some ideas and strategies for how I. You. How I got out of this today. The number one was finding the gifts. Like, I dabbled in this, but then I also needed my coach to help me get some mindset on it. And so I would say, well, what are the gifts here? Right? What are the gifts? And it happened right after I hung up the call. I'm like, what are the gifts? I asked myself. And I'm like, well, I mean, the good thing is, again, I have control over the entire process. That's great. What else do the gifts? Well, if I'm, you know, if I'm doing all this work, then that is. These are things and services that I don't have to pay for. So it's a lower. I don't have to spend as much. And I was looking for the gifts, but yet I wasn't allowing myself to really, really integrate and feel what they. Those benefits were because I was still in a shitty state. And then we'll go to the next part is asking for help. So I got a reframe by asking my coach, this is what I'm Dealing with. I don't know how to handle this. I feel like crap right now. They helped me reframe my mindset to find the gold in it, how I was benefiting, how it was serving me again. I had done that before, but I needed someone to help me get out of that. Shortly after, I called a couple friends, had conversations, and I asked for help, but I didn't really ask for help. So if you've ever done this, I'm saying this for a reason. I contacted two of my friends, and one of my friends I had just mentioned to. I said, hey, blah, blah. And I just kind of told them what had happened in my day, But I didn't really go into how I was feeling emotionally and, like, how hard of a day I was having. And then one of my other really good friends, and I just kind of briefly touched upon it, and she's go, all right, well, yeah, this stinks. All right? And then hung up the phone, and I felt like my needs weren't met. And at first I was like, well, I mean, she could ask a few more questions, but then I could have been more honest and open and vulnerable with how I was feeling inside. So I want that to be the lesson for you is that you need to seek help. And when seeking help, don't sugarcoat it. Don't call the person and be like, hey, how are you when you know that you're calling because you need support? I have another friend of mine who loves to do that until I call her out, and I'm like, all right, what's going on? I know he sounds wrong. Tell me. And then she spills her guts, and she lets it all out. And, like, don't you feel better now? I could take a page out of that book. And so, all right, so we covered. Ask for help. We covered find the gifts. And then this was one of the things that I had done immediately after. And it. And I'm not gonna. I'm saying this, but it doesn't mean that it was easy or that I. That I didn't still, like, dwell on those negative feelings. I asked what my heart was calling me to do. I was on my way to the gym, and I was like, what am I feeling inside? Like, I know I have these feelings around growing the beverage and moving it forward and what I think that is going to entail. I'm like, oh, my God. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. But then I check in. I'm, well, what is my Heart calling me to do what do I feel is the right decision? And then my heart's like, keep going, keep going. And like, okay, well, I have no other choice but to keep going. So always checking your heart, because your heart is going to guide you in the right direction, where your mind is just going to kind of spin you out in all circles, have you go in all different directions. And it's just because it's trying to keep you safe. And in that comfort zone when reality. The only way to expand and get the thing you want is to step into that fear is to do the uncomfortable thing right? Everything you want requires you to step through that discomfort. So when you approach fear, realize that that fear is the direction to go. Because you wouldn't. If you did fear it, you. It wouldn't be. Let me think how to phrase this. If you didn't value it, you wouldn't fear it. This saying this, that it doesn't mean, like, you're like, oh, you know, I should jump off this bridge. Well, I'm afraid to do it. Therefore, you should know. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if you didn't think that something was right for your life, you wouldn't pay any attention to it. But the fact that it challenged you to become more. And there is a possibility, maybe failure, maybe it not coming true there, that's where fear tends to creep in. So let's check that one off. Follow your heart. Now let's talk about getting out of your environment. And the last two are kind of one and the same. Getting out of your environment and moving your body. We'll talk about getting out of the environment. First. I stepped outside, and immediately once I'm outside, I'm like, oh, my God. Fresh air. Sometimes I feel like I am, like, sequestered in. In my room, like I. That I don't get to move. I'm doing work. I mean, I may go outside. I'll go for a walk, but then I'm back in my room doing work, and I'm like, well, why don't you go work somewhere else, Donnie? Because I do better work when I'm alone and it's quiet, right? So, but. But there's a balance to it. So I needed to get outside of my environment. So in. In order to get out of the side of the environment, I said, all right, let me just go to the gym. After I made a little side note. I had got a new espresso machine, a lever espresso machine. So I pulled a bunch of shots of espresso. Had had about four shots in the afternoon. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight. And that was actually one of the highlights of the day, because I get excited doing something that I'm passionate about, which I'll make that a sixth point. But back to the environment, back to moving your body. So I got into my car and I started driving and just looking at the surroundings. The day was beautiful. It was warm. The clouds were kind of like shifting across the sky very, very fast. And you could see them moving and. And then there was. You know, the light was shining through, so it was just. It was just beautiful. And you can see blue skies beyond the clouds. And that alone changed my state. But then I went to the gym, and at the gym, I pushed myself hard, and I got nice and pumped up. And by pushing that, by changing the way I was using my body, of course it changes the way I feel. And as a result of that, I felt great. I felt powerful, I felt strong. I came back home and I felt that I was in a better state. Hence, while why I am here right now, if I was still in that crappy state, I had a hard time coming on here, deciding to come on here, because I'm like. I feel like crap right now. I don't want to come in here. And how am I supposed to lift people up if I feel like this? But then I realize if I feel like this, that is the exact time that I need to come on here. Because people want what is real, right? Like, I'm not. If I'm not sharing the hard times, then I'm just. I'm not being honest and truthful and sharing what the real journey is. Because people struggle with, you know, the same way I'm doing it here, and sometimes they give up. So if I could come on here, share my experience to remind people as to why they are going after whatever it is they're going after, and then trusting that life has their best interests, then that is using this hardship for something good. And so again, that was the body and the last thing was connecting with your passions. Throughout the day, knowing that I was kind of feeling a little off. I need to do something to change the way I feel. What do you do when you want to change the way you feel? You focus on something that makes you feel good. I just gave you one of the hints. One of the things I love to do is I love to pull shots of espresso. Even if I'm not going to drink the 50 that I pull, I pull them. I Dump them, I pull them, I dump them, I pull them, I dump them. And so I was doing that and on this new machine I got. I was so freaking delicious. I mean, it was like just chocolatey, like nice tobacco notes. Everything I love in an espresso. This new machine did that job. So I had a double shot of espresso. And then just before that, what I was doing was I was looking at my upcoming trip and looking, looking at the whole souls that I would be booking at the beginning of that trip and also responding to, to the government of Sri Lanka as to when I was going to fly into the country so I could approve my visa. So all of these things start to paint a different picture. And as a result of that, it's actually, that is what I did like that in the coffee is what I did right before I went to the gym. Otherwise, you know what, I may have even just kind of stayed in that downstate and then maybe I'd gotten to my gym. I probably wouldn't have had as good of a workout that I did if I allowed myself to stay in that state. But I know that when I am feeling in that state, I know that I have to put my mind in a place that I am going to start to feel better. Because you can't think better than you feel. That's why they say never, ever, ever make a decision when you're in a crappy mood. Or make a decision when you're in fear because you can't think better than that emotion when you're in that state. You have to get beyond that when you're in a great mood. What is possible? Everything is possible. You start to open yourself up to possibility. So you have to, if it's an important decision, you do not make that decision until you have separation from whatever the event is, until you can put yourself in a positive state. So that is what I've got. I've given you guys today. And again, I'll recover, recover. I'll go over those six strategies that I just gave you. So one of them was look for the gifts. There's gifts in everything. As long as you're willing to look at, look for it, you will find it. Secondly, follow your heart. I always make it a point to tune in, to follow my heart and to see where it's guiding me to make sure that I am on the right path. Three, ask for help. Get a coach. Join a community. Talk to a friend. But don't just talk to a friend. When you speak to that friend, tell them you need help and you need their attention. Otherwise, like the case of my friend, they're going to gloss right over it and not know that you are really giving them a cry for help. Fourthly, get into your body. Move your body in a way that is not the same as what you were doing previously. Meaning, like, I mean, you could just like jump up and down, pluck like a chicken, and I promise you, it is going to put you in a different state than you were just moments earlier. Move that body and move it for a good amount of time, enough to allow that shift to happen and then get into a different environment. If you've been staring at your screen the entire time and you're like, you feel like you're going crazy, you're getting up, you're circling around your room only to sit back down in that chair, leave the house. Sometimes that can be challenging. Do it anyways. I don't care if you have to circle around your room another 20 times. I've done it too. Do it anyways. Just get outside, move your body, go for a walk, look at the trees, the sky, you know, put your attention to the details around you and it will, as a result of putting your focus there, it's going to change how you feel. And then lastly, the last point I had made, what I was intending on doing was connect with your passions. Because as a result of putting yourself in a passionate state, all of a sudden, now it's going to color everything else. You put yourself in a passionate state, now it's going to color all the problems in the canvas. Well, you're going to be painting your problems on the canvas of your passion, which means it's not that bad. Now you're focusing on good things. So some difficult things come up. You're like, well, it's just difficult things. I still have this, I'm looking at, so I feel good. So that is it for you. I hope this helped. I hope this really just really, really helped you. If you're in a hard place, you feel like life is challenging you and you feel like you defeated, like you can't move on, stay strong, keep on going. Because that is the way of the one lifer or whatever you want to call. Like I. This is how you live your one life. This is how you create something that is beautiful, is that when it gets tough, you stay with it and you keep on moving forward. That is it for you guys. And again, remember, it is always take the time to do the things that really, really bring you joy. Do the things that really matter because not a single day is taken. Not a single day is to be taken for granted because none of us knows when our time is up. So live now. And that means doing the things that bring you joy, putting yourself around the people you love and make you feel good, and just taking a moment every single day to just savor the gift of being alive. I hope you enjoyed this episode here. If you did, please hit that subscribe button and share with somebody whom you feel needs to hear this message. And if you have any questions, you could feel free to reach out to me via my website@donnyrous.com that is d o n n y r a us.com and what kind of person would I be if I didn't tell you and share my amazing coffee? So check out rousecoffee.com r a u s coffee.com and get some great coffee. Start your morning with that because your day starts with that morning ritual of your cup of coffee and just start making something beautiful at the beginning of your day and I promise it'll carry over. So that is all I've got for you guys today. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember, you only get one life. Live fully, live passionately, and most of all, live now. God bless you guys and I will see you again soon.