Dr. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, reflects on a past marriage mistake and what it taught him about understanding partner needs. He shares how recognizing differences between men and women can prevent relationship misunderstandings.
Hi, I'm Dr. John Gray, the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. And it's become a global international phenomena with millions and millions of readers. And it all comes from one moment in my past. I've been happily married to my wife now for 28 years. But before that, I was in a short marriage and I was divorced. And in that marriage, we made all the mistakes I see couples making today. And I learned from those mistakes. The biggest mistake I made was, was to not appreciate and understand that men and women are different. I would expect her to react to things the way I did, to think about things the way I did, and she would expect me to react to things the way women do. So we didn't really have an understanding of what women need and what men need and learning how to respect that. And there was a moment where I saw how important this information was. It was after the birth of one of our children, and we hadn't had any sleep for a week. And we got into an argument at the end of the week, and we started to say mean things, and I stopped talking, and I started to walk out the room. And she said, john Gray, stop. You're a fair, weathered friend. When I'm loving sweet Bonnie, you're always loving to me. But if I'm not loving, you're out the door. Walk over here. Put your arms around me. You don't have to say anything. Just hold me. That's all I need right now. So I thought, okay, as long as I didn't have to talk, things weren't going to get worse. So I put my arms around her. She began to cry in my arms, and suddenly the tension began to melt away. And I thought to myself, this is unbelievable that not talking and just putting my arms around her could make such a difference. And why didn't I know that? Because when I'm upset, I don't want somebody to put their arms around me. I want to be alone. But she wanted to feel that connection. And that became the basis of an idea that has saved millions of marriages around the world, is take time to understand what your partner wants, not necessarily assuming that what you want is what they want. Instead, find the desire for them to have what they want, and they will do the same for you. And that was a big lesson for me to learn. And it's changed my life, and I hope it can change your life as well. Thank you.
