3 Benefits of Forgiveness

Hi, I'm Dr. Jameca Cooper Cooper. Make sure you subscribe to my channel. Today I'm going to talk about the 3 benefits of forgiveness, why you should forgive someone that has wronged you. So first of all, what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is accepting that someone has done something to you in your life and that you have decided to let go of the resentment and move forward. Forward. So what's confusing about forgiveness is people think, okay, if I forgive this person, that means that I let them off the hook. That's not what it means. It just means that you accept what has happened and that you've made the choice to decide to not let what has happened hold you back, or hold you hostage is another way to look at it. Because usually what happens when people are holding in this grudge and hostility with not forgiving someone, it's like they're in a box. And they're caging themselves. So when you decide to forgive someone, it means that you have accepted what has happened and you have accepted to move on with that person. That doesn't mean that you talk to the person all day, every day, and you become best friends. It just means, okay, you did this to me, I accept it, it is what it is. You don't have to love the person, and the person is not off the hook. I want to make that clear because people feel like, oh, I cannot forgive this person because then they're off the hook. They can never be off the hook. And you know what makes them on the hook is that you usually still remember it. So the mind is powerful, and no matter how much you try to bury it, usually it's still there. However, there are 3, 3 different benefits of why you should forgive people. I tell people in therapy that it's always useful to forgive because what it does for you to not forgive is so much worse usually. Than what that offense is that you're trying not to forgive. So the first benefit of forgiveness is cortisol. When you forgive someone, it has the benefit of reducing the amounts of cortisol in your body. So if you know anything about cortisol levels, it predicts lots of different things. High cortisol usually means a metabolism that is stalled and could be weight gain, could be sleep issues, could be mood issues, could be immune system issues. It could be high risk for heart, heart disease and higher blood pressure as well. So cortisol controls a lot of things. So when you forgive someone, you automatically start to reduce your cortisol levels. Second benefit is stress. Once you forgive someone, it automatically starts to reduce your stress levels. Have you ever not forgiven someone? Have you ever been really mad at someone and held a grudge at them? That takes a lot of energy. It makes you really kind of tense and on edge and agitated, irritable, because you put a lot of energy into, "Oh, I hate this person and I'm not going to forgive them." That takes a lot more energy than not doing that. So once you forgive someone, you automatically start to reduce your stress levels. And in this world that we live in, with everyone being so busy and high stress, it's important to think of multiple ways to reduce your stress levels. So that was the second thing. The third, and probably the most important benefit of forgiveness, is that studies have shown that as you forgive people, over time, that works to trick your brain into subsequently forgetting the entire incident that you were mad about and didn't want to forgive in the first place. And I think that's an awesome benefit. Because ultimately that's really what you want. You don't want to spend 10, 15 years holding a grudge and not forgiving someone just to say that they're still on the hook. What you ultimately want is to move on from that situation, move on in your life, not hold a grudge, and eventually forget. Imagine if you can forget what happens and why you were holding a grudge in the first place. It really serves to hold a different place in your life. It frees up the space that now you have to devote to other things. Ultimately, being able to forget what happened is one of the greatest gifts I think anyone can be given, because you can move on. And heck, who cares if the other person moves on or not, as long as you move on from it. That way it doesn't have that much power in your life. That's the goal here, to reduce stress, move on, and live a more balanced life. That's one of the things I talk about in my other videos as well. So These were 3 different benefits of forgiveness. I hope that you learned something. I hope you can start to be more forgiving in your life, especially as the new year approaches. Thank you. I'm Dr. Jameca Cooper.