Valentine’s Day Special || Love, Sex, and Relationships: A Calm Perspective

Foreign.

Welcome to Calm Perspective podcast. This is Maiwe and Today I'm with Dr. Kiran Dintiara. He's a multi book writer, an internationally acclaimed speaker and. And also physician. Thank you for joining us, Dr. Kiran.

Absolutely.

Yes. Here is one of the books that he wrote. Right. Calm in the midst of chaos. And I personally read and I believe it was fantastic. Thank you so much.

Thanks for reading.

Yeah. Today we will be talking about love because it is Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is coming. So we will be discussing about love. Right. So what is love, Akta Kiran.

Oh my God. That's a very difficult question.

Very difficult question. Yeah.

So to me, love is a feeling where you feel totally and you have to experience it. There is no way to explain in words, but I will do my best. Love is a feeling where you totally feel like the person, whoever you are in love with, makes you complete. Makes you feel so good that your heart almost skips a beat. You know, that is what I feel, you know, but there is one aspect which is the feeling of love which initiates the love relationship between different people. The second aspect also, which is often ignored is how you sustain that love. Because you may have that feeling initially, maybe a week, month, ear.

Yes.

But as you continue that relationship with that person, many things could happen. Yes. Especially we as human beings are imperfect. We make mistakes. We may do things that either accidentally and sometimes intentionally hurt other people. And so there are many obstacles like that for true love. And how do you overcome them? Right. Especially in the long term. So my definition is unconditional love means no matter what the other person does, you continue to be there for them. Be kind, be affectionate, keep loving. You know, it's such a joy when you can give love. Receiving love is one thing, but even to just give love, it's such a joy. And if more people think about it like, you know, it's more about me giving love and that is far more powerful than just receiving it all the time. Then automatically, when there is a difficulty in a relationship, it's okay. It's okay. I'm still able to give love and eventually the other person sees it. No matter what I am doing or not doing, this person is stable in his or her love towards me. And when you have that kind of love, that changes everything in life. Yeah.

Yeah. So what it changes. Actually, you said it changes everything in your life.

Yeah.

Like giving. But the next person is not receiving that love. Yeah, so what? You always keep giving that love. But isn't it also, is it healthy? You think if the other person is not receiving it?

Yeah, that is a very good question actually. Right. If the other person is not ready to receive, it is their problem.

Yes.

Right. Just because other person is not ready to receive your love, it doesn't mean that you have to stop loving them at the same time, you don't have necessarily push your love onto them. You can love from a distance too, right? Because true love is something that doesn't expect anything from the other person. Means it's unconditional. It doesn't matter what the other person does. Right. It's more about you feeling that within. And sometimes you can have silent love too.

Yes.

Did that answer your question?

Yeah, kinda. But is it healthy for that person because he or she is only the giver, not the receivers for the person.

Who is giving it?

Yeah.

It depends on what is the state of mind that person lives in. Who that person is he or she? Because let us say you love someone and if the person is not ready to receive, and sometimes it happens they're not ready for whatever reason, and that is okay. You don't need to build grudges. You don't need to react and blame them or say something bad or anything like that. You say that is all right. It is all right. You may not be acting on that level, right. But you may still preserve that feeling in your heart. So the only time that person you had to worry about unhealthy situation is when they have negativity inside them. Even though they are not receiving love from the other person, whoever that they are loving. Right. If they don't have any negativity within them towards that other person, they'll be all right. And here is the concept of self love also comes. Yes, you love yourself as who you are. Doesn't matter what is happening around what other people are saying or not saying. You know your true worth, you know your feeling for the other person is true. And to be able to have such kind of pure feelings, pure love towards anyone is something to be celebrated, you know, because these days in this world, what we are seeing is love has become transactional. You give me this, I give you this. You don't do this. I'm not going to do this. Or you say something to me, oh, I'm going to say something back to you or do something back to you. Very unhealthy love. But this kind of love, what I just described, which is unconditional and pure, I think that is where we all need to journey towards. Then automatically all the people who are Kind of unhappy. Either because the other person is not responding or the other person is doing something to be negative towards them, whatever it is, all of that goes away. All of that goes away. But there's another important point here. It is hard, very hard to express and to give that pure unconditional love. Because only when you can be truly happy from within, you'll be able to extend the pure unconditional love. If you are not happy with it, you don't know how to handle your own self, your own emotions, then you'll be lost. And that is what is happening right now. And there is a reason for true love to flourish. It is equally important for people to learn to tap into their own true happiness. Yes, this is especially important in long term relationships. Most long term relationships, even though they start out with the feelings of love, affection, kindness, want to help each other. No one gets into a relationship thinking like, I'm going to fight that person, right? They get into that relationship because they want to have a good time, they want to help each other, you know, be kind to each other. But whatever in this life, things happen. And when that relationship is broken or when it is tested or strained, if at least they can say, you know what, for now it is okay, my true happiness is within me. So it really doesn't matter what other person is doing, I'm still going to be nice to them. I am not going to do anything bad. When people can do that in a relationship, then eventually they'll come back together and be all right. Very good. Important for long term relationships especially.

Yeah. So how people fall in love, do you think people, you know, they all have these concepts in their minds. They say like I, this is like, they say this is my type. I fall in love with honest people or these people, blah, blah. How we put these concepts in our minds, is it encoded to our brains when we are growing up or is it something that we saw on social media, exposed in external factors? You know how this happens.

Yeah. Yeah. So how does love happen?

People choose what they are going to love too.

Okay, got it. Well, that's a million dollar question, maybe a trillion dollar question, isn't it? Yeah. When love comes, there is no stopping. You have no control over it, you have no power over it. It just happens. It just happens. You just know it, you know, you just feel it, you just keep thinking about it. That I think, you know, is something beyond words. There is something beyond explanations. And again, only the person who feels it, they know it.

What is the difference, you think, between healthy and Unhealthy relationship. How can a person can differentiate those two things? Like, how can they say they have an unhealthy relationship? What are the, like your, what are your observations?

Yeah, so the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Let us start with unhealthy first. Anything. If you feel like you're not happy, and there could be many reasons why you are not happy, you know, it could be your own thing actually being not happy. Other person could be doing everything to make you happy. But if you are a miserable person or unhappy person to begin with because of your own habits or own weaknesses, you know, you can't just blame the other person. He is responsible or she is responsible for your unhappiness. That is the first thing that, that you need to be aware of. But if you believe that that person is purposefully hurting you, that is a big red flag. Purposefully hurting you. Or if the person is deceitful, you know, means treacherous, means supposed to be in a relationship, you should be able to trust the other person, be loyal, be good to each other, help each other. But in front of you, he or she is kind of, yay, hi, good, and behind you doing something else, there is another red flag. In fact, the worst thing in any relationships is like treachery, deceitfulness, you know, backstabbing, whatever you want to call it.

Gaslighting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the worst thing in any relationship. So that is another red flag. Other sign of unhealthy relationship is you're not able to really understand each other. Because without proper understanding, relationships perish. If the other person is not willing to listen to you, understand you, then eventually, even though initially you may like, okay, that's okay, but eventually you will find huge communication gap because you're not able to transfer your thoughts from one person to another person and, you know, reflect back, you know, and have a good conversation. So there is another big problem. These are some of the basic things that people need to know because a lot of times these days relationships are simply based on physical attraction. Oh yeah, this guy or that girl looks good and you know, I want to hang out. And after some time they get married. But they don't realize that all these different things are going to affect them. And so they, you know, end up in an unhealthy relationship. So you want to be able to speak soul to soul. That is probably one of the most important thing in relationships. Truly, what is a relationship? You know, especially in the context of wife and husband or girlfriend or boyfriend, you know, she want to talk about love relationships, right? The purpose of a relationship, a love relationship is that you make each other complete. Make each other complete. You know, you. We are not perfect, but if the other person is able to mold to you, you know, they may not like going and seeing, for example, watching a football game, but you like to watch football. And when the other person comes with you to watch football, you know, he's making that little sacrifice. You know what? I want to do what you like, because I like you. Not football, because I like your presence, you know, that shows that person really likes you. I don't want to do my own thing. You are your own thing. That is not going to last for long. It may last for a little bit, but without that mutual sacrifice, without that mutual loving, you know, each other, no matter what is going on around, is not going to last. So you need to look for something like that, you know, and then I said, like, being able to converse soul to soul means having that affinity. Like, I want to talk to this person, you know, I want to know more about this person. I feel like if you have certain knowledge, I would like to share with this person and I want that person to understand it. Not only understand it, because. Okay, yeah, okay, got it, got it. Yeah. No, not like that, but truly understand it and resonate and being able to again communicate back to you. You can go on for hours chatting about things, you know, that is very important because it is again, going to keep your relationship healthy. Because you're kind of on the same page on different levels, you know, that is another very important thing. The third important thing for a healthy relationship is forgiveness. Because no matter who you are and how understanding you are, how loving you are and how good rapport that you have with other person, mistakes happen because we are imperfect. We make mistakes. You might make mistake, right? To be able to forgive it is okay. That's all right, you know? And another good sign of a healthy relationship, other thing is patience. You know, sometimes we slip our tongue, we say things or we do things that we don't mean. To have the patience when things like that happen and say it's all right, you know what? That is. Okay, so all these things are important ingredients for good relationships.

Yeah.

And unfortunately in this world, relationships have become very superficial. And people get into those relationships because no one teaches us these things. You see what I'm saying? We are predominantly attracted by our senses. You know, how they look, how they smell, or are they cool.

Do they have money?

Do they have money? Right? You take all These things and like. Okay, I think. Yeah, you check mark all these things. Yeah, I think it's going to be good, but it may be good for a little bit. But without that underlying good spiritual quality is what we talked about. It is impossible to maintain it. That's the reason we have such a high divorce rate. 50%, probably. And the rest of them, at least until 90% of them, are not happy. They're staying in relationship for the sake of staying in for whatever reason. Yeah, yeah. And the other very important thing about a relationship is this is again, completely my perspective. You know, some people might differ, but other very, very important. The true reason for a relationship is to elevate yourself to the next state of consciousness. If you look at the true purpose of life, it is really about enlightenment. What is enlightenment?

Yeah, what is enlightenment?

Enlightenment is about total freedom from suffering. Total freedom to be happy, peaceful, content, no matter what is happening. That is what enlightenment is about. It's not a, oh, big, you know, mystical or spiritual or religious word. It is simply about being happy, peaceful, content all the time. And you have the freedom to choose and do what you want. A lot of times, freedom, people think that doing whatever you want, I'm not saying whatever you want. Freedom to be able to choose what is right, what is good for you. That is true freedom. We think that we have freedom, we don't. We are constantly acting on impulse, past habits, environmental influences. All these things are making us do things. Sometimes the things that you don't want to do, you do. That is not real freedom. Real freedom is when you can do the things that you want to do that you should do that are good for you and people around. When you say good, that elevates your consciousness to the next level again, to that state of no suffering. You know, so freedom, enlightenment, we talked about these things. But coming back to relationships, it's truly. If you take a couple, a man and a woman, for example, two people, you know, who are man, woman, women, woman, man. We have so many combinations now. But a couple, the true purpose is to help each other neutralize any deficiencies, weaknesses, negativities that we have, help each other to do that and then elevate each other to travel on the path, to reach the highest state, free from suffering. That is the purpose of a relationship.

What is suffering for you?

Well, not for me. For everyone, it is the same pain. Whether it is physical pain coming from diseases, emotional pain coming from essentially, you know, not able to keep our mind in check, not able to handle our emotions. There is Also spiritual pain, people out of ignorance, they do certain things, you know, and that is what leads to spiritual pain. So all these three levels, we have pain. And you should be able to relieve yourself from all those three. And that is when you are free from suffering.

I see. So I have a question. You said like a man and a woman, they should complete each other. That's how like these relationships can be healthy. Or they need to complete each other.

So.

But do you think, do we have something lack of ourselves that we are seeking for completing?

Yeah.

Wow. What, what is like.

Yeah, yeah. The reason is. Yeah.

A person cannot be complete by self.

A person can be complete by himself or herself. Can be, but often not.

But if he. But usually not if he or she is complete and no need for the other person.

No, no.

Isn't this a healthy part? Because if you don't need it, but if you want it.

Yeah.

Isn't it more healthy for you?

Yeah. That is actually even more healthier because you're not anymore dependent on the other person for your happiness, for someone to elevate you to the next level. Right. So if you can be at that level where you're like, you know what I'm saying? I'm totally peaceful, content, nothing can disturb me in my life. If you're like that, you truly do not need anyone else.

Do you need to be a saint?

How can else you be? Right? We are mere human beings struggling every single day with various problems. Right. And there is only one way. If you take the great lives of people, you know, who have liberated themselves, the great yogis and saints, you know, there are multiple. We have seen them. So when you are there, you are not anymore dependent on a relationship to make you complete. You see, you may have relationships still, and that is okay. If you take an example of a very well known yogi in India, Lahiri Mahasaya, who they call, has propagated the science of Kriya yoga to many disciples. He was a liberator, master. And then he was married at the time.

Oh really?

Yeah, he was married. Yeah, he was married. So he has many kids. Yeah. But still he continued his relationship with his wife. Just because he's a saint, he did not leave the wife. It keeps him gone away somewhere. He performed his duties to take care of your wife and kids and all that. Then he had disciples who were coming to him and he was teaching them. So he was doing all that. So you could be that too.

Yeah, yeah.

But often what happens, most normal human beings like us, we have so much Baggage. We are imperfect and we are trying to perfect ourselves. We are in the process of, you know, enlightenment or liberation, whatever you want to call it, right? During these times, having someone who has a similar mindset, who you feel like, you know, you can share, you can be with, and who can make you feel like, you know, complete, for example, can enhance your growth significantly. The reason is we can talk a little about marriages here too. You know, the whole purpose of marriages. The reason is when you are not married or even you don't have a stable relationship, you know, for whatever reason, right? People have all these impulses, you know, for example, sexual impulses, emotional impulses, and they make them feel like I want it. And it's hormone. Essentially. Right now you're going around everywhere, so your energy is scattered. It's not so much about having lots of sex is bad thing or a good thing, anything like that, but when you are too much focused on it, you're going everywhere looking for it. You are essentially scattering your energies to something different and you are losing the main purpose in your life, you see? But when you have that person that you can totally trust, that you can totally be with, that you are totally satisfied, happy and mental, physical, spiritual levels, it greatly enhances your growth. Because now you have so much focus, concentration, take all your energy onto the path that you really want to put into. You're not anymore scattered, you see. I believe that is one of the most important things why marriages exist. So if that person is there for you when you are in the emotional low, when something happened, these kind of qualities are very, very important. The emotional stability, mentally being there for you and supporting your career, you as a person in general. So these kinds of qualities you cannot see in social media. You got to meet the person, know them and find for yourself.

Yeah, if, please fix me if I'm wrong. I believe it was Carl Jung. He said, a man, a woman to get, to make, to be in love. A woman's masculine side and a man's feminine side needs to match so that love happens. So do you agree with this theory?

Do you think?

Does this making sense for you? For me it makes lots of sense.

Explain a bit more what makes sense.

Why it makes sense, why it makes sense for me. Because like each of us has estrogen and also testosterone, which is woman and men hormones. So we carry these energies with us, masculine and feminine. Like I believe more logical side of us is masculine energy, which has more emotional side of us is feminine energy. But since we all human beings carry these energies, if my masculine Energy. My logical side also falls in love with his emotional side. Yeah, I believe it will be like a great match.

Yeah, right?

Yes, it will be like a great match.

Yeah, yeah.

What do you think about this?

Oh yeah, there's a very good point actually. I see what you're saying. So you are in general, if you're talking about there is masculine energy and there is feminine energy.

Yes.

And opposites attract, the masculine and feminine. But it is also true that there is a feminine side to a man and there is a masculine side to a woman. You know, how much extent that is to depends on each person. And a man from a masculine point of view is someone who is stable in mindset, more logical, more confident. So these are some of the qualities, you know, typically and more protective.

Protective, you know, these are some of.

The qualities like I am there for you no matter what. And then if there is what all he has, then it could be problematic because that could be a problem because you're always on the masculine side. There is a feminine side also. Every man has to demonstrate means being tender, loving. Emotion, showing the emotion, you know, more the feminine side. So that the masculine side in the woman can also be satisfied. You see what I'm saying? And the same thing with the woman too. A lot of times there is this feminine energy which is more flowy, more emotional, you know, and all that, which is very attractive to a man. But when that takes over too much and the logic is completely lost, that is when people get into arguments, you know, and there is what increase the distance between people. So it is really about balancing out the energies as much as both can. There is a reason again we talked about, why is there a need for another person in your life, you know, masculine and feminine, you know, wife and husband, girlfriend, boyfriend. The reason is both can learn from each other, support each other and balance energies. And that way, you know, the both can be together stronger and better.

True, true. So you mentioned, like men, masculine energy attracts feminine energy. And so like men really likes women to be emotional. And I'm not sure if they actually like women with expressing their emotions, but I heard something, I'm not sure if it is correct or not. When women cry, the cry is spreading a hormone or a smell or something like that. I'm not sure. But it irritates men. Actually, it irritates men. Do you think, do you have any idea about this?

I haven't heard that it irritates men. I don't know. I'm not a love scientist here. But what I do know Is when you do cry, it can affect the other person. And actually a scientific study was published in 2011 or so that women's tears can affect men. It reduces their aggression, their testosterone levels, and so sexual arousal. So there are some studies that show that women's tears can affect men. How?

Well, I couldn't get it, like, in which way it affects men.

I believe that women's tears can make men more emotional. Like, I'll just take my own example. For example, if I'm seeing my partner crying, it definitely affects me, my emotion. You know, you try to console, you try to be more kinder. You know, For me, it feels like when a woman is sad or crying and is seeking support, help, or wanting someone to be there for me, that makes sense to me, that man can get affected and want to be that person for the woman. I believe that is how it should be. And the same thing for men, too. If men are. If that man, let us say, is down, you know, not feeling good, a lot of men would like to just put their head in a woman's lap and, you know, cry or just feel like, you know, be belonged. It goes both ways.

So what woman, like, then we talk about men likes and get affected from women's tears. And maybe it also, you said, and like, trigger their emotions as well. Like, because we are home, we are making empathy.

Yeah.

At the end of the day. Right. So doesn't matter if a man or a woman cries. I would feel bad if someone cries in front of me too. I would get emotional too. So I'm not sure if this is about the genders or if it's about in general. I'm not sure about the patient, but do you have any observations what women got affected from a man?

There is a saying that don't trust a crying man or a man who sheds tears too much. I don't know how scientific it is or not, but typically men, as a race, we are not taught to cry. Means, like, it is like a social standard kind of thing, you know, conditioning, like, be a man, don't show your emotion, you know, don't cry. Let's say social conditioning for, you know, thousands of years, millions of years probably. So I think man typically doesn't show his tender side, you know, and women, for whatever reason, the conditioning, again, is like, more likely to be okay to express that emotion and shed tears. So that's the reason I believe this scientific study was done that way, because probably they'll find more women who shed tears than more men who shed tears. And so and we are seeing, like, how it affects the man.

Yeah, maybe in general. Yeah, in general.

But of course, there are men I know that, you know, who cry or, you know, they have that heart emotion.

That they want to show the societal pressure on men. Right.

Societal pressure.

Man doesn't cry. Men shouldn't cry.

Right, right. Which is not healthy. I believe, you know, in a healthy relationship, because we are talking about Valentine's Day and love. In a healthy relationship, both should be able to confide in each other. Whether you cry or not. There's a secondary point. Like if you feel vulnerable, if you're feeling hurt, if you're feeling like, hey, this is making me feel sad, you should be able to communicate that to the other side as a man. And the same thing with the women. And the key here is when we are able to do that for the other person to be able to shield that, to be able to be there and say it is okay. This is not the time to fight. This is not the time to use logic when someone is crying, when someone is emotional, there is a time to be understanding and supportive. When men and women understand that. Okay, all right. I may not agree. I may agree with what you're saying, but that is secondary right now. I am there for you.

Yes.

When people can do that in their relationships, it is going to be healthier and the other person will understand. Okay, yeah. You know, I acted out, I said something, I did something, but the other person was there for me despite that. You know, that gives much more strength to the bond.

Yes, I agree. And like, my personal observations is like, sometimes people are like, super giving very much importance on their ego or their pride. And once they have a fight, they're like, no, I am not. No, you're right. You know, like, this fight happens and then it's more like focusing on outcome rather than they are trying. There's like two egos are just fighting, fighting each other. And this makes things actually worse.

Yes.

Yes. So why, what would you suggest those people, like, do you think, is this something that is fixable or is it something that can a sign of an unhealthy relationship?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, ego is the biggest problem in relationships. Can you repeat the question one more time? I just. This is a big question, so I just want to one more time.

It's like sometimes in relationships, ego, people's egos are so dominant, so it becomes a fight of I am right. No, I am right. I am right. Like, they are looking for who is right so that it feels like at the end of the day, they will congratulate the right person, but it is not about that. There is an issue on the table that they need to fix. Otherwise their relation, both of them will be unhappy in their relationship. So what would you suggest to those people?

How do you put your ego business? How do you approach the situation?

How would you approach the situation? And do you think, is this a sign that these two people are not meant to be?

Yeah. We as human beings, all of us, have our own egos. So we need to acknowledge that fact first. Because no matter how good the other person is or this person is, there will be times the ego comes into play and impulsively, people may say things, do things that leads to that conflict. That happens now, how often that happens is what we need to look into that. If it is happening every single day, these two egos are fighting for who is right, who is wrong. That is definitely a sign of unhealthy relationship. If it happens once in a while, you know, maybe once a month or, you know, once a few weeks, that is okay, you know, you said, okay, all right, you know, it's happening. I understand it. And you keep your space, you know, and let us review the situation. The most important thing is that after that event happened, whether that person is willing to both, you know, willing to reflect. Okay, you know what? I should have done that. I'm very sorry. And I'll try to get better when that person has that insight and be able to communicate that insight and be loving and kind. That is what heals a relationship. But it's like, what the heck? I'm not going to say anything. Not my mistake, whatever she did or hated, they have to suffer. If you have that kind of attitude, that is not good. That is not a sign of healthy relationship. And it is very important to talk about and dive deeper into this topic of egos. Because when you are stressed out, when you are restless in your mind, your ego comes to the forefront. When your mind is calm and relaxed, your ego takes a back seat. That's the reason I say keep stress away, keep your mind peaceful, and so you'll be a better person. Your ego will take a back seat. More compassion, love, kindness, these things come.

Once in a while.

The ego will try to penetrate all that and come. But again, it will go back if you learn how to keep your mind calm. So for all lovers, for all people in relationships, or even not in relationships, it is important to calm your mind and dissolve your ego. And the more you practice at it, the better you become. So true. Yeah. And at the same time, when this person is coming and say, hey, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have done that, the other person should be receptive and say, it is all right, I forgive you. Or sometimes it is not one person mistake to be forgiven or anything like that. It's like both people had those sparks, you know, did something out of reaction, out of emotion, and they both say things or do things and they both come together and say, you know what? It's all like, let us mend the relationship. That is important.

If the other person is not doing this, denying this, or like, is not for forgiving. Forgiven.

Not forgiving.

Yeah, yeah. Not forgiving.

Yeah. Or saying like, hey, I don't care kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah. Then is it better to let it go?

It depends on the situation.

Like lots of situations, like lots of fights are happening.

Yeah.

And then each time you are trying, you are trying, but you are seeing that other person is not trying.

Yeah.

Because he or she has problems with himself or herself.

Right, Exactly.

He is reflecting it into the relationship. Yeah, yeah. So it's, I believe, very unhealthy and makes each other very unhappy.

Very unhappy. Yeah. So if this is a recurring pattern and that person doesn't have the insight, you know, of, okay, this is the mistake, this has happened and, you know, we'll figure it out. If that person doesn't have that or is not a forgiving person, very impatient, you know, or who is not happy, very miserable person to begin with, you know, when these things are there, then it is not good for a long term relationship. So let's say you're married and then it keeps happening again and again. You try to fix the situation or you try to change yourself, or you try to read something, you know, balance it or whatever it is. You try for six months, one year, two years, three years, four years, and that other person is not at all yielding, not at all willing to change, not a good sign at all. In those situations. I do believe that you should move on.

Yes.

Though if you feel like, you know, there are some people like, no matter what it is, I want to stay in this. It's up to them. But from my perspective, it is all right. Divorce is not a bad thing when two people cannot stay together. Because you see, if you put into perspective the highest purpose of relationship is to help each other grow mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Right. If that is not being served by that relationship and in fact is dragging you down.

Yes.

Then what is the purpose of the relationship? You need to ask?

Yes.

Yeah.

So we talked about social media usage. It's getting increased and spread. And also people are using lots of dating applications nowadays, like Tinder, Bumble, Hinder. There are lots of applications like this and they are like billion dollar companies. They are very rich because the demand is so high. So what do you think how this is affecting relationships? Is it making things more superficial since you can just, you know, just slide and choose? I want to be with this. No, yes. And this is making things more superficial, I guess. But what are your observations about this?

Yeah, yeah, like anything else, what are you using it for? Is a question. Whether it is social media, whether it is, you know, dating apps or any technology, what are you using it for? Matters always.

Dating apps.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So even for dating apps, right? I mean there essentially there are two or three things that people are looking for in a dating app. Number one, they just want to hook up with someone, you know, for a short period of time. Number two, they want some kind of short term relationship. Number three, they want a long term relationship. These are the three essential things that people are looking for in a dating app, right? So it really depends where that person in their life and simply looking for sex, others simply looking for something more than that. There is something more lasting. Each person has to decide what is it that they want. But if you in general look at this whole concept of dating relationships allow sexual. The purpose of dating essentially is to see, try to talk to, you know, different people, get to know them. And then after we have seen, let us say a few, right, they're like, okay, I think this person seems to be the right person for me. And then I want to go on to a long term relationship. Typically there's the idea behind, you know, the way it was designed. Now I don't know what is right answer, wrong answer here. People are simply now using dating apps more for short term pleasures more than long term relationships. Is it good? Is it bad? Is there a right thing to do? Is it a wrong thing to do? Each individual has to answer that question to themselves depending on where they are in their life, what is their mindset, you know, what are they taught, you know, growing up. So what do you think?

What is your perspective, I believe like about this? It is making sex more unbelievable. It's making like, it is more like unbelievable. It is like it's become so easy and it is not as respected as before, like as the other generations respected it. And now things are getting more superficial. It is like privacy, you know, but now it's as you can see on Internet sexual contents, everything. And this is making people and women and men relationships is affecting negatively, I believe so that men are not like, not men, but men are men or women. They are not seeking for a relationship because they can easily hook up with someone on applications or they just satisfy themselves on contents. Pornography on computers, on their phones, blah, blah. So I believe this is, this is making things more superficial, you know, so that people are not giving as importance as like the privacy. Genuine relationships. They are not giving importance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So do you think that it was going to lead to negativity in people and in relationships? People are getting strayed away from having good, meaningful relationships.

Yes.

Because. Oh, yeah, okay. I can have sex quickly, you know, or I can just watch porn and satisfy myself. So that is preventing people from having good, enriching.

Yes.

Meaningful relationships.

Yeah.

In the long term.

Yeah, right, totally.

So. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

Because there are lots of benefits of a genuine relationship.

Yeah.

But once people are getting this pleasure easily, they don't seek for a relationship anymore.

Yeah.

And there are also this pornography and this hookups too. There are. Especially pornography. They are like, they're. It is like. How can I explain this? Making. It is affecting us like in a really bad way in our sexual life too, you know? How can I explain?

Like in what way?

In like, how can I say? Like there are lots of scientific research about this.

Yeah.

Like watching porn is actually like very harmful for people for their life because it's affecting our brain.

Yeah.

And as humans, we have like two instincts. One of them is fight, one of them is sex. Right. It's like animal instincts.

Yeah.

And why we are learning it with, in a video that people are doing it, you know, it's like. And then you are following the pets that they are following. Oh, they're doing the signing to do this. Blah, blah. So this is actually very harmful for building more sincere, more genuine relationships and having more pleasure while doing sexual con. Sexual actions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Makes sense. A lot of sense. Let me share my perspective and elaborate on some of the things that you said. It is very much, again, important in this generation for the people, for people to learn about how to put everything in balance. You know, how not to fall for porn addiction, for example. Right. This is what it is. It is shown that when people are watching porn, often, you know, with time they get addicted. And there are lots of studies shown that it is unhealthy for their own selves, for their relationships. The reason is, number one for relationships, you have a unrealistic expectation. Now, how it should be, whether it is a man or a woman, you know, you have an unrealistic expectation from your partner to be like this, to be like that, to do this, to do that. You see what I'm saying? Which is your brain is informed of all those things. So when you are trying to be intimate with your partner, you are not getting satisfied, or even though you're getting satisfied, you're even asking for or making like, oh, should be like this, should be like that. You see what I'm saying? How this can very much affect the intimate relationship that they have. That is number one thing. Number two, sexual energy is very powerful. Especially if you're looking from a spiritual perspective. Those people who can restrain themselves from not scattering their sexual energy, it helps them move up their kundalini, what we call, you know, the coil serpent, like energy at the base of your spine to awaken and go use that energy to take you to higher levels of consciousness through the chakras, you know. So when someone is constantly dissipating their sexual energy, whether it is by watching porn or whether it is by having hookups, constantly, they're essentially going down the hill. You know, he's going to get into the accident, he's going to get into an accident. So sooner or later, in whatever form, whether it is their health is going to be affected, whether their spirituality is going to be affected, whether their mental peace, you know, because if you're doing all that, you're never satisfied. And you can never satisfy sexual cravings forever just by having sex. A meaningful, deep, enriching relationship. And then when you also add sex to is far more superior. The pleasure, the satisfaction, you know, all that, what you get. And people are forgetting this. And all these dating apps or porn apps, they spend billions of dollars to condition people's minds. They know exactly what to say, what to do, the algorithms and this and that, to constantly pull you into that. And so you are a mere human being and you don't know anything better. When you're 20, for example, and you fall for these kinds of things, especially this generation is having more trouble than previous generations, because in the previous generations, the access was very less. You had to really work hard to be able to do that. Now it is available the moment you wake up in the morning. And because it is so available, it has become so superficial. It is scattering people's lives. Yes, right. So again, coming back to what is the true purpose of a relationship? What is going to give me true happiness in life? If this question is not answered. All those things are going to eat you up. If this doesn't become a priority, you will be pulled in thousand different directions. So what is the purpose of life? And this has to be taught right from kindergarten. What is the purpose of life? How to live in this world. What are the temptations that are going to lure you constantly? And what kind of tools do you have to stay away from those temptations to, you know, shield yourself from those temptations? This has to be taught. Yes, to young men and women. Not just young, but throughout in life. And again, there is another reason why you must have a loving, meaningful, rich relationship where you feel totally connected to that person so that the temptation will have less effect on you. When you have someone that you love.

So much, do you think, would it last forever? Is it like that person that you said, hundred percent connection, it means like the soulmate kind of a thing, you know? Is it like, do you believe that those connections last forever? Do you think love something like this, like the real relationship.

Yeah.

Is meant to be last forever, you think?

Yeah. So, yeah, I think so. Those are meant to last forever. However, in life, things happen and depends on various. It depends on various factors. For example, you love someone very much, and then after a period of time, sometimes you see people, their personalities change after some time, for whatever reason. It was there always but tiny bit. But whatever that happened in life, you know, it gets magnified the negative personality of that person, and it makes it very difficult to have a relationship. There is distance now between these two. You see what I'm saying? Once who actually came together and had a very good time. So there's one thing that can separate people despite having a very good beginning. The second thing is there could be two soul mates. The whole concept of soulmates is a totally different discussion. We'll come back to that. But two soulmates, they feel like very connected, and then one might pass away. Disease, illness, whatever it is, might pass away. Right? So are there things that can separate even those two who truly love each other? Yes, there are things that can separate, but we never know, right? They can last for 60, 70, 80 years, or it could be a few years. Especially in the case of death, you know that you don't have any control over what is going to happen. It could be an accident, whatever it is, but that brings a lot of suffering. Right? Again, you can't do much about it. Yes, but you can't not have good relationships just because you're afraid that something's going to happen. If something is going to Happen, it's going to happen anyway. But at least you need to put out good energy, foot forward in the right direction. I don't want anything superficial. I want something deeper, meaningful, enriching relationship. And when you have that. Yeah, again, everything changes.

Yeah. So trust is a big issue nowadays. People are not trusting each other or it is hard to trust. They always like we hear these people are saying like it's hard to trust. Oh, I was like my friends are telling me, oh my. Like I was dating with this guy and he lied to me on how am I going to trust people? You know, trust become a big issue. I guess like I'm hearing this a lot. What do you suggest? People like people who are seeking love but constantly hearing the lies and getting escaped.

Yeah, yeah.

So keep trust.

No, no, no. Trust is the foundation on which relationships have to build. And sometimes trust takes time to build. But if you see someone lying constantly, that's a problem. Once in a while everyone lies because you know, they can't express themselves the way that they want. It happens and you have to see is a lie of a heart or a lie of a mind. There are two things, you know, something that is very untruthful coming from the heart is not good. Sometimes people are like, I don't know, if I say this to her, you know how she will feel. Maybe for now I will say, you know, it's a slightly different thing. You know, slightly different thing. What I mean to say is treachery comes from heart. Treasury comes from heart. Like deceiving, purposefully, hurting. Those are much. Yeah, those are much more. Because there is much deep rooted problem in their hearts.

In their hearts.

Yeah.

Because I was always thinking like heart is the truth. The truth where our soul, it's like in a part of our hearts. I feel it.

Then soul is.

Yeah, soul is always in my heart. You know, so whatever my heart says is actually like my inner, maybe my inner voice. Not the, not the thoughts, not the mind, but the intuition actually like it's coming from hearts feeling. I'm feeling it that way and I feel like when it's coming, it is not for that purpose.

Yeah.

If a person talks within his or her heart, it's not going to be for a bad purpose.

Yeah.

Okay. They had maybe several heartbroken experiences before. But then their mind is putting walls around their heart. They cannot talk with their hearts and they just keep thinking with their mind.

Right.

Being just logical, trying to be logical because they don't want to get hurt again.

Yeah.

This is a defense mechanism. Yes, Totally understandable, totally understandable. But actually, like, you're so right. We need to be in a relationship. You know, woman need to. Like this is to fulfill your whole happiness.

Yes.

To reach that level, you need someone, you need a genuine, sincere relationship, a partner in your life. Actually, it is everyone's need. But I believe people are denying this. People are denying that because they had like heartbroken experience before. They want to keep denying this.

Yes, they're afraid.

They're so afraid again doing this. So you need to find someone like you, like yourself, so that it can be a match. But how can you do this? Because, Kardashian, in this modern world, in.

This world, it is hard to trust people. That is one of the biggest things that we have because we are a generation where again, like you said, the social media, the dating apps and all that is happening in the world is constantly distracting. Even good people who want to be intending to be good. You open the Instagram and you're seeing all these hot models. You open the, you know, turn on the TV or whatever it is, and you are again seeing the commercials with whatever it is. And then you go watch a magazine and you have a guy, you know, a six pack, you know, looking like, you know, Mr. Universe, whatever it is. So both men and women are constantly getting pulled just by the superficial looks that is being promoted in the media, social media, magazines. So the distraction is so much stronger now compared to 100 years ago. Yes, you are your husband and a few other people around. And then also the strong cultural values that uphold the relationship. And yeah, you may be attracted to someone, but you're not necessarily acting on it. You know, there are some cultural and social norms also that prevent you from doing that. And that's the reason I say for a strong relationship to hold, like a marriage or long term relationship to hold, sometimes it is just not two people. The culture, the society, the family and all these are pillars that support. Some people think they are restraints, you know, some people putting their limitations, the society and culture. But actually, if you look at it properly, the way it is intended to be, it is more of a support. But the balance is needed. The balance between individual freedom and the societal norms, that balance is needed. And for that, wisdom is needed. And for you to get that wisdom again coming back to when your mind is calm, not restless, then your inner wisdom will blossom. You will bring it to balance. You will see the situation what it is and kind of, you know, make sense of all the things. And that is what is needed for people. And when people are restless, right. And distracted, it is easy for them to get lured into all those temptations. They are bored. You know, I know someone who is like bored and drinking all the time. And that's why are you drinking? Like I get bored. And that's why I'm making myself feel, you know, like exciting. Feel like something is going on. So there are people falling for all these wrong temptations, you know, whether it is sexual, alcohol, smoking, drugs. Just because they don't know how to handle their inner world in their emotions. And that is a skill that everyone needs to be taught, everyone needs to learn. And as a society, when we do it, we have more meaningful, enriching relationships.

So true. If we know our purpose in life, maybe we can be more confident in the voices in our head. And also, if I know the purpose of my life, I will love myself more actually in a way, because I will know that I have a goal in this life. There is a meaning of my existence in this life.

Yes.

So that I don't look, I shouldn't look for just short term happiness. Like watching porn is a short term happiness too. Or taking drugs or smoking, whatever. So this kind of things would be actually under. Would be actually maybe just not used anymore. You know, people don't attend to do this anymore if they know the purpose of their real life.

Yes.

Yeah. So what do you think about purpose of life?

What is the purpose of life?

Yeah.

There is only one true purpose of life for everyone. It doesn't matter who you are. And that purpose is to be happy, free from suffering, be at peace. That's it. One true purpose. Whether you are a doctor, whether you're an mba, whether you are a CEO, janitor, bus driver, everyone is looking for happiness.

Everyone.

Everyone wants to be at peace. Everyone wants to feel secure. But not just short term, long term, long term, something that lasts. That is a true purpose of life. Of course, there are secondary purposes too. As a doctor, I want to become this successful doctor who has treated so many patients and who has rendered the service, you know, as a CEO, probably you wanted to lead a company to success, make lots of money. So everyone has a secondary purpose in life. And that is okay. There is nothing wrong with it. For a student, the purpose is to really study well and graduate with, you know, excellence. Those are all important secondary purposes. But the primary purpose behind all the secondary purposes, ultimately is that freedom. So the true purpose of life, the primary purpose of life, no matter who you are, is to be at peace, be happy, have the freedom of choice, and Be secure not for short term, but in the long term.

So do you believe in love in first sight?

Yes.

Do you believe in love in first sight?

Yes, I do.

Wow. Have you ever experienced something like that?

Yes, I have.

Wow, that's cool. What is this like? Is it possible, you think, or is it just the outlooking of a person? Like before even talking, you just see a girl or I see a boy, and then you just wow, like such a beautiful girl or wow, such a handsome man. But it's only the outlook, isn't it? So how can we say this is the wow on first sight?

Yeah, yeah. So you got to differentiate between infatuation at first sight. First sight?

Yeah.

You may be attracted to someone when you see them and feel like, wow, amazing. And you want to spend more time with them, you know, get to know about them. There's simply attraction right now. There's also another side to it where your soul really feels the other soul. This is more rare. A lot of times when people think it is love at first sight, just simply infatuated, physically attracted to the person. There's nothing wrong with it, you know, you can be physically attracted to that person. You try to get to know the other person. And then over a period of time, if your interests match, if you're getting along well, you fall in love and that can continue. And there is nothing wrong with that. But there is also another aspect which is less common but still is possible, where you not only feel that person, that physical attractiveness, but you feel that soul attractiveness. Because these two souls have known each other from past lives, you know, these are friendships that you carry from many lives. You have already built that connection in the past. And then when this soul comes across, that other soul might feel that connection, that soul stirring feeling. Like, what is this? I don't know. It's just not physical attraction. Yes, that is there, but it is much more than that. I'm just feeling it, you know, and the other soul might have yet recognized it or not, depending on where that other soul is, you know, in their mindset, in their journey. So. But love at first sight is possible because of the connection that you have.

Built from your past lives without even talking. Can you tell though, can you feel it without, like you saw that person? Yeah, but you. She didn't talk with you yet. Yeah, but you felt the attraction. Like, is it possible?

It is possible. It is possible. But without talking you won't be able to really confirm because you know, again, we are not saints, we are not omnipresent. Omniscient, you know, we are not gods, you know, to know everything. You feel that connection, you feel that affinity. And then when you go talk to them, when you spend some time with them, you're like, yeah, yeah, right, Makes sense. It confirms your feeling, you know, but no matter what, even if it is love at first sight or just attraction at first sight, for that to continue, they both need to nurture that love.

Yes.

You know, so your loving actions, your kindness, your caring, your trustworthiness, all these things come into play. All this come into play. So, yes, there is love at first sight, but also continuing love through your expression, through your action is important.

Do you think are the possibilities love, like meeting with the person that you met in your past life?

What is it?

Possibilities of encountering the same person that you already encountered in your past life? Are the possibilities low, you think, or high?

Are the possibilities low or high? I have no clue.

And like, when you think about it, like, what is your theory?

I don't know. I don't remember anything about my past life. I don't know.

All these people has reincarnated since till today. Everyone reincarnated like billions of years. So what is like the possibility should be love? I feel like.

Yeah, I think I will say this, I will say this. It's rare, it's not common. It's rare. It's rare. It's not common. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you, you meet so many people every day.

Yeah.

Man, woman, you know, there's that you don't always feel that you may be attracted to. You may have enjoyed your company to some extent and all that. But the affinity, like a strong bond that you feel, it is not easy to come.

Is it coming from familiarity, like you are familiar to that soul? Is that one way?

Well, if you look at it one way, yes, you are familiar already from your past lives. So you have already worked out some of the, you know, deeper things between yourselves. So you feel very much affinity. You know, like people, they can talk and they can spend lots of time together and they feel like very together, you know. So, yes, the familiarity is there. And you can also build that familiarity moving forward with whoever that you are. If they're fake, you know, positive things that they can talk about, you continue to build it.

Do you think is it possible to love more than one person?

Yes, depending on. Are you talking about love relationships or are you talking about love relationships in general?

Like, is it possible to fall in love with two people at the same time? At the same time?

Yeah, at different points.

Of time.

I see that very clearly. It is possible.

Yeah.

At different points of time. At the same point of time. I'm not 100% sure about it. What do you think?

I'm not 100% sure either. Like, I can say yes and I can say no, too.

Yeah.

I'm not really sure about it.

Yeah.

But I feel like we have lots of love inside of us that we can spread. So it makes sense that if you wanna. You can love more than one person.

Then it leads to. Yeah. That leads to, again, this thing of, you know, having sex with more than one person.

But what if you do this? You do this, like, relationship? Imagine, like, three or four people in a relationship.

Yeah. Like, you mean one man, four women? Or one woman, whatever it is.

I don't think this casually.

They just are in a relationship.

They are, like, doing this because they love each other. I believe there are communities around the world that do this. Doing this, you know.

Yeah. I think keeping that in perspective, I think it is quite possible. But we are very much circumscribed by our community and our social expectations and, you know, the emotions that come with it. Like, you know, no, no, no. I shouldn't be talking to anyone else. Even though I feel that with other person. You see what I'm saying? All that is also partially conditioning because you said the soul's nature is love. And the soul can love more than one person. And the only thing that you gotta be careful about this is again, when you're going around like that, making this as an excuse, you're going to scatter your energies.

Yes.

And then that distracts you from your true purpose, your higher purpose, you know, so while it may be possible. Mm. You just got to be careful, I think. Yeah. And eventually all these things will create jealousy, possessiveness about the other people, and then can lead to violence. Like, even though you may be okay, let us say, but the other person may not be okay.

Yeah.

And then slowly, you will have this conflict.

Yeah.

Underlying conflict leads to unhappiness and all that. Yeah. People might be doing it in certain communities, but, you know, doors will be probably more of an exception than norm, in my opinion. And it's not about right or wrong. You, again, have to come back to what is the true purpose in life.

Yes.

Is the true purpose of life. Elevate yourself to the highest level of consciousness. When you're scattering your sexual energy, too much is going to pull you down, you know, because if you. If I explain it based on the chakra systems. Right. So your Lower this, the lowest chakra, you know, and then right above it is Swadisthana chakra. You know, these two chakras at the bottom, they are responsible for your sexual energy and self control. Oh, so when these chakras are very active, you know, like sexually reactive and you want to, you know, sexual energy is going out and all that. When there is no self control, you are dissipating the sexual energy. Now what is wrong with it? There's nothing really wrong with it. You are just there and you're trying to do that. But actually when you look at it from a deeper perspective, when you're dissipating all your energies out like this, right? And the real purpose is to elevate your energy levels, you know, from the lowest chakra all the way to the highest chakra, which is Sahasra right here, Right. That is when you get enlightened. That is when the highest state of consciousness, your other dimensions open up. So when you're totally free, secure, happy, peaceful, content, blissful in life. So the dissipating your sexual energy is like a drain. You're meditating in the morning to be at peace. And then you have collected the waters of meditation in a tumbler. And then you go out and dissipating your sexual energy constantly looking out, you know, whether you're watching porn or trying to hook up or whatever, trying to do dissipating the sexual energy constantly. Then you're putting a hole in the tumbler and then all the waters of peaceful meditation are flowing out.

Oh wow.

And you are again back down here. Again you are trying to lift yourself up and then again you go out and scatter your energies. Again you are down here and actually as you keep doing it, you keep going down and down and down. More like animalistic instincts. What animals want to eat, have sex, sleep, that's it. So you become more like that. So there's a reason it is important again having that stable relationship, enriching, loving, kind relationship where you can share more than simply physical presence. You know, physical attractiveness is tiny part. Emotional attractiveness, mental attractiveness, spiritual attractiveness. Being on the same page of many things. And when you have that, the physical aspect is still important, but becomes one aspect. It is not the entire aspect. You see. And physical senses can never be completely satisfied. See, you can have all the sex in the world if that is the only thing that you want to experience. And then be satisfied. You will not be. It doesn't matter. So there is a tiny aspect. The other aspects, as you evolve will take you there. And the bliss that you get from high spiritual states is far, far, far, far superior than any of the lower pleasures. Sex is an aspect of the pleasure, and when you have it in a meaningful, rich relationship, it is spiritualized. When you're scattering it just like that, you are de. Spiritualizing yourself.

Oh, okay, I see. And so there are some people that cannot control themselves about sex, and there are some mental illnesses, like name for Money to.